All She Wanted for Christmas Was a Pearl Necklace

Abigail Atwood was holding the largest Christmas bonus check she had ever received in her short tenure as Vice President of Mergers and Acquisitions for the law firm of Kavanagh and Burke. Her recent deal netted the firm over 500 million dollars but resulted in thousands losing their jobs right before Christmas. She had often recommended to those impacted by her devious decisions to quit whining and bootstrap it, reminding those with no income that the challenges we face in life make us stronger.

Few heard these words of wisdom over the throngs of lawyers firing the unsuspecting workers who were being cut loose. This year, the timing of her recent deal was unfortunate. Thousands lost their jobs right before Christmas, but that didn’t phase Abigail. She was driven by greed and an uncanny ability to rationalize her vile behavior. As a woman, she had garnered a reputation as a cold, calculating bitch. A man would have been heralded a shrewd businessman, but not a woman.

The managing partner of the firm had summoned her to his office to express his considerable displeasure at having to fend off queries from the press. She hated the press unless they were being manipulated to help promote a false narrative that would change public opinion of her firm’s actions.

She was told in no uncertain terms that she was to lay low and speak to no one. In fact, it was suggested she take advantage of the firm’s villa on the Turks and Caicos and spend the holidays enjoying the warm sun and waters the Caribbean had to offer. The forced time off was not entirely unwelcomed. She had been working seventy hours a week for the past year. She was exhausted and decided a vacation was just the ticket. Little did she know her flight would lead to a much different destination.

She was pulled back to the present when Sarah Adams, her mousy assistant, rapped on the door.

“Come.”

The door slowly opened, revealing a slight woman with greasy brown hair. Sheepishly Sarah asked, “If there isn’t anything else, may I leave early?”

Glancing at the clock hanging above the globe that doubled as a bar, Abigail noted, “It’s only four o’clock.”

“But it’s Christmas Eve.”

Abigail had grown up poor and Christmas was always a disappointment. Every year for three years she begged Santa for a new doll. The new doll never appeared beneath the tree and at the ripe old age of ten, Abigail stopped believing in Santa and refused to celebrate Christmas.

“You may leave at the appointed time.”

The young woman stared, mouth agape. Abigail waved her away as if she were shooing away a pesky fly. Abigail continued gathering the things she wanted to take with her on vacation. The last thing she did before packing up her laptop was to book a first-class flight to Providenciales International Airport, arriving at three o’clock on Christmas Day.

She was the last to leave the richly appointed offices of one of the most prestigious law firms in Chicago. She had been recruited by several firms from all corners of the country. Her grades were stellar, and she had garnered a reputation as being shrewd and calculating. Her willingness to do anything to win was on display during her first year in law school when she used to blackmail, among other unscrupulous acts, to decimate her rivalries during the National Moot Court Competition. After careful consideration, she chose to accept a position with Kavanaugh and Burke because they offered her a position in mergers and acquisitions. It only took her a year to sabotage her boss and take control of the department.

The elevator opened on the first floor of the parking garage. Bitter cold air whipped through the structure creating multiple wind tunnels. Through the slats in the side of the concrete edifice, Abigail could see storm clouds gathering in the distance. Pressing the key FOB, Abigail started her 550SL Mercedes hardtop convertible, remotely. She custom ordered her new car six months ago and had every bell and whistle added. She turned on the seat’s heated message feature before pulling out of her designated parking space. Outside, lake effect snow fell from the sky, blanketing the streets with white fluffy flakes that looked more like mounds of shaving cream than snow. The weathermen were anxiously anticipating a white Christmas. All Abigail wanted was to nestle up in front of a cozy fire and down a bottle of chardonnay.

Upon arriving home, Abigail pulled into her garage and noticed the door leading to the kitchen standing wide open. She wasn’t sure if she should call the police or stand her ground. Abigail decided to confront the intruders when she peered around the corner and saw the assailants were two exceedingly small women with pointy ears. If she didn’t know better, she would have sworn they were elves.

Abigail threw her shoulders back and marched into her house and bellowed, “Who the hell are the two of you?”

“Hey, no need to be like, rude,” replied one of the strangers.

“Rude? You broke into my house you dumbass bitch!”

“Oh, now that is just going too far. I am not a bitch.”

Exasperated Abigail demanded an answer. “Who are you, people?”

