The Human Condition

CHARACTERS –

MICHAEL: A young (early to mid-twenties) man visiting a science fiction convention in a town called Oceanview, Oregon.

KARI: A young (also mid-twenties) woman who Michael meets at the convention and is dressed as a green-skinned alien. Kari also speaks in a strange accent and broken English.

PEDESTRIAN 1: A young man visiting the convention.

PEDESTRIAN 2: Another young man visiting the convention.

20-30 EXTRAS dressed in a variety of costumes. They are visible walking back and forth in the background occasionally.

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[SCENE OPEN: CONVENTION CENTER- INTERIOR. A man, MICHAEL, sits on a bench in front of a wide open space. At the very back of the space, a large poster which depicts the logo for “OCEANVIEW SCI-FI AND FANTASY CONVENTION 2023” is visible hanging on the wall. Occasionally, EXTRAS dressed in a variety of science fiction and fantasy costumes from movies and video games can be seen walking in the background as MICHAEL continues to sit by himself. Music from an overhead PA system plays on a lowered volume as a KARI, dressed in a silver science-fiction costume with light green skin and jet-black hair, walks up to him and sits down on the bench. The music then stops as the play begins.]

KARI: Hello.

MICHAEL: Good morning, or afternoon. I don't even know anymore.

KARI [looks confused as he talks, when he gets done talking, she smiles, showing a pair of fangs that are part of her costume]: It afternoon, two hours past midday. Nice weather we are having, I say.

MICHAEL: Yeah, I guess, if you like the cold.

KARI: I do like cold. I like it very much. It remind me of my home, it was very cold there. And hello, my name Kari.

MICHAEL: Hello, Kari, my name's Michael. That's a neat accent you have, did you come here from Japan?

KARI: No. No. I come from far away. Farther than Japan.

MICHAEL: Russia? China?

KARI: Farther than that. I do not like to talk about my home much, other than it was cold.

MICHAEL: Well, I understand that completely. I don't live here in Oregon, I'm actually from Minnesota. I'm here because my wife and I used to visit these things all the time, I wanted to see if I could have the same experience as I did when we were together.

KARI: What happen to your wife?

MICHAEL: Well, she’s not with me anymore.

KARI [gasps]: You mean she… dead?

MICHAEL: Nope, she left me for someone dressed like a Tergoza, at a convention much like this one, no less. In fact, I came here to show her that I can have as much fun as possible without her by my side.

KARI: Are you have fun?

MICHAEL: Nope.

KARI: Well maybe if you mingle with fellow people, you can have fun.

MICHAEL: I don’t see that happening.

KARI: Why not?

MICHAEL: Because with everything that’s happened to me, I’ve really come to not care for my ‘fellow man’. People are terrible.

KARI: I do not think people are as bad as you say. Not in my experience.

MICHAEL: Well they are. You just haven’t experienced it much then. Anyway that’s an interesting costume you have. I take you’re dressed as someone from an obscure science fiction movie?

KARI: I from Eth’radil Sez’or. It in Andrilo Nebula, many long way from here.

MICHAEL: Oh well, you’re really getting into your costume role, right? So, uh, “Welcome to Earth” I guess.

KARI: Thank you! You are first to tell me such a greeting as long as I been here.

MICHAEL: You mean here at the convention?

KARI: Yes. Here at convention.

MICHAEL: Well that’s something that doesn’t surprise me.

KARI: What do you mean?

MICHAEL: Well think of about it: You’re here, you’re walking around, and no one even makes a glance at you. You don’t even stick out even while dressed as an alien, you’re just one more person here. That’s basically how it is. Unless you’re unique, you just don’t stick out. The hell of it is that people do whatever they can to get unique. They get plastic surgery, do get-rich-quick schemes, and drive the fanciest cars that they can get their hands on in any way possible. And to think of it, I usually didn’t feel this way. I tell you, my life leaving me showed me the truth.

KARI: What truth?

MICHAEL: The truth that people SUCK. They just do whatever they want to do, they don’t care who or what they leave behind. They don’t care what they destroy.

KARI: No all people like that. Some nice. Some misguided.

