When All You Have is Grace

The morning school bell rang and drowned out the wail of my six-year-old sister. It’s weird the bell still buzzes with no teachers, I thought and tugged at the brush in Emma’s dirty tangled hair.

“I want Mommy and Daddy!” said Emma. She scrunched her eyes and held her stuffed rabbit closer to her chest.

“I want them too but they’re not here,” I said. I put the brush on my lap and tried detangling the knots with my fingers instead.

In between gulps of air and snot running down her face, Emma asked, “When will they be back?”

I don’t know if they’re coming back.

“Soon,” I said. I handed the brush to Emma and stepped towards the window. I could see the high school that I used to covet across the street. It looked sad now.

***

The morning my parents disappeared, I had been telling my dad at the kitchen table how I couldn’t wait to go to the glamourous old high school with the pretty arches and grey stonework and become captain of the girls’ soccer team and then school president. He had said I covet that place. I had never heard that word before and he joked that I covet it like a girl my age should covet a cute boy or girl in my class. I laughed so hard I snorted orange juice out of my nose. My mom yelled at me to be more careful and told me to go change my shirt and get my sister from upstairs. A few minutes later I could smell burning toast.

I hurried back downstairs in my clean superhero shirt and went to pop the toast from the toaster but there wasn’t any. My parents were gone too. I thought they were angry with me for the orange juice and I called out to them and promised I’d be more careful. It was silent except for the sound of Emma’s feet trampling down the stairs.

I took Emma to school and hoped that would please my parents but when we arrived, there were no teachers, even though their cars were in the lot. Other children showed up and told similar stories of their parents and older siblings disappearing. I called 911 but no one answered so I told the kids to go back home and wait for their parents and to come back the next day if nobody appeared. I left a sign on the front door with instructions for any other children that might show up and my best friend, Max, said he would stay for a while in case the kids couldn’t read. I took Emma back home and waited. No one came. That was almost three months ago.

***

“Where did they go?” asked Emma and smeared snot over her cheek with the back of her hand.

“We’ve been over this a thousand times. I don’t know. They all just disappeared.”

“But we didn’t disappear. Or the kids from school.”

“I know.” I wiped the oil from her hair stuck on my fingers onto my jeans. "I haven’t been able to find anyone 13 or over."

“But you’re 13!” said Emma.

“No, I’m 12. I’ll be 13 next week.”

“Are you going to leave me and be with Mommy and Daddy?” asked Emma. She stood and grabbed my pink shirt with her tiny hands.

I cupped Emma's wet cheeks and said, “No. I'll never leave you.” I felt awful for lying. I had no idea if I’d disappear like the rest of them.

The younger kids and their captains walked into the classroom. There were about three to five younger kids designated to an older child (their captain). Max came in last. I smiled weakly at him and took my place at the front of the room.

“Alright class,” I said with my best imitation of my favourite teacher, Mrs. Grant, “take your seats. We’re going to go over some more letters and numbers today.”

As the oldest person left, I decided to lead the children. I wanted to keep them, and myself, busy until the adults returned: If they ever returned, but I didn’t like to think about that. I had to believe they’d come back from wherever they were visiting and hoped they’d bring back a lot of chocolates and souvenirs for us. But most of all, I hoped my parents would be proud of how I was taking care of Emma and everyone else.

There was some resistance from the kids in the beginning but after a while, most of them started following along and appreciated being told what to do by someone older, even if it was only by a few years or a few months. For the kids who refused or already knew the lessons, I assigned other tasks, such as looking after the toddlers, infants, and pets, making meals, and gathering certain supplies or information on what we’d need to survive.

The school seemed like a logical place for us to gather since we were used to coming here every day. After the first few weeks of going back and forth between homes and school, I decided everyone should stay here permanently since it was familiar, felt safe, and big enough for everyone. It also had things like a kitchen, library, and generator, which I learned about during that massive storm last year where all the power in the town went out for three days. We could also all sleep together in the gymnasium and used the mats found in the storage areas.

In the beginning, my only concern was to make sure everyone was fed and had clean clothes. I’d make games out of creating signs to hang throughout Eden so that other children, the police, or our parents could easily find us. We do daily sweeps around town to look for kids, pick up supplies, and take in roaming animals we find on the street or see in windows.

