Annia Ready

For several nights, Annia and Nathan continued their routine. They adjourned themselves to their rooms and changed into their pajamas and robes. Nathan had made his way to the study first that evening. He removed his prosthetic legs at his desk and moved across the floor to the fireplace. By the time Annia arrived, the room was warm with the heat from the hearth. She found herself loosening her robe until a black strip of her night gown shown down her front and she let down her hair before she sat.

Nathan and Annia sat in the wing back chairs in front of the fireplace. "Do you want to read tonight," asked Nathan.

"I will." Annia picked up the book from the floor and began reading out loud, both enjoying the novel. Annia read for hours this time, stopping only for brief sips of water. Reading far beyond the pages they agreed upon. She read until the fireplace began to dim and she moved to the floor to keep the light on the pages. While she kept reading, she fed the fire a few logs. The glow of the fire went from near embers to a blaze. She looked up to let her eyes adjust, and saw that Nathan was on the floor by her side on the rug. She spoke without thinking, "Did-- you want to read for a while?"

"No. I think that's enough for tonight."

Annia stuck the book mark in, closed the book, and slid it over the carpet back to her chair. "You must be tired." She began to get up.

"No, not at all. I was thinking we could talk for a while." Annia was half way standing up and sat back down again. This hadn't been a part of their routine: read, then to their respective rooms to sleep. And the change made her slightly nervous. If asked, Annia would have admitted to be the first to change it by reading to the final act of the book. "You know you light up when you read."

Annia hugged her knees into her chest; resting her chin on her knee. "What do you mean?"

"Your face; you get really expressive and into the story. It's like you're living it."

"You said it yourself I'm not worldly. Wishful thinking. You know you do it too." As much as she was nervous before, she became relaxed again. "The other night, when you were reading about how Alonzo challenged Jamie to ascend and descend the Thousand Mountains, you read it like it had happened to you."

"There's my wishful thinking."

"No it isn't. You could do it. You could do anything if you liked."

Nathan pulled the throw pillow off the chair, put it on the floor and laid on it on his stomach. "I'm not so sure."

"You once told me you thought you could take on a whole army. I think you could climb a mountain." Annia grabbed the pillow from her chair and laid on her side, her feet by the fire perpendicular to him.

"It's not a matter of capability, it's the time."

"You can do it when spring comes, until then, we could train. We'll hike to the mountains in the north. We'll both become more traveled."

Nathan became more serious, "It's not about when. It's about when he comes back. He always comes at the first new moon of winter."

"Your father," Annia said sympathetically.

"Exactly. He'll be here on the new moon, and probably...not alone."

"I don't know why you wait for him to bring you some unwilling girl on a platter," she said defensively. She quickly changed her tone to be more positive, "I mean, though I cannot compare, you seem to be better without him. To us, you're not 'the Master' anymore, you're just Nathan."

"'Just Nathan.' I should be so lucky to have a title like that."

"I didn't mean for that to sound so plain, you're not."

Nathan laughed a little. "'Not plain, just Nathan.' What a clever headstone I'll have someday," he said sarcastically, staring into the fire.

"That's not funny." Annia moved her pillow and gathered it under her chest, rotating herself closer to him. She lay on her stomach like him. "It wasn't supposed to be."

"You're the one who said it."

"But not as an insult." She began to spew words again. "You're dynamic and smart." She reached over and touched his arm. "Strong, thoughtful, insightful, passionate---" She cut herself off, seeing Nathan snap his face back towards her with a clear expression of surprise on his face. She caught the words coming out of her mouth far too late. She'd been thinking these things for weeks, months; but hadn't thought about saying them. She sat up and leaned against the chair, trying to put some distance between the two of them. Looking down at the grooves in the rug, she tried to take her mind off what she just said. She had been honest with him, and it scared her. Scared of what he might say or not say or that she would be rejected for a woman his father would bring him. A woman that would be someone he wanted and needed. The last ten days were a fantasy, a lie she told herself; what she said was real. "I should go." She tried to scoot away further and stand up.

