The Vacuum of Space

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. But that doesn’t stop me. The first time I go space jumping, I scream my head off! I scream so loud I can hardly hear any of my thoughts. I scream like the day I was born. Turns out, the space jump operator also heard me because of the connected headset in my helmet. Oops.

Space jumping is unlike anything you’ve ever done before. For starters, there’s a three day build-up period where you have to prepare. Eat clean, only drink water, get proper rest, and attend the safety seminar. That’s all you need to do in order to go out into space today.

It used to be that you needed a degree from a fancy college and years of training before they would send you out into space, but things changed when The Eye took over. Now, you basically just need to sign a waver and they’ll send you out!

The first time I went it was because a group of friends convinced me to. I didn’t have any real desire to be in space–actually free floating around in the void–like they all did. I was fine living my life inside the colonies, looking out at the stars every day. The four feet of bulkhead between me and the outside galaxy was enough for me. When you go space jumping, it’s more like four inches of material between you and death. No thank you.

But they were all so excited about it, so I decided to give it a shot. I ate salads for three days to make sure I was “healthy”, whatever that meant. I took the very spooky safety prep course where they warn you not to drift too far and tell you what to do if your suit punctures. I slept as much as possible and I took my anti-nausea meds. It still wasn’t enough to prepare me for the experience.

On the day of, they size you up and put you in a space suit. You have a diaper and a water bottle attached to your back. Like I would ever actually use a diaper as an adult. Your hands are in these useless little mittens and there are pockets all up and down your arms and legs with various first aid materials. The scariest part, at least for me, is the respirator. This is where everything can go wrong. If your respirator malfunctions, you could die out there. And that little piece of paper you sign before you go says it’s not their fault.

So I do all this stuff, my friends suit up with me, and we’re standing at the airlock. The airlock is more of a room than a door that controls the pressure between space and inside. We’re standing just past the first door. This is the last moment to change my mind. My heart races, moisture gathers on my palms. I can feel my stomach challenging the nausea medication. I look around at my friends while the pressure decreases in the room.

“Hey Baz, you ready for this?”

“Hell no!” I scream back through the headset.

Everyone laughs at me and sends thumbs ups in my direction.

“It’s tons of fun, you’ll see!” Another friend calls out.

“If you say so,” is all I have to say

The giant screen above our heads begins to count down: 5…4…3…2…1…Whoosh!

The main door opens and we’re pulled out into space. There’s no harness, no emergency latch, just us in our spacesuits up against the galaxy. I panic a little, my heart palpitating and my palms full on sweating. I think this is when I scream, though I can’t totally remember. My friends giggle in my ears and the operator checks in with a quick:

“Space suit number 5, are we doing okay out there?”

“OMG this is insane. Doing fine, though, thanks.”

I steady my breath and try to wipe my hands off inside these stupid mittens. I’m terrified but I’m out here with my friends. They’ve done this a bunch of times and they’re all okay. I should at least try to enjoy the experience.

Unlike the space station where I live, being out in space allows you to be completely weightless. I do a few flips in the air to test things out and then I swim over to my friends with the help of the small jets in my hands.

“Okay, this is actually pretty cool,” I say when we’re all gathered.

“See, Baz, I knew you’d love it.”

“Now you can come with us every Third Day! It’ll be our new tradition.”

“I’m not sure I love it that much,” I laugh at Shirl’s enthusiasm.

“Come on, I’ll show you the ropes,” Shirl pulls me aside using her jets.

Turns out there’s a bunch of cool stuff you can do in space, like flip, and spin, and…well that’s actually it, but trust me, it’s so much fun. We spend the next half hour twirling around in the void of the galaxy before I decide to jet off and see just how fast I can go. I engage both jets and zoom away from my friends.

“Ha ha, catch me if you can!” I holler back.

A few of them try to chase me, others just laugh in response. I’m about 500 meters away from everyone when the bright red light that signals the end of our time starts flashing.