Getting up from the couch the woman in the living room walked toward Abigail. “I’m Flor and you have already met Esmerelda. We are here to help you get ready for the ball!”

Before Abigail could respond a loud ding emanated from inside her large designer handbag hanging from the crook of her elbow. Instinctively she fished for her phone and saw a text message from an unknown number. It read I look forward to meeting you this evening.

Holding her phone out so the two crazies could see it, Abigail asked in a deadpan tone, “What the fuck is going on?”

Esmerelda sighed loudly. “People here are so vulgar. Why do you use such language?”

Abigail didn’t hesitate, “Well, I guess I use that language to express my displeasure at finding two bat shit crazy bitches in my house.”

Turning to Flor, Esmerelda threw up her hands in frustration.

Flor explained, “We are elves from the South Pole who have been sent here to help you prepare for the annual Naughty Christmas Eve ball.”

Something inside her brain snapped causing Abigail to spontaneously giggle. She doubled over, unable to catch her breath, and plopped on the sofa. Tears streamed down Abigail’s cheeks. Flor and Esmerelda stood beside the couch, their small hands resting firmly on their hips as they looked down at Abigail, concerned her fit would prevent her from attending the ball. Flor gathered her composure and attempted to explain. “What I just said appears to have hit you as being funny. I am here to assure you this is no joke. Every year the who’s who of the naughty list receives a special invitation from South Pole Santa to attend the Naughty Christmas Eve ball. And for the lucky boy or girl that tops the naughty list receives the royal treatment and this year that person is you!”

Slowly, Abigail regained her composure. A quizzical look crossed her face, “Wait, I thought Santa lived at the North Pole.”

Flor jumped in, “It will all be explained, but right now you need to get dressed so you can catch your flight to the South Pole!”

After hours of being taped, dressed, plucked, scrubbed, washed, rinsed, and blown dry, it was time for the grand reveal. Flor handed Abigail a mirror. When she saw her reflection, she audibly gasped. Her hair had been swooped up into an elegant French roll adorned with ruby-encrusted hairpins. Her dress was emerald green and left little to the imagination. Her shoes were Jimmy Choos and she had to admit that she looked stunning.

Flor smiled and clapped her hands merrily as if to celebrate the miraculous metamorphosis. She handed Abigail a red clutch and said, “Inside you will find a cell phone. There is also a lipstick, perfume, powder, and hand sanitizer.”

Esmerelda opened the front door and with a flourish announced, “Ladies, our chariot awaits.”

Abigail was half expecting to see some garish crystal coach but was pleased to see a 1920 Duesenberg. A distinguished man held the rear door open. Here goes nothing, Abigail thought.

The car drove onto the tarmac and stopped in front of a non-descript airplane hangar. Inside was a Gulfstream G650ER. The door to the luxurious jet was open and the stairs extended. At the bottom of the stairs was a red carpet. Standing at the end of the carpet holding a bouquet of two dozen red roses stood the most beautiful man Abigail had ever seen. Abigail walked toward the handsome stranger, drinking him in with her eyes. He glanced down from his towering height and flashed a dazzling smile. His teeth looked like perfectly chiseled chunks of Chicklets gum.

He was wearing a perfectly tailored Armani Tuxedo jacket. His black pants had the same color green as her gown piped down the side. Abigail quickly averted her eyes when she realized she had been staring at his crouch a little too long. His feet were clad in the finest Italian leather and his long brown hair was drawn back at the nape of his thick, muscular neck.

“You look radiant and I am charmed to meet you.” He took Abigail’s hand and kissed it. His lips were pink, plump, and firm. They created a moist heat against her skin as they brushed across the back of her hand. She couldn’t help but wonder what those lips might feel like on her naked skin. His eyes were pools of cold blue ice. He offered Abigail his arm as he led her up the plane’s short flight of stairs.

Inside the cabin of the craft was an elven flight attendant with pointy ears and a tiny turned-up nose. Flor and Esmerelda hugged her as they boarded the plane and disappeared behind a red velvet curtain. The flight attendant waved at her friends before holding out a silver tray containing two crystal flutes of champagne. The interior is elegant but manly. The wood paneling is a deep rich mahogany, and the seats are a creamy beige leather.

“I thought Santa drove a sleigh.”

“Oh, good God no. Why would anyone other than my whack-job brother flies around the world in sub-zero temperatures in an open-air, unheated sleigh when a jet is available?”

