The Heart Shaped One

Juliana followed the other passengers all eagerly walking up and out of the jetway. Her heart and mind were racing as both excitement and fear fought to occupy their space. The decision to come here had not been spontaneous in the least, but nearly every step of the way since departing home had felt like it was all spur of the moment. She wasn’t sure what to expect once she walked through the doorway into the Bucharest Romania International Airport. She said a prayer of thanks that she had actually made it, and she sent up one desperate plea that someone would be there to pick her up as promised.

This was not her first time flying abroad; but, it was her first time going alone, which had not been her plan at all. She had spent months planning this trip, months in a classroom with other students preparing for this grand experience she was about to embark on.

A year ago a professor had mentioned the opportunity to do this study abroad in one of his first lectures of the semester. He showed videos and pictures and talked of the amazing opportunity to help in a Romanian orphanage. The idea had been planted that day and it sat in the back of her mind ruminating for the rest of the semester before she went to the professor to find out more. A week later she was enrolled in the next semester's prep class that was required for doing the study abroad.

Only eight others, aside from herself, were in the class and they grew to be a little family as they learned together about the orphanage, ways to help the kids, and gathered needed items to donate. The tuition for the semester abroad paid for housing and transportation in Romania, but the flight there and all food or other expenditures were up to each student. The professor suggested students coordinate to fly together, but left all the details and planning to the students themselves. All they had to do was let him know the flight number and time of arrival in Bucharest so he could make arrangements for transportation from the airport.

Juliana had teamed up with her friend Melanie and everything seemed to be in perfect order. They flew together in excitement and bliss to Melanie’s home state of Maine. That was when the struggles and chaos began. Melanie’s parents were not there to pick them up. They walk back and forth throughout the various terminals for some time hoping there had just been a mix up with the arrival gate. Both of them exhausted and ready to be done Melanie had picked up a pay phone and called her home. An hour and a half later Melanie’s frantic mother pulled them into her embrace apologizing over and over about misunderstanding the arrival time. On the drive to the house Melanie began to complain about a pain in her stomach and by dinnertime was hurting so much she didn’t even want to eat. As night fell she was in tears and her parents made the decision that she could not fly off to some other country until the issue was resolved.

Bright and early the next morning Juliana was placed in a taxi for the airport while Melanie was whisked away to the ER in excruciating pain. Juliana had stood in front of the airport her tall slender body shaking with fright. Repeating her departure gate over and over in her mind, while firmly grasping her ticket, she ventured on alone. Once on the plane an issue was discovered in the preflight check and they sat on the tarmac for an extra hour waiting for the fix and clearance to take off. Flying over the ocean, exhaustion eventually won out over her crazy active mind; that was until they hit some bad turbulence, and she felt like she was riding a bucking bronco. Dragging her feet she exited the massive plane in Switzerland and got pushed along to the customs line up, all the while hoping she was in the right place and wishing she had Melanie there to help confirm decisions. More chaos ensued once she was cleared to enter, and she realized the local time. The delays had made getting to her departure gate in time a bit stressful, even more so when she found the gate had been changed to one further away. Already feeling pressed for time she had hurried quickly along fearing she would miss her flight, which she did not want to do because she felt sure she had no idea how to fix a problem like that. Much to her dismay once she arrived at the new gate she discovered there had been yet another gate change. Panic began to rise as she flew through the airport maze reaching the correct gate just in time. She didn’t even want to recount the crazy flight from Switzerland to here; she had feared for her life most of the flight and had stopped counting the number of “landings” after the third bounce off the landing strip.

“I made it!” Juliana thought as she stepped through the door into the busy airport. People pushed passed, as she looked around not sure who to expect or how she would know they were there for her. No one was familiar, no one was holding a sign, and Juliana’s shoulders sagged.

“Now what,” she mused. This grand adventure was certainly not what she had expected thus far, and all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry for a long time. Instead she moved on with the flow of people praying like she never had before that she would find her ride.

“They are going to be by the bag claim, that makes sense,” she told herself to keep the panic from taking over. But, there was no one she recognized at the bag claim and no one who seemed to care she was there. Tears began to gather in her dark blue eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She focused her mind on watching the bags come out and waiting for her large suitcase and the massive box filled with all kinds of wonderful supplies that friends and family had pitched in to give to the orphanage.

Once she spied her suitcase and box she discovered a new challenge, that of retrieving them off the carousel. They were not light at all, and she honestly had not thought for a moment she would be stuck dealing with them on her own. Her father had helped haul them into the airport when she left and they had stayed at the airport during the long layover in Maine.

“Grrr, where is he!” She asked in frustration. “Professor Weston should be here to pick me up right,” she questioned and started to panic that perhaps she flew into the wrong airport after all..