“Alright, time to come back,” the operator says into my ear.

“Be right there,” I respond.

I start turning back towards the entrance and try to slow down for my way in. I let go of the hand jets just a little, only I don’t slow down. I’m not squeezing them at all now and yet I’m still flying ahead. I can’t control myself very well in this giant suit, so I start flailing back and forth. This just causes me to go in a giant zigzag.

“Uh, operator, I seem to have a problem.”

“I see that five, just try to stay calm. Can you release your hand jets?”

“Already did, it didn’t seem to work.”

“Okay. I’m gonna need you to stop wiggling, please.”

“I’ll try.”

“Curve hard right exactly when I tell you.”

“Okay.”

“It’s important you follow my instructions now. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“In 3…2…now!”

I turn my whole body as hard as I can to the right. It’s not much good with both jets going at the same time, but I manage to start a gentle curve. I’m heading towards the entry doors, thank goodness. My friends wave me in like plane directors from the old days. I get closer though and realize I’m a little farther off target than I thought.

“Operator, I don’t think I’m gonna make it.”

“Just keep turning, you’ll be fine.”

I try but I can’t make my turn any sharper than it already is. Seconds go by that feel like hours and I zoom right by the entry door. I’m not slowing down at all and now I’m past my main entryway to the safe indoors.

My heart starts beating faster than before. The sweat from my forehead is starting to fog up the inside of my helmet.

“Operator?! What happens now?!”

“Stay calm, five, there’s another entrance just up ahead. It’s a little trickier so I’m going to need you to follow my instructions very carefully. Can you do that?”

“Trickier? Than that? How can it be trickier than that?”

“Can you follow my instructions, five? I need a confirmation.”

“Yes, yes, just get me back inside.”

“Okay. About 400m and closing there’s a door on your right. Do you see it?”

I wipe a clear spot on my visor with my forehead.

“Yes, I see it. It looks closed?”

“Yes, it is. You need to grab hold of the handle and hold on tight. Can you do that?”

“The handle? But that thing is tiny.”

“Can you do it, five.”

“For christ’s sake, call me Baz.”

“Baz, do you see the handle?”

“I see it.”

“Can you grab it?”

“I can try.”

“I need you to do more than try, Baz.”

“Okay, yes, I can do it, I can grab it.”

I blow out a big exhale to steady my nerves. I open and close my fists to make sure my hands still work. The door is approaching quickly, too quickly.

I place both hands as far to my left as I can to propel me further to the right, careful not to burn my suit with the jets. At this angle I’ll likely slam right into the structure, but I don’t care about a few bruises if it gets me inside. I’m just grazing the building when the door comes up. The handle is sticking out a few inches. I reach out my right hand and the force from the jet pushes me away ever so slightly.

“No, no no no, I need to get inside.”

I reach as far as I can and with the very tips of my fingers I feel the end of the handle. I swing my left arm out to push me in and grab it.

“Yes! I did it! Okay operator, now what?”

“Good job, Baz, just keep holding on. We need to depressurize the door on the inside. Someone from the inside will open the door in 10…”

The jets are pushing me away from the door.

“9…”

My hand is clenched tight around the door handle.

“8…”

My breath fogs up my helmet again.

“7…”

I can feel the sweat pooling in my palm.

“6…”

The handle starts to turn under my grip.

“5…”

I pull further away from the door despite my best efforts.

“4…”

The screws on the handle start to give out.

“3…”

The handle pries away from the door.

“2…”

The door opens.

“1…”

A hand reaches out for me and I reach back with my left hand. I forgot entirely about the jet and its gentle pressure coming out of my arm. I knock the person back and myself further into space. The door handle comes loose from the door.

I fly away. The force of the slightly pressurized air coming out of the door combined with that of my jet push me away from the building. I’m flying through space, away from everything I’ve ever known, with nothing but a metal door handle in my useless space suit mitten.