Twisted Tales for Toilet Time: Part VI

Seamus the Sea Slug

One morning, Seamus the Sea Slug decided to enjoy a day at the beach, so he packed a small bag with his beach gear and headed out of his small cave. Seamus lived only five metres from the beach, however as a slug this trip would take him the best part of a day. He left as soon as the sun began to rise over the horizon, and was making great time. By midday he was at the edge of the sand of the beach, just a few more hours and he would be enjoying the surf.

Seamus decided to enjoy his lunch as he headed to a good spot on the sand, he opened his lunch box and took out his jam sandwich, and started to eat. Soon enough he was finished with his raspberry jam sandwich and had found a good spot to leave his towel and belongings. He started slowly shifting his way towards the water’s edge, by now it was mid afternoon, and he was feeling an odd sensation in his chest.

Just a little farther… Seamus thought, he could now see the waves crashing into the shore. He continued his slow journey.

By six o’clock in the evening he was finally at the water and just as he started to enter, a life guard approached Seamus, blowing a whistle.

“Sorry sir, the beach is closed now.” Said the Lifeguard, “It’s too late to swim now, the sun’s going down.”

Seamus was very upset, he wasn’t sure why he took so long to get to the water today, as he turned to head back home Seamus suddenly felt a pang of pressure in his chest.

As he struggled to control his breath and tried to wave the Lifeguard back over, a large crow landed next to him. Seamus looked up at the crow just in time to see its beak heading towards him, then Seamus saw nothing.

“Mmm… Raspberry filling, Yum!” Said the Crow, as he flew into the sunset.

Pete the Pirate

One day, around noon, a Pirate named Pete was getting ready to go shopping at his local market. He needed to stock up for an upcoming voyage aboard The Luck of Momus, and he was running late because he could not find his peg-leg anywhere in his house.

“Where could I have left it, Phillip?” Said Pete to his pet Parrot.

“SQWAAAK! IN THE CUPBOARD! IN THE CUPBOARD!” Replied Philip the Parrot loudly.

Pete hopped over to his kitchen cupboards to look, wondering how on earth his peg-leg got there. He opened one and saw nothing but a sack of grains, in another was a bag of rice and a bottle of rum. He thought his final cupboard had nothing, until he reached into the back, and pulled out a container, he opened it and inside was some bird seed.

“Sneaky Phillip.” Said Pete, filling the food tray in the bird cage for Phillup.

“But I need to find my peg-leg, to go to the shop.”

Pete eventually emptied all the cupboards, drawers, shelves, and boxes in his house and all he found was an empty glass milk bottle and an old broom handle.

“Well I guess I can make a new one for now and look when I get back from the market.” Said Pete.

Phillip watched in wonder as his Pirate Pal fumbled around with ropes and tools, to create a new leg for himself. Then once it was attached, Phillip hopped onto Pete’s shoulder and Pete headed out of his house and down the lane towards the marker, with Phillip singing along the way.

And so Pete became the first, and last, Pirate to use an empty milk bottle as a peg-leg, it was not a look that caught on as during Pete’s next voyage, the bright sun shone through his glass bottle leg and was magnified, starting a fire on the deck of the ship.

Phillip the Parrot is the only known survivor of The Luck of Momus. Lost to fire at sea.

Moira the Mermaid

One evening, as the sun began to set in a small cove on a distant island, Moira the Mermaid was out for her nightly swim, Moria enjoyed swimming through the coves in the evening when the water was cooler and the sun setting. This particular evening Moira had decided to swim past the edge of the border that the Mermaids had set many years ago. It was a magical barrier that kept the humans out and ensured the Mermaids would be safe from invaders.

As she swam beyond the border she came across a sea turtle who was swimming towards the shore to settle in the sand and lay her eggs.

“Evening.” Moria said to the sea turtle.

“Evening, I’ve not seen you before.” Answered the sea turtle.

“I live in the coves with the other Mermaids, we don’t normally come out this far.”

“Well, be careful.” Said the sea turtle, “There’s some humans up on the surface. Goodnight.”

“Oh, thanks for warning me, Good night.” Moria said, swimming away.

Moira continued swimming, being extra careful but also curious what else might be out this far. There was a sudden burst of pain in her tail, and saw red blood misting through the currents of the water.

Moria struggled to swim away, but found she couldn’t. She looked and saw a fishing spear lodged in her tail and it was beginning to be pulled back up towards the surface of the water.

Moira found herself landing abruptly onto the deck of a small fishing boat, and two humans standing over her.

“Look Carl, a Mermaid! They are real!” Said one of them.

“Nah, it’s a trick of the moonlight.” Said the other.

“If you let me go, I’ll grant you a wish.” Moira said.

It wasn’t actually true that she could grant wishes, but she needed to distract them long enough to figure out an escape plan.

“Wow! It talked, maybe it is a Mermaid Stan!” Said the second one.

“Yes I am! I am!” Said Moira.

“Well, looks like we’re rich, Carl.”

From the shore, the sea turtle could just make out the words scrawled on the side of the boat as it turned and headed back into the open waters.

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