Abigail wasn’t buying what he was selling and had every intention of using her feminine wiles to uncover the truth behind whatever it was that was going on. Try as she might, she couldn’t remember being involved in an accident that would have caused a concussion and was concerned with the complexity of her current delusion. Do crazy people know they’re crazy? She wondered.

“You’re not crazy.”

Abigail crinkled her brow, “How did you know that’s what I was thinking?”

“I’m clairvoyant, among a host of other things.”

“Such as?”

“I know for a fact you don’t believe a word of what I have said, and I think that reflects sound judgment.”

The jet began taxing down the runway.

“Are you really taking me to the South Pole?”

Daniel gazed into her eyes. “Yes.”

“Are you Santa Claus?”

“Not exactly.”

“Then explain.”

Daniel spun around in his chair and stared out the window as he began weaving a fanciful tale.

“The universe is comprised of energy. Everything in the universe hinges on the balance of this energy. Good Santa occupies the North Pole and I occupy the South Pole in order to counterbalance all of the good going on up North.”

“So, you’re bad Santa?”

“If that turns you on, then yes. Every year for eons I have been tasked with delivering coal across the globe to all of the naughty boys and girls, young and old. After years of performing this mundane task, I decided it would be much more fun to get to know those that made the naughty list. That is when I decided to magically transport the superstars of the naughty list to the South Pole for an annual Christmas ball. A night filled with such depravity that only the naughty can survive.”

Abigail rubbed her chin and began to question the wisdom of boarding a plane with a certifiable lunatic, no matter how handsome or wealthy.

He turned around in his chair and stared into Abigail’s eyes.

“Reading my thoughts again?”

“I must confess. I am.”

“Then convince me you aren’t a crazed psychopath intent on hacking my body into teeny, tiny bits and feeding them to your reindeer.”

“Santa has the reindeer. I have dragons.”

“Is there a Mrs. Bad Santa?”

“No, but tonight is the night I take a bride. Time is running out in fact. My brother was forced to find a mate or risk losing his magic. I too face a similar fate. But alas, I have finally found a person as morally bankrupt as I am.”

“I bet you say that to all of the naughty little girls.”

Sensing her flirtatious response, he winked, sending a bolt of energy into the pit of her stomach.

Abigail stared into his eyes, not knowing what to think. Was he nuts? Probably, that would be her luck. But, in for a penny in for a pound so she decided to ride the fantasy.

He grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her deeply. Abigail’s lips parted as his tongue explored the inside of her mouth, searching, tasting, exploring. A hot wetness spread between her legs. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her breast. He responded by plunging his tongue deeper into her open mouth and squeezing her breast. She needed more of him, she reached down and grabbed his erect penis through the fine silk threads of his Armani pants.

He gently began kissing her neck and stroked the sides of her cheek with the back of his hand. He continues running his fingertips down her arms while nibbling gently on her neck. He grabbed her hands and pulled her out of her seat. Slowly he lowered the zipper on her green ball gown, a ball gown Flor and Esmerelda painstakingly dressed her in not three hours ago. The dress fell to the floor revealing her bare breasts and white lace thing trimmed in delicately embroidered candy canes. Abigail began unbuttoning Daniel’s shirt. Her head was level with his nipple that she flicked with the tip of her tongue. Daniel couldn’t contain himself and ripped off his pants, revealing an engorged member hard enough to cut diamonds. Abigail reached down, grabbed his red-hot cock, and dropped to her knees.

She gently sucked the tip of his penis rolling her tongue just around the rim of the head. Tilting his head backward he moaned taking his hand and placing it on the back of Abigail’s head gently coaxing his thrusts deeper and deeper. Just before filling her mouth with his hot juices, he stops, and carries Abigail to the rear cabin. He gently placed his latest conquest on the edge of the bed and slid her hips forward before dropping to his knees in front of her thick mound of auburn hair. Daniel plunged his tongue between her lips, parting them, revealing a hot pink wetness that glistened with her excitement. Daniel wiggled her hips in unison with his hard, long licks and couldn’t contain her screams when she filled his mouth with her thick salty wetness. Unable to withstand the pain in his groin any longer, Daniel climbed on top of Abigail, plunged his tongue into her mouth and thrust his hard throbbing cock deep inside her. Abigail’s muscles contracted involuntarily forcing Daniel to whimper as his body erupted in orgasmic spasms. He filled her, the excess spilling down her inner thighs. She had never before experienced such an amazing orgasm. Daniel rolled off Abigail and stared up at the interior cabin’s ceiling. “That was amazing.” He rolled on his side; propped himself up on his elbow and gently brushed back the strands of hair that came loose during their lovemaking.

