The Open Letter

When a woman is placed to experience the past of her 5 homeless friends without being able to see anything, she is guided to understand the ways of God through His eyes. A fiction story filled with engaging truth and a beautiful awakening through poetic cries to God and God responding with poetic guidance and love in the further chapters. There will be numerous events you can relate to, because after all, no matter how different we all are, we do have striking similarities in how our lives unfold. With a blend of emotions and life lessons, this book is worth your every minute.

Chapter One: Moving In

They all wanted to end their lives — so they did. The crazy part is that they didn’t even know they ended their lives until years later. When I met them, without question, I assumed them as being a part of the living; and they, without question, assumed the exact same. There was really nothing to think about, that is until I was placed in an unreal situation.

It happened on a Saturday morning. Everything was pitch black as if my vision was impaired. My other senses, though, felt strengthened. Have you ever experienced a scent so strong that you could practically taste it? The taste of alcohol was so intense, and yet I was simply smelling it. I tried to turn my body around in hopes of seeing a light beaming from any direction, but I realized I couldn't move my feet. It felt as if they had been planted in cement. I tugged my legs and jerked my body around, but all it caused was exhaustion and fear. It felt like I was floating, and yet my feet were nailed to the ground. I paused for a second as my mind raced with many questions. Was I drugged? Was I turning into a superhero? Wasn't I just on the sofa all by myself?

I wanted to ask myself these questions out loud, but instead, my body was overcome by intense fear as I tried to speak. I couldn't get a single sound out.

“Okay… okay… okay,” I thought to myself in attempts to calm down. I closed my eyes, counted to ten in my head, and tried to control my breathing. I tried to ground myself in a way that would help me think clearly.

“Try harder!” I thought to myself. My chest puffed up as I took a deep breath in, and my body slowly bent over as I tried to shout at the top of my lungs. What would have typically been a loud sound turned out to be pure silence.

Not understanding what was happening was undeniably scary; but the lack of control I had over my body was even more terrifying. Especially when I imagined a variety of possibilities that could happen while I had no ability to make noise or even move my feet. Needless to say, the consequences of my thoughts caused my fears to accelerate.

“Alright…,” I took a breath in and let a breath out.

“…you’re breathing, everything is okay, you’re fine,” I thought to myself as I prepared for whatever would come my way. That was when it all started.

I heard sounds I couldn’t quite make out. All my thoughts and emotions came to a stiffening pause. At first, I couldn’t make out the noises, but as I focused on listening, they became clearer.

The mysterious noises turned into murmurs from a human voice; a woman was talking. Then I heard another voice, but this time it was a man. The voices kept getting louder and clearer as they moved in closer from different directions. A woman was crying out with intense pain flowing through each word she spoke.

Then I heard the voice of a man crying out with equal, excruciating pain. It wasn't like they were speaking to each other though, or even listening to each other. One cry came from my far left while the other came from my far right. As I focused on the voices, my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and my eyes welled up with tears.

I haven’t shared the story of my experience with many others because it’s not an easy one to share. I’ve been afraid of others not believing my story and it pushes me to question my sanity.

I’ve come to realize that I have a strong support group; and it’s important for others to hear my story and those of my friends.

Before I continue informing you of my experience, let me introduce myself and my friends by telling you how oddly we came to meet.

The very day that I moved into my new apartment was the very day I met them. It was around 10 years ago now.

They were sitting on the edge of the sidewalk over by the street. I hadn’t given them much attention that morning, but I did notice that they were there. I had been too busy moving things out of the rented truck and into mine and Mady’s new apartment to be able to give anything or anyone else much attention.

Mady is my daughter, and she plays a huge role in the story that I’m going to share with you all.

It all began just before lunch when I was rushing, trying to get everything done as quickly as possible on my own as I also kept Mady entertained. My frustration grew, along with stress, because I knew the longer I kept the truck, the more they would charge me. I was already living paycheck to paycheck and didn’t want to pay any more than necessary. My daughter and I had just moved out of my parents’ home and we were finally going to be living on our own. At the time, I was scared and worried, yet super excited about this big change.

My emotions were everywhere. Mady was helping me carry the little things into our home while I took care of the bigger boxes and items. I recall rushing, not paying attention to many details, which led me to pick up a box that was not sealed with tape correctly. It happened to be a box with knick knacks and two glass vases in it. As you’d guess, the box opened at the bottom when I carried it over the walkway leading into the apartment. The next thing I knew, there was glass everywhere.

