Time Stands Still

There’s no way that’s me. I look like a totally different person, and I definitely don’t look like a forty-nine year old at all. I might not have been the best person, but I don’t think I deserve this. No one does. Well, I wouldn’t say no one. This world has some crazy people in it that do horrible things, and I believe in karma. But somehow, my karma is to shrivel up into a raisin. Why me?

Melanoma sucks…

To make things worse, I have no children or a spouse to support me. I don’t even have a home to die in peace, because I sold it to get money for chemotherapy.

I’ve been fighting this illness for two years now and not one visitor has come to wish me well. I thought my old coworkers were my friends, but I guess not.

It would mean the world to hear someone tell me everything will be alright, even though I know this is it for me. I’m doomed.

My heart rate rapidly decreases, and the nurses and doctor rush through my transparent body to come to my bedside.

I’m surrounded by medical professionals, and I’m just watching myself wither away into nothingness. I don’t know what’s more terrifying, death or never having lived. It’s hard not to pity myself, though its never solved anything.

Simultaneously, a concerned nurse speaks. "Just a few seconds ago, she was stable. I don't understand. Does anyone know what happened?”

I lose consciousness, and I enter into a dream-like state where I’m back in my hometown in Wisconsin. I’m sitting by the tire swing at the lake where I spent most of my time back in the day. Everything including the faint smell of cigarette smoke is exactly how I remember it.

I stand up and walk over to the swing. I jump on it and start having the time of my life. Once I'm high into the air, I scream with joy as I jump off and into the water. The splash stings a bit, but it was worth every second. I come up to the surface and take a moment to admire the scenery. The sun hits my face just right.

My life is being cut short, and it’s unfair, but this right here is my heaven. I don’t want to go back to the other side to suffer from disease. Especially now that I know for sure that my energy lives on, so I’m more at ease.

The lake begins to bubble right before another person appears in the water. I’m in shock, but I’m not scared. He seems quite shy, but he waves, and I wave too.

I ask, “Do you happen to know how long I’ve been here?”

The man explains, “Time works a little different on this side. A second there is like a hundred months here, so I have no clue.

He tilts his head slightly to the left and says, “Follow me. I want to show you something.”

“Show me what?” I reply as I smack the water out of my ears.

“You’ll see. Just come.” He says.

I get out of the water, and I notice my reflection has changed. I look twenty again. I don’t have time to process what I've just seen, so I shake my head and shut my eyes for a brief moment and continue in the direction of the forest where the guy is heading. He doesn’t look back to see if I’m keeping up. I ask, "What's your name? I'm Caroline." Without looking back, he responds, "Cool name. I'm Everett. We're almost there by the way. Just a few more steps."

I catch up to him, and he's standing at the ledge. I inch closer to look down to see what's beneath us. Normally, I would be too afraid of heights to look down, but I’m completely fearless here. To my surprise, it's a bunch of colors that don't exist back home. It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Everett looks over at me with excitement and asks, "Wanna jump in with me?" I back away slowly. "Are we?" I don’t finish my question, but I know he knows what I mean. He smiles and says, "The universe doesn't make mistakes. Sooner or later, you’ll love it here too." Everett leaps down, and I lose sight of him. It would be weird to admit that I miss him; we just met. However, it was nice to have someone to talk to for once.

I’m not so sure if I want to stay here anymore, so I turn around and head back, but I get lost. Everything looks the same, and I forgot to mark the trees along the way. I used to be a Girl Scout as a kid, so I know a little something about survival.

I call out for help, “Everett! Everett! I know you can hear me!”

Nothing happens, and I’m still lost, so I sit down on a log and try to make sense of what’s happening. I’m either dead or in limbo. I’m not sure which one.

Everett pops out from behind a bush unexpectedly and shouts, “Oh wow! That was fun!”

He runs, and I follow him. He leads me back to the lake.

“How do I escape?” I ask seriously.

“Close your eyes, and imagine where you want to be.” He replies.

I do as he says, but I’m having difficulty imagining myself back at Memorial Hospital. I’m trying as hard as I can, but I just can’t do it. The only thing I can see are the lovely, mystical colors I saw earlier, and I’m wondering where it goes. Everett knows, so I ask, “Where were you?”

He says with joy, “Everywhere. Anywhere. The colors take you wherever you want to go.”

Hmm. Did he just say anywhere?

“I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii.” I say.

“We can go together, and I’ll show you around. I’ve been there lots of times.” Everett responds.

I start to remember how miserable and lonely I was before I got here, and I no longer want to leave. This place isn’t me withering away into nothingness. I’m free, so I’m staying.

I hear a machine making a loud noise, and the doctor says, “Time of death: 4:00pm.”

A nurse states sadly, “Its only been a minute. We should try again.”

The doctor answers, “There’s nothing more that we can do for her.”