Three Words

Mandy: I love you

Terrance read the text repeatedly, brushing his brown, unkept hair out of his eyes. He sat at the table and dropped a heavy sigh. He refused to look up from his phone, contemplating his response to her text. Annoyance flashed over his pale-colored face.

Terrance: I know.

It was a bit cliché. A line used multiple times since the release of _Empire Strikes Back._ His affinity for the Skywalker Saga is what had been evident throughout their relationship. He was aware that Mandy wanted more, but he was unable to bring himself to say it. Even with resorting to texting, the three words carried a heavy weight of responsibility he could not lift. He was hopeful that Mandy would be understanding and read beyond the two words.

Mandy reviewed the text. She lowered the kettle onto the stove and turned the heat on. The two words simultaneously smacked her in the tawny-colored face and stung her heart. Twelve months committed to a relationship, and Terrance was refusing to craft the three words she longed to read. Anger coursed through her.

Mandy: Seriously. Every time I share my feelings w/u, u can’t say it back. WTF?

She slammed her phone on the kitchen counter, and reached up for a teacup and started to prepare her tea. If her text would not inform Terrance of her feelings, the perhaps he could hear her anger, regardless of how far he was from the kitchen. She had a habit of making tea when she was upset. Was he able to pick up on this habit?

Terrance’s phone buzzed at the arrival of Mandy’s text. He groaned looking over her words, almost feeling the teacup and kettle hitting the counter and stove. Recently, the vicious cycle between them had become more frequent, especially considering their current situation. Terrance was unsure if he wanted to bother continuing because it was more burdensome. He wished he could return to a time when they were first dating.

They met at a bar through a geek meet-up designed for singles. They would talk to various people who may be looking for the same type of relationship. Terrance, who is normally shy during these meet-ups, was impressed with Mandy’s extensive knowledge of Science-fiction films. Once she had walked over to him and introduced herself, they were locked in deep conversation about Star Trek, Star Wars, and other Science-fiction works for nearly a half hour. Eventually, they exchanged contact information. Terrance floated away from the meet-up, high on joy. Once he returned home, he immediately sent Mandy a text. After several dates and five days later, they were exclusively dating. It was an adventure that neither one of them had experienced before: The innocence of first love.

Terrance: Why do I need to say it? You know how I feel, right?

He hesitated. He raised his hand to his chin and rubbed the meager amount of hairs on his chin. Was he being a nerf-herder? They were together for nearly a year, and the pressure to utter words he was uncomfortable with only recently became an issue. Why did it matter so much? Ultimately, time was calling and he knew he needed to respond to her soon. If not, she would barrage his phone with more insulting texts. He pressed send.

Mandy placed the tea leaves in the infuser and set it into her cup. The water was slowly heating up in the kettle on the stove when her phone’s TARDIS ringtone breathed in a new text. She picked up her phone and shook her head. She screamed in silent rage, restrained to make any noise aloud. Her thumb began swiping furiously over her phone’s screen. When did their relationship become as difficult as the Doctor landing the TARDIS in a chosen time period?

Mandy: 12 months, babes. Almost a year we’ve been together and u still can’t even text me the words? What r u daft? It’s just 3 words.

She hit send, spitting out her frustration a second time. She cursed the pot on the stove. It would not make it heat up faster, but she could use the tea to settle her nerves. Deep inside, she started to fear the fate of their relationship.

Terrance’s phone buzzed with despair. He knew looking at the screen would only provide another heartbreaking, gut-wrenching string of words. He wanted to just stop texting, put an end to this difficult moment in his life. The phone sat facedown on the table, but he slowly turned the phone over to the screen. He wasn’t ready to say the words because the trepidation of her loving him more gripped his heart. It was how he cared about her and always felt he was not worthy of her love. It was this fear that held him back.

Terrance: I can’t. This is 2 hard.

The second he sent it, he regretted it. He could already feel her anger. Was she right?

