The Final Goodbye

Archer,

When they told me you passed, I couldn’t believe I was going to have to live the rest of my life without you. This will be my last letter I write to you. I know you will not see it, but I am sure long after I am gone, someone will find this letter and know how I truly felt about you.

When we were younger, I always thought we would grow old together. Not apart like we have. My love for you continued to grow throughout the years, even though we each had our own families and lives.

I did love the life that I ended up living. I still got to see you and watch you and your family grow old. I even loved your wife. If you ended up with anyone other than me, I am glad it was her. And my husband was the only other man who could live up to my expectations.

You want to hear the funny thing in it all? Our grandchildren found love in each other. Our families are finally becoming one. I guess our story never ended. It just continued into the future of our grandchildren.

This music box, the one you gave me the summer everything changed, has letters I have written to you, since that summer. For every major life event or change, there is a letter for. I hoped to share them with you one day, and I had planned to the last time we saw each other, but you were so sick. I didn’t want to upset you or cause you any bad feelings.

If you have found these letters, I am obviously gone. Archer was the love of my life. I am heartbroken without him, and I feel my heart can't take the pain much longer. I hope my family understands that I didn’t write these with ill intent. I loved my husband and my family. I learned to move on, as those who don’t always end up with the life they planned often do.

So if I was happy, why write these letters? Writing helped me process life. I never expected Archer to read them. I just wanted a way to tell Archer everything that happened, good and bad. He was my best friend growing up, and I didn’t want to get in the way of his relationship. He was so in love. The letters just became a habit, a way to reflect on events.

There are moments that I wonder what life might have been like with Archer by my side, but then I remember the gentle laugh of my granddaughter or the freckles on his grandson's face and realize life would be even more empty without those two. The two who are finally bringing our families together.

I could have destroyed these letters, and there were many times I thought about it, but I always stopped, because these letters aren’t just a reflection of the love I had for Archer Tobias, but also memories for my family to read about long after I am gone. There were times I thought about giving them to Archer, especially after his wife passed, but I knew he would never move on from her. I always told myself that if he ever thought of dating, that was when I would do it, but of course, he never did. He had a one-of-a-kind love for her. I couldn’t break that.

These letters are now for Ivy and Lucas to hold onto, so that they can read them to their children and tell the story of my life as I remember it.

With all my Love,

Rowan Evergreen