The Criterion Diner

Rumor was, if you ate at the Criterion Diner, it would be the best meal of your life. Heaven-sent. As if the gods of taste buds rose up from the ether and plucked out ingredients especially for your palate. But the other rumor was that once you finished your meal, you’d be judged for your life thus far, and everything from that day forward would be restitution tenfold.

Lucy wasn’t sure if the rumors were true, but she figured her and Finn were both decent people. She was a nurse, and Finn worked in construction. She volunteered every other weekend at the community center. And Finn just finished building a house for some local charity for teenagers. So even if the rumors were real, they’d both only get good things coming back to them.

I mean, yeah, Finn seemed to get annoyed a lot lately. And was grumpy whenever he came over. But she figured it was just him working so much.

“I’d really like to try the Criterion Diner,” she said that night. They’d been dating for three years at that point, and one of these days, she just knew he was going to put a ring on her finger. Even if it killed him.

“Isn’t that way out there by Cutter Lake? That’s kinda far, Luce.” It really wasn’t. It was only ten miles past the city line. They’d gone that far quite a few times. Once, they even went to Philadelphia and that was at least an hour away.

“Please? We haven’t been out in forever.”

It was true. They only got to spend a few nights together a week lately. And on those nights, Finn seemed distracted and tired. Usually, he just wanted to stay in and watch TV. Sometimes he asked her to make one of the recipes from his mom’s cookbook. She didn’t mind most of the time. She loved cooking, but for once, she wanted to get dressed up and go out somewhere. Let someone else cook for her.

“Please?” she said again.

“I dunno. I’ve had a long week. I’m tired, Luce. And it’s out of the way.” His voice had a frustrated tone to it that he didn’t usually take with her. It threw her off for a second, but she was determined. She wasn’t sure why, but something was telling her to go.

“I want to go tonight. We haven’t been out in a long time. And you’re always busy with work now. And distracted when you’re here. Which is rarely. Since you don’t want to live together.” She threw that jab out there, knowing it would either cause a fight or his guilt would make him give in. Luckily, it was the latter.

Fifteen minutes later, they pulled up to the diner. Lucy had passed it before, many times, but she’d never really taken a good look.

The neon sign was bright, the words Criterion Diner in big, red letters. With wide windows that spanned the width of the restaurant. Inside, you could see booths along the windows, and a row of red leather stools at the bar. No one else was inside. Which was strange, since it was the dinner hour.

“Let’s go,” Finn said, opening her door. His attitude hadn’t lessened, and she was hoping that they wouldn’t end up fighting in the diner.

Seat Yourself read a hand-lettered wooden sign. Lucy chose the first booth, closest to the door. As soon as they sat down, music started to play from the Jukebox.

A young woman came out from the back, dressed in a black apron over a red waitress outfit. She walked over, flipping a notepad open. Her hair was dark, curly and wild, and her eyes were the lightest blue Lucy had ever seen. Almost translucent. She couldn’t stop staring. Neither could Finn.

“Hey there, friends. I’m Ruby. What brings you into Criterion Diner?” She smiled at Lucy first, eyes crinkling in the prettiest way, then looked at Finn. Her gaze lingered on him, narrowing slightly. Finn looked at her chest, then back at her face. It embarrassed Lucy, because lately, Finn had looked at a lot of other women when they were out. He never used to.

“I’ve heard about this place and I just wanted to come see if what they say is true,” Lucy said. Finn rolled his eyes, but Lucy didn’t notice. Ruby did, though.

“What about you?” Ruby asked, nodding at Finn.

“I’m just here because she kept bugging me to bring her.” He said it with a laugh, like it was a joke they were all in on. But it made Lucy’s ears feel hot.

He’d done that a few times. Belittled her in front of others. Like last month, when they’d gone to his friend Jack’s housewarming. She’d talked about Finn’s promotion and how proud she was. Jack had looked confused, like Lucy was making up a story. Finn had laughed and told Jack and his wife that Lucy wasn’t the brightest crayon. Later, in the car, he’d grabbed her wrist too hard when she asked him about it. But she’d dropped it right away once she realized how much it bothered him.

