Yes. But No... (Part 1 & 2)

She entered the chatter-filled room yearning for an invisibility cloak; everyone slowly stopped mid-conversation with an insatiable desire to stare. She felt their whispers crawl down her spine, her mind paralyzed by the attention; she quickly scanned the room with hopes of seeing a familiar face.

Cleo waves her hand with anxious energy, surprised and overflowing with joy. Cleo's palms are clams, and her body is shifting climates by the minute.

She sees Cleo and walks at a glacial speed through the room, hesitant yet curious. As she walks over, her mind starts to rapidly sift through past memories, her body is running hot, and her spirit is pleading for an S.O.S. Cleo breaks the ice and awkwardly grabs her by the hands, looking deep into her dazed eyes, and wraps her arms around her with relief.

Cleo: Woooowwww! I cannot believe you are here ... or more so that you trusted me and decided to take me up on my invitation.

She: Yea, I'm not so sure why I'm here, and I can't get a grip on my feelings to even know what I'm feeling.

Cleo: I ... I'm grateful. Grateful that you are here in the flesh and willing to ...

She: Hold up... I'm not willing to do anything. I just said that I'm unsure about all of this.

Cleo: Ok, understandable. Can we at least sit down?

She: Sure ... but first, I need to run to the bathroom real quick.

Cleo: Ok, let me show you where it is...

She: Nope, just tell me where to go.

Cleo: Ok... it's outside, across from the garden.

She: Cool, I'll be right back.

Cleo sits down with unsettled energy and starts bouncing her legs with intense nervousness. Her mind is pacing, ruminating, and wondering how all of this will unfold. Rehearsing and repeating what she wants to say ... fumbling over her thoughts ... she decides to get up and walk towards the garden.

A tall, slender gentleman gently taps Cleo and says, "You know the rules."

Cleo turns around with reluctance and goes back to her table, wondering if this was a mistake.

She is in the bathroom having a whole therapy session. Her mouth is pressed against the phone, whispering and questioning why she's in this situation.

Therapist: It's ok; give yourself permission to explore and make mistakes. This may not be a mistake. This could be a chance for a new healthy beginning or end. Try being compassionate and practice a little patience with yourself and Cleo ... just see where this goes.

She: I don't even know why I said yes! I can't even walk out of this bathroom ignoring our past.

Therapist: I'm not asking you to ignore your past, but there is a reason why you said yes. Do you want to figure out why?

She: I don't know! This is why I called you! Aren't you supposed to have the answers? Isn't this why I'm paying you a boatload of money??

Therapist: Let's find a way to calm down.

She: I don't want to calm down! I need answers ... I need you to make sense of my feelings and make sense of why I'm here!

She: I'm in an emotional crisis right now, and I NEED you to help me sort out WHY I'm here and what did I sign up for?

She: I religiously sit in your office, crying, purging, and seeing new horizons... why isn't all of that hard work paying off right now? Why does it seem like I am back in square one?! I mean... I've done too much work on myself to be BACK in this situation!!

She: Shouldn't I be healed by now?! I shouldn't even be flooded with feelings... I should be unphased, unbothered, and...

I should be out there as the new me! Cleo doesn't even know who the new me is! I should be...

She: Hello? Hello!!!!

She: H- E - L - L -O OOOOOOO????

She: UGGHHHH! Are you kidding me right now?! Why is my battery dead!!!!

She: Ok, let me just pull myself together and figure this out on my own.

--------------------------------- P A R T II ----------------------------------------

She walks over with agitation in each step, eyes filled with conviction, heart turbulent and intense. She sits down without words and stares at Cleo deeply.

She: You mind telling me what I am doing here?

Cleo: What made you come?

She: Cleo! Don't do this! Don't answer my question with a question! Ugh! I am going to ask one more time ... why am I here?

Cleo sits in silence, oscillating between truth and romance. Cleo lightly sweats, palms moist, her tight short-sleeve button-up shirt has sweat stains on the armpits.

Cleo: whew! It's very heated right now! I wasn't trying to upset you ... I honestly want to know why you showed up?

She: *blinks and stares*

Cleo starts to fumble, trip, and stumble over her words.

Cleo: I... Well... I planned on having a proper chat with you... I thought... I ... I ... I had this all planned out ... I ... I know what happened between ... Ugh! ...

She: * stares without compassion *

Cleo stops talking and places her head in her hands.

Cleo: What did I just do?! Why am I like this? this place isn't what it seems...

She: What? ... What are you talking about?!

Cleo sits in silence with a pale guilty expression.

She: Cleo! What's going on?!

Cleo: This place that we are at is ... well, I got involved in something that I shouldn't have ... the people in this room are a part of something different ...

She: WHAT?! What the hell is going on?? Why aren't you being straight up with me?

Cleo rubs her sweaty palms against her ripped jeans restlessly. Purposely avoiding eye contact, she stares off towards the garden.

Cleo: As you know, I've always loved the fast life. Nice cars, big homes, lots of money, beautiful women, designer clothes ...

She: Stop dragging Cleo! I feel like you've got me kneck-deep in some foul shi*t!

Cleo continues to stare out towards the garden, refusing to make eye contact, starts to talk under her breath with a slight whisper.

Cleo: I got caught up with the wrong crowd. These people have a way that they go about things, a list of rules, requirements, and offerings. I can't really go into detail or say much ... Actually, I am not supposed to tell you anything.

She is drenched in panic, afraid to look around the room, frozen in fear; she starts to move away from Cleo. She strategically traces her eyes around the room, looking for the nearest exit.

Cleo: They won't let you leave. We have to stay until the end.

She: Cleo! What did you sign me up for?! Am I safe?

Cleo: I need you to act cool and chill out for our safety. I don't want us to draw attention ... we're already doing too much, and I've said too much!

She: "Our" safety! And why are you giving me a frustrated tone?!

She starts to breathe shallowly, doing her best to look "normal" she smiles uncomfortably and sits back in her seat.

Cleo: I have a lot at stake, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drag you into this blindly, but I had no choice ... I also thought this could be a good opportunity for us to talk about our past ...

She: Are you kidding me, Cleo?! You thought THIS was the best time to discuss our past?!!! THIS moment... right now?!!! Cleo, you're so FUC*ING selfish!!! I shouldn't have ever accepted your invite or answered your text! I am so stupid!

I'M FOOLISH!

Why did I think you were going to show me someone else? A different, more evolved, considerate Cleo! I was lost in a dream world, stuck fantasizing about your potential! Mesmerized by what we could be or how things may be different this time!!

To be continued.