“I want to make you happy and I hope I can. We will be landing soon. You had better get dressed.”

Abigail gathered her clothes, located the bathroom, and proceeded to put herself back together before attending the Naughty Christmas Ball.

Glancing out the small lavatory window Abigail saw magical lights piercing the darkness, undulating like colorful ribbons across the sky. In the distance she could just make out the edge of a dense forest. The landscape wasn’t the Christmassy white she was expecting. Once the plane landed Flor and Esmeralda emerged from behind the red velvet curtain and rushed toward the back of the plane. Flor grabbed Abigail by the hand and drug her back into the bathroom.

“You’re a mess. Sit. Your attempt at making yourself presentable was simply ghastly.”

After what seemed like hours Flor inspected Abigail one last time before allowing her to disembark the plane. A black SUV was parked on the tarmac waiting to whisk them away to their final destination. They entered the spacious interior of the vehicle and headed toward the mountain range in the distance. Driving through the winding mountain roads Abigail was amazed at the beauty of the surrounding landscape. The gently rolling hills that gradually swelled at the base of the mountain were a deep emerald green. Dotting the green blanket of grass were delicate poinsettias in various hues of green, red, and white.

A spotlight could be seen in the distance. As they climbed the side of the mountain the Naughty Christmas village came into view. It reminded Abigail of what she would have traditionally associated with the North Pole. There was a workshop and elves milled about sipping hot toddies overflowing with whiskey singing songs that sounded more like lude limericks rather than traditional Christmas songs sung by good boys and girls. Before they exited the SUV, Flor handed Abigail a white fur stole.

“Here, it’s a little nippy down there.”

Abigail wrapped the fur around her shoulders and followed Flor and Esmerelda down a winding tunnel that opened onto an enormous cavern. The cavern was filled with throngs of naughty girls and boys dressed in their best Christmas attire gyrating to the songs being spun by an up-and-coming DJ who was particularly naughty this year when he stole his best friend’s playlist compilation and passed it off as his to win the National DJ Spin Off. A man after Abigail’s own heart.

Trees adorned with ornaments carved from coal were strategically placed throughout the space, creating the illusion of a dark and twisted forest. Abigail spotted her two companions enjoying themselves on the dance floor and became mesmerized when she realized how dirty the dancing would get throughout the course of the evening.

Flor and Esmeralda began touching one another, lightly caressing one another’s cheeks. Their lips touched and sparked a hunger. Eagerly they began exploring each other’s mouths with their tongues. Abigail’s nipples hardened with excitement. Flor grabbed Esmerelda’s right breast and started squeezing her nipple through her thin silk blouse.

Esmerelda responded by grabbing Flor’s breast prompting a cry to escape Flor’s mouth. Flor continued squeezing Esmerelda’s tit as her right hand descended beneath her friend’s waistband. Flor started messaging Esmeralda’s love button in time with the beat of the music, causing her to reach a state of bliss judging from the expression on her face. Without realizing what she was doing, Abigail started pleasuring herself by gently squeezing her own breasts. Flor noticed and moved toward her. Pointing toward the far end of the cavernous space Abigail spotted a cluster of beds where party-goers were becoming better acquainted.

Abigail never imagined that she would openly engage in masturbation while watching her new friends have hot sex. Flor guided Esmerelda to one of the beds where Abigail was in the process of pleasuring herself. Daniel spotted the trio and inconspicuously slid into a nearby chair where he gently began stroking himself while watching Flor straddle Esmerelda. Flor began rubbing her erect nipples ever so lightly against Esmerelda’s nipples creating a tingling sensation between Abigail’s legs that she had never before experienced. Flor placed her knee in between Esmerelda’s thighs and pushed them apart. She straddled one of her legs and pushed her hot pussy against her thigh, grinding against her milky white flesh, pleasuring herself as she reached over with her hand and began rubbing Esmerelda’s swollen clit. Their breasts rub together as Flor thrusts her hips against Esmerelda’s leg, harder and faster.

