True Love

I lay in his arms, crying my eyes out. I’m able to move again and I just curl up in his arms. He pulls me closer to him and just whispers, “It will be Ok, baby. Everything will be ok.” He caresses my head as he tries to calm me down.

“Idon’tknowwhatisgoingon! Ican’tseemtoclearmyhead” I am not making sense at all but I feel like I can’t stop it. “andyouaregoingtoleaveandIwillbealoneagain!” I rattle off in less than a minute. I can’t slow my thoughts down. They just keep flying all over the place. Bouncing around from my dad to Jerry to mom to….to whatever the fuck that thing is that keeps invading my thoughts.

“Baby. Baby, just breathe. This will be ok. We will be together forever. I love you and nothing is going to happen to you. I am here now. You are safe, baby.”

I start crying like a toddler that was just told they could not have their favorite colored cup. What am I doing here? Why am I weak like this? I can’t take this anymore and just want it to end. I feel like I have cried all the tears I have in my body. My eyes are pounding and my head feels like how a drum from a street performer feels after the end of the day.

“Can you….just hold me…..a little longer…..please?” I stutter saying this because I have not fully calmed down yet. I keep trying to catch my breath but I can’t. He squeezes me firmer and I can hear his heart beating. He always says, “Do you hear that? It is saying your name.” I can hear it now. I try to match my breathing to his heartbeat. I need to grow up about what happened to me. I don’t need this coming into my life right now. Not after seeing what true love feels like.

“There you go, baby. Just breathe and it will be all over soon. We will make it through all of this. You won’t have to worry about these thoughts anymore.”

I smile for the first time in what seems like forever. I kiss his chest, “Can you tell me a story, baby? I just need to focus on something other than what is going on.”

He chuckles a little bit, “Of course. Let me think for a second.” I hear him take a deep breath to calm himself and he kisses my head again.

“I love you, baby. I have a story for you. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful woman.” I sigh as he speaks and try to calm down. His voice is soo soothing that I usually can’t help myself.

“Her smile filled a room. Her laugh was intoxicating.” He can always get me to smile. No matter what my mood is, he seems to just know how to get me out of it. I feel a little smile creep across my face.

“She always smiled, but that smile hid darkness no one knew about.” I have tried to “talk out” my issues but nothing seems to work. I got scared a couple of years ago. I was standing there, in the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror. I was fresh out of the shower and had a razor in my hand. I could have ended it right there. I could have saved him from all of this…..this bullshit.

“Everyone around her doubted her. Beat her down whenever they could.” I never really had many friends because of my dad. The ones that did stick around, except for Tammy, seemed to treat me like my dad. I never knew anything different. If my dad treated me this way, that must be how those who love you treat you, right? If not, why was I treated this way?

“Her light was dimming because she lost faith in herself.” I only got that job at the law firm because of Sandra. She really put herself out there for that one. I even told her, I couldn’t do that. I had heard I was stupid and not right all of my life. What would make this any different?

“What she did not know, was that her light was brighter than the sun.” He always did say my smile lit up the room. He is so sweet to me and I don’t deserve this. He deserves so much better than me.

“She could bring light to the darkness but only to others.” Happiness was never in the cards for me. Hate and abuse seemed to be all that I had.

“She felt alone in the world. She felt that no one could ever love her.” I felt that no one wanted to love me. It was easier to beat me down or tell me I was not worth shit. No matter how much I tried, everyone seemed to want me in a box that they could control. I let them. I allowed this because what did I know. I didn’t know that those that love you will never hold you down and make you feel worthless unless they want you to do something for them.

“What she did not know, was that she met someone who did not give up on love.” Aaawwww. He is so sweet. I feel his heartbeat a little faster and his breathing is a little more shallow. My big, strong man. He is so strong and kind and sweet. I start to cry again as he wraps his hand around my neck to turn me towards him. I see the love in his eyes.

“Together, they could attain True Love. Together, their love would transcend time.” I stare up at him, tears coming down my cheeks. I feel his hand move from around my neck..I…...I….can’t…...seem…..to…….breathe. Whh…….I...taste bloo….d…… My eyes widen as I look up at him. Hoping he sees this and will talk me down from whatever the fuck is going on. I can’t get a breath. My mind races. I can’t….why do I taste blo…..my neck hurts all of a sudden and my chest is warm. I run my hand over it and it is sticky and slick. I look down and see the knife in his hand and the blood spurting out of my neck. I…..feel weak…...everything is toning out…...I try to look at him. I open my mouth to say something but I just gasp, choking on my own blood…..

“Ssssshhhhhhhhhh. Everything is going to be better soon. You,” He kisses me deeply. Sticking his tongue into my mouth. I cough and feel him say MMMMMMMM. “Are my True Love.” He lays his head back and licks his tongue around his mouth. He looks down at me, smiling. I panic and everything starts to fade. The last thing I see is his face and that smile……

Three Months Later

We see a video of a woman riding someone on a bed. BZZT BZZT BZZT BZZT The video is paused. The phone shows Stacey as the caller. The person picks up the phone and opens a folder called Suzy. “Hey, baby.” He opens the folder up and counts the videos in there, Kitchen, Bedroom, Living Room, Barn are some of the names of other folders. “Yeah, it will be a couple of days. I have to go through the funeral proceedings and all of that. I don’t know why they are bringing me into this. It is not like I really got along with them.” He closes out of the folder and creates a new folder and goes to rename it. “I guess I did get something from them though. If you want, you can come up and check it out with me.” He starts to type in a name. “Great baby. I will send you a ticket. We can spend about a week or so and check it out. See if I need to sell this shithole or maybe keep it. It does have a pear tree by the barn. What? Yeah, a little barn. Aaawwww….Well,” He takes his new folder named Stacey and opens it to make the appropriate folders. “I am glad to hear that. Maybe we will keep it. I miss you, baby. I can’t wait to kiss you again. I love you too sexy.” He ends the call and places the phone onto a delivery slip to deliver a strawberry cake. The message reads: To my True Love. I can’t imagine living in this world without you. Love, Aaron.