Tinder Love Happiness: What is it all about?

I had coffee while scrolling through Tinder on my phone. After reading profiles and swiping right for thirty minute — there was only one match that caught my attention. His name was Zack. He had a pretty cute swag, with his messy hair and confident eyes staring at me from the picture.

These days it's near impossible to find anyone who is single and didn't swipe right on every girl in the city within eight hours of Tinder being invented... No one is looking for anything serious. They just want to chat, maybe make out with you (if it's going well), and move on!

That's what Tinder is all about - with me it feels like a suspicious package wrapped in brown paper someone left on your doorstep and you're not sure if you should open it or not.

I'm trying to get inside Tinder and I'm not sure if it's a good idea or if it will open my eyes (and heart) to something I don't really want to see.

“What are you doing?” One of my friends asked when he saw me with Tinder on my phone, “looking for love in the nightclub?”

The thing is, I'm already in love. But not with a man, and certainly not with a guy who's on Tinder or any other dating website.

I am in love with many things — clean sheets, my yoga mat, the sound of rain on windows, dark chocolate-covered almonds, my slow cooker, the brightly orange marigold flower in the freshly cut lawn, and Trader Joe's mandarine juice...

I love how people-watching at Whole Foods makes me feel, how I can sometimes fall asleep on the Miami Metrorail train on my way home and wake up to realize that we're still moving, and not just idling.

I love these little moments in life when everything is just perfect.

There are some people out there — their souls are like frozen ponds. They are cold, full of cracks. On the surface, they seem amazing, bright, and shiny but under closer inspection, there's nothing in them except darkness and coldness.

They seem like they're okay with being alone, not really knowing how to be in a relationship... and yet they keep trying. And somehow that makes them feel better about themselves — by talking to other people online or even having an actual relationship with a human being, they can pretend that they are happy.

Then every few months, when the cold winter inside them finally gives way to summer and a warm breeze blows in from somewhere else — there is this temporary relief for just a second or two before everything goes back to where it was all along.

That's why I'm trying to get under the surface of Tinder because maybe there's something more down there — something warm and loving and real.

When my sister Sveta and I were preteens growing up in Russia, our grandparents had a fruit tree orchard. It had hundreds of apple trees, cherries, and raspberries. And there was only one pear tree. It was so old and tall that no one could reach the top of it.

I remember how proud Sveta and I felt when our dad said we were big enough to climb up the grand old tree. We got two wooden crates out of the basement, put them side by side, then climbed on top of them and went up as high as we could.

Daddy helped us one by one with his strong hands, and with a few steps, we were finally at the top and there it was amazing!

There were so many pears at the top — big golden yellow ones...

I thought it would always be like that; daddy helping us along, an easy climb up, beautiful ripe sweet rewards at the top.

Not even close. It turned out that the world could give you so much pain, and then one day you'll be standing on top of your crate and realize there is no more fruit; all the branches are broken and there is nothing left. Daddy is long gone and can't help.

You'll start to wonder what it all means and think, am I enough for love?

The truth is that sometimes love is not enough. You can be a good person but you just won't be able to express your love in a way that other people are going to understand. And it's really scary.

But the days are short and Tinder becomes just as much fun as playing musical chairs.

You see people getting into the chairs, you see others leaving empty-handed… but many are still willing to be part of the game and risk being left alone.

I joined two of my friends as they were trying to use this app to find dates. They already had a few matches but I hadn't gotten any yet. I was sure that mine would come in time.

I was starting to think that Tinder wasn't so bad after all. It was just another venue for having conversations with strangers, people who you want to know more about but don't always have the opportunity to meet.

These conversations with strangers — because they raise questions for me and because I don't have anything better to do at this moment.

And hey, it's not a bad feeling to know that you're not alone, even if the person on the other end of this conversation isn't real. They might be just as lonely and scared as I am!

I've been reading a lot of stories from other people about their Tinder experiences — good and bad. And what I realized is that we're all the same! We all want to find someone who can get us excited, make our hearts skip a beat, take our breath away — but in the real world, not on the Internet or an app.

And it doesn't matter whether we're talking or texting. All that I want to do is find someone who can make me happy, someone who tells me that they love me — even if things don't work out!

I think everyone has hopes when they get on Tinder — but do people really think there's a chance of something more than just a date? I mean I'm not saying that there aren't any good guys on Tinder — I've met some good people that way! And hey, it's really cool to meet someone who you wouldn't have otherwise met if you'd been playing Candy Crush on your phone right?

One day, when I am 95 years old with a face like a crumpled piece of brown wrapping paper, I will still remember the way my heart soared when I got the first message from a cute stranger called Zack, one early morning.

It didn't matter that neither of us had any idea what to expect.

All that mattered was that there was someone out there who might be interested in me, just as I was interested in him. We were opening our hearts to the possibility of something new — whether it would last five seconds or go on for years.

That's life! As they say, we should live our lives like it's the last day —because who knows what will happen next.

Dear Readers, thank you for reading! Feel free to ask any questions. Special Thanks to Pam Mayer — my tireless friend, editor and collaborator.