Your first 24 hours on my rock by the sea

Hey you!

Yes, YOU!

This rock you see in the photo before you? It belongs to ME!

My family and I discovered it while exploring an untamed, island wilderness east of New York City. The Atlantic island we traversed was largely unpeopled (or at least unsettled by Spinellis).

Geographically speaking, I would describe this island as long.

Anyway, while exploring this long island I discovered the big rock in the picture!

It’s very fucking scenic!

And you’re gonna love living there!

I mean who doesn’t love rocks? Especially BIG rocks?

I’m sure you can imagine my awe when I first laid eyes on it!

I fell to the ground in rapture.

I supplicated myself, with my nose to the sand, for I could scarcely tolerate the raw, unfiltered sight of such a stunning and impressive piece of nature!

Lying there, trembling and weeping it was all could do to steal bare glances at that big Rock.

Yes indeed, this is one especially good rock.

It rises from the edge of the tide, a proud fixture that feels permanent and strong.

It is set upon the beach like a prized jewel in a royal crown, like a shining star in a darkened sky.

And because my kid son and I were the first to ever set eyes on this magnificent rock, of course I claimed it in our name!

Big Spinelli Rock!

Or just Big Rock for short.

Now, I say my son and I were the first to discover this rock, and I should be clear: I mean we were the first explorers to see this place, the first Spinellis to set eyes on this rock. I doubt we were the first people, period, to witness its unspoiled majesty.

I suppose it’s probable that the shore dwelling community living on this under-developed island may have beheld this rock, never comprehending its worth….

I’ve gathered that these natives refer to themselves in their native tongue, simply as “Lawn Guylanders”.

You may wish to study their language yourself, before initiating contact.

I myself encountered tremendous communication difficulties when I was forced by necessity to seek trade.

You see, I hadn’t brought seeds to cultivate those harsher, sandier soils with hardy crops. I also found my freshwater fishing tackle couldn’t withstand the ferocity of those marine waters.

Starving, I was forced to beg the generosity of the native people at one of their trading posts!

Imagine being reduced to such shame.

Of course their grocery stores were hideously barbaric. So shockingly different from the comfortable, reasonable, familiar ones we enjoy back home.

Their pricing on milk and cheese was absolute thievery!

And don’t even get me started on the cost of frozen goods!

I complained to some of the native islanders who were working these grocery stores, I even threatened to leave scathing reviews on google.

I don’t believe they understood the gravity of my threats. As much as I struggled to grasp their primitive vocalizations, I believe they likewise struggled to comprehend my advanced, civilized manner of speech.

To them, my upstate New York accent and vernacular must have sounded entirely alien.

Surely, they were awed.

I imagine to those backwards people, I had to have seemed as a god or a demon!

But through their grunts and gestures I understood these stubborn island folk were sticking to their demands: steep prices for meager rations.

Of course I was being swindled.

But I had no choice. Again, lacking the experience necessary to cultivate my own food in that strange land, I was forced to procure my rations at their heavy island prices.

Either pay or starve!

The island people, savages though they be, they leveraged my need against me.

While they may refer to themselves as Lawn Guylanders, I have decided to name them LIers.

And of course none of these islanders are Spinellis, and no Spinelli's have ever laid claim to this land.

So for all intents and purposes, this rock is officially mine now, as recognized by all Spinellis according to the Law of Discovery and the Legal Doctrine of Spinelli Privilege.

Now that we’ve clarified my legal claim to Spinelli Rock, I shall give you benevolent instruction as regards YOUR arrival:

You will find Spinelli Rock by sailing east from northern shores of New York City. There are many sandy shoals in these waters, so advance with caution. Keep your eyes southward during your journey, and after about 60 miles you will see my bold, magnificent rock on the shoreline of this island wilderness.

There are other, smaller rocks all around Spinelli rock.

But my rock is the best rock, because it’s so huge, about the size of a cottage.

Once you make landfall, allow this letter as your guide.

You’ll be drawn to the magnificence of my rock.

You'll spend your first hour lost in humble contemplation.

It will be difficult to believe the plain evidence of your own eyes!

But bear witness and let yourself wonder:

Where did this miracle of nature actually come from?

This profound question will echo in your mind, as you kneel before my Rock in all its splendor and glory.

I’m no geologist, but I think my rock was probably left behind by the movements of a retreating glacier.

To think: this pinnacle landmark, Spinelli Rock, has endured here, unmoving, since the end of the last Ice Age! All in waiting for a Spinelli to finally discover it in the summer of 2026!

At this thought, you will surely be overwhelmed.

In that first hour of spiritual awe, you will not be able to resist the feeling that this Rock and its placement were preordained.

Your modern mind will grasp the fact that this rock was placed here by geological action.

