The Tracks We Leave-Chapter Two

I felt the probe moving inside me, invading me. Violating me. The pressure caused cramping in my lower abdomen.

“We are going to create something special, “ he said. The doctor. Why can’t I see his face? His voice distorted. Like it was coming through an old radio speaker.

Tears leaked down my face, steady rivers of salt. My nose was clogged, making it hard to breathe, so I was panting.

“We’re ready for follicle extraction,” the technician said in a cold, clinical voice. Tied down as I was on the gyno bed I could just make out part of a long needle. I watched as he lowered it below my field of vision. I felt as it went in with the probe. As it pierced my vaginal wall, and even through the gag, I began to scream.

I sat up abruptly, shouting “Stop.”

The dark room slowly came into focus, my heavy breathing evened out, and I realized my arm was pointing at nothing in front of me. Flynn stood up, his ears perked and his head cocked.

I dropped my arm to my side feeling stupid. My face was sweaty, making strands of blond hair stick to my cheek. I pushed them back behind my ear and laid back with a huff. Flynn walked up beside me, putting his head on the edge of the bed. I turned towards him, patting his head and said tiredly, “It’s fine. I’m sorry, it’s fine.”

After a moment of breathing normal and patting Flynn's head he laid back down, eyes closing, falling quickly back asleep. I stared up at the dimly lit ceiling in the predawn hours, getting my bearings. I had always had intense dreams. Usually I was even aware I was dreaming, able to have some semblance of control. But this nightmare was new. It was intense. And it always left me too anxious to fall back asleep.

It had started shortly after I had decided to move to Washington. The dream was never the same, every night picking up where the last night had taken off. There was a man in the dream running things, but his voice was distorted and his face blurred out. It didn’t make sense, everything else about it was so clear. We were in a clinic and he was doing experiments. Horrible experiments. He always claimed it was for the greater good. There was always fear, anxiety, and then finally pain.

Pushing the thoughts away I sat back up and swung my legs off the side of the bed. I tapped my phone and saw it was five am. The sun would be coming up soon. I had a couple hours before I was supposed to meet Angela. We texted after I left the office, and she asked if I wanted to get coffee, and then she could give me the promised tour. I had hesitantly agreed. I was determined to put myself out there more.

Growing up in foster care in Spring Hill had been hard. Especially when I ended up being zoned for one of the most affluent school’s in the district. My fosters weren't wealthy, they lived in a home passed down by their grandma, and it just so happened to be within Central High’s district. Go bears. Unfortunately rich kids don’t tend to like antisocial poor kids with bad clothes, and worse anxiety. My shyness had prevented me from making many friends, my questionable upbringing had led to outright disdain from my peers.

I walked to the bathroom, splashing water on my face to help me wake up. Patting my face dry with the hand towel I laid next to the sink the night before, I looked into my green eyes, too large for my face I always thought. My otherwise plain features looked back at me. My frame was thin, but thanks to hours of workouts I was deceptively strong. While the military had failed to instill the customary discipline, it had left me with some good habits.

My house, a two story mid century modern, faced the gray ocean. While the vaulted ceilings made it feel big, it was a two bedroom one bath. Enough space for me, Flynn, and the imaginary family who might visit. It was more costly than the government housing, but I had known being in a neighborhood full of colleagues, being around people constantly and having to interact would be too much.

I figured this way I had my space, and I had enough saved that I could pay the move in costs. The generous salary, unusual for a small government post like this, provided more than enough to cover the rest.

I opened the cabinet I stashed the coffee in last night. While I had been tired, I knew I would need to have at least a few necessities ready for me in the morning. Coffee was definitely one of those. I went through the motions of filling the filter, pouring in the water. My mind wandered to the last time I lived this life.

I joined the military right out of high school, needing an escape from my hometown. I was offered a scholarship at a nearby University, but the idea of accruing tens of thousands of dollars of debt without knowing what I wanted to do had filled me with apprehension. I also wasn’t sure if I could take another four years of being that girl. The poor kid with no family, unsure if there was enough money to pay for food that week. In the military at least I was on equal footing with every other 18 year old. Hell, half of them had similar pasts.

It hadn’t been bad exactly. I appreciated my time there, being financially independent right away. The GI bill helped me pursue my nursing degree after. But what they said about sexual harassment was true, and after one too many incidents I knew it wasn’t the life for me. It was during those four years I found my backbone. My voice to stand up for myself. While I still carried a lot of insecurities I wasn’t that scared girl anymore. I still carried my shyness like a cloak, though.

The click of Flynn’s paws on the floor announced his presence as I poured my first cup of coffee, splashed in vanilla creamer, and took a blessed sip. The splash of his messy drinking joined me. There were glass sliding doors to the backyard. There wasn't time to explore too much last night, so knowing he’d need to potty I walked over and slid the door open, taking in the slowly lightening view. Flynn pushed me aside in his rush to get outside, excited to explore. I rolled my eyes and smiled, following him out.

