The Many Adventures of Dangerous Dave and Silly Steve

TAP TAP!BANG BANG BANG!THUD THUD! The loud noise woke Dave up with a fright, he sat up in bed so very quickly that he banged his head on the ceiling, Dave bounced back onto the bed so forcefully that the screws gave way and the top bunk collapsed onto an unsuspecting Steve’s bottom bunk.

“STEVE??” BANG BANG BANG THUD “STEVE WHAT’S THAT NOISE?? HAVE YOU ACCIDENTLY LOCKED NAN IN THE ATTIC AGAIN?”

There was no reply, as Steve was quite tightly stuck between the two bunks, if Dave has listened very carefully he would have heard the very faint muffles of Steve shouting for help. Dave jumped onto the floor (as he did every morning) unaware of the now flat one levelled bunk bed. “wow” he said “ I must have grown a lot last night, I basically stepped off my bunk bed.” Dave ran over to the window. He could see a very red and sweaty Norris hammering the door frame back on downstairs. Dave banged on the window really loudly, just as Norris went to hammer in another nail. Norris jumped missed the nail and accidentally smashed Nan’s front window with the hammer.

“HI NORRIS” Dave shouted, waving excitedly out of the bedroom window at him. Norris looked up and scowled. He muttered something under his breath but Dave couldn’t quite work out what he was saying, as Norris whizzed off on his scooter down the pathway to go to his tool shed, Dave politely shouted out the window “It’s OK Norris, You can thank me later” Dave smiled to himself as he shut the window whilst thinking he had now done his first good deed of the day. Norris just loved fixing things. “IT’S OK STEVE IT’S NOT NAN STUCK IN THE ATTIC IT’S NORRIS FIXING THE DOOR” Dave looked around their bedroom, puzzled, where was Steve? He shrugged his shoulders and galloped down the stairs to eat some bacon bits and ice cream.

3 hours later and a lot of effort, pushing and pulling Steve finally managed to free himself from the bunk bed, he looked a very whitey grey colour (as if someone had sucked all the air out of him with a big vacuum cleaner) and his nose was a little bit flat where the top bunk had been lying on it. He hunched over the bed trying to get his breath. Dave ran into the bedroom.

“STEVE! What have you done to our bunk beds?” Dave looked at Steve in horror. Steve could not look at Dave as he was struggling to get his breath back “ errrr.... I.... hufffff.... pfffffftt.... you”

“Steve you are making no sense! I have already broken something for Norris to fix today, and he is still mending the door from last night, besides we don’t break our own things, because he won’t fix them. He only fixes Nan’s stuff!”

“hhhhhhhhhhuuuuuhhhhhhh....... I was asleep..... pffffffftt.... huuuuuffffff..... and then I woke up all of a sudden.... pfft... huffff... and the bed was eating me”

“Don’t be so silly Steve bed’s can’t eat you. Beaches eat you and possibly Nan might try to eat you if she hasn’t got her glasses on. But beds do not eat people. You must have broken it while you were sleeping! What were you dreaming about?”

“I was having the worst nightmare, it was them birds, they were everywhere, they had taken over, one had flown off with Scribbles in it’s pointy mouth! They’d flown off with all of our icecream”

Dave gasped “Not the ice cream Steve”

“Yes Dave the ice cream, and that’s not even the worst part!”

“I don’t think I can hear anymore” said Dave hunching his shoulders down and squinting his eyes.

“They had made Nan into a birds nest”

“Oh my, that’s just, I can’t even. Steve that is the worst nightmare I have ever heard! You must have been fighting the birds off Nan in your dream, and that’s how you broke the bed. No one and I mean no one messes with Nan, bunk bed or not you saved her so I’ll let you off. You Steve are a hero, thank you for saving Nan” He held out his hand as if to shake Steve’s, Steve looked at Dave’s hand and placed his head on it. “It’s ok Dave” he said beaming “No one messes with Nan”

Dave patted him on the head and stood with his hands on his hips! He looked around for a while with a rather puzzled look on his face, scratching his nose.

“Are you ok Dave? Do you have to sneeze?”

“No! I’m thinking”

“Are you sure, is it trapped wind?”

“Steve I’m thinking”

“Brain freeze from breakfast?”

“YOU ARE INTERUPPTING MY THINKING”

At that moment they heard Norris whizzing up the road. He had many a tool in tow, he has also been to the DIY Store and had a new front door and window strapped to the back of his scooter. They were laid flat, and an old man walking on the pavement had to jump out the way to avoid being flung over by Nan’s new door.

“I know” Dave exclaimed “Follow me”

They ran down the stairs and out of the hole where the front door has been, as they got outside Norris was almost at the gate, Dave in his excitement to speak to Norris and ask him something really important couldn’t wait for Norris to actually get into the front garden, so he kept running and Steve followed. Just as they came out of the gate Steve saw Scribbles on the fence, as he was still running he looked at Scribbles and said

“I’ll stop and fuss you later Scribbles me and Dave are.....”