In the corner, Daniel is jacking off, waiting to release his wad at the same time the trio reach climax. Flor screamed with pleasure as she gushed forth a geyser. Esmerelda began gyrating her hips and released her wetness. Abigail was immersed in her own pleasure and didn’t notice when Daniel approached the bed. He jerked his member and sprayed his white juices around Abigail’s neck. Abigail touched the salty stickiness Daniel had deposited and asked seductively as she suckled the tip of her finger, “How did you know I wanted a pearl necklace for Christmas?”

“Magic, but that all ends at midnight.”

Abigail slowly pushed herself off the bed and did what she could to not look so disheveled. “What are you talking about?”

“I will lose my magic if I don’t get married by midnight, tonight.”

“Midnight? How long have you known you had to get married?”

“Millenia.”

“Procrastinate much?”

“I couldn’t bear the thought of getting tied down to just anyone. I had to wait until I found the perfect mate. You are that perfect mate and I need you to marry me in the next 20 minutes or I will cease to exist.”

“How do I know this isn’t something you tell all the girls in order to get them to fuck you?”

Daniel grinned a devilish smile, “You don’t.”

The group headed back to the party where a cloudy haze of marijuana hovered above the packed dancefloor. The DJ was busily scratching a vinyl record. Daniel walked over to the DJ and grabbed the mic. The DJ stopped the music as Daniel tapped the microphone in order to garner the attention of his guests.

“Hello, one and all!”

The crowd began to clap and cheer.

Daniel continued, “For those of you who have been here before, you may remember, this is the year I have to get married or I will lose all of my magical powers, including my immortality. In the past year, I have been hunting high and low for the perfect mate and I have finally found her.”

Several boos could be heard emanating from jilted lovers who had hoped to play the role of a devilish Mrs. Claus.

“Now, now. I know some of you naughty little boys and girls are disappointed, but don’t be. Instead, be joyful and join us in celebrating our union.”

Flor and Esmerelda festooned the entire space with flowers of every kind, color, and size imaginable. Twinkling fairy lights hung from the ceiling, crisscrossing the massive space like a giant web overhead.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it brings me great pleasure to introduce, Abigail Atwood!”

Thunderous applause filled the cavern, causing a stir of echoes to reverberate throughout the space. Potted plants filled with greenery and flowers lined a path to the alter. Flor extracted a crystal wand from her sleeve and began spinning it around Abigail. Abigail could feel a charge in the air that seemed to envelop her. As the feeling ensconced her she could see a physical transformation taking place. Her green gown was being transformed into a white brocade dress with a baby blue corseted bodice that pushed her ample breasts to overflowing. Delicate crystal ice cycles hung from the garment, casting brilliant rainbow patterns on the cave’s ceilings and walls.

Daniel and Abigail were pronounced husband and wife at exactly 11:57 PM, leaving three minutes to spare. The wedding guests continued to celebrate into the wee hours of the morning. The next morning was Christmas and Abigail went hunting for her new husband. She had a nagging feeling she had made a horrid mistake. Inebriated elves lined the corridors of the cave. She wound her way up the same ramp she had descended the night before in hopes of finding something to eat. She was famished. She was dressed in a flimsy nightgown, slippers, and her white fur stole.

Lining the streets of the village were more drunken elves, but it appeared all of the naughty guests had been transported back home, leaving Abigail all alone among unscrupulous elves and one bad Santa. Last night had to have been a dream.

She vaguely remembered spending the entire evening in an endless sexathon. After their first several rounds of love making, Daniel picked her up and carried her to the mammoth fireplace that consumed the rear wall of the expansive chamber and placed her on the bear skinned rug. He stared down at her, lowering his head until his lips touched hers. She feels a current of energy coursing through her body. He kisses her lips, neck and right breast, his tongue flicking her erect nipple. He continues sweeping his tongue across her stomach and stops just above the mound of her auburn mound of hair. He kneeled between her thighs and began exploring her clitoris with his tongue. She began to come in his mouth and before she could finish, he pulled up and kissed her mouth. The taste was salty. She grabbed his hot, hard cock and stroked it. He moaned. She parted her legs and gently rubbed the tip of his cock against her erect clitoris. She began rubbing faster and harder until she erupted in an explosive climax. Unable to contain his carnal lust any longer, Daniel thrust himself deep inside her, his tongue exploring her mouth. He propelled his hips harder and faster. Abigail arched her back and screamed in ecstasy as she approached another orgasm. The hot wetness erupted between her legs as she screamed for more. All night and well into the next day they continued their sexual escapades in multiple rooms throughout the massive underground structure. Abigail was too sore to continue and collapsed.