"Annia," She looked back at him and saw he had sat up. "Please don't leave. Not yet." He reached out his hand. "Not after that."

"I shouldn't have said anything."

"But you did." He was not going to let her leave them in another embarrassed silence. He wanted to talk about it as if the feeling of not discussing it might kill him. Annia moved back to him. "Thank you for that. I haven't heard anything like that in a long time."

"It just came out." She took his hand and sat down with him. "I did...mean it though."

"I don't think you could have said it if you didn't mean it." He looked down at the brocade cuff of her robe and ran his fingertips over it. "I would be lying if...if I said I didn't think about it. I probably think about it more than I should, but it makes sense to me."

"Think about what," She looked down at his moving fingers. "...Exactly?"

He laughed faintly before speaking sincerely, "The fact you are as imperfect as me." He lifted her left hand and intertwined his fingers with the three on her hand. Their eyes met, and she gripped his fingers back. "Tell me, how long have you been here?"

"Since Primara or Dromus moon? I can't remember anymore."

"Then don't forget this: five weeks until Bennoome moon. I don't want to treat the next five weeks like the last 18." He pulled her arm until it was almost fully extended and touched her hand to his cheek.

"What are you saying? What is it that you want to do?"

Nathan lowered their hands. "I'm tired. For now, I'd like to go to bed."

She spoke softly, "I'll get the legs." She turned away from him but was pulled back.

"That won't be necessary; it's only next door."

"Your chair then?" It was practically a rhetorical question.

"Too squeaky. The wheels turned to rust weeks ago. If it's alright with you..."

She knew what he was asking. "It's alright." She finally let go of his hand and turned her back to him. Nathan wrapped his arms around her, she in turn gripped his thighs and stood up with him. Annia carried Nathan to his room on her back as she had the day of the grape harvest, but this was different. Every step was a silent eternity. Though touching each other the same way, the feeling was new. The silent, dim hall ran a chill up her legs and her breath caught in her throat. When they reached the door, she twisted to let him open the door to the room. As natural as it felt to bring him to the room, they both knew he could have scooted himself; he had done it in the past. "Do you want to sit by the fire for a while longer?"

"No. I'd like to go right to bed." His words echoed in her ear. She took a deep breath and walked to the bed. The grip around her body was strong. Stronger than her, but not aggressive. Annia leaned over, balancing him on her back while she pulled back the blankets and sheet. She gripped his legs again, turned, and sat down on the bed with him. "Ah, cold." The sheets nearly stung the back of his knee, the only skin that showed on his body. He loosened his grip and moved his hands down her arms. "Would you..." She jerked her neck and caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye.

"What else do you need?"

"Would you-- help warm up the sheets?" Her heart nearly stopped. Winter set in early and harshly. Body heat would keep them both warm, but she was nervous again.

"I'll stay." Annia tried her hardest not to let her voice shake. She finally let go of his thighs, not realizing how long her hands had been there. She kicked off the slippers, tightened her robe and began to get in the bed.

"You won't get the sheets warm keeping that on." She looked back to see Nathan nodding to her robe, while taking off his own; showing his nightshirt and pajamas. She turned her back to him and untied her robe, letting it fall to the floor. The black, narrow strapped, ankle length nightgown felt suddenly small. She got in the bed, keeping her back to him, pulling the blankets clear up to her chin.

She adjusted her night gown, pulling, straightening, lowering it as much as possible under the guise of getting comfortable. "Goodnight." She was tired before, but her heart palpitated and even though she was cold in the chilly sheets, her brow was sweating. She thought if she could just wait until he fell asleep, she could go back to her room to sleep. And maybe, they would continue their honest conversation in the morning. In that moment, Nathan reached his arm around her waist and pulled her in to his chest.

Nathan brought his hand to just below her breast and could feel her heart race, and he misunderstood what she was feeling. He smelled her hair and he drew all of her in. He whispered in her ear. His velvety voice intrigued her, and his lips brushing her ear relaxed her, making her skin tingle. "You're amazing," he moved his hand over her waist. "Bright," her stomach. "Bold," her hip. "Strong," her thigh. "Alluring." He began to pull and lift her night gown.

