Asexuality

Asexuality is one of the most silenced sexualities in the Pride community. In fact, it's most commonly forgotten from the Pride acronym. The full acronym includes:

• Lesbian
• Gay
• Bisexual
• Transgender/Transsexual
• Queer/Questioning
• Intersex
• Asexual
• Pansexual
• 2-Spirited

Most of these sexualities are understood and agreed to be within the Pride community. I'm going to be discussing asexuality in this article, and its nuances and complexities. We'll also be exploring the various types of attraction, as well.

Note: The AVENwiki provides a list of the terminology related to asexuality. I will try to define any unfamiliar terminology I may use, but here is a more exhaustive list.

The Types of Attraction

There are many types of attraction, all of which we experience. We'll be discussing the five main ones:

• Sexual attraction
• Romantic attraction
• Platonic attraction
• Sensual attraction
• Aesthetic attraction

Sexual attraction, the one with which we're all very comfortable, is the attraction that occurs when one desires for intimate or sexual contact with someone else.

Romantic attraction is the attraction that occurs when one desires for a romantic contact with someone else. When someone desires another to be their romantic partner, it is called a crush.

Platonic attraction is the attraction that occurs when one desires for a friendship with someone else. When someone desires another to be their friend, it is called a squish (which, I'm not going to lie, is the cutest term I have ever heard).

Sensual attraction is the attraction that occurs when one desires for a (usually) tactile relationship with another - like, if you really just want to hug another person. This can be sexual (which is why it is commonly lumped under sexual attraction), but can be purely nonsexual as well.

Finally, aesthetic attraction is the attraction that occurs when one simply appreciates another's physical appearance and qualities.

Note: To read more about the types of attractions, this page on the AVENwiki is a good source. It is very detailed and gives each attraction type in terms of asexuality.

The Orientations

So, for the purposes of this article, there are two types of orientations: sexual and romantic.

Sexual orientation, the one with which allosexuals are familiar, is used to describe the gender of one's potential significant other, in terms of sexual attraction. Sexual orientations include:

• heterosexual (sexual attraction to the opposite gender)
• homosexual (sexual attraction to the same gender)
• bisexual (sexual attraction to two genders)
• pansexual (sexual attraction to all genders)
• asexual (sexual attraction to no gender)

Romantic orientation is used to describe the gender of one's potential significant other, in terms of romantic attraction. Romantic orientations include:

• heteroromantic (romantic attraction to the opposite gender)
• homoromantic (romantic attraction to the same gender)
• biromantic (romantic attraction to two genders)
• panromantic (romantic attraction to all genders)
• aromantic (romantic attraction to no gender)
• quoiromantic / wtfromantic (used to describe those to whom the concept of romance is confusing)
• akoiromantic (used to describe those who wish their romantic feelings to remain unrequited)

Note: There are, of course, more orientations, such as gender - but the nuances of gender identity aren't quite as relevant in the topic of asexuality as sexual and romantic orientations.

What is Asexuality?

Asexuality, as mentioned above, is the sexual attraction to no gender. This does not mean that an asexual has no libido or sex drive. A way to explain asexuality easily may be in terms of the 'tea consent' video.

Let us first assume that an allosexual (the umbrella term for all sexualities except for asexuality), in terms of the tea consent video, loves tea and can therefore give consent as to whether or not they would like tea. An asexual, then, is fairly indifferent about tea (and should still be asked about consent - let's not take the wrong lesson away, here).

Asexuality exists on a spectrum:

• Asexuals (aces) do not experience sexual attraction at all
• Grey-asexuals (graces) experience sexual attraction to a very minor degree
• Demisexuals (demis) experience sexual attraction only when a strong emotional bond has been pre-established
• Aceflux people have a sexual orientation that fluctuates from a- to allosexual

Further from their orientation, those who identify as being on the asexual spectrum usually (though they do not have to) define their view and opinion on sex by using the following terms:

• sex-repulsed: used to describe those to whom the act of sex is repulsive or disgusting
• sex-negative: (aka: antisexuality) used to describe those who believe that sex is wrong / should be avoided
• sex-neutral: (aka: sex-indifferent) used to describe those who take an ambivalent stance on the act of sex
• sex-positive: used to describe those who are perfectly happy to engage in sexual acts, as long as they are consensual (see the tea consent video)

Note: Sex-negativity is not something confined to asexuality, and is not a sexuality, but a belief. To read more about it, here is the AVENwiki page.