BANGGGGGGGG

Steve collided with the door strapped to Norris’ scooter. He went flying into the air, did a back flip and landed back in the garden head first in a bush. Norris started laughing uncontrollably.

Dave looked at Steve, ran over and pulled him out by his ankles, he emerged with sticks and twigs tangled in his hair and dirt all over his face “Steve why do you never take anything seriously, this isn’t time to look for insects! We have to fix the bunk bed”

“But... “

Dave walked off over to Norris, who was red in the face from laughing so hard, and had tears streaming down his face.

“Morning Norris” Norris stopped laughing

“David” he said, starting his scooter back up

“Lovely day isn’t it Norris for fixing things, I bet you’re really glad I helped you break that window earlier!” Dave was now running alongside Norris and they had passed the house.

“What do you want” Norris sped up

“Well we are actually fixing something today Norris too, our bed actually...”

“The one you made out of my last tool shed?” Norris interrupted

“Yes that one Norris and we were, well I mean Steve was wondering if we could borrow”

“NO WAY” Norris didn’t let Dave finish. By this time Norris was too fast and had managed to break away from Dave. Dave stopped panting, resting his hands on his knees.

“OK WELL MAYBE LATER” Dave shouted and walked back to the house.

“Yeah Later” Norris shouted and laughed sarcastically as he drove off up the road equipped with the window and door. He quickly looked back to check Dave was out of sight, as he did so the corner of the door clipped a big oak tree and sent Norris spiralling out of control. Dave by this time was back in the garden, a very twiggy, muddy Steve was sitting on the front step stroking Scri bbles, as she licked the mud off his cheeks.

“What’s the plan then Dave?”

“Well I went to ask Norris if we could borrow his tools, he must have been in a real rush to get somewhere, because he was going pretty fast, well he said no way, but then when I said maybe later he said yeah maybe and started laughing. I don’t know what was so funny.”

“Well that’s good then, we just have to wait until later, then we can use Norris’ tools to fix our bed! How long does it take to get to later Dave?”

“Well later, just means not right now, so maybe if we waited like 10 minutes! Then that would definitely be later than when I asked him”

“Maybe wait 11 minutes Dave just to be sure?”

“Brilliant idea Steve, we’ll just sit here and wait 11 minutes then that will 100 percent be later”

As Dave perched on the step next to Steve, an ambulance whirred past.

Dave started to swap his feet over one on top of the other, and then back the other way. Scribbles had since run off as she had heard Nan start up the car, Nan grinded off on just three wheels (without her glasses on) and quite remarkably only took 2 wing mirrors off 2 separate cars and uprooted one lamp post on her way out of the road.

Steve started slapping his lips together making funny noises, by hitting his tongue onto the back of his teeth at the same time.

Dave slumped down and sighed “This is taking hourrrrsssssss... How long has it been?”

“5 minutes and 37 seconds” Steve said

Dave looked impressed at Steves precise time giving skills and then mortified at how long they still had left “errrrgggggghhhhh, that’s not even a quater of the way to 11 minutes” He started tapping his foot at a very fast pace. “Right” He sprang up from his seat “I am making an executive decision,  5 minutes and whatever many seconds is later enough we have been waiting literally all day for later to come so enough is enough! We are going to use Norris’ tools”

Steve followed Dave’s actions and also sprang to his feet, however he saluted Dave and shouted “Ready when you are!”

“Right” Dave looked around “Where have they gone?”

“I think Norris might have had them on his scooter, I remember seeing his toolbox as I was flying into that bush” Steve pointed at the bush.

Dave stood looking puzzled again, this time scratching his ear.

“HAVE YOU GOT EARACHE DAVE?”

“WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING AT ME STEVE?”

“INCASE YOU HAVE EARACHE AND YOU CAN’T HEAR ME”

“I don’t have earache I am thinking about where Norris might have gone”

At that moment the same ambulance that had come past about 10 minutes before, whirred by again but in the other direction. The boys were too busy thinking that they didn’t see the ambulance towing Norris’ scooter with the window and door still firmly attached.

“Steve I know I think Norris might have gone back to the DIY Store to get something he missed if we go there we will meet him on the way back and he will borrow us his tools because it’s later!”

Dave again started running and Steve followed. Not too far up the road, Steve and Dave stopped at the sight of Norris’ tools splayed across the pavement and a big dent in the oak tree.

“Oh how nice of him” Dave smiled

“How nice of who?”

“Norris of course, look!" Dave gestured at all of Norris’ tools lying on the floor “He must have left them here for us as he knew he wouldn’t be back before later”

“Oh yeah” Steve understood now “How very kind of him”

Unbeknown to the fact that Norris was now actually lying in a hospital bed with a very nasty bang to his head and a broken ankle, the boys picked up Norris’ tools scooped them back into his tool bag and hurried back to the house.

They hammered up the stairs at break neck speed almost squashing scribbles in their mad rush, the banister shook and the pictures on the wall trembled on their hooks. They skidded round the corner and jumped into the bedroom. Dave threw the contents of the tool bag onto the floor.