My first thoughts were,

“I knew I shouldn’t have been lazy packing my things. I should’ve taken the time to wrap these with packing paper,” my next thought was:

“Great, now I have to waste time cleaning this mess up, and practically be paying someone else by the minute for it.” At the corner of my eye, I saw my little girl headed my way and exclaim,

“Mommy, what happened? Are you okay?” Instantly, my next thought was of Madyson stepping on some glass and hurting herself.

“Mady, don't come anywhere near here!” I shouted at her as I placed my hands into a position to block her from walking into the area.

“Let me clean this up first and then you can come this way,” I demanded as I stared at the mess with frustration. I looked over at Madyson and finally took a calm breath to answer her concerning questions.

“The box wasn’t sealed correctly with tape, which is my fault. And yes, I’m okay babe. I’m okay. Just let me clean all this up and then you can come back over. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

Her dark brown eyes softened as she realized that everything was fine. I turned to look back at the mess again, and in the corner of my eye I could see Mady walking back into the truck with the small box she’d been holding in her arms. I turned to look at her as she placed the little box down on the floor of the truck and sat herself comfortably on a bigger box to watch me clean.

I still try not to blame myself any more for what happened that day, but I know I should’ve been more attentive to her as a mother. Even with the emotions I was dealing with along with my focus needed on the mess, I should’ve stayed attentive to my child.

I was so stuck on what was happening at that moment that nothing else caught my attention. I didn’t notice any dogs walking by, people walking by… or if Mady was even still sitting safely in the truck.

I focused on cleaning up as best I could with the thought of Mady walking through the area and hoping that she wouldn't step on a single shattered piece of glass. After scavenging through the grass and all over the sidewalk, I realized that I had done the best I could. I was exhausted, mainly from the frustration of the situation, but also from being on my hands and knees searching for every little piece of glass I could find. It was very infuriating, but nonetheless I got the job done. I stood up, threw the last bit away, and dusted my hands off over the garbage can.

“Alright, I'm done. Let's just take a break and go get some lunch, Mady.” I said as I still looked around on the ground just to make sure. A sense of relief took over, while I understood that a well-deserved break was about to begin, and that I needed to quit worrying over everything. Mady was not hurt, I was fine, and the mess had been cleaned up. I would just work overtime to get a little extra money on my next paycheck.

I looked at the moving truck toward the place where I had seen Mady sitting last. The small box she was carrying was still placed on the floor next to the bigger box she was sitting on, but… she wasn't there.

Chapter Two: How We Met

I called out her name as I walked closer to the truck.

“Mady!” I exclaimed loudly as I searched behind other boxes in the moving truck.

“Madyson, babe… I need you to come here with me, right now!” I commanded her as I continued my search. I pushed through all the boxes and furniture while calling her name repeatedly. But there was no response.

I instantly began to panic, but I talked myself into staying as calm as I could. I remember telling myself that if I’d lost it, I wouldn’t be able to search for her properly. I needed to keep my mind focused. Deciding to stay focused makes all the difference when you’re trying to achieve something important.

“Inside,” I mumbled to myself as I jogged to our new place. I didn’t recall seeing her cross my path to get into the house. There wasn't really a way she could’ve gotten in without crossing my path where the broken glass was shattered. Still, I ran through each room in the new place as I called her name.

“Mady! Mady! This is serious, come out right now!” I walked out of the house quickly and looked back toward the truck, but I still didn’t see her. As I stood at the front door, I looked to my left as far as I could, and then to my right. I didn’t know which direction to go toward next because Madyson was nowhere in sight, and when I knew this for sure, I started to panic again. This time, I was not able to talk myself out of it.

I ran back inside the house to grab my phone. I instantly dialed 911 as I ran back outside.

“Yes, my daughter,” I rambled on as soon as I heard a voice on the other end.

“I can’t find her. She was just here in the moving truck. I was cleaning and now I don’t know where she is. I shouldn’t have taken my eyes off her. I don’t know where she is now.” I rambled on as the lady on the line was trying to ask me where I lived along with a few other questions. She then began to work with me, I’m guessing, just to get my attention,

“How long has she been missing?” she asked. My first thought was to ask, “why the heck does that matter?” but instead I decided to cooperate.

“I’m, I’m not 100 percent sure. I’ve been cleaning for around ten minutes, and now I’ve been searching for five minutes or so…,” I was cut off before finishing my sentence.

