ANAKIN

I don't know why I fell in love with this boy so quickly.

When I say boy, I say it purely in a manner of fact sort of way, where boy represents his youthful appearance, his younger age and the gender for which he appears. In the LGBTQ world we discriminate against each other each and everyday, and this particular boy didn’t treat me the way most boys outside of my league do.

He was skinny and looked like a model.

I was, and still am, fat and look like the Stay-Puft Marshamallow man.

My hunt for love has been ongoing for my entire life because I have high standards and low requirements, and by the time I met Anakin Cyrus I was ready to live life with no regrets, and chase after what I was seeking.

I wanted nothing but peace, love, happyness and great sex: forever.

I found a thrill to chasing exactly what I was seeking, and Mr. Cyrus, or Anakin, as he wished to be called, fulfilled each and every single checkbox on my interview sheet.

If this was a job.

I found a thrill in this boy, and for some reason, maybe it’s his Darth Vader, Jedi connection, nobody in my life can see the good in Mr. Skywalker like I did.

Our first “date” wasn’t that much different than most other first “dates” I’d been on in the past.

My estimate at this point was that Anakin was my 80-100th boy I’d been with, my 1st olive toned boy, and only my 3rd or 4th boy I’d met since moving to Vegas four months prior. I had given up on the chances of finding true love and I was living just for the moments of instant pleasure with random boys.

A new boy in my life every few days, every few weeks. To most people that might be disgusting, but to me it was nothing but love, romance and enjoyment. I don’t see issues with consenting adults partaking in an agreed upon manner with each other.

Long story short: we met for the random sex.

I messaged him on Grindr, on April 20, 2020, to be exact. As a pothead and an alcoholic, you don’t forget a date like 4/20. Also as a pothead, you don’t ditch your friends to get “dicked down” in the opposite room, while they celebrate 420 without you.

The Gary that was under the mask that day would have definitely dicked a boy down in one room while his friends and family got high in the other. At this point in my 28 (eternal) years of living I was willing to truly taste every color of the rainbow, in each and every way. Thanks COVID, you gave me that courage, the nerve, so to speak.

I didn't have an issue with that he wasn’t apparently as sexually derived as I was and I agreed to wait until a better day for our “dicking down” - in his words.

The next morning, around 4am, I made sure to awaken to my alarms.

I messaged Anakin on Grindr.

He already didn't really remember talking to me the night before, but whatever, he sent me this really cute picture of his naked butt, along with two or three more pictures of his beautiful nude body.

On the outside: he was everything I was looking for and everything I had ever wanted, flawless, in every single way. His stretch marks made him even more perfect, which he was quite self-conscious about - just like the rest of his body.

I told him, "I wish I could dive my face between your buttcheeks."

Immediately he sent his address.

I jumped in the shower as quick as I could, sped up my normal morning routine to go from 1 hour down to 10 minutes.

I made it to his apartment, he had me park and walk up to the door.

He told me not to knock.

I wasn’t trying to knock.

My fingers brushed against the door and it was 100x louder than I could have imagined.

He sighed when he opened the door.

I whispered my apologies.

He lead me to the bedroom.

We undressed.

He looked at me ever so oddly, unsure if he was enjoying the visuals of my body, the reminiscence of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

I don't look that excellent with my clothes off, and that isn't a self esteem issue, thats the truth. I used to weigh over 400lbs and when I got down to 200lbs, thats when I found that most guys can't stomach the sight of my naked stomach. So the way Anakin looked at me said, it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great.

The entire sexual encouter that we met for was riddled with love and romance charms.

The lighting was dim. Only red LED's were on, washing the entire room in red light.

Boy Wonder, aka Anakin, then played a playlist that gave me vibes of love and romance. We kissed.

He wasn't that great of a kisser to be very honest. I could see how he had the potential to become a great kisser because of the few minor things he did right - in the style that I prefer to kiss in.

I think it irritated him in some way that I liked my kissing in a slightly different manner. He backed off, like he had too much on his mind.

In hindsight…maybe it was the meth. The coke. The weed. The alcohol. I don’t know, it’s what made me wonder why he was so back-and-forth, in-and-out, here-and-there romantically.

Was it my breath? My teeth? My facial hair?

Boys have told me all these reasons in the past, so which was it for Mr. Cyrus?

I sucked on his neck, noticing his very theatrical golden necklace.

He loved the attention.