But your heart will embrace a deeper, instinctual truth, and you who are atheists you will become believers: this rock was placed here with a purpose! It was placed by God above, as a sign to all and as a reward for the faithfulness of the Spinellis.

Yes, this rock was promised to me and to all Spinellis, since the dawn of time.

This is our destiny, manifest!

Before the end of the first hour you will be so overcome by this revelation that it will bring an honest tear to your eye.

At the beginning of hour two you will be fiercely compelled to write a poem to convey the full depth of your feelings.

Words will never do this rock justice, but you will pour your heart out, nonetheless.

Take for example, the poem I wrote upon first sight of this miraculous Rock!

Oh, Spinelli Rock!

How magnificent thou art

Thou art grand and splendid

And beautiful

Oh, Spinelli Rock

Thou art much larger than most other rocks

Thou doest tower above mine lowly head

And yet here I stand— a simple man who would deign to climb thine heights!

Oh, Spinelli Rock!

Thou art the best rock

Thou art so big,

All peoples of the earth wilt fall to their knees in awe of thine majesty

For it is the sight of thine features that restoreth the faith for all drowning men on this mortal plane

Oh, Spinelli Rock!

Though thine heels be dug into the shores of uncertainty,

May thine face be warmed under the shining sun from now until eternity

May thou weather the sands of time to the glory of God in Heaven

So that you may persist— as a signal and as a beacon and as a declaration:

To all peoples under the sky that our Lord has looked upon the Spinellis and has showered us with divine favor!

now and forever, amen!

-Sam Spinelli, explorer

As for your own poem, I cannot expect you to finish within an hour but I believe in that time you may atleast have a rough draft put to paper.

For reference, it took me a full days worth of prayerful revisions to achieve the level of perfection you enjoyed in my example.

Still, at the beginning of your third hour you may still feel a powerful upwelling of emotion.

But, you will simply have to set the writing aside! Because at the start of hour three, I strongly urge you to finally touch my Rock!

Give in to the movements and impulses of your immortal soul— yes, obey the directive of God speaking in your heart and lay your fingers against the sturdy edge of my rock!

Marvel at the feel of it against your skin!

You will be amazed when you place your hands upon its surface and flabbergasted when you feel your palm comforted by the residual warmth of a day’s worth of sunlight— soaked up and radiated again by solid granite.

Slide your hands across Spinelli Rock. Feel the roughness of its sheltered nooks-- the smoothness of its weathered faces and the angular planes of its exposed minerals.

Caress Spinelli Rock.

Know you are standing at the foot of God’s promise to the chosen Spinellis! You are touching the holy foundation of that promise made tangible.

Then if you start to grow faint, fear not! Simply lean against the stable sureness of Spinelli Rock and it will support you!

Rest your weary body.

Let it out.

Let it all out.

Allow yourself to weep.

Then: catch your breath and you will finally know both comfort and peace.

As hour three draws to a close you will think “I am really here— HERE! at Spinelli rock….”

You will think “Up until now I was lost, but now my life is full of meaning.”

Let hour three pass in peace, and hold your head high as you venture ahead— boldly and assured of God’s grace!

Hour four will begin and you will have no choice but to respond to the call of nature.

It was a long voyage by sea to arrive at this point, now you just tend to your body.

Follow the shore a ways, and find a place in the bushes to take care of your biological business, in peace.

Void your bowels and your bladder, let that relief wash over you!

I mean the feeling of relief. Let that feeling wash over you. Not that actual physical relief. Try not to let any of that wash over you. For you should be made clean in order to return to Spinelli Rock.

From there, head to the shining waters and bathe your skin. Scrub with sand if need be, so that you may me be fresh and invigorated to bask in the presence of Spinelli Rock.

Hour five, you should take a meal.

If you have already run out of rations do not worry!

For as God feeds the birds of the sky, so does he feed his chosen people. For if God cares for the birds, how much more will God care for us!

Simply try to kill a bird!

The seagulls and shore birds here are both plentiful and trusting. They glide to the earth like manna from heaven.

It should be no hard task to lay hold of one and strangle it!

If the birds are too wary, you may forage for crabs, snails, or other marine life under the surrounding rocks, or from the submerged surfaces of Spinelli Rock itself!

For a living rock such as this one is positively crawling with abundance— an edible bounty placed by right, for your nourishment and your sustenance comes straight from the Lord!

Barnacles cling to the lower, damper reaches, where the waves lap so peaceably.

Saltwater mosses and algae give it a green, velvety veneer.

Where the marine waters pool about its feet, there are eels-- small enough to curl in the palm of your hand, slippery like newts.

How they wriggle!

You might also harvest lightning whelks. They crawl across the sandy, pebbly floor— pulsing with life and with slime as they drag their beautiful, spiral shells across their watery world.

I would guess that all these creatures are perhaps edible.

Hour six.

