Too Much Fun in the Sun?

I hate jet airliners. While I am flying, I think 35,000 feet divided by 16 is 2187.5. The square root of that is 46.77. That means that if the plane explodes and I am thrown free of the wreckage, it will take 46.77 seconds to hit the ground. Of course, the Armstrong Limit is the altitude above which the atmospheric pressure is sufficiently low that water boils at the temperature of a human body. I’m about 30,000 feet below that, thank God. The air is a much better 3.5 psi at -65 degrees Fahrenheit. It warms up quickly as you fall. Everything suggests that you would die from impacting the ground.

My wife, nor any of the people seated around me, are usually impressed with my ability to estimate how long it would take to fall from a certain altitude. For all you questioners. If you are traveling at 600 miles an hour, will that affect the speed you free fall? No, that is a trick question, which hits the ground first a falling bullet or a level shot bullet, the physicist will tell you they hit at the same time. Then I enter the room. I would suggest that at a level shot, on earth, the planet's curvature would cause the bullet that was shot level to appear to rise over the distance traveled on the surface of a sphere. The bullet shot takes fractions of a second longer to hit the Earth.

I try to keep my mind busy doing calculations involving my lotions. Today I’m thinking about Marigolds, specifically Calendula Marigolds. As a modern druid herbalist, I am aware that Calendula has been used for a very long time to treat the skin. Abrasions, rashes, bug bites, and sunburns. Sunburns, Calendula is used to treat even the blisters and peeling skin of sunburn. I have added Calendula to my lotion base. The result, Uncle Mark’s Sunburn Remedy. Where would you go to sell such a thing? I’m on my way to Maui.

You see, my daughter and her family live there. She works at a restaurant. Her husband works at a zipline enterprise. She makes jewelry on the side, and she is my new apprentice. She is interested in making lotion.

I think the thought of all the stuff that they add to lotion bothers her. If it was just parabens, that might be enough, but there is so much more. Chemicals with names that cannot be pronounced on the first try. Indeed, some I’m not sure I say right even now. The chemicals used to keep a woman’s assortment of goops and lotions viable are the things of chemical engineer’s dreams and your nightmares. Parabens are safe if used in one thing, but when they are in everything, not good. Each thing used has chemicals that your exposure to you should limit.

47 seconds to … Oh, never mind. Make the lotion base make a big cup of green tea with the best water you can get. You will need to get your measurement of different kinds of butter. I use Cocoa and Mango. Additionally, I use coconut milk. Then, add your infused oil. Next, add your e wax. Finally, add your stearic acid. Heat it in a cauldron … oopies the wrong page. No, I use one of the coffee cups. I heat it in the microwave until all of the butter and e wax is liquid. I heat it in in burst of 15 to 30 seconds. Try not to boil the oil. Measure out your tea. Add your glycerin. Then, heat the tea to about the same temperature as the oil. Now the emulsion can be drops of oils in the tea base, yes, or it can be drops of tea in the oil, no. Pour the oils into your tea. Wisk.

The extra step is, if you add Vitamin E, the emulsion must be cool. The emulsion is a nice liquid when hot. Unfortunately, when it cools to the point that the heat won’t destroy the vitamin E. Your emulsion has thickened up a bit. The oily Vitamin E will not mix well and will not go into suspension. In general, it is not good to use Vitamin E in direct contact with your skin. I stopped using Vitamin E. By the time it was okay to add the supplement, it was too thick.

The air pressure outside the airplane is like 3.5 psi, enough to keep my blood from boiling … Oh, yes, before the liquid turns thick, pour it into your containers. Currently, I make my original Formula at 4 times larger to end up with about 2 cups. Do not cap until cooled the next day. Condensate will collect, and it will make a mess.

Refrigerate the lotion. The lotion has no preservatives. If the lotion becomes discolored, don’t use it. Don’t leave out to get warm.

I like all my ingredients to be food-grade. People will question the purity of essential oils. That being said, I will quote Mark Twain, there are three types of lies, Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.

When someone claims a purity of 100%, just what does that mean? If you hook up the old purity meter and check the fluid with the probe, it reads 100%. I don’t think so! Do the microbes that are all over the plant you are going to concentrate count as part of the plant? That brings us to the all-important when you weigh yourself, and there are things in your body you don’t need to operate your body, or it’s just hitchhiking, not use and ignored by the body like nitrogen in the air, can you throw that weight out?

The atmosphere is 78.08% nitrogen, 20.95% oxygen, 0.93% argon, 0.04% carbon dioxide. The 78 % nitrogen is mostly inert. At this point, look at the amount of CO2. 0.04% of the atmosphere, as far as CO2 is concerned, as a part of the atmosphere that is causing global warming. If you were to double the amount of CO2 to 0.08 % of the atmosphere, I don’t know, but I think that is still a pretty small amount. To double the CO2 to 0.08% is going to be the end of the planet. I don’t believe it. 0.08% of anything is not going to affect 99.92% of the rest of the mass.

Excuse me, where was I? 47 seconds, no. What do you charge? Now for a lotion that the Gods on Olympus fight over … Seriously, the crowd of tourists on Maui will spend money with little thought. So, you should charge what the market will support. A quality product such as this, if sold to cheap, will be thought lowly of. The price needs to reflect its quality. Do you charge $100.00 for a big old jar, or do you sell just enough in a container a twentieth of the size and sell it for $10 or $15. The latter, I think

I can’t wait to get off the airplane. My apprentice is picking us up. Our business selling sunburn remedy lotion to tourists would seem to be a natural. I can’t wait to start. Should I put a Marigold on the label? What do you think of $20.00 for a double measure?