Beauty Trends or Vanity Insanity...You Decide

Vaginal Rejuvenation (vaginoplasty) – The fact that there is even such a market available makes my face screw up like I ate a dill pickle. But yes, this is a very real treatment and there are lasers that cost more than most homes to tighten up the downstairs.

Are there actually women out there spreading their legs with mirror in hand to check out the status of their down-under? And why? Does that region need to be photo ready? Is there a textbook classic vagina that all women are comparing theirs to? Is this issue that much of a concern that women created a demand for a solution or are laser companies trying to find more uses for their technology to rake in more dough?

I have personal experience with this procedure as I was talked into being a guinea pig for a new laser the medical practice I worked with was testing. For the record, I really was not excited about doing it but nobody was volunteering and I felt bad for the nurse practitioner doing the testing. I told myself after the second treatment (oh yes, you need more than ONE treatment to get results) that I can be sympathetic to co-workers plights without taking action in the future.

I will walk you through my personal experience:

I came into the treatment room in a robe (thick and comfy), with no pants or undergarments on underneath, where I sat with the assistant and answered like 100 questions (not exaggerating) and then waited for the laser tech. In this case, it was one of our nurse practitioners that was testing the laser. She asked me to put my feet in the stirrups (just like a pelvic exam at the GYN) and explained that she was putting a numbing gel inside the who-ha. That should have been the first red flag that told me to RUN.

Next, I had to lie on my back for 20 minutes and then on my stomach for 20 minutes while the gel did its job. Someone came into the room periodically to check on me and then announced it was time. All of a sudden, I started to sweat and my heart was beating like I had run a marathon as she began the treatment.

Okay, this is going to get a little graphic, so if you have a weak stomach now would be the time to stop reading. Speculum goes in to open the vaginal canal (just like a pap smear) and then this glass wand that looks something like a light bulb for an Ott lamp is inserted deep inside. Because I did not know what to expect next, I was holding my breath when the machine started making this really loud thumping noise and I could feel that thumping inside of me. Like someone was pounding on a door and you could feel the vibration of the pounding. Weird but not necessarily painful. Slowly, she moved the wand from deep inside outward toward the light of day (if you know what I mean). The best way for me to describe what came next goes something like this:

Have you ever seen a farm animal get branded? It felt like I was being branded with a red-hot poker right in the va-jay-jay. I was just getting ready to yell STOP as I was backing away from the assault by pushing with my feet against the stirrups when the practitioner says “just a minute more”. I tried sooo hard to be brave but that is a sensation I can only imagine is similar to when a baby is circumcised. I thought to myself, who in their right mind would agree to do this for a tighter snatch. I was done!

Before I got up to get dressed the practitioner said “now that wasn’t too bad, was it”. I felt like saying “lay down lady and let me have a go at it” but I was very professional and said “how many more times does this have to be done?” and was told at least three treatments are required for the desired results. She explained that each treatment gets more intense as the laser is “turned up” for effectiveness. Well, not me, not now, not ever! Apparently, healing takes up to a week and no hanky panky for at least 3 days. Trust me, hanky panky was the last thing on my mind.

About a month later, the practitioner wore me down and talked me into doing the second treatment of which I only made it half-way through before declaring my defeat. I never got the “results” I was suppose to enjoy with treatment since I chickened out mid-way through the second treatment.

So, does laser vaginal rejuvenation work? – I honestly am not really sure as I have not met anyone that completed the series and could provide valuable insight into the results. This is not exactly the kind of discussion you have at the lunch table.

The claimed medical benefits for women suffering from incontinence (uncontrollable urination) or a weakened pelvic floor are worthy of mentioning but to put this under the “in office” procedure category is insane. If I were to entertain this treatment in the future, all I can say is “knock me out first”, otherwise, HELL NO!

I can say, with certainty, that laser vaginal rejuvenation for aesthetic reasons definitely falls under the category of “Vanity Insanity”.