Filthy logo

A Sheep Among Wolves

An Inside Perspective from an LGBT Fringe Community

By Peaches AlexanderPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
Like

Very rarely do prey wish to be consumed by a predator. Well, this is exactly the case within this community. The community in question is the gay male Chub/Chaser community.

For the purpose of this analogy, I am a sheep, and this is the community from my perspective.

Within the gay male chub/chaser community, there are very clear lines drawn. There is an insatiable hunger that you can feel pressing around you as a thousand eyes watch you from the darkness. Predators. Wolves.

The Chasers are the wolves we speak of. They spread the propaganda that they are not the enemy and that only they can protect us from societies judgment when in reality, they are our biggest judge.

We are taught that we are only as beautiful as we are grotesque. Convinced by some sick god complex that cutting 30 years off your life is sexy. We are valued only by our fat. As we watch the drool drip from their hungering maws, we are taught to beg to be devoured, because without them we are nothing. Such is the law of the land.

In the chub/chaser community, your only value is your weight and your willingness to show it off. From the start, you are told that your fat is beautiful and the bigger you are, apparently the more beautiful. At the inkling of losing this weight, they attempt to reel you back in like a fat sea bass attempting to escape some starving fisherman who tells you “I only want to help you, I promise.” You are soothed and told that nobody will ever find you as beautiful as they do.

This is a never-ending cycle. A seething maw of teeth dripping with lust and gluttony. There is never a real escape. As soon as you try to leave they somehow get you back. It's unhealthy for the wolf AND the sheep.

It breeds self-deprecation within the sheep and teaches us that we need to be grateful that this attention is even being given to us; because to us at the end of the day, we don't deserve to be treated better. At least we believe we don't. This type of thinking encourages cliques and jealousy between the sheep.

The fattest reign supreme and shun those under them with the crushing weight of self-loathing and shame. To keep their place at the top they need to be submissive and sexual. They need to make themselves appealing to the wolves. They are fueled by a desire to be eaten, bones and all. Slut, Thirsty, Whore, Attention-Whore. These are our names and titles and we wear them with solemn pride. Titles that we call each other in an attempt to pull one another down from the golden throne of desire.

Yet, as the dark clouds of misery and shame surround us, we are not the only sufferers. The wolves hide their shame in a thick fog of narcissism and a perverse greed.

They hide us. Try to change us. They covet us for what we are and what they push us to be while shaming us to keep us trained. I’ve seen men, dated men who all but shove a funnel down our throats to keep us bloated and unable to flee while to the public eye, to their families they budget us. Restrict us and diet us. Using a cocktail of desperation, mental abuse, and an assumed obedience they own us with their words. We are taught that we mean nothing without them and they in turn are nothing without us.

The hunter is nothing without the prey.

Does it stop? Is there ever going to be an end to the cycle of pride and shame that consumes both of us?

The only real end can be found within ourselves. We have to end the cycle ourselves and stop being a sheep, is there a cost to our freedom? We stay where we are because we are ridiculed by the general public for what who and why we are. We are afraid of what might happen when we walk away from the flock.what happens when we defy the wolves and seek greener pastures? Is the grass truely greener on the other side?

I think so. I hope so.

I've had my fair share of bites from the wolf. Their cold dead eyes seeing only one thing, a trophy. A fetish. A taboo.

I refuse to continue being a trophy. 12 pounds down and I'm not looking back. I will not continue to be someone else's indulgence and I can only hope that I can inspire some more sheep to leave the flock.

I can’t go back and I won’t. I hear their voices inside my head telling me that I’m nothing without them.

But that’s all they are.

Voices inside my head, screaming to be heard by someone who refuses to listen.

lgbtq
Like

About the Creator

Peaches Alexander

My name is Peaches Alexander and I’m here to share some stories I’m this crazy world we live in.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.