The Owl with the Heart of a Wolf

Many springs ago when I was just a hatchling, I knew I was different. While others learned to hunt from above, I felt the need to hunt from below. I was the oddball of the bunch. I was the last to learn to spread my wings and fly, and to this day, even though it is customary to sleep in a barn or tree, I prefer a den.

My name is Kita, and I am no ordinary barn owl, so do not let my look deceive you. While nature made me an owl, I do not feel like an owl. I rather be howling at the moon, hunting in the trees and forests on foot. My family thinks it is unnatural that I am different, but I choose not to hide who I really am. I am comfortable with it. In my heart, I am a fearless wolf, not scared of anything that comes my way.

While I have to use flight at times, I hate it. I feel blind and exposed. On the ground, I am quiet, and able to hide. I have these instincts that tell me when there is danger around, and I know where to go. I hate hunting for mice and small rodents, to me, they taste disgusting. I crave the meat of something bigger.

I cannot choose what nature has made me, but I can choose what to do with the instincts I was given. It is a newfound power inside. Something my fellow owl mates do not understand or accept. As I head out for my nightly hunt, I look up at the moon. Tonight, it is bright blue, the prettiest of blues I had ever seen in my many seasons living. In the far distance, a pack of wolves were howling, lovely tunes at the moon. I loved how they howled and only wished I could sing as them.

They continued their howls, and calls, and it felt like they were calling to me, beckoning me to follow their sound. As if they wanted me to find where they were. I forgot that I was on a hunt, and instead took a low flight on the ground and followed their echoes. When their song was louder, I landed and stalked through the fog and mist, using my hearing as a guide as their sweet melody beckoned me closer to them.

I finally found my way on a high point mountain. I was surrounded by wolves of all colors and sizes, all howling towards the bright, blue moon. I looked up at it, longing to be a part of the pack. In my heart, I was a wolf, but I knew I was not born a wolf. The grand alpha was standing at the high peak. He stopped howling and I felt his eyes avert towards me.

He jumped down and walked towards me slowly, and the other howls slowly subsided with every step he took, until not a single howl could be heard. By the time he reached me, all wolves had their eyes on me, and not a noise could be heard. The alpha was looking at me, not taking his eyes off me, all that could be heard was the sounds of the rustling leaves in the trees from the winds that surrounded us.

It was eerie, the winds still blowing hard, I could hear the trees rustling, the shadows of the clouds pacing by us, but around the wolves and I, it felt like time had stopped. The wind did not ruffle my feathers or ruffle the fur of the wolves. The alpha that stood before me sat down, and I could hear his thoughts, 'little owl, what brings you to our mountain?'

'Your song called to me.'

'Called to you? How did it call you?

'It just did. I may only look like a barn owl, but mother nature made a mistake with me. I am not ordinary barn owl. I am a wolf at heart. I hate flying, I hate being in the sky. I prefer to be low. I want to be in a pack, not in a flock. I do not sleep in barns, or trees, I sleep in lower places such as dens I dig, holes not occupied by other animals. Mice taste disgusting to me, I crave meat from bigger mammals. I can also go longer periods of time without eating than my own flock.'

'Can you howl at the moon?'

'Unfortunately, this I cannot do, I long to.'

'Have you tied?'

'N-no? My flock refuses to give me the opportunity to. It is forbidden for me to try. They deny me the options to be who I am. Many times, I have wanted to abandon them, but I did not. Until tonight, your howl beckoned for me, and I do not know why, I was pulled, I could not resist.'

The alpha looked around at his pack, they all looked at him. Then his pack looked at the moon. He himself looked at the moon. He closed his eyes. I looked around, and one by one, each member of his pack closed their eyes and bowed down. I did not know what was happening. It was complete silence, even the wind that rustled the trees stopped. His gaze stayed at the moon for a long time, and I just watched him. He was magnificent. His posture wonderful. How I longed to be a wolf. I felt so small compared to him. Before I knew it the wind picked up in the trees around us, and he opened his eyes and brought his gaze back to me and the other wolves lifted up.

