Wretched and Divine

It started when we stole Mrs. Cunningham’s brand new Lexus. Actually, it started when Anna stole Mrs. Cunningham’s brand new Lexus. She was working valet at the country club and I was walking out the door to smoke a menthol cigarette under the veranda and out of sight of my mother who was upstairs picking the bacon out of her Cobb salad and waiting for me to come back to her interrogation. Today’s topic was what I was doing with my life, who I think I should become, why I broke up with Tyler a week before homecoming. Anna was wearing a hideous blue polo but her black hair was like raven feathers. I stopped and stared for a minute, cigarette hanging from my lips, lighter raised but not lit. She caught me, because of course she did, she was always faster than me. I shivered despite the Carolina summer sun and wished I had worn jeans instead of a sundress. Anna waved me over and I walked on shaking legs. She plucked the cigarette out of my lips and snapped it in half.

“You know those things will kill you,” she said. Behind her words, behind her teeth was our first meeting. A house party, her outside smoking, me wishing I could go home instead of wait for Tyler to be drunk and horny enough to suck on my neck and then pass out before anything good happens. I tell her she should quit and instead she offers me my own smoke and I take one. I didn’t even want to smoke. I just wanted to stand next to her, she knew it.

“Knowing my mother, she won’t let me die until she decides I can,” she chuckles and leans against the valet podium.

“Is your mother one of those WASP ladies who go to yoga all day and have pills and wine for dinner?”

“I don’t know, I guess,” she totally is but I don’t want to let Anna know I’ve put that much thought into it.

“Those ladies are the best, they always have the best secrets,” Anna laughs, she stands up straighter as a shiny white car pulls up to the curb. The brakes screech to a stop and Mrs. Cunningham from my mother’s Gardening Club steps out when Anna opens the door. She tosses the keys to Anna who rolls her eyes when they hit the street. She leans down and picks them up as Mrs. Cunningham pushes her Gucci sunglasses up into her hair. She spots me, unfortunately.

“Michaela, darling, hello,” she says cheerfully, her smile looks fake under all of her botox. “Is your mother here? I simply must ask her for the caterer she used for our last Charity Gala,” she is shouting across the street from the door to the valet podium.

“Yes, Mrs. Cunningham she’s upstairs, I’m sure she’d love to give you the phone number,” I waved my perfect daughter wave and flashed my smile, the one my mother loved to remind me was the most expensive purchase she ever made. Mrs. Cunningham turned and walked into the building her Jimmy Choo’s clicking against the tile. Anna smiled at me from the front seat of the Lexus.

“Want me to show you where the WASP mom’s keep all their dirty secrets?” I couldn’t help but smile back at her, she nodded at me to get into the passenger seat. Before I could think better of it, I was running to the Lexus, and Anna was zooming out of the parking lot.

With all the windows rolled down the shiny white Lexus Anna’s raven hair stood out even more in the wind. Every part of my brain wanted to reach out and touch it when she laughed loudly and sped up down a dirt road. I tried to relax the way she had but I couldn’t help but think of my mother, furious over her Cobb Salad, sipping her iced tea and smiling tightly when Mrs. Cunningham mentioned seeing me with the girl from the valet stand. Anna didn’t seem to notice when she turned the radio up and sang along to the words, grabbing my hand from off my lap. The song ended and she didn’t let go of my hand, she interlaced her fingers with mine when we turned back toward the country club and didn’t let go until they had pulled into the valet only lot.

She finally did let go just to lean forward, opening the glove compartment in front of my knees. She reached in, looking up at me, a devilish grin on her face. Her eyes lit up when she found what she was looking for and lifted up to my face a wad of dollar bills.

“Told you the WASP moms have all the best secrets,” Anna grinned again, tossing the roll of bills into my lap.

“I wouldn’t classify this as a huge secret,” I rolled my eyes. “Mrs. Cunningham is loaded, everyone knows that,” I said.

“Come on detective, dig deeper,” she said popping a piece of gum into her mouth. I rolled my eyes again, picking up the roll of bills, examining it. In the center of the roll was a baggie, and after taking it out I discovered the pills inside.