I could have lifted him with a finger once I started sucking on his nipples. He was shuttering and shivvering in a good way.

In a great way.

He flipped over onto his stomach so I could fulfill my promise to dive my face between his (flat) butt cheeks.

Within seconds he was begging me to get on top of him and make love to him in that position.

Once I did make entry, in an instant it was too much for him to take. He forced me on my back and placed himself in the right position above me to climb on top.

I loved it, but truthfully? I hated it.

I was sexually derived for a long time, and this position was one I knew was going to make me burst like the grand finale within seconds.

That was my life in those days - glad to say I’m now a power top, but lets get back to the Anakin story.

It was horrible. He climbed on top of me and forced me into himself.

Not good. He only received the first inch or two before it was a production worthy of notice.

It was over way too quick.

"You came already?"

"Whell," I said, adjusting myself, "just because I came once doesn't mean I'm done, lay on your stomach again, if you don’t mind.”

He followed my request.

He allowed me to keep going, him on his stomach, and me on top, for a long while.

He was into it, then not. Into it - then not. So back-and-forth, for the next twenty minutes or the next hour he was giving me the worst mixed signals. I would have finished 10x sooner if he would have just kissed me and stayed into it instead of zoning back and forth.

Nobody likes to make love to a corpse.

Once we were done he grabbed his blue jeans and left his underwear behind.

He handed me an old shirt to use as a towel.

He grabbed a cigarette.

Gave me this odd look.

He didn't say a word.

He went to his front balcony, lit the cigarette and leaned over the railing.

I was silent too. I watched him as I walked away, maybe I told him to hit-me-up. I can’t recall.

It wasn't a look of disgust he was giving me. I know looks of disgust and this wasn't it.

It wasn't a look of romance he was giving me. I knew looks of love and romance and this wasn't it.

It was sort of a look of wonder. Those I'm not exactly sure about. I was puzzled.

I got in my car.

I did something I never typically do after Grindr dates, especially if I'm only looking for hookups.

I messaged him, "I could just make out with you all day, when can i see you again?"

That was it.

I have little patience for people who aren't my match.

Anakin was great in some areas, but he was an overall three in the bedroom. I found myself longing for him, not because of the sex, or the potential I saw in him. No. I take in all parts of what a man, or boy has to offer to me.

Maybe I was longing for him because of his Twitter account which he shared with me. There I was able to see the growth of a young little Anakin Skyewalker into a Mr. Anakin Cyrus, just enough of a great force within the universe, but nobody I'd ever want to double cross. A name suited for his personality to the core.

Maybe it was his playlist that made me fall in love with him. The music that he played for his sexual moment spoke to a vibe of romance, not straight up random hookups.

Maybe it was his name. Anakin. For one, I’d never seen Star Was but I knew there was an Anakin in it. I never knew he was DARTH VADER, the WHOLE TIME!? Ugh. Whatever.

Maybe I fell for him because of his overall aura. He gave off an aura of a loving, peaceful, happy individual.

He never responded to my Grindr message asking if I could seek him again.

A day turned into two.

Two turned into three.

Before I knew it I had looked at his profile and wondered about him for over two weeks.

I don’t usually hang on to boys on my Grindr that ignore me.

I like it when I am the priority, and I am their number one priority.

And I LOVE it when I become priority one, on day one. And it’s mutual.

With Anakin, I waited, which is something I NEVER do. I have high standards, even though I am the Stay-Puft Marshamallow man.

With Anakin in mind, I prayed.

I envisioned him sitting in my car, of his own free will, laughing, having fun, joking, just being himself. I prayed.

I waited for him, I prayed, I envisioned him in my car.

I manifested his image into my reality through meditation; aligning my Chakras, and deep prayer.

In my life I have performed curses and incantations of a Wiccan nature, I know by now that Karma is a bitch and not fuck with her, so I avoided any sort of controlling spells or things of the supernatural.

I felt an interstellar connection with Anakin from the moment I met him. A deeper meaning.

No idea I had, Anakin this was, a Skywalker.

Mind blown I was, I could have been calling him DARTH VÆDER the WHOLE TIME?!

UGH!

I gave up and started to move on.

Perhaps I did forget about this boy.

A 10 and flawless, despite his many flaws.

Then.

One day.

I woke up to a text 0n Grindr from Mr. Anakin that said, “hey.”

It might have been 30 days, but at least he responded.

To be continued…

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