Vanished Memories

That Night

Watching from her bedroom window, wrapped in a warm knitted blanket, Margo McFey sat at the edge of her recliner, as she waited with apprehension for the storm that was about to sweep over her farm. She watched as the pattern of winds blew the clouds across the sky only to be covered by darkness that concealed the moons silvery streak.

Those types of storms and Margo were old friends, and she knew them all too well. She had prepared that old farmhouse for the hard-hitting rain that would soon water her crops. The wooden reinforced windows and doors should be enough. Her horses and cows were safe in the barn, where the chickens, ducks, and an old barn owl were guests for the night. The traditional red colored barn sat behind her home, on an elevated part of her farm. Surely the rain would not flood it. The small crops she worked on could use the rain. Her dogs, Max and Zoe, and her cats, Chase, and Coco, laid on nearby pet beds in her room, safe and warm.

At times like these, how she missed her late husband, Henry McFey. He did all the hard-laborious work and tended the animals. Margo helped, but when it came to preparing for storms, Henry was the hero. When Henry died, everything fell on Margo. Now, she had to tend the animals and take care of the crops. Hard times followed, but Margo refused to let go of her farm which had been in her family for a century.

Just as she was drifting on a road of reflection, a loud, roaring thunder followed by a series of flashes in the sky snapped Margo out of her peaceful daze. It was about to be 10 o’clock, and she had a feeling this was going to be a long night. She held on tight to her blanket and went downstairs to make a cup of hot tea to help her sleep. As she entered the kitchen, she reached for the light as it flickered for a few seconds before they turned off along with all other lights in the house. The storm knocked down some power lines and now her farm was in the dark. Margo made her way to a cupboard and felt her way to a couple of candles and a lighter. Her candles flickered faint light. Looking and feeling her way through her fresh herbs and teas, she picked some and placed them inside a tea sack and began to boil some water. She peeked through the window over the kitchen sink and saw the rain had made its way, covering the sky for as far as the eye could see. The moon was far gone by then, deep in the blackness of the clouds. The hissing winds grew with intense speed and the lightning was a majestic show in the sky. In a matter of a few short minutes, the only light to be seen for miles was that of the candle sitting on that countertop, contending with the bright threatening lightning.

She decided to drink her tea by the kitchen window, as she caught bits and pieces of the clouds dancing in the darkness while lightning snapped its flashes. Sipping on her hot tea, she was mesmerized at the sight.

Without warning, Margo saw a different type of flash in the sky. One that she did not recognize. The meteoric flash came in assorted colors, as if led by a wand all the way to her window where it disbanded into a confetti-like image! Margo rubbed her eyes and tried to focus on what she thought she saw. She sat down at the kitchen table and began to rationalize her vision. Then, to her surprise, her pets were sitting at the kitchen table and chatting, when her cat, Chase, said, “We are not really here. You should check the tea.”

Margo quickly got up from the table and she stumbled onto the counter where her fresh herbs and teas laid, and upon a closer inspection, as she squinted her eyes, she thought it was very likely that she mistakenly placed a hallucinating herb in her cup, turning this nostalgic night into a memory she would not soon forget.

She turned to head to the living room, where she would find rest on her couch for the night, awaiting to sleep off the effects of this magical herb. As she made her way, she was startled by the image of a little girl she caught a glimpse of in a mirror, but the roaring thunder snapped her interest as she moved toward her resting place. She stumbled and felt her way through furniture, feeling the couch, then sitting on its lumpy back when she realized it was no couch but her horse she sat on! “My horses must have gotten out of the barn” thought Margo. She quickly asked the horse to take her to the barn, to check on all the other animals. The horse gallantly galloped through the house, at what seemed to be miles long, and into the storm, where Margo could get a glimpse of the barn… but… what is happening in the barn? There were lights inside the barn!

