The General

For five years The General had stood resolute in his position as Head Hog of the Jasper County Fair, all challengers who rose against him were sent packing, likely some of them to the packing plant. When one thought of the ideal image of a male American Yorkshire pig they would be picturing the 802 pounds of The General. He was a swine heft in appearance and personality.

Over the course of years as his reign as head hog, The General had begun to really fill the role that his moniker implied. He ruled supreme in his enclosure, never called a sty, that implied to those who encountered him a less than noble visage. Where The General really earned his medals and ribbons that adorned the gate of his home was on the battlefield that was the show arena.

His first year being shown at the fair he seemed to have an intuition about what it took to win the judges attention and grab the first place ribbon for his class and secure the overall medal as Jasper County Head Hog. The four years that followed he mastered all of the piggly arts of the show, moving from routine to showmanship with flair. Every year he held the judges and the crowd in his swine-ly sway.

The General marched off the trailer, arriving for his sixth county fair reminiscent of another general, General Douglas MacArthur gallantly returning to the Philippines, totally in charge and returning to see his enemy driven before him. Unlike MacArthur’s return though, The General was not getting the hero’s welcome he was expecting. Over the last few years his arrival had garnered much fanfare as a crowd gathered to see the triumphant return of the head hog, but today, although he had heard the crowd gathered in the fair’s show barn while still in the trailer, not one person stood enraptured for his arrival. Instead the crowd was gathered around a pen at the far end of the barn, clearly in awe of something.

As always, The General’s caretaker, the hog felt no one owned him, gave him the run of things. The General sauntered across the show arena dirt toward where the crowd of people had gathered seemingly marveling at whatever was inside. He heard plenty of, “what a fine specimen,” and “just look at that hog, a real beauty,” and most unsettling of all, “he is going to be this year’s head hog for sure.”

This talk was garbage, The General thought. He decided to get a better look at what the nonsense was filling the air around him. Using his large stature he pushed aside the people gathered along the fence, he grew angry as he did this because no one even acknowledged his presence. This was a new, and not a very good feeling, experience for The General.

Finally, he made his way to the front and peered through the slats in the wooded fence to see what the fuss was all about. In the pen he saw nothing. There was a pig there but it was nothing to have such a fuss over. To The General’s eyes there was nothing at all special about this pig. He looked up at the paper that had been taped to the pen gate, it read “Einstein” in big block red letters. Weird name for a weird pig The General concluded.

It started as murmur and grew into a fever pitch of cheers as Einstein the pig used his front legs to walk up the side of the wooden fence. His legs reached the top and then amazingly Einstein leaned back, balanced on his hind legs and walked across the entire length of his enclosure. The General heard a man exclaim that Einstein would walk across the entire fifty feet of the show arena.

A show hog, that is what The General would be up against, not substance but show. He knew that for the first time ever his reign was in jeopardy and preventative action would be necessary. True to his name, he began to plan.

The General led himself to where he would spend the next week. The pig judging would begin two days from now so there was time to carry out the strategy that had stormed together in his head. Tomorrow he would gather all of the information he needed to pull off his act of sabotage and later tomorrow night he would put the wheels into motion, or as it was in this case the water into motion.

After getting a good sound night of sleep, The General arose and ate, pondering over the task ahead of him. Soon his caretaker came to open his gate and give him a walkthrough of the show grounds of the arena. The General made a note of where the water spouts were located around the arena. He smiled inwardly at his brilliance.

After a full day of greeting the people who passed through the barns to take in all of the sights and sounds of the farm come to town, The General bedded down for the night. At least in appearance he settled in, in reality he was biding his time until all the people had left for the night. Waiting a couple of hours after everyone had left, The General decided now was the moment to strike. He had learned four years ago how to nose the latch and open up his enclosure to let himself out. It was just another way in which he proved his superiority over the other animals.

Sneaking around the arena he stopped at all four of the water lines and chewed through the hoses causing them to begin to flood into the arena. Let’s see how Einstein handles trying to walk in all that mud that mud that would be formed he thought to himself as he returned and settled in for real for the night.

The General awoke to the calamity of the humans as they struggled to at first comprehend what happened and then try to decide what to do about it. There were mixed opinions on the matter, some thought the judging should be postponed, but the majority fell into the show must go on camp.

Twelve hogs would be presenting this year for the title of head hog and they were all led out into the muddy arena. The judges made their way around to inspect each contestant individually and then each pig would be led around the show area. As the reigning head hog, The General would go last. He excitedly awaited the time for Einstein to make his procession.

The General laughed to himself as he watched Einstein approach the outer fence and begin to walk up it. As before, Einstein reached the top board and leaned back to balance himself and took a tentative step. Unlike what happened before though, Einstein began to slide across the arena floor, somehow keeping his balance. Dejectedly, The General watched as Einstein put on a performance worthy of an Olympic ice skater. In that moment he knew that his time as head hog had slipped away.