“Well, you’re in for a treat then,” Ruby said now. “Both of you. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the food here is the best meal you’ll ever have in your life. And once you’re done, you’ll get everything you deserve and more.” She smiled, leaving them with two menus.

Every description was mouthwatering. Lucy didn’t know what she wanted. Pan-fried pork chops with crispy apples and roasted rosemary potatoes? Or honey glazed pecan chicken and wild mushroom risotto? It was all so delectable. And the desserts. It was a list of every kind of chocolate confection you could think of. This was definitely heaven!

“What are you getting, Finn?” she asked.

“Steak. Potatoes.”

Of course. He never really strayed far from his usual. But Lucy wanted adventure. She wanted something new and delicious. Something that made her heart race and her mouth water. And if she were honest, that wasn’t just the meal she was thinking of. It was her relationship too. But she was afraid to delve too deeply into that thought.

By the time Ruby came back, they were both ready to order. She brought out two glasses of wine “on the house” she’d said.

After his third sip, Finn’s shoulders seemed to loosen up.

“Why isn’t anyone else here?” he asked, looking around.

Lucy looked around. She’d been a bit lost in her thoughts since they sat down. Going over the last few weeks, or months really, of their relationship. Something was definitely off. And it was more obvious than ever.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s too far,” she bit out. She didn’t get snarky often, but she was starting to feel pissed off. He’d been a colossal dick to her lately. And she had been letting him get away with it.

She was just about to say something else, but Ruby walked over, carrying their plates. Lucy's mouth watered, her anger momentarily forgotten.

Finn’s steak was thick, juicy, with steam rising off. The potato was crusted with salt, perfectly roasted on the outside and fluffy and buttery on the inside. It looked delicious, but Lucy’s meal was definitely the winner.

A large stuffed flounder, filled with crab meat, red peppers, and spinach, with a side of roasted leeks, squash, and apricots.

They both took a bite, moaning simultaneously in appreciation. It really was the most incredible meal Lucy had ever had. Even Finn seemed happy to be eating it.

As she took another bite, Lucy noticed Ruby standing at the bar, watching them. It felt strange. They were alone in the diner, and Ruby was just standing there looking at them, intensely. She waved and Ruby smiled, looking at Finn with an unreadable expression.

When they finished, she took their plates away and came straight back with the menus again, offering them dessert.

Before either could say a word, Ruby insisted.

“Please, it’s on the house. You both deserve to get a taste of something wicked and sinful.” They agreed, each ordering a slice of triple chocolate cake.

The first bite was the most delectable, pleasure-inducing thing Lucy had ever experienced. She felt almost wanton the way she wanted to ravage the cake. The sweetness of the chocolate exploded on her tongue. The taste was heady, intoxicating. She felt like she was spinning in circles, going round and round, getting dizzier with every bite. But she didn’t care. It was just so good.

Finn ate his and found it dry and bitter. Like the sugar had been left out. He took another bite, wondering if his taste buds were off. But each time he ate a piece, it felt more dry, harder to swallow. It was almost rancid by the time he was down to his last two bites.

Lucy felt euphoric. She was floating, free and wild. And when she opened her eyes, she saw Finn’s face was red. He was clutching his throat. But for some reason, she wasn’t shocked. Somehow, this felt right. So she just watched, his face turning purple. His arms flailing. Until he was no longer struggling. And as Lucy took her last bite, Finn fell forward, facedown on the table, right into his plate.

And Lucy felt nothing but relief.

“How was your meal?” Ruby asked, ignoring Finn’s body as she pulled the plate from beneath his face.

“It was incredible,” Lucy said. “Thank you. I wish I knew what made it taste so good.”

Ruby smiled, a wicked gleam in her eye. “Ah, that’s the taste of Karma, my friend.”