Worth the Wait

I wandered aimlessly through the cold night air, it’s rancid breath gripping and holding the ample scent of perfume from the woman whom walked by me at bay, the streets cluttered with passerby stockholders of boxes and bags. The smell of the bodies ignored by the masses as they ignore the decomposing. The air was cold, so fridged was the frost among the dead and I stood there, silent, watching, waiting, none looked, not one bothered to see me. I was cold. The chill ran deep into my bones and though I called out to a few at first, then a small break between meek and feeble vocal sounds, my hands raised periodically, I was doing all I could to show that I needed a little help, a little warmth to get free from this frost that was overtaking me. None bothered to look at me. Many just walked past along their busy route, whereas most snubbed their nose or stepped over me like I was garbage. They did not bother to even lift me and throw me into the can that was at the corner.

I felt the icy hands gripping at me once more and they seemed to be relentless in their pursuit of me. The hands tickled at my throat causing me to give a giggle every so often, or they snared my sides in massive pain that made my grumbling audible. This, however, still was nothing to anyone, even with the icy hands that were trying to acquire me from within and out, I was still nothing to anyone who wandered by along their shopping of bags and poultry.

I heard a small bell ringing and watched as many tossed coins as possible into a small red bucket and the man standing there was in a red suit and had a sign asking for help, I saw this and thought to myself that a sign may help me become noticeable. On my belly I crawled to the oil drum that was lit with a small flame, the drum was warm and the fire inside of it had been dying for days, at any moment it would give off its last life to me or the next person near it. To me it did not matter. There was a small black round object on the ground just on the outside of the barrel and a small cardboard against the wall. The cardboard was far away in my eyes, and I did not think I could make it there without burning through all of my remaining energy. I tried, nonetheless.

I heard my body calling out to me in agony of the pain that it was trying to endure. It was begging me to go on and stop at the same time. I did not want to resist the stopping thought, but I too felt that I had to. I gathered myself and moved my right arm outward, then my left. The cracking of my skin and muscles made a loud ghastly sound that made one passerby take note of me. I heard the woman exclaim a guttural nasty comment about me and I felt a small prick of a heel against my legs, then nothing. I heard the sound of the clicking heels walking off, and then silence. I heard nothing more. I was feeling nothing thereafter.

It seemed to me while my thoughts were running through my head that all I was, was a sight to ensue depression, filth, degradation, as if I was a grotesque item in a shop that none cared for. I was ready. Giving in. I cared nothing for what was around me as I knew that once gone, I would no longer suffer from these icy hands that were sounding more sweet to me then ever before. I felt my body lift itself off the gravel that I was sprawled out upon. Prone in position and rising in the same horizontal state. I could not see as my eyes were frozen shut. It was more then enough of a sight, my last sights and sounds were just mere reminders of all that I was,

Disgusting.

Less then what I could have been or was.

I was nothing.

Worth only the heel that stabbed my legs. Maybe less given the sounds the woman made wiping it off as she walked away.

I felt myself moving while I hung there in the air, frozen, paralyzed, but where was I moving to and why could I not see where it was or even what? Was there an afterlife for me or was I too cursed and could not linger there or view it at all? Was I destined to just float in an endless abyss of darkness that had been my life and now afterlife?

I heard a sound!

A SOUND?

It was a kind voice asking me if I was beginning to warm up, though I could not respond, even though I tried. I felt a warm liquid touch me as well as another warm object covering me. I was beginning to hear and feel! What has happened? My mind was all a mix with questions that I could not answer. The kindly voice spoke once more to me and told me that I was safe and that it would be in and out checking on me while I warmed up and recovered, but I still had no idea of who it was or where I was.

I heard the being, for lack of better wording, come in to see me once more before silence took me again. The door creaked with a metal sound and a small beeping was then made loud. I then began hearing the sounds of shuffling feet and thuds of heavy movement. The railings of wheels moving a large object from one place to another. The door opened once more, and I heard someone say to me that I was found, and they were happy to finally see me! I knew nothing of someone happy about me before and I thought they too were mocking me or making something up to allow themselves to feel better about something they did not like about themselves. There was a bright light that appeared over me, and I knew that this was it and I was finally free! Whomever said they were happy to see me must have actually meant the words spoken, none had before and now as I am looking into the light that shined over my body I felt that at once I was going to be fine and transported to a place where I would finally know love and have the idea of what HOPE and KINDNESS means!

When I opened my eyes the room itself was white and I was laying on a bed. There was a man in a long white coat looking over me, his hair was shaggy and messy, as if he cared little for its look, a woman standing next to him in a brown and red dress, her face looked like what they called angelic, and her smile warmed my from within. Her hair was cut short, and it looked like it was wrapped around her face giving her more of that angel look. she was the first to notice I was opening my eyes and asked me my name, I did not know it so I said nothing, not sure if I could. She asked me my age, who my parents were and a lot of others that I still knew not the answer to or if I could speak. All that she did after that was smile at me and walked out of the room. The man was still standing there silent in response but had been responding to the woman who was asking me the questions though I heard not a word uttered by the man.

He walked over and shined a light into my eyes and a silver attachment from around his neck was then pressed against my chest, he smiled and told me I was going to be great and that she was going to take care of me. He then walked out, and I remember the room going black and silent once more.

I was awakened by the sounds of the woman rushing into my room as if the world was burning and she was trying to save me!

The woman was screaming and cheering in a way that looked awkward and yet amusing. She then looked at me with the same smile as before and told me that she was taking me home and I would be hers, she would care for me and be there for me.

It took some time for her to tell me the story as well as how long I was sitting in the hospital waiting to wake and recover. She had said it tool years off her life waiting for me to come around and come home. She said to me that it was worth the wait to have me home.

My mother, an angel that I had not known before or since.

I too followed her idea and adopted a daughter. I too am now a mother. And she was right about everything. It was worth the wait and pain.