What is Aromanticism?

Aromanticism, as mentioned above, is the romantic attraction to no gender. Aromanticism also exists on a spectrum:

• Aromantics (aros) do not experience romantic attraction at all
• Grey-aromantics (or grey-ros) experience romantic attraction to a very minor degree
• Demiromantics (demiros) experience romantic attraction only when a strong emotional bond has been pre-established
• Aroflux people have a romantic orientation that fluctuates from a- to alloromantic

Those who exist on the aromantic spectrum can relate to the idea of queerplatonicism - a term that refers to relationships or partnerships which have a stronger emotional basis than friendships, and yet do not cross the boundary into romantic relationships.

Common Misconceptions About Asexuality

Many misconceptions exist about asexuality, and they shouldn't. So, let's take a look at five of the most common ones first...

1. Asexuality, abstinence, and celibacy are the same thing
2. All asexuals hate sex or anything related to sex
3. Asexuality isn't part of the Pride community because they aren't oppressed
4. Asexuality isn't real
5. All asexuals are the same

Okay, now let's clear those misconceptions up.

1. Asexuality, abstinence, and celibacy are the same thing

This isn't true. Abstinence and celibacy are different things, first of all, but they are both choices people make for their own reasons - whether that be that they are waiting for their 'someone special' or it's a religious thing. Asexuality is as much a choice to someone as heterosexuality or any other sexuality. Aka - it's not a fricking choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's who someone is. Regardless of the 'choice' aspect in not participating in sex, some asexuals are happy to have sex (see sex-positive asexuals). Inversely, being celibate does not mean one is asexual.

2. All asexuals hate sex or anything related to sex

To be honest, this misconception doesn't really make much sense to me. Nearly all asexuals still have a libido, because - as I said right at the beginning - asexuality is not the lack of a libido. In fact, quite a few asexuals masturbate and/or have an active sex life. Not all asexuals have a libido, and not all asexuals never have sex / hate sex. It is really up to the individual asexual what they choose to do - whether they choose to have sex, whether they choose to become celibate, or whatever. It's their choice.

3. Asexuality isn't part of the Pride community because they aren't oppressed

This is absolutely not true. Asexuals is definitely a part of the community, and, if anything, experience oppression and hate from within the community itself. I personally have experienced acephobic comments and threats from those who claim to either be allies or others within the community.

True, asexuality isn't societally oppressed (largely due to ignorance on the subject of asexuality), but asexuals can be oppressed due to their romantic or gender orientations. Furthermore, asexuals are at high risk for sexual harassment and violence, with some asexuals experiencing something called 'corrective rape' - which refers to a rape that has the intention of 'fixing' the victim's sexual orientation.

4. Asexuality isn't real

... Part of me really hates that this is a thing people believe. Asexuality is as valid and real as any other sexuality. I'm going to repeat that for the people at the back: asexuality is as valid and real as any other sexuality.

5. All asexuals are the same

As is the sort of theme of this article, asexuality and asexuals are as varied as people within an ethnicity. There are so many subcategories of asexuality and so many nuances and differences within asexuality, that no two asexuals will identify or define themselves the same way.

Note: To read more about discrimination against asexuals, here is a Wikipedia article about the topic. To see another list of misconceptions about asexuality with comments from other asexuals, here is a BuzzFeed listicle.

So What's the Takeaway?

Well, first of all, that asexuals and anyone who identifies themselves as under the asexual and/or aromantic umbrella terms are as valid as anyone else.

Secondly, that asexuals are as individual as fingerprints. If you have questions and/or aren't sure how to be validating/accepting of your asexual/aromantic friend, most aces/aros are happy to answer questions. If you yourself as questioning whether you may be asexual or within the spectrum, there are many resources available. These include: AVEN, the asexuality tag on tumblr, this website, and much more.

And now?

Now, go forth, my asexual friends and allies, and be accepting of yourself and others, no matter their gender, sexuality or romantic orientation.