Verapathy

"Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you, God?"

"I don't."

The prosecutor picked up a notebook and approached the witness stand. "Turning to the events ..."

"Hold on," intoned the judge, then turned toward the witness. "Did you say 'I don't.'?"

"Correct. I don't swear to tell the truth."

"Do you have a religious objection to swearing?"

"Fu ... Hell, no. I'm a frequent contributor to swear jars."

"So are you going to tell the truth here today?"

"Maybe. It depends."

The judge sighed. "What does it depend on?"

The witness shrugged. "Whether it seems entertaining at the time."

"That's no basis for conveying factual information."

"Tell that to the History Channel. Seems to work for them. Ancient Aliens. The Bermuda Triangle. Bigfoot gets more time than European politics on television."

"Perhaps, but courts take truth very seriously."

"Do they? Courts axe truthful information all the time, because it was improperly gathered. Courts also forbid disclosure of accurate information because it might be inflammatory ... or prejudicial. As if the jury doesn't have prejudices, themselves. Heck, they can disregard both facts and law in deciding to acquit, if they want."

The judge frowned. "I could hold you in contempt of court."

The witness harumphed. "Contempt, that's way too strong of an emotion. I don't hold the court ... or truth ... in contempt. I just don't care. And that's the truth." He paused. "Or at least entertaining."