Daniel left her physically spent on the rumpled sheets. She enjoyed a long dreamless night and awoke famished. That is when she decided to find Daniel and hopefully something to eat. Abigail spotted a small café and more importantly smelled freshly brewed coffee.

An elf seated her and handed her a menu. Walking down the sidewalk on the other side of the street was Daniel and another woman? She must be hallucinating, overcome with a hunger that is causing her to see things. Daniel and the elf hanging off his lips crossed the street and entered the café. Daniel was shocked when he saw his new bride sitting at one of the tables.

A waiter placed a pitcher of orange juice on the table and returned with a carafe of freshly brewed coffee. Steuben crystal goblets and delicate Limoges coffee cups dressed the table. Daniel and his new friend sat opposite Abigail and began sipping coffee and shoveling heaps of food into their mouths.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Daniel looked confused. “I’m eating, what does it look like I’m doing?”

“It looks like you’re already being unfaithful with this elven hussy and we’ve only been married a hot minute.”

“Married is not synonymous with monogamy. I didn’t get married with the intent of spending the rest of my life with you.”

Abigail stared at the monster sitting across from her and knew she had to do whatever it took to escape the clutches of Christmas hell. Having lost her appetite Abigail stormed out of the café in search of a store where she could acquire the necessary hiking gear and escape this nightmare. Passing various establishments without finding what she was looking for she became discouraged until she spotted a building sporting a large sign with a mountain climber and new, she had found what she had been looking for. She entered the store and started filling a cart with rope, boots, jacket, gloves, socks, and a hiking pack. When she approached the cash register, she realized she didn’t have any way to pay for her items and became incensed. Daniel had followed her and entered the store. Looking at the items on the counter Daniel asked, “What’s all this?”

“I am leaving. There is no way in hell I am staying here with you. I’ll hike out of here if I have to.”

Daniel started laughing which made Abigail angry.

“What the hell are you laughing at?”

“Sweety, once you leave the safety of the village you will be exposed to temperatures the likes of which you have never experienced. You will freeze to death before you get 500 yards. But for argument's sake let’s say you make it all the way to the coast without turning into a frozen popsicle. There aren’t any airports or ships so there is no way for you to get home. In fact, the only way off this continent is parked in my airplane hangar.”

The elf behind the counter began snickering.

Abigail was fuming. She balled her hands into fists and inhaled deeply. “I refuse to accept there are no other options. There has to be a way to escape Christmas hell.”

Daniel turned and snapped his fingers. “There is a way, but you’re not going to like it.”

Abigail couldn’t fathom any obstacle she wouldn’t overcome in order to escape from this nightmare. “What do I have to do?”

With a devilish smile plastered across his face, Daniel explained, “You can only leave if you get off the naughty list.”

“How in the fuck am I supposed to do that?”

“I would suggest you start by refraining from using such colorful language. As for any other ideas, I don’t have one. All I know is it may prove difficult to get off the naughty list when you live with the naughtiest of the naughty.”

“I’ll figure something out. In the meantime, I need to buy some things.”

“Of course. You can shop in any of the stores here in the village, my compliments of course.”

“Of course. And where shall I stay?”

“You can stay with me.”

“Not likely. I rather have my own lodgings.”

“Suit yourself. I’ll have Flor set something up for you. Now, if there isn’t anything else, I will leave you to it.”

And with that, he disappeared. Abigail couldn’t believe her foolishness. This entire experience had done nothing but reinforce her hatred of this wretched holiday.

Abigail returned the rope and other hiking paraphernalia to the shelves and instead plucked assorted clothing items from the racks and placed them on the counter. The elf behind the counter had a shit-eating grin on his face that she wanted to smack but decided such an action would undoubtedly result in her remaining on the naughty list. She was doomed and needed some fresh air to help clear her head. She carried her packages and slowly strolled through the village in hopes of formulating a strategy that would result in her making the nice list. Fat fucking chance she thought as she passed a hot dog vendor and stopped for a bite to eat. She ordered a beef frank with sauerkraut, relish, mustard, and ketchup. She finished the hot dog in three enormous bites and let out a loud belch. She felt a burst of energy as she continued her walk back toward the underground prison she now called home. Blanketed in a sense of wonder she passed the businesses and homes that comprised the naughty Christmas village.

