The Void

She feels numb. Her face caked with dried up streams from her eyes that make her cheeks feel like they crack when they twitch.

A heavy void replaces her heart, the weight of a brick within her small frame. She carries this void every day. Some days it is too small to notice, and her heart can burst with joy and love. Others, like today, it is too burdening to function normally.

Today was supposed to be different.

Today was supposed to be filled with achievement and happy pride.

But as soon as she rose from her bed this morning, the day had struck her with anguish. An anguish that expanded the void inside to envelop her, and forced her to wonder if returning to the safety of her sheets was the only option left.

But if she did that, she feels she would lose.

Now she sits on the stairs. Her eyes blink with quick fury as warm liquid wells at the corners of her eyes again. She was convinced she had run out of that reserve an hour ago. The thought of them spilling again with her muffled cries exhausts her.

New thoughts glimmer in the dark, empty space of her mind, but she dismisses them. They threaten with another spiral downward if she addressed them. And listening to the previous ones was what first sat her on the stairs, overwhelmed. All thanks to the void.

This was supposed to be a good day.

She sighs to herself, a heavy, shaky breath pushing through the void in her chest. Her stare becomes distant.

But today won’t stop just because I want to stop.

She frowns at this thought. It was loving, yet tough. She feels the stubborn resolve within her core simmer.

Then she takes another deep breath and reaches for the void with a hand on her chest. With the remaining strength left in her frame, she tugs it out. The weight is uncomfortable in her hands, but she sets it aside on the step she sits on. Her heart pumps a little lighter. But her body still sags at the weight of defeat.

Still, she rises from the stair, slowly, with her grip on the railing for assistance.

“You’re a little too heavy today,” she says to the void left behind, “but I can’t let you completely take over me... Even if we are stuck together.”