MICHAEL: Yeah, whatever.

KARI: It possible for people to be good. People can be nice, right?

MICHAEL: The “person” can be nice. “People” are cold, mean, evil monstrosities and there’s little doubt in it. There’s little doubt in anything anymore.

KARI: People can be good. Look at things invented by people. Art, music, writing, creativity. People invent them. People do things nice. I see nice things in this world. I like art. I like creativity. Look at people in convention, they nice, they creative.

MICHAEL: Yeah, what about all the bad things people invent?

KARI: Bad things?

MICHAEL: Yeah, wars. Mass Violence. Weapons. New ways to end life. All these things were invented by people.

KARI: Well, what about animals?

MICHAEL: What about them?

KARI: Animals fight each other. On my way here I saw two cats in alley. They were fighting for food.

MICHAEL: Yeah, but they’re animals.

KARI: Animals fight.

MICHAEL: Yeah well, not all, and not through war. Wars were invented by people, not animals. Have you ever heard of an animal committing a crime just for the thrill of it? Deer don’t hunt each other with weapons, cats don’t invade countries for resources. Animals are violent for food, but humans are violent for the sake of being violent. Like I said, there’s no doubt there.

KARI: Maybe war not entirely human invention, you think of that? Maybe other planets out there have war. Maybe other planets have weapons. Maybe… aliens violent too.

MICHAEL: True, but I’ve never met an alien. What I’ve seen in my life is that all war is here, on earth. It’s all the dark part of the great “human condition”.

KARI: What?

MICHAEL: The human condition. The fundamentals of being human. The meaning of life, the understanding of what makes us human.

KARI: I do not know about that.

MICHAEL: Well it’s true. And you know what? I hate the human condition! I hate humanity!

[MICHAEL’S cell phone rings, and he looks at it. He then looks at Kari.]

MICHAEL: Hey, I gotta take this. I’ll be back in a minute.

[KARI nods, and MICHAEL stands up and walks to the front of the stage, standing in the center, turned sideways to the audience as he speaks into the phone. As he speaks, he pauses, which are indicated by the icon (. . . .) and varied in length.]

MICHAEL: Yeah, what do you want? (. . . .) Oh I don’t sound happy? Well I’m not happy. (. . . .) Because you told me you would meet me downtown to finalize the divorce and I stayed at the restaurant we agreed to meet at for two hours from the time you told me to be there, without you giving me a damn phone call to tell me you cancelled! That’s why I’m not happy! (. . . .) Yeah well next time I’ll make the arrangements, good day and go to hell!

[MICHAEL stops the call and walks back to the bench.]

MICHAEL: So sorry about that. Ever since leaving me for someone else, my ex has turned me into… well, this. I’m sure she gets a good laugh when we stop talking.

KARI: You seem sad now. You okay?

MICHAEL: I don’t know. Sometimes, I just wish I could go someplace away from here. Just-just leave the world behind, start somewhere new, the problem is that every time I think about where I’d go, I wonder if I would ever be truly happy there.

KARI: Where would you be happy? Truly happy?

MICHAEL: I don’t know, really. Sometimes I dream of the Bahamas, a nice hut on the ocean as I spend my day catching fish. My father, he was a fisherman. He always wanted me to get a job in that department, but I never got into it. My brother, he didn’t either. He had a different dream than I ever had, and whenever he fulfilled it… My brother, the cop. One step was all it took, one wrong step.

KARI: What happen?

MICHAEL: He was on patrol one night, and there was a burning apartment complex. He called it in, yet saw that someone was trapped on the third floor. He knew the guy would be dead before the fire department got there. So, he ran up the stairs, found his way to the guy’s apartment, and helped him out of the building. Then he took one wrong step and fell through the floorboards to the basement where the rest of the building collapsed on top of him. Turns out the guy he helped get out, he started the fire in the first place. It was his ex’s apartment building and he wanted to get back at her.

KARI: I so sorry.

