The Hard Choice

(Part five of a short story series, based on writing prompts. Written while trying to learn to fight brain fog and perfectionism... and my ADHD. My ADHD brain was trying to bargain at this stage. “You know, we really should be backing up that iPad. Or maybe there’s some more medical forms we could fill out? I promise I won’t complain about the forms being boring this time... just let me off the hook for this thing!”)

The carpark was nearly empty as Lara made her way to her van that evening. Empty car parks weren’t unusual - much of the population had given up driving in an effort to slow climate change - but empty government carparks were a different matter. Lara was getting used to the sight though, being among the last to leave had become a bit of a habit.

Lara could hear her personal phone ringing before she opened the door. It was government policy not to take personal calls while on the job; a policy that she had become grateful for in recent months. She sighed, readying herself for yet another wedding planning update from her fiancé. If she had to pretend to care about another obscure detail like what shade of white was best for placecards, she might volunteer to put in yet more overtime.

“Slow down Dee.” Lara said, hoping her voice would pass as calm rather than exhausted. Her Fiancé usually talked energetically, but there was an added frenzied quality to the way she spoke today. This wasn’t wedding talk; something was wrong. “Start over. Tell me where you are and what’s happening.” Lara nodded along as she listened, though she wasn’t sure why... the call was voice only. “It’s ok, I can protect us. Just wait there for me, ok?” She ended the call and slumped back into the driver seat, wishing she were as confident as she had sounded. Shay, you idiot. What were you thinking?

This wasn’t the first time Lara had experienced her work life colliding with her personal life, but this time felt different. This was Dee’s brother. It’s ok, she told herself, she knows what your job is. As she got back out of the van and made her way back through the carpark, Lara could hear Shay’s voice play over and over in her head. She spends all day with soulless droids... are you sure she’s the person you want to start a family with? he’d asked his sister after their engagement was made public. He hadn’t known she’d been within earshot.

It was hard sometimes to keep a clear conscience. When she’d signed up for the job it had been simpler, more clear cut. Back then, her team had been responsible for seizing illegal weapons and drugs. But these days... Pumpkin seeds? What the hell was he doing with pumpkin seeds? And now her fiancé had been dragged into the mess.

The next few steps happened as though she were watching someone else. Lara heard words come from her mouth, her voice sounded cold and detached. She needed to stay as professional as possible if she was going to keep Dee out of prison. She watched her boss spring into action, and a team assemble in under a minute. They’d done this hundreds of times. But instead of the usual adrenaline, this time she just felt numb. But numb was probably for the best.

Within minutes, Lara was driving a team to her fiancés location. She didn’t usually allow herself to think about what her role had become, but this time it was far easier to think about what she was doing and why than to let her mind wander to the tension this would cause at home.

Usually Lara could tell herself that the lives they were throwing into chaos were rebels, criminals, people bent on overthrowing the government and throwing society into chaos. But Shay... Shay was an artist. He was also essentially a big kid who didn’t like being told what to do, but did it anyway... mostly. She’d watched him clean up his act and follow the new laws to the letter (while complaining about it regularly) until this. Had he done this to satisfy his conscience? When he’d made comments about government agents being soulless droids, her fiancé had challenged him, asking how they were any different for following the rules. They’d all let it happen. All watched as hundreds of species of flora and fauna became endangered, then extinct or illegal.

Lara understood, in theory. Scientists had evidently come to the conclusion that various species couldn’t be saved. And the government decided that it was better that its citizens didn’t waste time, energy, money fighting a losing battle. And the only way to do that was to seize anything that gave the people false hope. They were just there to remove false hope... and the criminals dealing in it. Yet as she stared through the windshield and saw the bull emblem on the front of the van, she couldn’t help wonder if maybe that was what they were... a bull in a china shop, creating more destruction than they were preventing.

When they arrived, Lara asked to go in first, spare her fiancé the shock of a forced entrance. But protocols were there for a reason. Her role was to go in last and read rights, so that’s what she would do. But she wasn’t prepared for the situation inside. Dee stood handcuffed in the living room, sheet white, with eyes so far away it was hard to know if she could recognize anyone.

“Where is he Dee? Where’s Shay?” Lara asked her fiancé firmly. It would take a little more time to prove Dee’s innocence without her brother, but it wasn’t a total disaster. Especially when they could bring in the seeds. She made her way towards the art studio just as a painting was being brought out. Flowers... it was illegal to paint flowers. What was he thinking?

Lara walked back over to her fiancé, speaking more gently this time. “You didn’t mention the painting on the phone. Did you know about it?” she dropped her voice to a whisper, “Did you know he’d been painting flowers?”. Dee’s eyes suddenly seemed to focus as she responded, sounding confused. “He didn’t paint them... I did... for you.”

Lara felt her face grow cold. No one else had heard the confession, this was her opportunity to choose a side once and for all.

The rest of the week went by in a blur. The seeds had vanished by the time the contents of the apartment were logged back at the facility. All agents involved in the raid were interviewed to try and determine what had gone wrong. The fragility of her position made Lara even more certain that she’d made the right decision, the practical one.

The government had been right, sometimes damage control means not wasting energy on a lost cause. As she signed the last of the case reports, she wondered how many deposits she could get back. The wedding was off, obviously. She couldn’t very well marry an incarcerated criminal.