Flynn never went far from my side, so I ignored his investigations and took in my new home instead. This view was the reason I’d parted with the lion share of my savings. Scattered Douglas fir trees offered shade, the yard covered in lush green grass. There was even a small pond set back, before the land dropped off to the ocean below.

I stepped out into the yard, my bare feet cold and wet from the dewy grass. I ran back inside for my flip flops. The weather was a little too chilly for sandals, but as a Florida girl, wearing anything else was going to be a hard habit to break. Moving back out to the yard, I scanned for what Flynn had gotten up to and groaned.

“Way to make a first impression on the neighbor,” I muttered under my breath as I marched towards the yard next door.

“Flynnstone!” I called.

He didn’t even look at me. So much for never straying far. The neighbor however, looked up. I felt hot, my gut clenched. The man looked to be about my age, maybe a little older. Dark hair, trim athletic body, his face classically handsome.

“I’m so sorry,” I called as I got closer.

He had an easy smile on his face, A steaming mug on the wide arm of his Adirondack chair, and his hands buried in the mane of Flynn’s thick fur. His eyes were dark like his hair, his skin lightly tanned. His smile was gorgeous. I was never going to be able to speak to this man. And he was my neighbor.

“It’s not a problem, he’s adorable.” I realized he had been talking while I had been melting down, an attractive man making me tongue tied even in my late twenties.

“Thanks, he normally doesn’t wander or I wouldn’t have just let him off leash. I’m Stasia, your new neighbor. I’m so sorry to impose.”

“It’s ok. He made my morning coffee much more exciting. I’m Jack.” His polite words were incongruous to the tense energy I suddenly felt coming off him. It made me feel antsy.

I gave him a strained smile, my hand landing on Flynn's backside, absently giving him scratches. He panted happily, soaking up the attention, oblivious.

“You just moved in last night, right?” Jack said, dividing his attention between me and the dog.

“Yeah, I got in kind of late, right before dark.”

Jack still knelt in front of my dog, looking up at me occasionally with an increasing tenseness to his shoulders and eyes. His nervous energy was making anxiety begin to curl in my chest. I began to try to extract myself from the situation when I heard a young voice calling.

“Jack!”

He turned his head and sighed. Looking back at me he said wryly, “Lily, my sister. I swear she’s the only teenager I know who voluntarily wakes up early on a weekend.”

Before I could answer, the slider to his house opened and a young girl, probably in her mid teens popped out. She was adorable with her red hair, freckled skin, and brown eyes. She brightened when she saw me, but was quickly distracted by Flynn.

“Who’s this cutie!” she squealed, with more enthusiasm than I would have had at that age at this hour.

Flynn immediately abandoned Jack and ran for her, as excited as her for the attention. Jack laughed, but his body remained stiff, “What is it Lil?”

She looked up, and said, “Who’s this?”

Jack seemed to give her a meaningful look, and said, “This is Stasia, the new neighbor.”

Lil stayed kneeled down, scratching her way around Flynn’s ears. “Hey Stasia, I’m Lilly! Can I dog sit for you?”

I laughed at her abruptness as Jack looked skyward. I said, “Anytime Lilly, but he’s a handful. He busted up your poor brother’s peaceful morning.”

Lil looked at Flynn and babytalked, “You can bust up our morning anytime. Yes you can, aren’t you a pretty boy.”

Flynn’s tail went wild, rubbing his head against her hip.

Finally she looked over at Jack and said, “Sooooooo, I was going to see if I could talk you into making me some breakfast.”

Jack was standing, his mug now in hand, “Figured as much when I heard you hollering, is Brandon up yet?”

Lilly quirked her lips and said, “Is that a serious question.”

Jack huffed a laugh and said, “Right. Well, get out the stuff, pancakes and bacon it is.”

Lilly jumped up and clapped her hands, “Yay!” she said. Flynn let out a rare bark, wanting to be a part of the fun.

“Do you want to come to breakfast, big guy,” she looked up at me, “And you too Stasia.”

Jack looked suddenly more uncomfortable, if that was possible, but I was already shaking my head. “Thank you so much, but I have a long to-do list this morning. Another time.”

Jack’s hand was on Lilly’s shoulder steering her inside. “It was nice to meet you.” I felt his need to usher her in.

I was walking off the porch stairs as they reached the slider. I turned back to wave, but Jack never looked back, his sister no longer in sight.

Flynn followed me after one more forlorn look in the direction of his new friends who had shown him such instant adoration. As I walked across the yard I thought about Jack. He had been polite, but distant and full of apprehension. I wondered if he just wasn’t a morning person, or if he valued his privacy as much as me. I pushed the thoughts away, leaving my wet flip flops on the back deck, I walked into the house to get ready to meet Angela.