Her suitcase came around again and she reached out grabbing the handle tight and yanked with all her might, finally pulling it over the little lip and letting it thump onto the floor.

“One down,” she announced to herself while getting ready for the heavy box which she knew would be the harder one. It was more difficult, as she predicted, and she felt like a fool as she grabbed the rope her dad had secured on it and ended up walking along side pushing others out of the way before she managed to pull it off.

Her luggage now retrieved she wasn’t sure what her next move should be. She looked around hoping someone would show up and rescue her, but no one was coming towards her, no one was waving a friendly hello or offering to help carry her things to a waiting car.

“Maybe they are waiting outside,” she told herself. She looked down at the suitcase, box, and carry on bag trying to decided just how to how to move them all.

Sweat dripped out of every pour; she was sure her naturally curly blonde hair looked a terrible fright since stray strands kept flopping into her eyes, and there was no doubt her face was bright red. Her arms and legs ached from trying to haul the heavy loads, which had not been going well. Her attempt at stacking the box on top of the suitcase with one set of wheels had been a ridicules balancing act as she walked backwards trying to keep it all from falling over. She had ended up dragging them backwards side by side for a time and now was pushing and kicking them down the corridor. She looked longingly at the people pushing their loads past her with ease on strong metal luggage carts.

“Please offer to help,” she begged in her mind, and then quickly rejected the idea for fear they would take off with all her things. She paused once again to rest and keep the tears fighting to escape her eyes from doing so; surveying the scene around her she spied the exit doors not far away.

“Thank goodness,” she moaned and started her awkward progression again.

“Juliana? You Juliana,” an unfamiliar voice called as she struggled to get out the doors.

“Yes,” she shouted, relief and elation washing over her, making her want to hug this older man, with graying hair and an accent she’d never heard before. She said a prayer of thanks as he rushed towards her.

“Why you not get a cart,” he questioned harshly, shaking his head while picking up the box and suitcase with little effort.

“I, um, I didn’t have money,” Juliana stammered, trying to keep up with the stranger.

“They are free,” he scoffed.

Her relief and elation instantly turned to embarrassment and complete frustration thinking about her struggle and how everyone passing her must have thought she was an idiot. She began a rant in her head about carts costing money in America, not having any Romanian money yet, and even if she had traded her dollars for leu she had precious little cash remaining after paying to get here. And, if he had been inside, like she expected, none of this would have happened!

She put the rant in her head on hold when the man stopped at a rusty odd-looking car and flopped her stuff inside the trunk.

“Get in,” he commanded while shoving the lid down.

She got in the car continuing the rant and adding in that her things better not be broken.

It was not until they were on their way that she started to question if this man was really the one who was supposed to pick her up. Fear and fatigue were having a fight within her. She was so tired her eyes kept closing, but then her mind would freak out imagining all the possible horrors of being kidnapped. On top of all the stress building in her mind she was sure this man was going to kill them weaving in and out of traffic, honking at cars and pedestrians alike. When he finally came to a stop in front of a dirty brick building Juliana gladly jumped out.

“This way,” the man barked at her and not knowing what else to do she followed him through a door into a small kitchen area.

A stern looking older woman turned from the stove and spoke to him rapidly in Romanian while several kids ran past shouting and laughing. The man spat back some retort then said in English, “I show you where others are.”

Walking down some steps Juliana began to hear familiar voices and her heart swelled. Entering the room shouts of joy met her ears as the girls who had arrived previously welcomed her in.

Juliana joined them on an uncomfortable old couch, but she could care less. She laid her head on Kristi’s shoulder and fell asleep listening to them chat away.

They stayed there the next two days waiting for the rest of the students to fly in. Juliana learned that the man who picked her up owned this home and lived in it with his wife and several children. He was getting paid to house the girls and pick them each up from the airport. He was notorious for being late, so really should have been inside waiting for her. Professor Weston was staying with his wife and son in a nearby hotel. He had stopped in several times to give updates and plans as they came together. Apparently everything thought to have been worked out for travel and housing had gone awry. He did let them know Melanie had to get her appendix removed and would join them in a few weeks, after she had recovered and been cleared to travel.

After two days they were all grateful to be on a train headed for the city of Iasi where the orphanage was located. As they traveled they solidified plans for who was going to be in each wing of the orphanage. They teamed up in twos, expect for the three, well really four until Melanie returned, who had volunteered to help in the infant wing. Juliana loved babies, but she knew her heart would not be able to handle the constant cries coming from more babies than there were hands to hold and sooth. She thought of the crib mobiles in her large box what would at least give the tiny babes something to focus on and keep their eyes from going blind. That was one of the horrifying tidbits she had learned in the prep class, the babies were left in their cribs alone most of the day. Even when someone came, it was just to change a diaper and place a bottle in the holder. The lack of human contact and being surrounded by white, they had discovered far too late, would cause emotional detachment and blindness.