I don’t remember her exact words as she began repeating the first question, but I remember them making me feel like what I was going through wasn’t important enough. It pushed me to the point where I hung up and started searching for Madyson on my own.

I began running to my left where the pool was located at our new complex. She knew how to swim so I wasn’t worried about finding her there unless it was to play. Also, she was very good at asking for permission before leaving my sight. As I recalled those qualities about Madyson… my suspicions of what could’ve happened to her became more and more fearful and worrisome.

As I headed toward the pool with a light jog, one of the guys who was sitting at the edge of the sidewalk walked up to me. I remember wanting to push him out of my way so I could continue my search, but then again, it hit me how he could possibly help. He stood before me and began to talk, but all I could think about was Mady.

“Have you seen her? My daughter. Have you seen my daughter?” The words just tumbled out of me as I began walking my way to the gate by the pool. He followed me as he said a few words I couldn’t quite put together, mainly because my mind was so focused on possibly seeing Madyson. I scanned the entire section, but there was nothing. The pool was empty, the water was still, and nothing was around the chairs or the garbage cans. It felt like my mind had frozen and no other thoughts or movements had existed.

At that moment, he stood right in front of me and lightly grabbed me by the outer part of my upper arms. He tilted his head to the side and positioned his face directly in my sight, maybe to gain my attention by making eye-contact since I was clearly not listening. I was drifting off in thoughts, and it was obvious to anyone glancing at me. I stood there breathing heavily and silently as he gave me a comforting stare with his calm brown eyes. I instantly realized that he was there to help me. I zoned back into reality and regained focus only to hear his voice begin to speak again.

“Hi, ma’am, my name is Tommy,” he said to me without expecting a response and yet knowing I was listening this time.

“Um, I know I don't seem like a trustworthy man...,” he said with such truthfulness as he gestured his hands toward himself. It’s like he knew that I’d judge him based on his torn clothing and the long, light black beard with a mustache to match it. He stood about 6 feet tall and seemed to be in his early thirties. He continued as I tried to keep calm and listen, “but I assure you that I’m an honest man willing to help. Mady, your daughter? I’ve heard you shout her name a few times. She’s lost for the moment. Let's find her.”

His deep, rustic voice spoke with such compassion and assurance that I simply allowed myself to trust him. It didn't feel like I had much of a choice either way. Either I accepted his offer of help or kept searching for her on my own with hopes that an officer would show up to help.

I tried to begin speaking, but my voice was so shaky that it took a few seconds to get through the sentences. Every word I spoke accompanied my physical action of looking around to see if Mady would pop up.

“She's, she’s 7 years old... yes, her name is Mady. Madyson Roman,” I responded the best I could. I panicked and could barely get the words out.

“She is wearing a, like, a purple tutu dress with, uhm, with pink legging pants.” As I finished my sentence, I realized that the other four who were over at the end of the sidewalk with him had arrived to help as well. After nodding my head at them with a quick, lip-pressed smile as a type of greeting, I started walking more out to my left to search around the complex.

Chapter Three: The Never-Ending Search

As I continued my search, I heard Tommy giving directions to his friends which really added to my comfort. A plan was in action, and it gave me some assurance that Mady would be found quicker.

“Milo, Hope,” Tommy called out as he pointed toward a man and a woman who both seemed to be in their mid-forties.

Milo had a stern, yet gentle look to his 5 feet 10-inch stance. One which made me feel like he would go to war with anyone that stood in his way, but not without first trying to find a peaceful route. He had short, dark hair on his head, a mustache to match, and a short beard to go with it. More like the one that hasn’t been shaved in a few weeks instead of the one that he was attempting to grow himself. He also looked to me as a guy who did push-ups in his spare time… and it seemed he had a lot of spare time.

“Go check the pool areas throughout the complex” Tommy kindly demanded.

“On our way,” exclaimed Hope.

Her name seemed to match her image in a way. She seemed to be tall enough to reach the second shelf of dishes if she stood on the tip of her toes. She had a lighter complexion than Milo, but was still as beautifully brown as the autumn leaves that fall gently from the trees onto the ground, creating such a peaceful scenery. Her eyes were just as dark as his, but they carried a peaceful, yet sad tone to them. She seemed native as her hair reminded me of a horse's tail and her voice was as gentle as the sight of her.

“Xavier and Audrey-Ana…,” Tommy continued giving out directions.

“Go check the park and I'll check around the right side of the apartment complex.”