Across the street, patrons of the Tortoise and Hare Pub could be heard singing bawdy ballads as they chugged pints of bitter ale. A titillating scent captured her attention as she walked past The Herbery. The large plate-glass window revealed a display showcasing glass pipes, bongs, and one-hitters. She also enjoyed the stimulating massage oils Andrew used that made every fiber of her being quiver with sexual excitement.

Next to The Herbery was The Barkery, a pet bakery where five dogs currently sat around a table festooned with balloons. A black and white schnauzer, sporting a collar tag with the name Fritz on it, wore a colorful pointy birthday hat and was woofing down a piece of the infamous “Barkery Birthday Bake.” Abigail continued her stroll down the sidewalk, admiring the quaint shops and picturesque gingerbread houses. It was hard to believe this picturesque setting was the epicenter of a malignancy that threatened to consume her. She had to do something.

Waiting for her at the mouth of the opening to the underground stood Flor.

“There you are. I was starting to get worried. Daniel said you want to leave.”

“I do. And I intend to, but I haven’t come up with anything. It’s like my creativity has been fucked out of me.”

“I don’t think that’s possible. Maybe we can brainstorm and come up with something on our way to your new lodgings.”

Flor led Abigail to a quiet clearing in the nearby forest. Standing in the center of the clearing was a whitewashed cottage surrounded by pine trees. It was charming. Flor led her inside. An open fireplace dominated the center of the room. On one side of the hearth stood a cozy kitchen and on the other side was a living room sporting two crushed velvet love seats. Off the small living room was a door leading to a bathroom and a tiny bedroom. It was secluded and perfectly suited for her current needs.

“It’s perfect, Flor. Thank you. Maybe an idea will hit me in my solitude.”

“What is your goal?”

“To return home.”

“Did Daniel tell you how to accomplish your goal?”

“Yes, he said the only way to leave was to be removed from the naughty list and make the nice list.”

Flor inhaled a mouthful of air through her teeth. “That’s not going to be easy.”

“My thoughts exactly. How do I get on the nice list?”

“By doing nice things?”

Abigail shot Flor a disapproving look, “Like?”

Flor scrunched up her round elven nose and concentrated. She snapped her fingers and jumped in place, “I’ve got it!”

“Don’t keep me in suspense. What?”

“Convert the naughty.”

“How would you propose I do that?”

“You’re a master marketer. How would you convert bad boys and girls to good boys and girls?”

Abigail saw a glimmer of a plan taking shape. “Do you have WiFi?

“Of course. In fact, Esmerelda is our head IT elf.”

“I have an idea but I can’t let Daniel know what I’m up to or he might just shut me down. Are you in?”

“Absolutely! Let’s go pay a visit to Esmerelda so she can get you hooked up.”

Flor led Abigail down an obscure trail on the western edge of the village. The path ended at a non-descript metal door the same color as the gray stone surrounding it. Flor cast a spell of some kind and the door miraculously opened. The pair descended five flights of stairs where another door blocked their path. Once again Flor made gestures with her hands and cast a spell to open the door. Abigail followed her through the doorway and had to blink several times before her eyes could comprehend what she was seeing. Thousands of mainframe computers filled the gargantuan cavern. Abigail held up her cell phone and turned on her flashlight to get a better idea of what she was seeing, but the phone’s meager illumination was swallowed by the vastness of the space.

Abigail asked Flor, “What’s all this?”

The answer came from Esmerelda who stood in the middle of the space. “These are THE world’s most powerful supercomputers, which isn’t as impressive as it sounds. In this dimension they’re okay, but there are some fantastic technologies in other dimensions.

“Other dimensions?” Abigail thought out loud.

“Yes, but we’ll save that for another time. Right now, we need to focus on getting you back home.”

“How did you know I am trying to get home?”

Esmerelda spread her arms and spun around. “I know everything!”

Abigail looked at all of the computing power crammed in the cavern and had no doubt that Esmerelda’s statement was absolutely true.

Flor and Esmerelda snuck into Abigail’s cottage under cover of darkness and covertly wired Abigail’s abode with untethered access to every nook and cranny of the world wide web, but Esmerelda went a step further and provided her with access to the dark web, which was where the majority of her target demographic worked and played.

Flor, Esmerelda, and Abigail plotted their strategy every evening for seven consecutive evenings and it was finally time to launch project #NaughtyorNice. The campaign appeared on every social media platform known to man. Esmerelda used her IT prowess and hacked into algorithms that made every post go viral.