“So, you’re good helping in the disabled wing with Aubrey,” Josephine asked, breaking into Juliana’s thoughts.

“That sounds good to me,” she responded with some apprehension. She knew from the start it was going to be a challenge working with kids who could not understand her and whom she could not understand, but adding in mental disabilities was a whole new challenge.

“It will be fine, it will be a great learning experience,” she told herself. This was why she had come here in the first place, to help and to learn.

When they entered the outside gates of orphanage for the first time she realized none of the prep work done in class or personally had prepared her for this. She was instantly swarmed by children, all of them reaching up grabbing at her, begging for some little bit of attention. All she wanted to do was hold each child and share some small amount of the love she had been given her whole life.

A woman shouted and a path cleared for them to continue on inside. The woman spoke broken English and began to show them all around, as they came to each wing, which turned out to really just be rooms off of the main hallway, the students helping in it would stay.

Aubrey and Juliana stood outside the room that they would spend their days in for the next two months, the room for children with mental disabilities.

“Ready,” Aubrey quizzed smiling up at Juliana, her short stature, round face, twinkling brown eyes, and black pixie cut hair making her look very much like a sweet little fairy.

“I guess so,” Juliana squawked, not so sure she was.

They took a deep breath, opened the door, and walked into a large mostly bare room. Juliana had hardly been able to take in the whole scene before once again getting swarmed by small children. There were little beds with ragged blankets lining the gray chipping cement walls; old frayed sheets, swaying in the gentle breeze, hung with nails over dirty cracked windows. A box of old toys and a small bookshelf with various supplies sat in one corner and a long table with little chairs occupied another. Two very tired and grumpy looking women sat next to each other in the tiny chairs, gaping at them, the new comers. Juliana wondered why they would sit in the children’s chairs before realizing there were no others in the room. She gave a little wave and smile, hoping they would be friendly.

She stopped her search of the room and began to focus on the little hands reaching up to her. She had not expected to feel claustrophobic, but being surrounded by the children all touching her, grabbing at her bag, and babbling away in a foreign tongue made her want to flee.

“What do we do,” she fretted, her mind not able to remember anything at the moment.

Aubrey smiled nervously, and reached inside her bag pulling out an object, which Juliana recognized as the beach ball they had picked to bring for an activity.

“Duh,” Juliana’s mind criticized, “you came to help and play, so do it.”

She realized Aubrey was never going to get the ball blown up as she watched her trying desperately to even start while little fingers kept tugging at it wanting to hold it and take it away.

“Hand it to me,” Juliana said, “they can’t reach my face.”

Once the ball was filled with air they began tossing it around, letting each child hold it and gesturing to toss it on to another, all while unsuccessfully maneuvering the kids into a circle. What was supposed to be a game of toss became more of a game of keep away, since once a child received the ball they often went running away.

Sometime later a bell rang out and one of the women started shouting; all the kids raced towards her. She opened a door Juliana had not noticed yet, with all the chaos going on. It was dark inside, but all the kids began following the woman into the room. The woman reached up and yanked, turning on a light, and Juliana now saw a line of large white bowls on the floor. She was dumbfounded and horrified as she watched the kids pull down pants or hike up skirts and squat over the bowls. Shock and disgust enveloped her, as she turned away realizing that this was their bathroom.

She saw the other woman walking to the far side of the room shouting and for the first time realized there was another child in the room. She was under the blanket on her bed, but the woman pulled her off and pushed her towards the bathroom.

Juliana watched the lanky figure move unsteadily forwards and her heart ached. The girl was tall and skinny, shaking as she slowly moved. The thing that caught Juliana’s attention though was her head. Juliana had never seen anything like this before. The girl’s head was not normal and it took a moment more to realize what was different, it was shaped like a heart. Her head was overly large and down the middle, right where her straight dark brown hair parted, was an indentation. They had reached the bathroom now and the woman dragged her in, pulled up her dress, and pushed her downwards.

After all the kids had squatted over a bowl, and relieved themselves, they were each walked past a sink and ushered outside.

Juliana and Aubrey looked at each other both in complete shock; this had never been discussed in any of their informative talks about the orphanage in their prep class.

“Ok,” Juliana finally uttered and that seemed to be this all that would ever be said about the bathroom routine.

“This is not going to work how we thought,” Aubrey said to clear their heads of the scene.

Juliana agreed, from what they had witnessed thus far group activities were not going to happen with these children right now. Together they decided they needed a space to work with each child individually. They walked outside hoping to get some help from the women.