'Walk with me,' the alpha stood up and walked majestically to the high point rock, and I did as I was told. It would have been disrespectful to not follow him, after all, he did not eat me for trespassing on his land. I watched him curiously, he was an old alpha, but looked wise. Gazing around, all the other wolves sat straight and waited on him. The way they carried themselves, I could easily see how much this wise old alpha was respected. He must have been a long time alpha. One of the wolves to my right nudged me, I looked at her, she nodded her head in his direction sternly.

Placing my attention back to the alpha after the female wolf's stern warning, I saw he was watching me closely. 'Sorry, sir.'

'Curiosity is for the young, and is encouraged, however, for warriors, we must stray from it and be on guard at all times. You are not a young one anymore, it is time to take your place as a warrior.'

I felt sad at this, but at the same time, I oddly understood what he meant. Instinct told me what he meant. My hatchling days were behind me, and I knew how to survive and help my flock survive. I could even survive on my own if I wanted to leave them, which I have contemplated for many seasons now. I don't belong in a flock, I do not fit in. "I'm sorry alpha, I understand.'

'It's understandable. Here, on this mountaintop, you can be who you are. you are free to be what you are, who you are, and no one can tell you different. Now, look at the moon. Let the moon guide you. You feel you are a wolf at heart, every wolf has a howl inside. They just need to find it. It is time for you to find your howl. On this mountaintop peak, many generations of wolves have come here and found their howl. Some of our young ones have found theirs tonight, and we have a few that still need to. No wolf finds their howl at the same time, it is very special, and intimate. Let the moon talk to you, guide you, and then let the howl out.'

'How will I know?

'You will just know.'

I looked up at the beautiful moon, so blue, so majestic. Standing on this high-top mountain, surrounded by wolves, right next to the grand alpha, I felt like I was home for the first time. I felt peace and humbleness fill within my soul. I was right where I belonged. I was part of the pack.

I closed my eyes, but I could still see the moon. Doing as the grand alpha said, I listened. Waiting for the moon to speak to me. For a long time, things were silent. All I could hear was the wind rustling the surrounding forest trees. The wind was still frozen in time around us, as if time just stood still. Then I felt it, deep in my bones, I felt shivers, the moon was speaking to me.

"Owl with the heart of a wolf, I brought you to your new home, your new pack. As you have known your entire life, you do not belong in a flock, you are special. I know you feel I made a mistake by making you an owl, rest assured, I made no mistake. You were born an owl on purpose. Life is full of obstacles, trials, hurt, pain and suffering. In your many seasons, you have experienced all of this. You have grown stronger because of this, and in times when you wanted to abandon your flock, you did not. This is a quality your pack will treasure in you. You stayed, until I brought you here tonight. Yes, it was me that brought you here. Now it is time to meet your full potential, look deep inside yourself, deep in your soul, your heart. Feel what you truly desire...dig deep owl wolf, lift your head towards me high up, higher, higher, now LET IT OUT!'

Next thing I knew, I had my head up towards the blue moon as high as I could go, and my eyes still closed but I could see the moon clearer than ever, every crater, every imperfection on the moon, such beauty that I never realized was there. I saw myself reflected in the moon, but not as an owl, as a white wolf! I opened my beak, as my reflection opened the snout, and when I thought a screech would come out, I bellowed a loud, strong and long howl. It was exhilarating, and beautiful, an experience I will forever treasure. I did not want it to end. I opened my eyes, and saw that the other wolves had joined in, and we were howling together. I felt at peace for the first time.

The young wolves that needed to find their howls still came next to me, and the power surged through me, and I felt their howls go through my soul straight to them, and they began to howl at the same time! Something that never happened, happened this very night. All the wolves surrounding us could feel a power on that mountain this blue moon night. My heart was pounding as I let my howl rise, rise higher and higher. The more I howled, the more peace I felt within.

The moon was right, this was home, this was my pack, I was no ordinary barn owl, I was an owl with a wolf heart who could overcome anything. I was special. My differences are what make me unique and special, and I do not know what it is I can bring to the pack, but I am sure I will be useful.

When the pack looks at me, they do not see an owl, they see a fellow wolf of their own pack. They protect me as their own, and I them. With my ability to fly, I can see a predator greater than us coming, and we can hold our ground and protect the cubs, or when hunting, I can find the where the deer and caribou are hiding out. The eating is fresher and better, I have found that I am getting stronger every day.