“Looks like Nancy needs a little help putting that pep in her step,” Anna sing-songed. I couldn’t help but laugh, tucking the baggie into my purse and unrolling a few of the bills as well. Anna watched me closely but said nothing.

“My mother will be furious when I get back,” I said nervously, knowing I had to go but wanting so badly for her to ask me to stay.

“Yeah, I can’t imagine both of our absences can go unaccounted for,” she said blowing a bubble and popping it with her teeth. “Did you at least have fun?” she asked, not looking up from her hands in her lap. I reached over and put my hand between hers, she finally looked at me and my stomach fluttered.

“More fun than I’ve had in a long time,” her breath was minty over my face when she let out a soft laugh. Before I lost my nerve I leaned forward, kissing her cheek, then turned and exited the car. She was still smiling when I turned back and looking at the bills I’d left in her hand. “Cunningham is the world’s worst tipper,” I explained before closing the door and turning to leave.

I was right, my mother was furious. She was sipping a cup of tea when I arrived back in the dining room, she glanced at me over the rim of the cup and without a word, set it down, stood and left the room. I followed her, at a distance, to the car and endured the painfully silent ride home. When she pulled up to the drive she turned off the car but didn’t move, instead she pulled down the mirror, fixed her lipstick and turned to me.

“I saw Tyler while you were gone, he asked about you,” it took everything in me not to roll my eyes, instead I just waited for her to continue, staring at the box of Christmas decorations in our garage. “Naturally, I invited him to dinner tonight,” she said decisively before swinging open the door and leaving the car for me to trail after her again.

“Naturally?” I said following her into the den, where she kissed my father while he didn’t look up from his work. “How is that natural?” I followed her to the kitchen where she took down a recipe book and began flipping through it.

“How does lasagna sound? Tyler likes Italian?” she was ignoring me on purpose, waiting for me to give up.

“I don’t care, I won’t be here,” I said stomping up the stairs to my room. Now it was her turn to follow me, I began taking clothes haphazardly out of my closet and putting them in a duffel bag without folding.

“Of course you’ll be here, where do you expect to go?” she said smugly, leaning against my doorframe. “You’ll be ready for dinner at 7 young lady, and wear that adorable pink sweater we got in Aspen, Tyler always said you looked beautiful in it,” she turned to leave.

“I hate that sweater, and Tyler said I looked beautiful in everything, I should have got him a thesaurus for Christmas,” I zipped my bag and stormed past her taking the stairs two at a time. “Dad, I’m sleeping over at Becca’s,” I shouted towards the den. He grunted in response, which was as good as a yes to me and I swung open the front door. My mother stormed down the stairs after me.

“You are absolutely not leaving this house,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Oh I absolutely am, mother,” and I slammed the door behind me. I drove furiously for ten minutes with my music as loud as it would go before I started to calm down enough to realize I had nowhere to go. Becca was in Cabo with her parents all summer and even if she wasn’t the thought of rehashing my break up with her sounded about as fun as actually having dinner with my ex and my parents.

I didn’t realize where I was heading until I pulled up to the country club, right to the valet podium where Anna stood, she perked up when she saw me behind the wheel and I tried to convince myself it was just a customer service facade she put on. I rolled my window down as she approached.

“Twice in one day, I hope you weren’t hoping for another joy ride, my manager was pissed when we got back,” she said chuckling like it didn’t really matter. I wanted to feel like things didn’t matter, and I wanted to feel that way with her.

“What time do you get off?” I asked quickly. She leaned over to check the time on my dash, her hair fell forward and it smelled like coconut shampoo.

“In about ten minutes,” she said leaning back again. “What do you have in mind?”

“Feel like a swim?” She smiled widely at my suggestion and nodded.

I waited for her to get off her shift and change out of her polo, she came out of the country club a flurry of dark hair, her purse slung over her shoulder, she waved to someone before opening the passenger side door. When she was buckled in she looked at me with the same devilish look she had before and nodded toward the road.

