Breaking A Vow

Let's be honest, waiting for marriage in today's day and age is almost unheard of. Because let’s be honest, we have all been teenagers, or we have all had that weak moment. And the fear of being vulnerable with the wrong person can terrify people. I know it terrified me. Unlike most people I had made the decision at fifteen years old to wait until marriage. And I had done a pretty good job up until 21. It was not until I met my current boyfriend that I broke that promise. I had held out with him of course, because I had never really had any sort of intimate interactions with other men, other than a make out session. So, when he decided to make moves, I was terrified, not of him but of me, my body. I am sure we have all been there with our body, we are not the most confident we think we are not good enough, etc. I was no different. But of course, things progressed, I almost felt scared to say stop or not to keep going, but of course I feared rejection, I feared of what he would think if I said no. But I did it, when we were about to, you know, I said no that I was not ready, and of course I was terrified of his response. But he surprised me, he was kind and asked what was wrong, and I told him of course that I had made a vow with God to wait until marriage. He told me that he thought it was nice that I wanted to do that, and I could set the pace. And we could do whatever I felt comfortable with.

Of course, that all lasted about two weeks, when the passion and desire take over well, I lost my inhibitions and next thing I realized I had broken my vow. Of course, when we did have sex, I had given him permission, I had asked for it, and he of course did not hold back. I of course felt awful, well not too awful, I did not know what to do, at this point we had not even told each other that we loved one another. We had only been dating for a couple months. I did not want to regret it because it had been wonderful. But I was filled with doubt, confusion, I wanted to know what I should do, I had broken my vow to a man that may not love me. A couple months passed when I finally had the courage to say “I Love You” first well he said it too, but I realized that I knew this already. And it wasn’t because of the sex, it was much more than that, yes it sounds cheesy, but it was the phone calls, the long conversations, the fun dates and times we could just lay in each other’s arms and not have to say a word, I had loved him for a long time and so had he, the sex wasn’t a confirmation of our love it was more than that, it showed how much we loved each other.

Because with him I felt safe, I felt loved, I felt enough. He loved me for me, my body was something that he desired, and I had never felt desired before, I have never felt, a need, an attraction this strong. Yes, I broke my vow, but I intend on marrying this man, we have already talked about it, so in a way I did not break my vow, because I’m the women to only one man.

Its hard to know when to say no or yes, but to everyone out there don’t be afraid to say no, you have right to what makes you feel comfortable, what makes you feel safe, and wanted. You are entitled to happiness, no matter who its with, they should respect your wishes.