We Have Something to Bury

The linoleum booth table was freshly wiped, streaks of cleaner still remaining. Evan slid his coffee cup back and forth between his hands, left, right, left. Some light came through the window and caught his eyelashes before reaching his unfocused eyes. They took in everything without looking at anything in particular. Piano tones played throughout the coffee shop. A lady walked in. A lady and her kids. Or one of her kids at least, the other must be a friend. Evan stood up and walked his cup to the counter.

“He’s tall,” the kids were talking about him.

“Yeah,”

“Hey man.”

Evan glanced down.

“Me?”

“Yeah you. You play ball?”

“Sometimes.”

“You any good?”

“Not really.”

The kids giggled and Evan looked up to see the mother, apprehensive. He shrugged and smiled, and her brow relaxed.

“Bye.”

“Goodbye.”

He strode away.

His feet carried him to that park. The one he had always walked by. No one was there today, although it was a Saturday morning. Saturday, March 25. March was supposed to be lucky for Capricorns, it was in the paper at the coffee shop.

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My name means ‘lucky,’

So are you lucky then?

Yeah, Evan, I’m super lucky.

Sure you are, bud.

I am! I’ve never even broken a bone.

That just means you don’t do anything cool.

Remember when I wrecked on my scooter?

Oh yeah, that was a solid wreck.

I was lucky I didn’t break a rib or something. It still hurt pretty bad, though.

I thought you were dead!

No amount of scooter wrecks are gonna do me in, Evan. It’s gonna be something cooler, like a gunfight. Old western style.

Do not get into a gunfight, please.

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There was that cedar tree again. He walked over. It had been sort of snowed over from the long, gray winter. Cleared up a little now. The grass around it was brown, with some soggy dead leaves and twigs. He reached out and felt the smooth wood. The bark was mostly chipped off, probably from all the times he and Felix had climbed it, Evan thought. He looked around, then took a tentative step closer. He stuck his head between the branches and grabbed hold of a lower bough, stepping on the thick trunk. His body didn’t exactly fit in the grooves and notches of the tree like it used to, but he remembered every curve. He stood on the branch they used to swing from, and peered up into the little crevice now at eye level. There was a little bird's nest tucked away in there; he’d never seen it before. He counted two blue eggs and hopped down.

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Felix!

Oh, there you are. I was waiting!

I know, sorry, my mom made me dry the dishes.

Felix was kneeling in the dirt outside his house and pulling at the grass.

What are you doing?

I’m digging a little hole. Evan, we gotta bury something.

Felix pointed to their left. A small bird, probably just hatched.

Whoa. Where’d you find that?

It died, I don’t know what happened to it.

I bet it ran into your window. Or fell off a tree or something, it happens all the time.

Yeah but it’s kinda sad. Poor thing.

Well, nature can be sad sometimes, Evan thought. He knelt down and helped dig.

Felix threw a handful of dirt and raked his hands through his shaggy hair.

What?

Nothing. Just keep digging. Please.

Yeah. Sure. I’ll keep digging.

He put his head down and let his hands methodically pull the earth away.

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“Evan, I’m going to run some errands, I need dishes done by the time I get back.”

“Okay, mom.”

“What was that? I can’t hear when you’re in the other room.”

“I SAID OKAY, MOM!”

“Well, you didn’t need to yell. Bye, love you.”

“Love you too, mom.”

“What was that?”

“I SAID-”

“I’m just kidding! I heard the first time. Okay, bye now.”

Evan put down his book. His feet hung off his bed and he kicked them a few times. He rolled over to get up. He was going to graduate in a month or so. Graduate. He didn’t actually care that much. No more dishes, at least? No. It meant nothing to him, just another tick mark in his life or something like that. He was stuck in last summer, anyways, this year was like a dream. He was still waiting to wake up. Or die, he supposed. Whichever came first.

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Evan.

Yeah?

We’re going to graduate next year.

That’s the hope, Evan thought.

Yeah. Crazy, right?

Not me, though.

Evan’s throat went dry.

Yes, you will-

His voice cracked.

Stop. I’m gonna die. No use.

Evan tried to be quiet in the dim hospital room, hot tears rolling down his face. Felix chewed on his upper lip and stared beyond Evan, still no sign of tears on his face. Evan wanted to punch a wall.

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Evan walked with his head down back to the park. He brought some bird seed he found in his garage. He brought it to the juniper tree. Those robins were hatching here. He set the seeds down and climbed up the tree again.

The nest was snuggled in its crevice still. He caught his breath when he saw a little, slimy, baby robin chirping in the nest. He hurried down and slumped beside the tree. Seeing the new life so vividly, it felt more real. He took a deep breath of the rainy spring air, sat there for a minute, then walked home.

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Wow, you suck at this!

Felix. I’m sorry.

What? It’s just chess-

It’s just… why are you acting like everything’s fine? Are you fine with this?

Well I’m not overjoyed. Obviously.

I didn’t mean that.

Evan. I’m a lucky guy.

Lucky? Yeah, extremely. You’re literally one in a million.

Better than that. It’s like winning the lottery but for rare disease-

Stop! This is serious. You’re always joking about these things. I can’t…I don’t know how you’re dealing with this.

I’m not dealing with anything. But I don’t really have to. You’re the one who’s gonna have to deal with it when I’m gone. Can we just hang out for right now, please?

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Evan headed straight for the tree. He wanted to see if that second egg hatched. He really liked those fuzzy pink birds. The sidewalk had unevenly spaced cracks, which always bothered him, but he moved straight over them now. The brown grass was starting to be replaced by green blades poking out from the ground. Some tulips grew near the sandbox. He trod along the soft ground to the cedar tree.

He climbed up the tree and looked into the crevice. There was still a baby bird sitting there and he just stared. It wasn’t slimy anymore. It was sticking its neck up out of the nest and chirping. It must be waiting for the mom, Evan thought.

Satisfied, he hopped down from the tree. He still didn’t see a second bird, but the egg was gone so it must’ve hatched.

He saw it as he returned to the base of the tree. A fuzzy pink mass on the ground and a crimson stain on the green grass. He fell to his knees. Nature can be sad sometimes.

He pulled at the ground. Dug. And dug. Tears rolled down his face, the first since last summer. He ripped the new grass out of the ground. It was all wrong. They were like the robins, he thought. Just keep digging. He cupped his hands and swam his way into the ground. I’ll keep digging. Deeper and deeper, propelling himself into the earth; he buried it all. Left, right, left. He dug.