Tomorrow Never Knows, part five

Fergus stepped out of the shower and towelled himself off. He had spent a good ten minutes in there, getting all sudsy and alternating between hot and cold water. He had tried to wash away his embarrassment from last night and, perhaps to a lesser extent, the shame and lust that arose from his morning dream.

As she had been for much of the past couple of days, Neala was at the forefront of his thoughts.

He felt such a strong attraction to her; and almost as strong were his feelings of self-doubt and his mistrust as to what to do next.

When Anna died, a large part of Fergus died with her. Her lengthy illness had worn them both down, just in different ways. As she slipped away, he clung to hold on… until he could no longer deny the inevitable: that his love alone could not save her.

The night she passed, he cried out of heartbreak. However, he also cried out of relief for her sweet release. Her pain was gone. His sense of loss, though, would have to be endured.

He did not expect to love again, nor did he even want to. He could not imagine he would have room in his heart for anyone else. He knew he would be lonely and on that count, he had severely underestimated just how much.

Then one day, Neala stirred something in him - something new but also familiar, like a sense of déja vu. Being near her felt like having fireflies in a jar - a warm, buzzing, happy feeling that offered him a spark of light… a feeling he knew he wanted to nurture and see where it might lead.

He knew his feelings for Neala were not out of a desperation for companionship. He wanted to connect with her and on many levels. Certainly, physical attraction drew them to one another, but they also shared an easy camaraderie and genuine affection. He sensed that she felt much the same way.

At least she may have ... until he buggered it all up with his attempt to woo her romantically… and so friggin’ clumsily at that.

“Smooth move, Captain Laxative,” he chastised himself. That’s what his buddy Kelan would have said to him if he knew about last night.

Not that he was keeping all of this a secret… except that he rather was… at least for the time being.

Fergus and Kelan were lifelong friends, but not the sort who talked about “girls” and “feelings” and such. In due time, he and Kelan would have a chat. It would likely ease his mind to have someone else to share his confusion. For now, though, he could do without Kelan’s teasing and fun poking.

A heavy weight dropped in the pit of his stomach and he lost his breath at the sudden thought: “Jesus… Did Neala tell Saoirse?”

Saoirse was Neala’s good friend and, he supposed, confidante.

He had an instant vision of the two women having a pyjama party, drinking wine, and laughing at his expense between tickle fights (for this is precisely how he imagined women spend their time together). Despite how cute Neala appeared as he envisioned her clad in nothing but a smile and a footed onesie covered in rainbows, it almost sickened him to think that anyone else might catch wind of their story as it was currently unfolding.

Then it just as suddenly occurred to him: their story was still a work-in-progress and he was one of the major players and contributing partners. He still had a role in how this was going to play out.

And with that, he finished getting dressed, made his way into the kitchen, and started to clean up what was left of his banana bread baking fiasco.

“But listen to the colour of your dream….” he warbled to himself as he tidied.

************

Thank you so much for reading!

Want a refresher as to how it all began?

You can access the very first story in this developing series here:

https://vocal.media/fiction/tomorrow-never-knows-coq8uj0i7e

And if you’d like to keep going, check out part six here:

https://vocal.media/fiction/tomorrow-never-knows-part-six