Xavier was more of a tough looking guy. He had a tall stance with his shoulders aligned perfectly straight as a variety of tattoos ran down both his arms. His head was shaved, and his beard and mustache seemed to have been growing for months now. His green eyes stood out profoundly due to his olive skin and dark brown facial hair. He seemed to be in his late forties, and as if he’s been through enough in life to not care for anyone’s opinion of him. As everyone had responded to Tommy verbally, he was the only one that stayed silent and would only nod his head in agreement. I looked over to see what seemed to be the opposite of Xavier. Audrey-Ana.

She was a sweet looking young girl who seemed to only be in her early thirties and nearing 5 feet 5 inches in height. She had the lightest complexion of all the others and had a gentle appearance. Her hair was beautiful, light brown, and she had the eyes to match it. She smiled continuously regardless of anyone smiling back at her. She kept her hands in her pockets and seemed very reserved, yet willing to help with anything needed as she was the first one to quickly move after Tommy gave directions.

As I watched how everyone began to follow Tommy’s instructions, I continued searching for Madyson in all the places nearby. I wanted to stay close to the apartment just in case she would return.

I never experienced something as frightening as hearing so many people shouting out my daughter's name due to not being able to find her. My mind raced with thought after thought while my heart felt as if it kept falling deeper and deeper into the pit of my stomach. There’s no other feeling like it.

The day that I lost Madyson was also the day on which I realized how this world was full of selfish people who have absolutely no compassion for others, just pity.

“I hope she comes up; I’ll keep an eye out.”

“I’ll pray for the situation. Everything will be fine.”

“It's only been 30 minutes. I’m sure she’s just hiding. Kids will be kids.”

These were just some of the responses I received from people who were curious about what was happening but didn't want to give up any of their free time on a situation where a child could just be “hiding.”

They created the time to ask questions to fulfill their own curiosity but couldn't find the time to help a stranger. My heart sank a little deeper each time one of my new neighbors walked away to continue their day knowing that everything was alright in their own lives and had no care for my or my daughter’s life. Yet, also without me knowing it, my heart tended to feel a bit better each time I saw one of the five helping me without making me feel I was going through “nothing.” They hoped she was just hiding, but worked as if it could be more.

About 20 to 25 minutes later, I decided to try calling the police again. No one had shown up from the first call I made and I was too caught up with this new group of people helping me that I didn’t even notice how much time had gone by. I picked up the phone and began to dial when I saw Tommy headed back in my direction. He was staring at the moving truck that was still parked in front of my apartment with squinted eyes and a tilted head. He jogged closer to the truck and pointed at the front of the truck. It was her! She popped her head up and placed it out of the passenger side window of the truck. We had all completely forgotten to look in the front of the truck!

“Madyson? Is that Madyson?” Tommy shouted. I ran over to the side of the truck he was pointing towards and saw her little head popping back into the truck. I ran over to the driver’s side of the truck, opened the door, and jumped in. She had decided to take a nap as I cleaned up the glass.

I gently picked her up and held her in my arms. I knew that the moment of fear, which felt like an eternity, was over. She was okay, and my mind was at ease. My moment alone with her ended when she jumped up from my arms as she heard a stranger’s voice saying her name.

“Hey, guys!” I heard Tommy’s voice yell out to the others,

“We found her; it’s Madyson! She’s here!”

I looked back down at Mady, kissed her on her forehead, and with extreme confusion and messy hair, she asked, “Um, Mommy... what’s going on?”

There was no way I could describe to her the heart-wrenched feeling that had just overcome my entire body. I simply held her and kept repeating how much I loved her while responding with,

“I just thought you were hiding from me, and I was getting worried because I couldn’t find you. But it’s okay now… I now know that you’re okay.”

After the storm of searching for her, when everyone was relaxed, I realized that these five folks had given up their time to help me even if she had been “just playing hide and seek.” As we were taking the time to properly introduce ourselves, I realized I had come to learn so much about them in such little time.

They gave me around 30 minutes of their time and would have given me even longer if I needed it. Others could say “well, what else did they have going on? Of course they had time, they’re homeless,” but that’s why I was so intrigued.

And yes, when I mentioned my friends ended their lives, I meant the lives they were living — not their physical being. No more tricks, I promise. The story I’m going to tell is nothing short of amazing.

Why did these five people have the heart to help me but didn’t have the heart to help themselves? None of them seemed to have any physical disabilities forcing them to be homeless. I wanted to understand.

Little did I know, I was setting myself up for a terrifying and painful experience that would help me deeply comprehend how these friends of mine ended their lives and became homeless.

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