The Journey Home

The waves lapped against the pier as I stared into the dark water, I didn't want to leave Dublin but Father decided it would be for the best. I knew it was difficult for my folks to find work, I would lay awake and eavesdrop on their discussions. The decision to emigrate was made months ago, our money was scrimped and saved to purchase the tickets for a ship. Leaving my grandmother behind was the hardest thing for me to accept. “Liam,” she rasped to me as the tears streamed down my face, “be a good boy. Help your Mam and Da as much as you can. I can't make this journey, but I feel that you will do great things in America.” That was the last thing she said before kissing my forehead and turning towards the window in her wheelchair. I turned back one last time at the door to say goodbye, but the words got stuck in my throat. Grandma had turned to watch me go, her wrinkled face forced into a smile but her blue eyes betrayed her. They had a sadness to them, a deep sadness that spoke deeper than words ever could express. I stood in that doorway for a long moment, memorizing every line on her hands and face, her wispy iron-gray hair pulled back into a low ponytail at the nape of her neck. Tears welled up in my eyes and I ran to her again, hugging her tightly. We stayed like that for a while before she gently pushed me away, her unwanted tears flowing now. She stroked my cheek gently and motioned for me to go.

A hand clapped on my shoulder, bringing me back to the present. I turned to look up at my father, who stared down at me with concern and pity. He nodded, he knew what I was thinking about. I sighed and looked around. Seagulls screamed at the top of their lungs while flying against the brilliant blue sky while sailors dressed in navy blue and white suits milled about the pier carrying out various tasks of loading cargo and directing passengers. The massive ship awaiting at the slip was mostly dark gray with four smokestacks painted orange at the base with the very top painted black reaching towards the sky as if to be the bridge between water and sky. At the bow of the ship in neatly painted gold letters, the ship proudly displayed its name Titanic. Seeing the look on my face, my father stooped down beside me and explained that the Titanic was a brand new ship and this was to be its maiden voyage. “They say she is unsinkable if you can believe that,” he said with a wink. “It began the journey at Southampton, England. From there, it went to Cherbourg, France, and finally, the port of Queenstown is its final stop before she starts for America.”

I turned back to my father, my face troubled. I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to distract me from my heavy heart with my interest in the sea. “We'll be sailing over the Atlantic, right? Do you think we'll have a chance to see any whales or anything like that?” I asked, taking the bait. My Father chuckled at that and ruffled my hair, causing me to step back with a grin as I flattened it back down. “Mam will get mad if my hair is a mess before we board,” I playfully growled.

“Bah, your Mam can blame me for it,” Father laughed, a hearty sound that cause his whole frame to shake. Father was a good man, with dark red hair like mine, a tanned face from long hours in the fields, or doing handy work where he could get it. He was muscular and fit but he had the kind of personality that was more prone to pull a prank or aim for a laugh than to be serious.

“Blame you for what?” Mother came up behind us, making Father spin around fast with a mock look of innocence on his face. Crossing her arms over her faded yellow blouse, my Mother glared at him with suspicion. “You had better behave, you have nowhere to hide for the next week!" Father bowed his servitude to her, winking at me as he did. I grinned back, trying hard not to let my Mother see. Scoffing, Mother whipped her honey-colored braid around with a sharp about-face and yelled over her shoulder “get our belongings over to the porter now, we will be allowed to board soon.”

The next hour was a whirlwind of rushing to do things we were told to do and sitting around waiting. I wasn't allowed to sit on the pier now, the sailors rushed about and we were told we would be boarding at any minute. When it finally came time to board, Father presented our tickets to the man checking the passenger list and confirmed we were the Abberton family, two adults, and one child. A young sailor escorted us to the F deck and indicated a very small, cramped room was ours. There was barely enough room for us to stand together inside with two single beds stacked on top of each other on each side of the room and a small sink in between them on the wall opposite the door. He told us we were to stay in our quarters until after we launched for our safety. I sat on the hard bottom bunk on the right side, my parents sat on the left.

We sat for a long, silent moment before Father broke the silence. “Well, this isn't ideal, is it? We have been through worse though. Do you remember that harsh winter we endured a few years ago? We survived that and by golly, this too shall pass!” he thumped the bed enthusiastically. I remembered that winter, we were snowed in for days and our food stores were gone before we were freed from our frozen prison. With a sigh, I climbed up to the top bunk so my parents could take the bottom bunks. I stared at the ceiling thinking about my grandmother, wondering what she was doing since we left.

A golden light engulfed me and a voice echoed around me but I couldn't make out the words. I wanted to move but I was rooted to the spot. A shadowy figure approached me with an arm extended in an inviting gesture from within the light. I cracked my head on the ceiling as I jolted awake, my parents called out in worry asking if I was alright. I assured them I was fine, that I just had a bad dream but I couldn't shake the feeling of the dream. It scared me that it felt like my grandmother's warm embrace. I tried to tell myself it was nothing, but I couldn't stop myself from curling up in a tight ball that night and crying myself to sleep.