When Margo arrived at the barn, all the animals were dancing in formal gowns. Margo thought she was going mad, but it felt so real and comfortable, and her memories were coming back. Yes, she remembered now. Growing up, she used to have her tea parties in the barn, with her friends, the animals, and she was Queen Margo. At that moment, all her fears and uncertainties were replaced with a whimsical sense of belonging and reassurance. Then her guests lead her to a small table with a tea set, all ready for her tea party. When she looked at the empty seat across from hers, she asked, “Where is my prince doll?” one of her favorite dolls growing up. Then, suddenly, from the top of a haystack jumped a boy and shouted out, “I am here, your highness. Allow me,” as he took Margo's hand and led her to sit at the table. She made herself comfortable on the chair and as she placed her hands on the table, she felt like she was about six years of age. It was then that she realized she was trapped in a little girl's body, not sure how it happened, or what to do next. Her Prince, however, knew. “It’s really you, Margo.” With those words, Margo instantly, and weirdly, felt at ease. And they proceeded with their tea party and drank the most delicious tea and ate finger sandwiches, like the ones she remembered having as a child. Everything felt as when she was a little girl, very strange but at the same time remarkably familiar and safe.

Suddenly, she heard a faint whistle, the way her father used to whistle when he was milking the cows. Margo quickly jumped to her feet and started toward the enclosed stable, where the cows were, when suddenly her Prince jumped to her side and asked her to be very quiet. He made sure she understood that she was not to disturb her father as he worked. As soon as they got close to the stable, Margo’s heart was full of joy and her eyes filled with tears when she saw her daddy whistling as he milked their cow. There was something about him, though, he looked rested and strong. He whistled with enthusiasm and life.

Margo knew that this was impossible for her father, who passed away many years ago, had not looked that good for years prior. But everything she knew told her that this was real, and that she was there watching her daddy once more. She closed her eyes and there she was, hanging on his neck from behind as he milked their cow. With giggles and laughter, her daddy would turn her around and lovingly hug her and hold her tight. Margo could not retain the tears as she warmly remembered her first hero. Slowly, she opened her eyes, and he was gone. Then, before she could make her way back to the little table, she saw her mother refilling the tea pot and adding pastry goodies on the table for Margo to continue her tea party. Margo did not initially recognize her mother, for she appeared to be a slender woman with beautiful long, wavy brown hair. Although she did not look much like the lovely old woman that she remembered her to be in her later years, somehow, she knew that this was her mother. She was about to scream out for her when her Prince doll reminded her, “Remember, the same goes for your mommy. You cannot interrupt, not yet.” Margo could only look to her mother in deep love, wanting to embrace her. Once her mother replenished the table goodies, she left the barn. She longed to tell her mother how much she had taught her about life, about happiness, and so many other things she wish she could say to her. Margo then ran to the table and began to indulge in all her favorites.

Just as she finished washing her cookies down with a cold glass of milk, the barn doors violently shut, the winds hastily rushed through the barn once more, bringing stronger rain than before, the thunder hollered once more, and the little girl began to fear.

“It’s ok, Margo. You are still safe here. Soon you will get to talk to your parents. But for now, we have to get to the cellar!” Not understanding why Margo felt no fear and fully trusted her Prince doll, she allowed him to take her by the hand and rush her to the cellar within the barn. With every step down the stairs, it was darker and mustier. Everything until then had been peace filling but she allowed herself to remember the fear of being in the cellar, despite her parents telling her that it was for their safety.

With a loud thump, the cellar door closed behind her, leaving her in pitch darkness. She heard shuffling of feet and giggling, but it frightened her not to be able to see, and she remembered how the light would go out when she was a young girl, being sheltered in this dark room. Just then, her Prince doll turned the light on, and she saw the cellar as she remembered it to be. The shelves were lined with her mother’s canned foods, water jugs, dishes, blankets, candles, matches, a little radio and batteries, cots, and chairs. As she continued to scan the familiar room, she saw two of her childhood friends, Alice, and Dorothy. Margo realized that she was no longer a little girl, but a young teenager.

