Toothless Vampire

Wow. Being a vampire requires two things…and I say this with an enormous grin and added laughter…blood and teeth. Well blood is easy. There is an abundance of blood everywhere that I turn. I have only to escape the safe haven of our dark and dusty tomb to see that. But teeth…laugh sarcastically…teeth are hard to come by…laughing myself silly. Excuse me for my laughter. I am the happy go lucky and funny vampire sidekick. Humor is in my nature and all natural to me. So when my sister, whose is also a vampire, complained because she thought she had broken a tooth on a donor’s bone, I couldn’t help but laugh myself silly. Yes, you can understand my laughter now, right? Come on...it's funny!

I picked my sister up from the orthodontist who is also part of our underground vampiric world. Hey, don’t judge. Vampires need orthodontists and dentists too! We like our own style of bling and fashion, and sometimes we need the professionals to assist in situations like these. Mind you, I’ve never heard of a vampire chipping, hurting, or breaking a tooth…ha ha…but when I picked her up, yes, I truly thought I was dying…of laughter.

She looked at me evilly. It was difficult to see her eyes through her dark glasses. Her stark black hair seemed flat from where she had laid out for the orthodontist to have access to her teeth. And her skin was starch white, but of course that was normal for all of us. She couldn’t speak due to the gauze packed into her mouth. She cryptically looked at me sideways, and gave me the killer stare. I couldn’t help it as I continued to snicker. My jaw was severely cramped from trying not to laugh more.

She pointed to the sheet of paper for the pharmacist and the prescription. I put the SUV into drive and moved on down the road. Her head seemed to bounce back and forth as the vehicle moved into each turn. I suppressed another giggle. When we reached the building that held the pharmacy along with a grocery department, I turned in time to see her spitting out the bloody gauze. I smiled as she looked at me, her eyes threatening to gut me.

“That damn donor broke my tooth.” Her voice was off from the narcotics and I grinned. “Shut up…my mouth is numb.”

I snickered again. As she opened her mouth it looked like she had just drank from a donor and a small film lined her lips even though I knew it was because of the gauze she had just dropped. A small pool of blood lingered beside the car.

“Which tooth did the donor break? Because from here, you look like a fangless vampire,” Sigh, yes more laughter. “I’m going to hell,” I muttered. I couldn’t stop laughing to save my life.

Her face took on a scowl. “Asshole,” she muttered. It was almost as if she had a lisp.

My chest hurt from trying to contain more laughter. “I’m sorry.” I clamped my mouth shut and felt the itch bubbling within me.

“I can’t use my fangs for a month.” She complained.

“Ha ha,” I busted. “Are you serious?” I was bent over heaving.

She walked away from me and my hysteria. “I hate you.” She tried to yell even though she knew it wouldn’t come through clearly.

Yep, you guessed it, I was practically rolling in the parking lot now. Picture it, a vampire…toothless! Come on. Go ahead and laugh, you know you want to.