If, like me, you were unable to procure a full meal by foraging the waters and stones around Spinelli Rock, do not despair!

And do not lose faith!

The blame lies squarely with those greedy and crooked LIers who have endeavored to shore up all resources, to the deprivation of God’s chosen people.

But remember that The Lord is on our side!

Equipped for war, you may rightly and justly take whatever you need from the heathen locals, by force.

If however, like me, you came expecting grace from the uncivilized folk of the island, you may prefer to approach one of their trading posts in peace.

Hour seven will be spent in haggling, as the LIers are proven to be dishonest in the eyes of the Lord.

Be steadfast!

At last, in the eighth hour you shall have a meal. You may have to broaden your pallet to concede the flavor of the local fare. The LIers will ply you with so called “bagels”, or a smoked fish product called “lox”. Ask for "cream cheese" too. These are foods in which LIers seem to take great local pride.

Pretend their “bagels” are much better than anything you’ve eaten anywhere else in the world and they may show you further hospitality.

And while bagels from this Long Island are certainly not as comforting or enjoyable as the familiar meals back home, they are not wholly bad.

You may even acquire a taste for them, and in any event they will tide you over for your first day on Spinelli Rock.

Eat well.

There is a climb ahead.

In the ninth hour you shall return to Spinelli Rock.

Now, strengthened by whatever rations you were able to obtain, you must ready yourself for the ascent!

It takes about 10 careful steps to reach the majestic pinnacle of Spinelli Rock.

When you stand at the peak you will feel that all is right with the world.

Look out upon the horizon and feel the breeze upon your skin!

If your timing is lucky, perhaps this hour you will witness the sunset!

If however it is already dark then you shall be treated to a beautiful night sky, cheerful stars will shine down upon you as a sign of providence.

Lay a pallet and some bedding atop my rock.

On a clear night you will also see lights on the horizon, colonies along a shore to the north!

I’ve heard tell of a land beyond those waters— a land called Connecticut. One day after the settlement at Spinelli Rock has grown in size we will establish a colony there as well!

You shall round out the ninth hour with this comforting promise at the forefront of your mind.

And by the tenth hour you will finally rest— sleep under the stars with the sound of the waves caressing your ears and calling you towards dreams of prosperity and happiness!

You will spend the 11th through the 20th hour enjoying a deep, well earned rest!

And in the 21st hour you will wake with some aches, from sleeping on top of a rock all night.

You will probably also be surrounded by local LIers showing some resistance to your presence or accusing you of being "squatter".

But do not fret!

Take heart!

These pains are temporary and the legacy of being one of first colonists to call Spinelli rock home? Well that's eternal glory!

Take up arms and repel any LIers who try to remove you, for Spinelli Rock has a right to defend itself.

After driving back the natives do not tarry! You must remain ready and vigilant.

In the 22nd hour your real work must begin!

You must assemble fortifications, for what godly colony can survive without defense against those who would destroy us?

Begin harvesting trees, to arrange around Spinelli Rock.

Sharpen all outward branches to dissuade those savage Lawn Guylanders from raiding your settlement.

Spinelli Rock shall be your home now, so defend it by any and all means... even unto death-- for martyrs are justified!

Allow no heathen to wrest this beloved Rock from your blessed hands!

Reinforcements will arrive shortly, with weapons, rations and tools to shore up greater defenses and build a fortified outpost.

From there, you and the other colonists can harvest the waters and expand your reach deeper into the island!

You may conduct raids as necessary, on the primitive people living around Spinelli Rock.

Take whatever you need, to ensure a thriving colony— as you and any future colonists of Spinelli Rock will of course pay tribute to the Spinellis for continued use of this magnificent rock.

Do not ever let the native islanders discourage you or your conquest, for your prosperity is indeed the will of the Lord!

God Bless You!

Author's note:

I took my family camping at Wildwood State Park in Long Island back in August.

I checked the map and saw a beach called "Big Rock Beach" within walking distance. Walked my middle kid there for an adventure, letting him believe we had discovered it by chance.

That triggered the thought "What if I pulled a Columbus and tried to claim this land in the name of my hometown? What would the local government think of that?"

I wrote a satirical piece about Big Rock Beach, for the Twenty Four Hours challenge then forgot I had it in my drafts and failed to submit it in time.

Oops!

Coincidentally, it sorta works for the You Are Here challenge, so Here We Are.

Unless you're indigenous to that specific area, you and I actually shouldn't be there, because ultimately, Big Rock beach sits on stolen land-- originally part of the Corchaug territory.

Dispossession of Indigenous Lands Map | The New York State Museum

To emphasize the wrongness: this writing is a deliberate parody of the profound ignorance, extreme entitlement, and devastating zealotry inherent in colonial aggression throughout history-- from Columbus and the Discovery Doctrine, through Manifest Destiny, to modern Zionism.