Alice and Dorothy ran to Margo, and they all held hands as they giggled and warned about the excitement of being caught in the storm. Margo was confused as to why her friends were talking to her, but her Prince doll explained. “You can start interacting with them first. It’s ok, you’re still safe.” Margo embraced the two girls, and they embraced her back, as if they all needed to feel the strength of their friendship. With curiosity, as all teenagers, they ran to the shelves to see what was on them. Looking through the canned food they delighted in seeing canned peaches and pears but were a little less excited to see pigs’ feet and rinds. Then they came across an old chest and they opened it. They found treasure after treasure in the chest, old photos of their time playing in the farm, spending time in the barn, and even old photos of their old schoolhouse. They found an old army soldier uniform that belonged to Margo’s dad, along with a simple, yet elegant wedding dress that belonged to her mother. In a smaller box, she found the most beautiful jewelry, like the ones she saw her mother wearing on her wedding day in a picture. Growing up on a farm, she hardly saw her mother wear them. And so, they remained tucked in this little box along some other beautiful and exquisite jewelry. Underneath it all, lay another box, sturdier, with a numeric lock on it. It looked more like a safe, and they could not open it, nor move it. After admiring everything in the chest, they returned it all and closed it. It opened a dam of memories flooding Margo’s heart. For the first time in many years, she was able to remember and not live as though she had no youth. No matter how hard she tried, she was never able to recall her “vanished memories,” as she called them. But it was all coming back.

When their curiosity was filled, they all ran up the stairs, and into the barn. The table with the tea party was gone, but there were four horses with saddles, roaming the barn. Each of them took a horse like an old friend, mounted them, and left the barn.

The clouds had lifted, and the sky was clear. The four rode off, but as they galloped pass her home, Margo saw her mother at the door waving her down and motioning her to come back. Her mother had a covered basket with more goodies and fresh cut flowers. Margo was not sure if her mother could see her, and her mother said, “Honey, I made these for you and your friends. I don’t want you to go hungry. Stop along the way and fill your tummy.” Margo had a perplexed look as she asked, pointing to herself, “Me?”

“Of course. Who else?"

Margo got off her horse and ran to her mother, then embraced her. Her mother held her tight, like when a mother knows their child needs them. Margo just hung on to her neck, and her mother hugged and tugged just as tight, and she did not let loose until Margo began to release her grip. Then, she looked deep into Margo’s eyes and caressed her hair, and she encouraged her, “Go, my child. Remember that I love you.”

The four friends rode off into the wooded area near the farm. They were riding for what seemed a long time, until Margo broke the silence, “Where are we going? We should stop and eat!” Then, the horses slowed down when Margo noticed a familiar man chopping wood in the distance. As they got closer, she realized that man was her father, gathering wood like he normally did, for their home. They all got off their horse and Margo approached her dad and softly and tenderly called him, “Daddy…”

Her father turned to her and said, “Your mother said you would bring by some food. Come on, let’s go to the picnic table.”

They all sat at a nearby picnic table that had a familiar tablecloth on it, with vases filled with water, waiting for Margo to place the fresh cut flowers that her mother had placed in the basket. Margo feasted on her mother’s delicious cooking one more time, as they talked and laughed and the joy she felt was comforting. As they walked toward their horses, Margo approached her father and hugged him tightly. As he hugged her, he whispered in her ear, “Look for the safe and she will have easier times.” Margo replied, “Where is this safe? What is in there?” But time was not on her side, and she was rushed off by forces she could not understand to join her friends and her Prince doll, as she mounted her horse.

“I love you, daddy!” Margo yelled out as they rode off.

As they arrived at their destination, Margo realized that they were wearing formal dresses, and her Prince doll had a nice navy-blue suit that matched the color of her dress, coincidently. Margo was as confused as she had been most of the night, but there was no fear in her confusion which made it quite easy for her to go along with everything. “It’s our senior dance,” the Prince clarified, and with those words, Margo began to recognize her Prince doll. She looked closely at his facial features and asked him who he was. “It’s me, silly,” was the doll’s only response.

They made their way into the streamer decorated school gym and the music was playing. Balloons made their way from the ceiling here and there, and the lights were a little dim, with a bright disco ball reflecting off colorful lights all around. She remembered her friends and teachers. Her heart was filled with the lost joy of those carefree years. Somehow, her life had a way of erasing beautiful memories. The life she was dealt had robbed her from not only her memories, but life itself, and Margo could not recognize the moment in which she had stopped living. She did not understand why she could not remember.

The Prince took Margo by the hand and lead her to the dance floor, where he held her in his arms and gazed deeply in her eyes. In that moment, Margo knew who he was. It was Henry. The young, handsome 18-year-old boy who took Margo to their senior dance. She could see him clearly now, and it was Henry. There was a flood of emotions running through her head and heart. She looked him straight in the eyes and connected with his soul.