I used to go to the swimming hole with my friends in middle school. We would jump from the tire swing and splash each other and talk about boys, I haven’t been back in years, once we grew up and spent more time tanning and checking out the lifeguards at the club. Anna and I sat on the hood of my car, the headlights reflecting on the water in the setting sun and music blaring from the radio. I leaned back against the windshield and took a drag from my cigarette, Anna leaned back with me and I could feel the ends of her hair tickle against my elbow.

“So what did she do?” I looked over at her confused. “Your mom? I assume that’s why you’re running away,” she smiled plucking the cigarette out of my fingers and taking a drag.

“I’m not running away,” I said defensively. “I just didn’t want to be there,” Anna looked over at me waiting for me to continue. “She invited Tyler to dinner,” Anna’s jaw dropped in shock. “Yeah, she’s dead set us getting back together and going off to college together and then getting married and having perfect country club babies,” Anna didn’t say anything, letting me get everything out. “I don’t want that, I definitely don’t want that,” I let out a huff. Anna finished the cigarette, tossing the butt to the ground and sat up.

I followed her movements, watching her as she got off the hood of my car. Fear coursed through me for a moment thinking she was angry, that she wanted to leave, but fear was quickly replaced with something else when she kicked off her shoes. “What are you doing?” I asked, she grinned at me and began undressing. I sputtered trying to come up with a coherent sentence.

“Come on,” she said, gesturing for me to take my clothes off. “Um,” I sputtered again.

“Come on,” she said louder, throwing her tank top at me before turning and running into the water. She shrieked when the water touched her stomach but flipped over to her back and paddled out deeper. She splashed towards me and shouted again. “Come on,” and so I undressed.

Swimming in the cool water with Anna felt like being on a different planet. But, also familiar, like we’d always been like this. We swam in circles around each other and jumped from the tire swing, which I was convinced could not hold us, she dove into the water and popped up behind me, splashing over my head. The sun went down and soon the car headlights was the only way we could see each other. We made our way to the shallower end but Anna grabbed my hand before I could stand.

We looked at each other, both of us treading water to keep our faces in the light, I didn’t know what to say. I opened my mouth just as Anna leaned forward and kissed me. One of her hands cupped my face and one of mine held onto her waist and we kissed in the moonlight for the first time. All too soon it was over and Anna had gone, walking out of the water and toward the car again.

We dressed in silence and sat back in our spots on the hood of my car, Anna lit a cigarette and when her hand dropped, she brushed her fingers against the back of my hand. She offered me the cigarette and I shook my head, I brushed my fingers back against her hand and soon it was like a dance, of who would break first and just entwine our fingers.

It was Anna, she was always braver than me. We stared up at the sky and held hands, it was muggy by the water in the hot summer air but I had goosebumps all over my skin. Anna finished the cigarette and turned her face to mine. Then, it was my turn to be brave, I leaned forward and our lips connected again, soft and cold from the water. She tasted like salt and menthol cigarettes and she didn’t smell like coconut shampoo anymore but when she twisted her fingers into my hair I would have sworn we were in paradise.

We broke apart and looked at each other for a moment longer, like we would forget each other’s faces if we looked away. Anna smiled slightly and turned back to the sky.

“I should probably get home, my dad will kill me if I miss curfew again,” and we went back into the car. I drove slowly and Anna rolled her window down putting her hand out into the night air. She instructed me on how to get to her house and sang along to the radio, our hands intertwined in between our seats. When we got to her house she leaned forward and kissed me again, though it was over too soon and then she was gone, heading up the driveway.

“Hey,” I shouted out to her. Her almost dried hair tossed over her shoulder when she turned back. “Can we,” I hesitated, nervous for her answer. “Can we do this again sometime?” She smiled her devilish smile and shook her head like she couldn’t believe I’d asked.

“We have all summer,” she said casually before turning back and opening her front door. I waited until she was inside and drove back to my house taking the long way. None of the lights were on, my mother’s subtle way of making it clear I was unwelcome, but laying in my bed, fresh from the shower with Anna’s kiss still on my lips I couldn’t help but summer. We have all summer.