"Wait." He paused, but did not let go of the gown or move away from her. She didn't turn around. "I'm ready, but you should know, I will not have your children." He exhaled audibly, and continued. When he raised the gown to her waist, he pulled his pajama pants off, and lifted her thigh. She could feel his erection against her, she knew what he was about to do. He prepared to enter her. He held her, and slowly moved himself inside her. He continued for a few moments. It wasn't painful, as she had heard it could be. It felt impersonal, like a medical examination. It wasn't intimate, like it could have been. Feeling his breath on the back of her neck and the sure yet gentle grip of her thigh, she waited. She waited for him to finish, or change how he moved, or touched her, hoping he might understand how it felt for her. He stopped, still in her, realizing how she didn't move, and that he didn't get the pleasure that was to be expected. He did everything correctly, but it wasn't right. He pulled out and looked at her awkward, still body. She didn't turn or moan or move to his touch, and it pained him. He realized the thoughtless thing he had just done and rolled over in shame and humiliation.

Annia realized that after this night, and what just happened, she couldn't stay there anymore. She would leave the manor first thing in the morning. After two moons or before five more weeks, she had to choose to move on...or so she first thought. They lay there with their backs to each other, both fully conscience of what just happened. They were silent. Annia's mind raced through the tension, she couldn't think of anything to say, neither could Nathan. Annia thought of one of the last things Theea said to her, "When shit falls down, you have to get dirty before you get clean." Annia would have to push herself beyond humiliation to save face and relieve Nathan from his embarrassment.

She rolled on to her back with Nathan on her right. She wasn't sure how much time had passed since he rolled over, or whether or not he was still awake. Annia put her plan into action, she reached her right hand under the sheet, and began to touch herself. For a moment, she tried getting comfortable, and enjoy what she was doing to herself. She closed her eyes and began to moan and breathe hard. Nathan glanced back for a second, not realizing what she was doing until he faced away from her again. He rolled back around quickly, captivated by her actions. She could feel the shift in the bed and looked at him. Her eyes glared softly; she closed her mouth and smiled at him. It was an invitation, but he was unsure how to accept. He looked down at her, he moved his right hand towards her, but was unsure of how or where to touch her. Seeing his nervousness, she leaned forward slightly and let him put his left arm around her. With her left hand, she gestured her fingers to her mouth. Nathan brought his right hand to his lips and she had him wet his fingers, all while she kept pleasuring herself. She lead his hand below the covers to the crux of her legs. She placed his hand and hers on top of his, and guided his jittery fingers until the movements of his hand acceded her own. She moved her arms around him, holding him to her. She held his face with her left hand, keeping his eyes focused intently on hers. Telling him with moans and accelerated breaths, showing him with the pleasure on her face, that she really did want to be there with him. For several heated minutes, Nathan ran his finger tips over her soft, wet skin until all at once, the rush of intense climax blazed through her. From her pelvis outwards her nerves shook; her back arched sharply and her arms locked around him. In a whispered moan, she called out his name breathlessly in his ear. Annia loosened her arms, and they smiled as she caught her breath. He was amazed by what he had just done to her. She wanted to, and was ready to return the feeling.