Margo’s happiness turned to fear as she gripped Henry’s coat and she began to weep as she remembered all the joy of life leaving her heart and suddenly, in a blink of an eye, “No!” Margo screamed, “I don’t remember anything good after you were taken from me!! Leaving me so alone!” she exclaimed in a soft, defeated tone. “I don’t want to be here anymore. Take me with you, Henry.”

“Remember…when you remember these things, you will have peace and you will have joy again. Margo, remember the treasure. Margo, remember the treasure. Margo!” The more Henry called out Margo’s name, the fainter it sounded, “Margo! Margo!”

The Morning

Margo finally opened her eyes, and she was laying on her living room couch as friends and neighbors surrounded her in worry, “Margo! Margo!” they shouted. She looked at them, as if coming out of a long sleep, a little disoriented as she asked, “Where’s Henry?”

They all looked at each other with a concern look on their faces as Margo tries to sit up, “Where’s Henry?”

“Oh dear, Margo, Henry isn’t here.” Judith, her friend and neighbor, explained, “We think you might have fallen and hit your head. We came over to see if you needed any help after last night’s ferocious storm. But John looked around your barn and crops and everything seems to be just fine. You were very lucky, no damage whatsoever!”

It took Margo a brief moment to figure out that she had only been dreaming, and once again Henry was gone.

She got up and walked to the kitchen and found her teacup where she left it. “I think I made myself sick last night. I was making a hot tea to help me sleep, but I mistakenly brewed some hallucinating herb that must have knocked me out afterwards! Oh, but it felt so real. I was so happy, then so sad and angry.” Margo held on to Judith’s arm as she grieved for Henry once more, “I spoke to Henry,” as tears rolled down her cheeks, “he kept telling me to remember and I would feel peace, but I don’t understand.”

As soon as Margo closed the door behind the last guest, she ran upstairs, sat on Henry’s side of the bed, and opened his nightstand and dug around for his Bible. When she found it, she gently wiped it with her hands, kissed it, and whispered, “I love you, Henry,” and she opened the Bible, as if she were looking for something.

As she looked through it, she read a few verses that were highlighted, and she immediately began to feel peace.

She came across a folded paper, ironed from being in between the pages for years, and she carefully opened it up. There were four sets of numbers separated by a dash:

4 – 17 – 22 – 9

She thought about the numbers for a minute, then her face lit up, as she understood what this was. She closed the Bible, kissed it again, looked up at the ceiling and gave God thanks for never leaving her side.

She set the Bible back in the nightstand drawer and she quickly ran downstairs, out the back door, and straight to the barn. She looked around and briefly forgot that a strong storm rolled over her farm, but her farm seemed unharmed. She took some boards she placed across the doors to hold them closed, and she opened the barn doors with her eyes tightly closed as she held her breath. When the doors were wide opened, she suddenly opened her eyes while letting out her breath, she looked around and was relieved that her barn animals were not dancing around in ball gowns. She giggled and knew it was a silly thought but grateful, nevertheless.

She ran to the cellar door, opened it, and carefully walked downstairs.

As Margo looked around, she thought out loud, “Ok, where is the safe?” She opened a couple of storage closets and rummaged through things, but she could not find the safe. She opened an old armoire and went through some clothes that were hanging on hangers. She pulled off a very outdated thick turtleneck that she quickly put up against her body, as if looking to see if it still fits. Then she walked toward a stand-up mirror nearby and looked. “This is hideous,” she said as she giggled holding the turtleneck. She went back to the armoire and grabbed a knitted hat and put it on, then she took a matching scarf and wrapped it around her neck. Just the same, she saw a pair of old wedge high heels and she quickly kicked off her slip-on shoes she was wearing and immediately placed the wedge heels on her feet. She wobbled a little as she walked to the mirror to model her finds.

“Hmm, do I know you?” she asked the image in the mirror, “You look so familiar,” as she giggles. “We can’t just talk now-a-days, you know. You have to give me your number so that we can text!” she told herself in a silly manner as she walked away, back to the armoire to see what else she found. Drawer after drawer, item of clothing after item of clothing she pulled memory after memory, and she began to smile more than she had in the last few years. Margo also found Henry’s old wallet and she pulled it close to her heart. She opened it and went through the pictures he kept of her. He also kept Bible verses close to him, in small pieces of paper, folded up neatly.