Abigail drew upon her years of manipulating media messaging to get on the nice list. Deep in the recesses of her mind, she remembers one of her teachers suggesting she use her powers for good and not evil. From your mouth to Good Santa’s ears she thought as she feverishly typed personal emails to every single naughty boy and girl across the planet. She even went so far as to post detailed messages of known naughty offenders and subsequent offenses, causing some of the most hardened to shed a tear. Then the movement took root and millions of confession and redemption videos began sprouting across the world wide web. The effect was measurable and a certain someone began to take notice.

After nearly a year of patiently and methodically executing her plan the moment of truth had arrived. It was once again Christmas Eve and she hoped and prayed her efforts wouldn’t be futile. She was applying her lipstick when there was a knock at the door. Expecting to see Esmerelda and Flor she was shocked when she was met by Daniel. He was holding a crumpled scroll in his fist. Fiery rage filled his eyes. Abigail was terrified.

He pushed past her and entered the cottage. Holding his fist above his head he bellowed, “What the fuck have you done?”

Abigail decided to play it cool and went with plausible deniability. Another dirty trick she would use for good.

“What are you carrying on about?”

“Do you know what I am holding in my hand?”

“No.”

“It’s the goddamn naughty list!”

“And? It is Christmas after all. How else would you figure out who to invite to your ball of debauchery?”

“Right you are. It is Christmas and normally I would have thoud=sands of guests to transport here to the South Pole, but not this year. This year there are only 342 naughty boys and girls on the list.”

“Wow, I wonder how that happened?”

On cue, the cottage door opened. Flor and Esmerelda were shoved inside by two elven guards.

“Your friend’s here filled me in on what you have been up to. You did it. You made it off the naughty list, so you are free to go.”

Abigail was elated. A tear trickled down Flor’s cheek who was happy for her friend but sad at the same time. Esmerelda clapped her hands. Daniel shot her a look of disapproval.

“When will you be able to fly me home?”

“Fly you home? I don’t intend on doing any such thing, not after your sheanangins.”

Abigail was utterly deflated. She sank on the purple love seat and began to sob.

Before turning to leave Daniel turned and reminded her, “I’m bad santa, remember?”

Abigail thought all was lost until in the distance she could hear “Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!”

Daniel froze. “Did you hear something?”

Abigail nodded as Flor and Esmerelda hide in the corner.

Flor whispered, “It’s him.”

Abigail asked, “Him who?”

Daniel replied. “It’s my fucking brother. What is he doing here?”

Landing in the clearing was good Santa decked out in all of his Christmas finery. He wore the most beautifully embroidered red fur coat, trimmed in white rabbit. The embroidery revealed a tale, a tale of two brothers. One born to look after the good boys and girls, the other to tend to the naughty. The twinkle in his eye pierced the darkness of the night. He walked toward the front of the cottage carrying a flat square box wrapped in shimmering golden paper adorned with an elegant silk ribbon. Abigail opened the door and greeted him. His warmth and kindness enveloped her in a cocoon of warmth and safety. He smelled of hot cocoa and peppermint. Abigail looked into his sparkling blue eyes and her heart melted.

He smiled down at her warmly and handed her a gift. She looked down at it and with a slight shake of her head asked, “What’s this?”

"Ho, Ho, Ho, it’s a Christmas present. You deserve to be rewarded for your astounding good deeds and knowing my brother the way I do I thought it best to collect you myself so you can return home. Are you ready?”

“But I have been gone for over a year. My house has probably been foreclosed on and I am most certain my firm has fired me since I have been a no call no show for close to a year now.

“Daniel didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“We both have the ability to control time. It is one of the magical gifts we possess. He could have easily done this for you, but he is an ass. But I am not, and I am here to return you to the exact moment you left.

“Oh, thank God. I didn’t know what I was going to do! Thank you, Santa. Thank you so very much.”

Santa kept his word and delivered Abigail safely home. The following morning Abigail was convinced her recent escapades were the result of a bad bottle of chardonnay until she saw the wrapped present sitting on her kitchen counter. She peeled back the wrapping paper, careful to save the red ribbon. Inside was a square, velvet jewelry box. The hinges squeaked when she opened the lid, revealing a strand of white pearls the size of walnuts. Under the strand of pearls was a note that read, “I thought you might enjoy a different kind of pearl necklace.” – Love, Santa