The next day, I tried to explore the ship. I was chased out of the smoking-room by the men of the third class, they yelled all sorts of things that a young, impressionable mind shouldn't repeat. The sailors in engineering weren't welcoming either. At first, they also wanted to chase me off but the oldest engineer barked at them to 'leave the lad alone.' Turning to me, he extended a wrinkled hand to greet me. What little white hair he had left flew wildly about his head and he smiled as I giggled about it. “My name is Sam,” he told me, his warm brown eyes glittering in the lamplight. He spent the afternoon taking the time to explain how everything worked and shared tales of his adventures at sea. “I'm not top dog here, but I am highly respected so these old boys won't bother you as long as you're with me.”

Sam had dinner with us in the dining hall that night and my parents were equally interested in him. “Aye, I have sailed more seas than your average sea dog, but this here will be my last trip. They are putting me out to pasture, they say I'm getting too old to be working on ships,” Sam hung his head with pity and disgust. “The sea is in my blood but I humbly asked to work one last ship, the only retirement gift I would want. They tried to negotiate with me but I wouldn't budge and that's how I came to be dining on this fine meal of broth soup and biscuits with you fine folks.” Raising a cup of coffee in a toast with my parents, they continued to chat as we moved to the common room and started a game of Rummy together. The game was new to us, we hadn't ever of it. Sam patiently explained the rules like how to create sets and runs, when to draw and when to discard. A piano started to play in the corner and several other passengers started to sing along with the music, making it up as they went.

I climbed into my bunk, tired but happy with the day's events. Meeting Sam was the highlight of this entire trip so far, he promised to take me on a tour of the entire ship including the bridge to show me how everything ran if he could get permission from the captain. As my eyes drooped shut from exhaustion, I smiled deeply. I didn't know what America would be like but at this moment, I was happy.

The golden light swirled thickly around me as I fought against its sludge-like density. As I struggled, a gentle voice called out my name behind me. Fearing what I would see, I pressed against the light harder until the shadow appeared in front of me. I fell backward, the golden light flowing past me as I fell. My eyes flashed open and I stared into the darkness, my heart pounding. I lay there for a few moments, listening hard while the vibration and noise of the engines droned on. I knew my parents were sleeping in their bunks below me although I couldn't hear them. Trembling, I closed my eyes and let the vibrations of the ship lull me back into a restless sleep.

Early the next morning, Sam was knocking on our cabin door. “Are you ready to see sights most landlubbers don't even dream of, Liam?” He asked me with a laugh as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. “Our gracious Captain agreed to the tour, but with two basic rules. The first is don't touch anything. The second is that we have to start the tour at the bridge so he can meet the youth interested in his ship.”

Grinning back, I followed Sam into the hall. Chatting excitedly and asking several questions, Sam and I made our way up through the decks to the bridge where I fell silent in awe of the forbidden door. Sam opened the door and ushered me inside, my jaw hanging open as I took in all of the instruments that were used to communicate, control the speed of the ship, and other things. A proud man wearing a solid white uniform with a neatly trimmed beard stepped forth from the wheel and extended his hand to me. “Good morning, young sir. Welcome to the wheelhouse, also known as the bridge. We rarely invite anyone to visit us, but since we are on our third day out there isn't much to do other than keep a lookout for potential hazards here and make sure we stay on course. Ah, but where are my manners? My name is Edward Smith, I am the captain and master of this vessel.”

Captain Smith personally gave me a guided tour of the bridge, pointing out each instrument and explaining what they were used for. He finished the tour with the oak polished wheel with a brass ring inlay. “Would you like to give it a try? Don't worry, you won't get us too far off course,” Captain Smith said with a chuckle.

My face lit up with glee as I placed my hands on the wheel as the Captain instructed me and as I gently turned the wheel to the left I watched the needle on the compass sliding from due West towards the South. My grin grew even bigger as I turned the wheel back and followed the directions on how to correct our heading. Sam led me through the corridors and introduced me to many other members of the crew, all of them dressed in the same pressed white suits with blue trim as Sam. The tour took most of the day but I was fascinated by everything I saw and asked a million questions about it all. Over dinner, I relayed my day's adventures to my smiling parents. They must have been relieved to see me smiling and laughing so much, their postures softened as I carried on.

I fell asleep that night the moment my head hit my pillow. I knew I would dream of the golden light again, but I wouldn't let it affect my happiness. As predicted, the light surrounded me like a warm blanket. This time, I didn't feel afraid of seeing the shadow. There was something familiar about the light, I just couldn't say why. The shadow appeared, as usual, calling my name in eerie tones like someone singing it in a long tunnel. I decided to reach for the shadow this time instead of trying to run away. Just as our fingers touched, I woke up trembling and sweating. It took a very long time for me to get back to sleep this time, by the time I awoke the next day it was almost time for the midday meal to be served. My mother was worried I might have caught a cold so she insisted that I stay in bed for the majority of the day but Father was able to reason with her by dinner.

“There is going to be a party in the common room tonight, we could all use a bit of fun,” he told her. “The boy is likely unable to sleep properly with the vibrations and rumblings of the engines, that's all.”