Margo laughed and cried, but the tears were no longer bitter. She was beginning to understand what Henry was trying to tell her. She has reason to be full of life and happiness. She missed her opportunities to visit the past and realize just how blessed she was and still is. Most people would give everything they had to have parents like hers, who loved her and raised her with love to spare. Her marriage to Henry was a beautiful mixture of love with tenderness, and protection with provision. Most couples coveted their relationship and the joy they shared. And now she understood; she felt she was handed a hard life but there was little evidence of that in her cellar of memories. With every drawer that she opened, and every box she unpacked was a heartwarming reminder of the love that her family packed into her life.

She continued to scan the room, from one wall to the next, until she spotted the chest. She rushed to the chest and opened it. She could not believe what she saw… everything in it was exactly as she remembered from her bizarre dream just a few hours ago. She rubbed her face in disbelief, shock, and joy as she giggled not knowing what she would find next. She was overjoyed when she saw her mother’s antique and exquisite jewelry, and it was all there. Her mother’s wedding dress and her father’s army uniform. Then she found something she did not see when her and her friends opened it; she found her own wedding dress and Henry’s black suit. She hugged them both and softly said, “Here you are! I spent so much time wondering where I had put you!” Then she looked through the pictures of her parents and pictures of her growing up. Picture by picture the memories were being restored. It was as though her losses destroyed every memory of her ever being happy or joyful. But this dream, and this cellar and chest full of beautiful things that she had buried away were a reminder of how it should be.

After going through the entire chest, examining everything she could get her hands on, she came to the bottom, the very last thing, and there it was! It was the safe that Henry spoke to her about, in fact, it had belonged to her father, and he passed it on to Henry. She reached into her sweater pocket and took the paper she found in Henry’s Bible, and she carefully unfolded it. She tried turning the safe combination, but it was a little rusty and hard, so she had to work hard to turn it to zero, then, as she whispered each number, she turned the knob…

“Right, four. Left, seventeen. Right, twenty-two, and left, nine.”

She nervously turned the lever and heard a click! Margo’s heart was racing by now. Her eyes widened as she let out a childlike laugh and opened the safe.

There were some folded documents, and she took them out and opened them. She quickly skimmed through them and was surprised to see that Henry had life insurance which he never told her about. She went through all the pages and could not believe that Henry is providing for her, even after his death. She covered her mouth when she saw the amount, and she began to cry tears of joy.

Then she opened another set of documents and saw that her parents had left them savings bonds that had never been cashed. She was not sure of the value, but there were plenty of them.

But nothing could prepare her for what she found next, at the end of the safe. She casually felt around and tried to pick up the brick she saw but it was too heavy to be lifted. She squinted and took a closer look. She could not make it out, so she got up to find a flashlight at a nearby drawer.

When she turned on the flashlight in the safe, she saw a gold-colored brick, as she tried to pick it up again, she noticed there were four more bricks lining the end of the safe. As much as she tried to think of things they could be, other than gold, she could not think of anything. She laughed aloud and could not believe it took her so many years to look through that chest that only seemed to bring her painful memories. She saw just how much she was missing. Her parents and her husband left her taken care of, but because Margo chose to focus on her pain, she did not pursue her happiness.

Henry left her a nice chunk of insurance money, about $300,000, which Margo used to pay off her mortgage and pay off all outstanding debt, personally and for the farm.

But she still had those gold bars that she did not tell anyone about and still had at her fingertips. She felt redeemed. Her hard work. Her constant prayers. Her diligence.

Second Chance

One day, Margo was making a produce drop at her local Soup Kitchen, where she clumsily opened the swinging door to the drop off area and almost ran into another town resident who was also dropping off his donations. The swinging door just missed him, but startled Margo, “Oh! I am so, so sorry! Are you ok?”

“I am perfectly fine,” he answered. There was enough time to deeply connect their eyes, and the chemistry between them was instantaneously. “Let me help you with that.”

When Margo drove home, she giggled at the thought of what just happened and the attached feelings. When she walked into her recently remodeled home, she went straight to her kitchen and opened a cupboard. She pulled out the herbs and teas that she delicately and carefully cultivates. She pulled out a dried-up bunch, she clinched it in her hands and said, “I need advice from another blast from my past.” As she smiled, she began to boil water for a delightful cup of tea.