The Definitive Idiom (Part 1)

Between a rock and a hard place in a situation where one is faced with two equally difficult choices

Origin- The Alaskan Klondike in the 1890’s was a place of danger that came in many forms: death by freezing, death by wolf, death by bear, death by avalanche, death by illiteracy, death by claim jumpers… basically everything wanted you dead. Two of the toughest men to tread the frozen lands during this time were Nicholas “Hard Place” Benson and Kenneth “Rock” Jewell. These two Alaskan frontiersmen were known to be fair and just men, but men not to be reckoned with. Benson was a fur trapper who worked the Carnivorous Turtle Creek area. Jewell was a sled dog driver who worked delivering goods along the Runamuck Trail. The legendary prowess of these two men kept pretty much every danger at bay. The local people, animals, and weather conditions dared not cross them. Nicholas II, the new Russian czar, unfortunately not a local, did not know of the repute of these two when he decided to reclaim the Alaskan territory in light of the gold discovery. In a little known moment in history, Nicholas II ordered his fearsome Cossacks to invade the Alaskan territory. A battalion of mounted cavalry and two regiments of infantry came ashore at Stark Sound and pushed inland. The sound, which lies squarely where the Carnivorous Turtle Creek edges next to Runamuck Trail proved to be a disastrous choice for the Cossacks. Neither Benson, nor Jewell, cared for the ramifications that would come from Russian control of the area, decided to take matters into their own hands. Benson approached the invaders from down the creek while Jewell moved up the trail to the encamped army. The incursion, which became known to the locals as Nicolas’ Foolishness, ended abruptly as the Cossacks expeditiously got the heck out of the Klondike as they found themselves caught… between a “Rock” and a “Hard Place.”

Doesn’t ring a bell something that one has never heard of

Origin- Among the most interesting and unheard of monasteries in the world is Monte Mologosto, located in Swedish hinterlands near Bjernholycrowthisnamegoesonforever. The monastery is recognized for its beautifully manicured open spaces that are surrounded by covered walkways. This architectural feature, as well as their notorious bad habit of making mistakes, has led the adherents of Mologosto to be known as a bunch of Cloister Monks. The monk’s single-mindedness in the upkeep of the monastery featured landscape, the cloister, has led to deficiencies in the other aspects of a noteworthy monkstablisment. The brewery, forge, and gift shop, in particular, received low reviews in the monastery and convent travel quarterly magazine, Fantastic Monastic. Another hallmark of a prodigious monastery is the bell tower and the hourly ringing of the bells. Unfortunately, this is another area in which the Cloister Monks made a mistake. The bell for the tower, when it arrived at the monastery, was turned the wrong side up for a bell, or in this case right side up to make a big flower pot in one of the prized monastery cloisters. Without the lure of the hourly chimes, this led to Monte Mologosto to become unheard of due to the fact it is the only monastery in the world that… doesn’t ring a bell.

Hit the nail on the head to get, or do, something correct

Origin- While the pioneers who traveled to settle the West spent the majority of their time just trying to keep food in their belly, avoiding the lure of dysentery, and fending off marauding rabid raccoons, there was still a need for recreational activities. Most of these activities involved a fiddle or playing a game called Words with Associates™ (settlers would compete in spelling out words with buffalo chips). Another activity that achieved some degree of popularity along the Oregon Trail was a sport called Jimmy Cracking Corn Whilst We Still Care™. The sport involved two teams of five players. On each team the players were assigned a position with a very specific job. One player was the Jimmy, whose job was to wear a barrel around his body as he moved around the field to the corn cracking stations and attempted to crack all of the opposing team’s corn. Two of the players were the Snakes in the Grass, whose job was to attack the Jimmy with knock-knock sticks. One of the players was the David, whose job was to use a slingshot to try and hit the Snakes in the Grass and drive them away. The final player was The Fiddler who, as the name implies, played the fiddle. The Jimmy player was given, due to what happened to him, the nickname “The Nail.” The game could only be won when you…. hit “The Nail” on the head--- repeatedly--- until he was unconscious.

Taste of your own medicine having to experience something you are offering others

Origin- One of the most dubious facets of the Old West was the traveling medicine show. Sometimes referred to as snake oil salesmen, they were often welcomed into town, and subsequently, within the same week ran out of town. Medicine shows were known for selling miracle elixirs that had the ability to cure any disease or ailment, smooth wrinkles, thwart peanut allergies, offer a halitosis remedy (acute and chronic), cure gunfighters elbow, prolong life, or treat back hair lice. Two events transpired that galvanized reforms in the traveling medicine show business. One tragic event was when Doc Tulip’s Medicinal Mystic Cavalcade rolled into Ford City, Kansas. After selling to some of the unmarried cowboys what was thought to be a toe fungus cure, but in reality, were mislabeled bottles of cougar attractant, the town was overrun by the prowling catamounts. Twenty-six cowboys were killed in the attack. The other tragic-er event took place when a snake oil salesman known as the Clinician Magician, who was traveling with Old Bama Care Caravan, paid a visit to Deadrock, Nevada. At the town's annual Rattlesnake Roundup the 84 people who were bitten by the rattlers were given Serpenticide. The Clinician believed that his Serpenticide would act as an anti-venom, when, in fact, it worked as a venom-enhancer. All 84 people were killed. After these occurrences people became more leery of traveling medicine shows and the only way a salesman was allowed to make a transaction was after earning the trust of the potential clients. This usually would occur only after the crowd chanted to the salesmen to have a… “taste of your own medicine.”

Kill two birds with one stone to achieve two things in a single action

Origin- The Olympics stand out as the premier spectacle on the world's sporting stage. Over the years the Olympics have seen events come and go. Some sports were discontinued due to lack of appeal (Tea Kettle Boiling) and some for public safety purposes (porcupine kickball). But, many sports found themselves phased out because they were no longer practical as the world modernized. In the first records of the ancient Olympic Games a sport called Avian Stone Targetry existed. In the competition, two competitors would face off to see who could kill the most birds by rock throwing. There were only two competitors who ever signed up to partake, Petros “Chucker” Prokopis and Sotiris “Chucker” Fotiris. These men became the bitterest of enemies as each man claimed to be the true innovator in the sport. Petros, was just a small town boy born and raised in South Detroit who learned to chuck rocks on the midnight caravans going anywhere. Sotiris, was from West Philadelphia born and raised on the playground where he spent most of his days throwing rocks at the birds that were up to no good. One of the biggest rivalry face offs in all of Olympic history came from the year in which the two men had agreed that the loser would be forced to quit the sport. Sotiris went into the final round one point ahead and Petros was down to one stone left to throw. Petros in the final minutes of the match noticed two sparrows perched very close together. Sensing this was the moment in his life where it all came together and he would force Sotiris out of his beloved sport, Petros reared back and let the rock fly to his lined up targets. Unfortunately, his aim was off and he found that he was forced to leave his beloved sport because he failed… to kill two birds with one stone.