“English,” Juliana queried.

“Little,” the younger one responded.

“Is there another room we can use?”

Eventually their need was understood and the woman showed them into a laundry room next to the living quarters. It was not the best situation, but then nothing about this placed seemed to be.

After the kids were marched back inside Juliana and Aubrey each began taking a child and going into the other room. Every time they returned to the main room they were bombarded by the kids clawing, grabbing, and hanging on them all wanting to be the next to go, even if they had already gone.

By the end of the day Juliana was exhausted, but she and Aubrey now had a much better idea of the abilities each child had. That is all of them but her heart shaped one, which is what she had called the girl with the heart shaped head since she had not yet learned her name. The women had helped them by calling out each child’s name, as they would exit the door. But, little heart shaped one refused to move from the cocoon she had wrapped herself in on the bed.

That night Juliana and Aubrey sat, making plans, in the small one bedroom one bathroom apartment all nine of them would be sharing. It was the best Professor Weston could do trying to salvage the previous messed up arrangements, thank goodness they had all grown close in the classroom.

It did feel good to have the first day over and to have a much better plan for how to help the kids, now that they knew what they were up against.

The heart shaped one plagued Juliana’s dreams that night, and in the morning she vowed to help this little one come out of her cocoon physically and emotionally.

It took a week, a week of sitting next to the heart shaped one, whose name turned out to be Maria. Days of reading books and talking softly to a blanket, and days of dancing toys in front of two dark eyes peaking out from a tiny crack. A week of smiling and waving happily as little Maria was forced out to use the dreaded bathroom or eat a bowl of soup.

The day Maria willing stuck her head out of her cocoon caused Juliana’s heart to soar.

The following week Maria had reached for one of the toys Juliana offered her, and by the middle of the week she was siting next to Juliana looking at the pictures as she read the books. All the troubles and difficulties she had gone through to make it here were long since forgotten as she watched life pour into this sweet little girl.

“What kind of life have you lead, stuck here your whole life with no one to love you,” she wondered as she gingerly put an arm around the girl hoping it would not frighten her away. Jubilation rippled through Juliana as Maria accepted the half hug and reciprocated by placing her hand on Juliana’s.

A month later Juliana watched in amazement as little Maria sat next to her, a purple crayon in hand and scribbling all over a barn owl in the coloring book she had given her.

“The time is passing too quickly,” Juliana commented to Aubrey one day as they watched the kids, Maria included, rolling the beach ball around in an imperfect circle. The ball went bouncing off after Marius tried grabbing it from Alexandru. Juliana and Aubrey both laughed, just glad that they had managed to get them all to reach this point even. They only had a week left with these kids and while they were excited to return home they ached to think of leaving them and what would happen after they left.

One of the supervisors opened the door just then and called out for Maria. Maria looked up, and the supervisor opened the door further allowing them all to see a ragged looking man next to her. Maria jumped, up crying out as she ran to him, the man smiled revealing a mouth of missing teeth.

Maria did not return the rest of the day and Juliana’s thoughts were running wild. “Who was this man, why had he come, why did Maria run to him, had she been adopted, will I ever see her again” so many questions she had no answer to.

As they left and headed home Juliana happened to see Brittany, the only student in their group who knew Romanian, consoling the man as the supervisor dragged a screaming Maria towards the door.

Juliana stopped and waited for Brittany desperate to know what was happening.

“What’s going on,” she begged as soon as Brittany joined her.

“He is her father,” Brittany announced.

"What," Juliana proclaimed in complete bewilderment.

"Yeah, he had to leave her a couple months ago. His wife died and he had no way to care for her on his own. Poor man will probably not eat for a week after paying to come and visit her, and he is devestated because he wont be able to come back and see her again for years."

Juliana could hardly comprehend what she was hearing.

"But," she said in confusion, "I thought they were all orphans abandoned here at birth or shortly after."

"No," Brittany softly replied, "many of them have families that love and want them. They just can't afford to even feed them, so they send them here instead of watch them starve at home."

Juliana's eyes burned with tears as the realization of all this implied hit her. So many things from the last two months seemed clearer now too in regards to Maria, her little heart shaped one.

The last week was spent in waves of pure joy and extreme agony. Juliana had helped ease the pain of Maria's separation from her father, but also knew she would be leaving her.

"What will happen to you little Maria," Juliana questioned as she played a strange game of patty cake on the floor with her for the last time.

Maria looked up at the sound, a smile spreading across her heart shaped face, and Juliana's own heart broke.

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This story is based off of my own experiences doing an internship in a Romanian orphanage, it truly opened my eyes.

If you’d like to read about some other experiences that changed my life check out these stories.