Annia sat up, pulling herself out of his arms, ticking her head up for Nathan to do the same. He sat up against the headboard. She climbed over the top of his thighs and hovered her hands just over her head, giving him a slight nod. It was another invitation, this time, to take off her nightgown. He ran his hands over her thighs, hips, waist, rib cage and arms, more caressing her than removing the nightgown. He tossed the gown aside and marveled at her form for a moment. He gazed upon her body: shapely, confident, and relaxed. She looked down and reached under his night shirt and began to lift it too. He jolted his hands on to hers, stopping her, nervous about his exposure. She looked up until their eyes met. She looked at him surprised for a second. She touched her forehead to his, closed her eyes, and slowly moved about him; moving her cheek against his. She brushed her nose and lips against his ear, smelling his hair: spices and smoke, remembering how he made her skin tingle that way only a few minutes ago. She felt him inhale; taking in the scent of her hair: linen soap and sweet sweat. She felt the tension slip away from his body as he exhaled. He let go of her hands and let his fingers smoothly brush her body. As he touched her, she couldn't help but sigh in his ear, and she unbuttoned the night shirt. She peeled the shirt from his body and pulled it from where it stuck behind him, and let it fall to the floor. Her lips glided to his chest, and kissed above and below the stitched scar across his collar bone along his lean muscles. He tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and gulped hard; enjoying the feeling of her lips on his chest. He put his hands on her, running his hands up her legs, hips, and across her back, occasionally gripping her; as if he were making sure she was real. As she kissed his collar bone and neck, he clutched her shoulders and pulled her back. Seeing the intensity in his face and the readiness of his body, she pushed his hands to her hips and he drew her close again. She put her hands on the headboard and adjusted her hips. She stared at him, readying herself. And before she could even realize it, it was happening. The surprise on both their faces as she started moving was clear: the feeling was good, much more than how it felt minutes prior. She paused for a moment, looking down at their position. He reached his hand to her chin, running his fingertips along her jaw. His expression was kind yet heated. And in that moment, her fervor was set off. Slow at first, she swiveled her hips, moving back and forth to please the both of them. He wrapped his hands her around her rib cage, pushing her back. Her hands dropped to his shoulders. She locked her fingers around the back of his neck. She arched her back, throwing her head back in satisfaction. He moved to her, hunching his back, placing his lips on the top of her stomach. He pulled her close again, running his lips up her chest and to her neck. They held each other tightly as they moved with each other. He kept his head tucked against her neck and top of her chest. He could feel her heart beat as hard and as fast as before, but her grip of him told him that she was as thrilled as him.

As her body shook with delectation with his touch and body. He opened their embrace and looked up at her. Her soft smile and endearing gaze made him realize he was forgiven for what he had done to her; saying she truly wanted him. For several more minutes they gripped each other, feeling the intensity their bodies caused each other. And in a final exertion she moved fast and hard, letting out pants and soft cries of bliss. Nathan reached behind him and pushed, moving them away from the headboard. He lay back down on the pillow and a moment later, with a hart twitch and shake, he came; letting out a trio of low, indulgent shouts.

Annia removed herself from him, lying beside him, placing a hand on his chest; running it along the seam there. He stared at the ceiling, in awe of what had just happened, trying to catch his breath. She braced a pillow under her head, allowing her to relax and gaze upon her new lover. Nathan finally caught his breath and stared back at her. As they smiled at each other, they found a renewed sense of comfort and ease. For the first time in months, they found a new understanding within each other. It didn't matter to them they weren't physically whole, it never did.

He grabbed her hand on his chest and gripped her fingers. He kissed her hand, her wrist, her forearm; pulling her back in to his arms. They adjusted their limbs, finding comfort in their embrace, Nathan did what he really wanted to do to her: he kissed her lips for the first time. He ran his fingers through her hair, brushing the loose strands off her face. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him back like he was bowl of water she had been dying to drink. They rolled him on to her and she wrapped her legs around his thighs. He caressed her lips, ears, neck, and breasts with his lips. She enjoyed how he touched her, and he liked the sound of her moan. He lifted his head and looked down at her glowing face in the moon and fire light. Taken aback by her sublime sight, he finally tried to find words to speak, "I want...I...are...do you?" He gasped in frustration. He was usually so eloquent; his flustered words made her smile.

"Whatever it is, does it matter now?" She held the nape of his neck and his back firmly.

He saw how she looked at him: an endearing gaze. The way she lay there: exposed and unafraid. And the way she touched him, as if she wouldn't ever let go. He took a deep breath and focused everything in him to speak. "I don't think anything in my life mattered until you walked in my door."