Begrudgingly, Mother let me out of bed to join the festivities in the common room. When my family first entered at eight pm, the party was already in full swing. A lively piano player playing a mixture of waltz and ragtime music was accompanied by a few talented people on instruments they brought on the trip. We sang along with the songs we knew, danced, and clapped along to all of them. As the party started to wind down we decided to retire for the evening at half-past nine, my parents helped me stumble to our cabin and we hunkered down for the evening. My father picked me up and put me into my bunk, tucking me in tightly before extinguishing the light.

A dark, ominous fog surrounded me this time. A faint golden figure struggled to fight against the mist to reach me. The atmosphere around me felt thick as cement as I extended my arm to help them, straining to simply touch them. As our fingers brushed, I heard a scream in my mind: “WAKE UP!!!!”

My eyes flashed open in a panic as the ship lurched accompanied by a loud scraping noise and the sounds of rushing water. The air soon filled with the sounds of panicked screams for help. My father grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me out of bed and out of our cabin. My mother wore an expression of fear as we entered the flood of fleeing passengers. My father tried his best to keep us together, but by the time we reached B deck the throng of pushing and shoving people grew too strong and he lost his grip on me. “LIAM! MEET US AT THE FRONT OF THE SHIP! THE FRONT SON!” My father's cries grew faint as he was carried farther away by the sea of bodies pushing their way towards the top deck away from the cries for help and rushing water down below. I tried my best to go with the flow of people, but I lost my footing and fell. No-one stopped to help me, a few stepped on me as they continued to shove their way to safety. I closed my eyes, ready to accept my fate when I was suddenly yanked up from the floor and bodily heaved onto someone's shoulder.

“ARE YA ALRIGHT, LIAM?” Sam yelled over the din. Shaking his head, he carried me the remaining distance up to the deck and asked “Where are your parents, boy?” when he could hear himself again.

“Father said to meet him at the front of the ship,” I replied, tears running down my face. “We got separated down there, I tried my hardest to stay on my feet, I did!”

Sam set me on the deck, sighing with relief. “It's alright, Liam. I know you did, let's find your folks and get you on a lifeboat.” We moved towards the front of the boat together, pockets of panicking people surrounded the few lifeboats available. “The fools thought this ship was unsinkable, they thought they were being crafty by not installing all the life crafts they were supposed to. Humanity is full of arrogant fools and it's the innocent who suffers.” I could hear the anger in Sam's voice as well as the sorrow. When my parents came into view, Sam pushed me from behind slightly to signal I should run to them.

“MAM! DA!” I yelled as I started towards them. A man in a gray business suit suddenly appeared from a door to my left and slammed into me, causing me to flip over the railing. It was as if time had slowed. I watched as the man, my parents, and Sam's heads appeared over the railing as I fell before I hit the icy water. I floundered in the water as long as I could, but the world soon went dark.

The darkness was broken by the golden light emanating from the figure from my dreams. A young woman in a pure white gown smiled at me from within the light, the first time I was able to see her properly as she spoke. “You have done well, Liam. Don't doubt your courage, don't let your convictions falter. This isn't the end of your story, not yet.” The woman crossed her arms in front of her. “I wasn't left behind, you know. I had to fight your parents to leave me, I knew my time was short.”

“Grandma?” It was all I could manage, I choked on my emotions as I watched her nod.

“My life ended the day you boarded this ship. I saw what was coming and tried to warn you through your dreams.” Sparkling teardrops ran down her beautiful face. “It's time to go back, Liam. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.”

I started to ask what she meant by that but the light grew blinding. I sat up spitting water and drawing a ragged breath. My mother immediately hugged me tightly, crying harder. My father clapped me on my back, breathing a sigh of relief. As I sat being held, I noticed that I was on a small boat and it was super crowded with people who were staring at us. I gently pushed my mother away and told them what I saw after I hit the water. My parents' faces went rigid as I finished.

“Liam,” my father started, “after you...went over...” He paused, trying to find the right words. “Sam punched the man who sent you over the railing and dove in after you. We couldn't stop him, he was pretty spry for a man of his age.”

I froze, I didn't know if I wanted to hear this. “He 'was'? What do you mean?”

Swallowing hard, my father continued. “Sam dove in after you and barely got you to this boat. His final words were 'give the boy a good life' before he closed his eyes and sank into the water.” Tears welled up in my eyes as I started to cry. My friend Sam had given his life to save me, a nobody from Ireland. I could never repay him for his kindness. We were rescued roughly two hours later and taken to America. We went through the immigration process as normal and life went on. Times were hard, even in America, but as a family, we survived.

Ellie stared at me, her bright blue eyes were wide open throughout my story as she sat with her knees pulled up to her chest. “Thank you for the story Grampy,” she said as she stood up, her blue overalls whispering. “Do you think your friend and grandma are happy?”

I chuckled at her innocence as I replied, “I believe Sam and Grandma Ellie are happy indeed, Sweetpea.”