MICHAEL: Me too. You know what else? He died after my wife left me. I tried to tell her about it but she pushed me away, and told me that was my own life and that’s something I should deal with myself. From a combination of one man’s revenge scheme leading to me losing my brother, to the woman I devoted my life leaving me without caring, I developed a strong hatred for people in general. I could give a damn about people nowadays. But like I said before, people are evil but the person is nice. And since you’re just sitting here listening to me rant, I think you’re kinda nice.

KARI: Thank you, Michael. You are first to tell me that I am nice person. I do not know many people here, but ones I have met they are nice. Like I said, some are nice, they are just sad, misguided. Where I come from, lots of people are sad, some leave home to learn more things. Some travel to find their place in life. I travel to find my place in life. I’m glad I came here.

MICHAEL: Yeah I don’t know where you came from, but as long as you’re here it’s nice to know you, [chuckles]. Hell, it would be awesome if you actually were an alien. Maybe you could take me to your home planet, eh? Heh heh heh.

KARI: [laughs] Yes, I would take you if that was possible. Only if you want of course. You could always come back.

MICHAEL: Well, I- [Cell phone rings] Damn, got to take this again. Hold on.

[As before, MICHAEL walks up to the center of the stage and talks on the phone.]

MICHAEL: Yeah, what do you need? (. . . .) Yeah I’ve cooled off since our last chat, I’m talking to someone who’s helping me through this. (. . . .) Someone at the convention, a girl named Kari. (. . . .) No-no-no-no, you do not get to act jealous! You left me remember? And you know what? I’m glad. Now that I’ve gotten a chance to talk to this person, I can see that marrying you in the first place was a mistake! One that I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life, now stop calling me. Goodbye.

[MICHAEL hangs up his phone and walks back to the bench.]

MICHAEL: So, where do you come from?

KARI: Long way away. If you want, we can go there. The both of us can, back to my home.

MICHAEL: Wait, why would take a total stranger to your home? That seems rather… odd, right?

KARI: Well you seem nice, and you also seem lost. I figured that a new change of scenery would help you figure out what you need to do. Where I come from, which is where I’m going back to, it’s all a perfect example of a “change of scenery”.

MICHAEL: Well I’ll see about taking you up on that offer. By the way, I’ve noticed something: As we’ve been talking, your manner of speech has gotten “better”, so to speak. I mean, I hope you don’t take offense, but your wording is more precise.

KARI: Well, honestly I’m kind of learning from you, as we speak. It’s something I learned to do when I was younger. I’m learning more now as I speak to you. I look into your mind.

MICHAEL: An oddly metaphorical way of putting it, I guess. Well, I suppose…

[The cell phone rings again. MICHAEL picks it up and looks at it, then sits it back on the bench.]

MICHAEL: You know what let’s leave this place, and my cell phone, behind. I could give a damn anymore.

KARI: Yes, okay. If you want, you can always come back. Are you sure you want to leave?

MICHAEL: Yes. I want to leave. Let us go to the great green yonder or whatever.

KARI: [laughs] Okee, let us go.

[KARI gently grabs MICHAEL’S shoulder, and takes a small silver device out of her pants pockets. She then presses the device, which starts to emit a small buzzing sound which grows progressively louder. When the sound gets to a high volume, the upper lights go off, and the noise suddenly stops. The lights remain off for a few more seconds, and when they’re back on, MICHAEL and KARI are nowhere to be seen, and the cell phone is sitting on the bench. Half a minute passes until two PEDESTRAINS walk into the scene.]

PEDESTRIAN 1: Whoa, man! Did you see that outside? That looked so real!

PEDESTRIAN 2: Yeah! The people running this convention must have paid big money to do that! I mean it actually looked like that UFO was taking off into the sky!

PEDESTRIAN 1: Man I’m so glad we came here. [He picks up the cell phone] Hey look, someone left their phone here. I’m gonna drop it off at the lost and found, and I’ll meet you at the movie screening, okay?

PEDESTRIAN 2: Yeah, that’s cool. I’ll save a seat for you. Catch you then, bud!

[The two PEDESTRIANS leave the scene in opposite directions. The lights remain on for another half a minute as music plays over the PA system, then everything stops and fades to black.]

[END]