“Right we need to prop the bed back up somehow..... hmmmmm.......” He looked around, up and down, at the wardrobe, the ceiling, turned around a few times, scratched his head, then he looked at Steve. “I know” He pointed his finger into the air “You can balance it on your back Steve”

“errrmmmm... I don’t.... I don’t really want to be eaten ag....”

“It’s fine” Dave interrupted “You won’t be asleep, so you won’t be having scary bird nightmares saving Nan, so that means you won’t be kicking around trying to fight them off, so the bed won’t fall on you again, Promise”

“Ermm... ok.... If you’re sure”

“Right, I’ll lift it for you and you can get under and balance it on your back” Dave heaved the top bunk as hard as he could, he rested the bottom of the frame across his shoulders, and pushed his heels as hard as he could into the carpet, he panted and huffed and made some funny scrunchy faces. Steve thought he looked like he might have been eating a lemon. After a lot of huffing and funny noises from Dave, there was a very loud creaking noise, it carried on for a very long time. Steve watched in astonishment as a very large crack moved slowly up the length of the bed frame.

“Dave?”

“I’m a little busy” Dave strained

“I think that it would be best if you didn’t move there’s a....”

“I’ve almost got it!” The sweat was dripping down Dave’s forehead and onto his top lip, which was starting to tickle. His lips started to twitch and he was now pulling faces that somewhat resembled a pig with a fly on his nose with really, really big eyes. With all his might he gave one last heave as he could not take the tickling anymore....

“NOOOOOOOOO” Steve screamed

CRASSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! CREAAAAAAKKKKKK! BOINGGGGGGG! SMASSSSSHHHH!

The bed frame gave way, the springs in the mattress of the top bunk coiled up and sprang back sending the mattress hurtling across the bedroom, taking various tools, a banana skin, some dirty socks, a bit of bed frame and Dave’s teddy SuperDave with it. Steve looked in absolute horror as the mattress and all of the bits it had collected flew across the air at him. He was so shocked he couldn’t move. He let out an almightly squeal as the mattress took him in its path of destruction, and it didn’t stop, it was going so fast by the time it reached the window, it smashed straight through it and plummeted onto the front garden. Steve had somehow managed to clamber on top of the mattress so as not to be squashed. Although this did quite possibly save his life, it unfortunately meant that when the mattress impacted with the ground, Steve was for the second time that day flying through the air.

Norris was on his way home from the hospital, he had a bandage around his head, and a plaster cast on his leg. He may have broken a few bones but he was at least relived that Nan’s window and door were still intact. He was daydreaming about taking Nan to the arcades once he had finished fixing the front door and window, Nan got so excited when they went to the arcades, she loved collecting all the tokens to get prizes, without doubt every time she would leave with novelty hat, the last one was shaped like a hot dog. Norris was interrupted by a splat on his head. He grimaced and pulled a banana skin off the top of his head (Norris didn’t have any hair on the very top of his head, only some grey little sprouts here and there around the sides), he then heard a clank and looked down and saw a spanner in the foot well of his scooter.

“What the......”

With an extraordinary clatter Steve landed right on top of Norris!

“Ahhhhhhhh...... Get off me”

They had toppled the scooter onto its side, but the door had broken the fall and meant they were suspended between the pavement and being upright, Steve was slightly shaken up and was just trying to get his bearings, flying through the air at such speed can make your brain go a little fuzzy, especially when it’s been twice in one day!  But then a very familiar and distinct sound of metal grinding on the pavement rang through his ears.

“oh dear....” Steve gulped and looked at Norris

“Is she wearing her glasses?”

Steve shook his head.

The next few moments were rather a blur, anyone watching the scene unfold from their front window would have seen the following. An old man with a bandaged head and plaster cast, trying with all his might to get a much younger man, with very messy hair, looking a bit floppy with various bits of rubbish stuck to his jacket, off him. Both men suspended across a scooter that was almost sideways but balanced up by a door strapped to the back of it, both screaming, shouting help, surrounded by various tools, a teddy bear and a sorry looking mattress. They were both frantically waving about, kicking their legs and wiggling to try and get the scooter back up. Anyone watching this scene would of next heard the sound of metal on tarmac slicing down the road, this sound is enough to make someone with the strongest nerves hair stand on end, they would of then seen Nan floor it into the close without her glasses on and a washing line stuck to the front of her car, we know that it is a washing line as there are still someone’s clothes pegged to it. This poor person would then have witnessed the old lady at the wheel, barely even tall enough to see out of her windscreen, make an abrupt stop as she crashed into the scooter and the two men on the floor. The front door split in two, the scooter fall onto the floor along with both men, the old lady gambol out of her driver’s door with her perm all over the place, with the gearstick clenched in her hand, and Norris starting to cry! Unfortunately that is exactly what happened. This poor person would most defiantly need to go and have a nice sit down, with a piping hot cup of tea and a hobnob to try and process what they had just witnessed.

“Oh dear, I hope that’s not another postman” Nan mumbled walking away as quickly as she could from the scene of the crash. She threw the gearstick behind her as she hobbled off quickly, it hit Norris right between the eyes!

Not much could be heard over Norris’ sobs.