Is it appropriate to say you love someone after nearly a year of being together? He often heard how difficult it was to hold a romantic relationship and envisioned Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory suffering the same level of anxiety he had with Mandy. Why did she need those words so much? They are just words. For their one-month celebration, he surprised her by taking her to Gallifrey One, the largest Doctor Who Convention. Watching her beam with excitement at everything and anything Whovian, should have proven his feeling for her. Why does she need the words, weren’t his actions enough? Even after the convention, he continued to display his affection for her through gifts and quality time.

Mandy placed the honey next to her teacup and was ready for the water to boil. The TARDIS materializing sound emitted from her phone. She was sensed the water in the kettle was not going to be the only thing boiling in a minute or two, after reading the text. Why can’t he say the three words?

Obviously, Terrance had done so much to show how he feels about her. She would not dismiss his previous efforts. Conventions, presents, dinners. They were exclusive and special, but hearing the words meant more. In their case, at least seeing the words would confirm their relationship status, erasing the thought of speculation. With those three words, they could evolve to the next step of their relationship. Why the resistance?

Mandy: Y? Is it because u r there? R u looking 4 sum1 else? U should no how long I’ve been w8ing to hear those words.

She tapped send. She knew she should have shared her true feelings before he left.

Terrance buried his face in his hand. The text impaled his heart. He sat in silence, drowning in his thought on how to respond. Of course, there wasn’t a new person. He could not fathom the thought of cheating on Mandy, but his studies at the American college were taking their toll, stripping away from him the time to face-time with her. Truthfully, being an ocean apart was slowly forcing his love for her to drift away. It was unfair to force her into a long distance relationship, when he was not sure when he would return to the UK. He would feel better if she would just find someone new and move on with her life instead of waiting for them to be together. The level of commitment she yearned, he was unwilling to reciprocate. For her to assume he was seeing someone new? It was his turn to grunt in frustration.

Terrance: Don’t be silly!

Send.

The text arrived as the kettle began to whistle loudly. Mandy removed the kettle from the stove and quickly grasped her phone. Three words, no explanation. Definitely, not the three words she wanted either.

Mandy: Then wot is so hard? Y, can’t u just say it?

Send.

Terrance fidgeted with his phone. He was at the pinnacle of making a life-changing decision. Hold on to Mandy with the three words she wanted, or end it. He thought about life without Mandy. A life in America where he could explore what the Sci-Fi Geek community, guilt-free of possibly hurting her because she wasn’t there. Releasing her to find someone who she deserved. Giving her the opportunity to meet someone who could share their feeling easier than he could.

He stared at the screen of his phone, hands trembling. His heart sank into his stomach. Allowing the gastric acid to slowly dissolve any romantic emotions he had for her.

Terrance: You deserve better. That’s why. Someone closer. I don’t know when I’ll be back, anyway. Bye.

He dropped his phone on the table and looked around the empty room. He was done. He didn’t care for her response. Turning off his phone, stood up from the table and walked back towards the living room. He planted himself on the couch, next to his roommate, who was staring at a TV screen with Clone Wars on display.

Mandy poured herself a cup of tea and read the response from Terrance. Twelve months of laughter and joy, stifled with his response. Was this a break-up? What did he mean?

Mandy: What do u mean? I deserve better? R u breaking up with me?

Send.

She sat at the table, sipping her tea. Confusion swirled in her mind like the honey in her tea. She regretted not trying to convince him to stay in the UK. She was convinced with the support of technology like face-timing and texting, they could maintain the romantic relationship they had built in the past twelve months. Granted, half of that time was spent on two different continents. Long distance is difficult for anyone, but she was hoping they could be the exception. She continued to wait for Terrance’s response.

Mandy: Hello!? R u there? WTF?

Mandy furiously typed more words in the silence of her phone. Each line she entered packed gradually evolved into insults as time spilled away from Mandy, like the tears from her eyes. She tried to remain hopeful, not believing it was the end. However, she knew with the heated texts she was sending, her relationship with Terrance was evaporating. Her last sip of tea became the final sip to her first love. She sighed, feeling the powerful sting from the absence of closure, staring at the first three words of his final message.

“You deserve better.”

At least they were the three words she needed.