Had she not already been lying down, she could have been knocked over with a feather. She extended her neck and reached her lips to kiss him again. They closed their eyes tightly; he never saw the tear run down the side of her face. Her head went back to the pillow, she started to bring him down with her, but he braced himself above her. "Are...are you ready?" Her eyes widened to his question, then realized his manhood was firm again. His resilient body wasn't something she was prepared for. She nodded, and he entered her again. The pair made love late into the night, learning how the other liked to be touched, kissed, and held. And as the sky started to change from black to purple, pink, and orange, they fell asleep embracing one another, reminding them it was the chill of the sheets that finally gave them the courage to express the passion they had felt for far too long.

Annia began to wake up midday remembering what had happened the night before. But what jolted her awake was realizing Nathan wasn't there with her. She sprung upwards, not even bothering to cover herself at first. She looked around the sides of the bed for her night gown or bathrobe. Her mind raced, trying to think about what to do, what last night meant, if everyone else knew what happened, and the repercussions of all of it. She stood to put on her robe, the panic set in and she fell back on the bed hyperventilating. "What--God what have I done? Goddess, what should I do?" Her mind snapped back into focus when she heard the latch on the door click. She quickly covered herself with the robe, but didn't think to hide, she was too panicked. She pulled the robe around herself tightly. The door opened, and Nathan walked through carrying a tray with soup, bread, and tea. She ran her hand through her hair and breathed a sigh of relief. "You had me worried for a second there. I didn't think it was you." She rubbed her hands over her face, keeping her arms close to her chest.

Nathan walked across the room to her and set the tray on the table by the bed. "I woke early. I didn't sleep much. When I went down for breakfast, I told them you said you weren't feeling well and that you wanted to sleep. I was able to convince Botty to let me bring you something to eat. Are you hungry?"

"Famished. You had to convince her?" She plopped her hands on her lap.

"She wanted to check on you, she wanted to see if your illness was something she could treat. I couldn't have her going into your room just to see that you weren't there." He poured the tea and handed her the cup and saucer. He kissed her forehead and sat by her. He clicked the prosthesis off his legs and rolled off the socks. Which told her he wasn't getting up any time soon.

She sipped the tea and the soup until the bowl was clean and all that was left of the bread was crumbs. "Thank you for bringing that." He rubbed the top of her back and they sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. "What...what do we tell them?"

"Whatever we want." He leaned back on his elbows.

Annia hunched her back, rested her elbows on her knees, and covered her face again. Thinking about their situation: Master and Servant, "What do I tell myself," her voice ached. She couldn't keep her hands still. She moved them over her arms, through her hair, and over her eyes. Trying to hide her insecurities, but making them even more clear to him. But Nathan popped back up, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down to him. She tilted her head up to see his smiling face and tired eyes. She turned her body to him, placing her hand on his chest, curling herself by his side.

They held each other, warm and comfortably. "I would tell you that I am whatever you would like me to be." He squeezed her hand with his and kissed her forehead again. "We can go tell them this happened, or not. We can pretend like nothing happened. I would understand if you walked out that door and never came back."

"No." Annia propped herself up on her side and looked down at him. "I don't want that. I don't want any of that. I'd be lying if I said I wanted to walk away." She squeezed his hand back. "I'd like to know that I didn't make a huge mistake. Are--"

Nathan cut her off. "There was no mistake." He reached up and pushed her hair back over her shoulders. "Please don't think that." He ran his finger tips along her jaw line.

"If it wasn't a mistake, what was it?"

"A shot over neighboring borders?" He slid his fingers under her robe and pushed it over her shoulder revealing her bare skin, "Dynamic? Passionate," smiling, quoting her.

"Bold and amazing," quoting him, growing a small smile. She pulled her arm out of the robe sleeve, letting the garment fall to his side, and reached around him under his shirt, peeling it off of him. She rolled on to him; he held her face in his hands, she spoke hesitantly again, "Whatever we want?"

He ran his thumb over her lip, smiled softly, then carefully pulled her close and let his lips linger near hers. Before he kissed her he whispered, "Anything."