***

I finished my lesson and let the kids practice on their own. I motioned with my head for Max to follow me out to the hall.

“Where are we going today?” I asked him.

“We’ll start down Main and go here, here, and here,” he said and pointed at different spots on the map he always carried with him. It was marked up from stores we had visited and some areas to avoid where other kids had started their own disorganized gangs like Billy and his awful brothers.

“I need to stop at my house.”

“We can go on our way back from the grocery store,” said Max. “I’ll meet you at the front entrance after lunch.”

I went back into the classroom and worked with the kids and answered their questions. After lunch, I met Max at the front entrance with Diana, the German Shepherd I had been working with over the past six weeks. She was well trained and eager to please. We each grabbed an empty shopping cart and I put my dull brown hair into a ponytail.

Over the last three months, we had already taken all of the fresh food from several stores and homes and were continuously stocking up on canned goods, clothing, and pharmaceutical supplies.

“At some point, we’re going to have to leave Eden and see who else survived," said Max, piling the canned beans into his cart. "Maybe even learn to drive one of the cars left everywhere.”

“I wanted to get through this week first. You know what tomorrow is,” I said. I couldn’t bring myself to look into Max’s kind eyes.

“It’ll be okay. It can’t possibly happen again,” he said but the slight tremble in his voice betrayed his manufactured confidence.

We finished at the grocery store and walked back towards my street. I hated going back there but I needed to get something from home, maybe even see it one last time. The marigolds had bloomed in the front garden; they were my mother's favourite type of flower. I hope she has marigolds wherever she is, I thought. I tied Diana to my cart and went inside with Max.

The air was stale from the accumulated dust and closed windows. I walked through each room to look at different photos and took one down from the bookcase in my mom’s office: Emma’s sixth birthday party. She was laughing at the chocolate icing she used to black out her two front teeth from the giant slice of cake she was eating. I can be seen smiling in the background and I knew it was a perfect size.

“Grace? What are you doing?” Max asked as he stood in the doorway.

“I’m cutting my face out,” I said.

“I can see that but why?”

“So I can put it in my locket.” I took the heart-shaped locket out from under my shirt and opened it. It had a picture of my mom and dad in it. “I need you to promise me something, Max. If something happens to me, you need to take care of Emma and the others.”

“Nothing’s going to happen.”

I looked at him hoping he couldn’t see the tears forming in my eyes. “This is important. Your birthday isn’t for another seven months so there’s time to teach Emma and maybe find someone else to replace you if ….” I couldn’t finish the sentence.

“I promise.”

I snapped the photo into the empty side of the locket and put it back under my shirt. Diana started barking outside and I could hear a few cheers and cans falling on the ground.

“Billy and his brothers!” I yelled to Max and we both ran to the front door. I usually avoided them but Billy was poking Diana with a stick while the others grabbed cans from the back of the cart. Diana lunged at them and bared her teeth with a deep growl coming from her throat.

“Diana! Sit.” I commanded and she sat immediately.

The boys looked at me in surprise. I unfastened her leash and kept her at my side and Max picked up a fallen can holding it like a baseball. “You better get out of here, Billy, or I’ll tell her to attack next,” I said.

“Calm down, Grace, we weren’t going to hurt her,” said Billy and smiled. His odour was foul.

“Diana,” I said and she stood up with her eyes on Billy.

The boys backed up with their hands and arms stretched straight out and stared back at Diana.

“If you ever want to act nice, you know where to join us,” I said, although I didn’t really want them to join our calm community.

“Like I’d ever follow you!” yelled Billy from the end of the street.

"Jerks," Max muttered and placed the can in the cart.

We walked back to school, put everything away, and checked our supplies. I spent the evening with Emma, laughing at her jokes, and told her how much I loved her. After she fell asleep, I listened to her soft snoring for a long time. I placed the locket around her stuffed rabbit’s head and laid down next to her. I didn’t like lying to Emma about my birthday but I didn’t want her to worry, just in case. I was satisfied knowing I did all that I could and left a letter for her and Max. As I drifted off, I swear I could smell burning toast.

-----

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