The Corporate Shark and the Harpoon

Harold pulled into his beat-up concrete driveway and got out of his Camry. The yard smelled of high emissions and broken dreams of a hybrid, and he was ready to get inside. It’s been a long day. I need to kick back before they get home. Luckily for Harold, his wife and son were still out. His corporate advertising firm had just locked down the biggest deal in several years. I still can’t believe I got them the account. I’m going to get a promotion for sure. Harold danced his way into his house. Money, money…yeah yeah. There was nothing for Harold to do once he got inside: nothing was on TV and while he was hungry, Elizabeth hated it when he tried to cook. “Harold, don’t you touch that oven! The next time you try to cook I’m going to cold cock you with a skillet! Do you understand?!” Harold had to laugh at that. His wife was the best. She was draconian about her kitchen, though. Also Harold cooked like fish climb trees. While he was thinking, he got a little worried, like his mind wanders. Not the serious stuff, like being wrinkly in rocking chairs and telling grandiose tales to the grandkids, but how she’d look in her business suits when she passed the Bar. I guess those pantsuits will hit different with the “Esq.”. He was a reluctant supporter of her return to school. His thoughts drifted to his son. Not him finishing school, starting a family, or anything like that, but if he would get his mechanics down for corner kicking. Which was also silly; Allen despised playing soccer. His job gave equally random thoughts, of his secretary, Leila Alvarez, and how often she had to bail him out when his co-workers dumped the work of a small battalion on him. His co-worker, Dan Roland. Dan Dan the bland man….damn near cost us the account. Leila pulled a 16-hour shift with no break process everything for me on time. Wouldn’t stop staring at me though. Weird. Elizabeth got home, and she noticed him daydreaming again. Can he stay out of la-la land for five minutes? Wait until he finds out I left Allen at a playmate’s house. We’re going to have the house to ourselves tonight. Ought to be a blast. Elizabeth liked the fact that her man was a thinker, but not as much so the spacing out part. She liked talking to him, except about world issues. The psycho-sociological underlying implications of the world’s populace was something Harold was incorrigible about. Harold suddenly noticed his wife.

“Hey Baby, um, sorry about the spacing out.” Harold laughed nervously. He didn’t notice his son come in. “Um, where’s Allen?”

“Oh, he’s at a friend’s house. You can get him later.”

“That’s good that’s good. Speaking of good…”

“Speaking of good…?”

“Dan and I got the Microsoft account! Isn’t that great?!”

“You and ‘Dan Dan the Bland Man’, as you like to call him closed it? What’s it worth?”

“Depends on how well it goes over. They have some new tech, and they wanted us to help them market it. It’s projected to give the company millions, and Microsoft….well, there are getting millions on millions.”

“Sounds like the Gates Foundation may get a donation too. How about you though; how much is your cut?”

“Well, you see the ‘corporo-economic’ situation is broken down into the hierarchy of the…”

“Stop. I don’t need to know all that. A number would have been nice baby.”

“Well pardon me out of me for trying to inform you on something. Baby I’m verbose; I speak like I think.”

“Yes, too much. Harold, didn’t your own mother tell you time and time again that you think too much? And way far into things. I mean, you’re an in-depth man, but give your brain a rest sometimes, okay?”

“Okay, okay, you win baby! I’m sorry.”

“And there you go with that again…”

“With what?”

“Apologizing unnecessarily. It’s not that serious sometimes. You really need to mellow out sometimes. Maybe, every now and then, you can’t figure it out because it’s not your problem to solve. Or maybe you sometimes come up for air to make mistakes.”

“Shoot, can I win here? I apologize for something…and then I have to apologize for my apology? I love you., but I ain’t got it.”

Elizabeth gave her husband a peck on the lips. “And, now you get it.”

“What do you mean?”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

The phone rang. I wonder who it can be. Nobody ever calls during this time. I hope this isn’t bad news. Harold slowly picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Smith?”

“Oh, Mr. Spencer. Calling from the office I take it.”

“Yes Smith. Good job on getting Microsoft on board. I need to talk to you about Roland. It’s time we gave him some more responsibility.”

“Absolutely sir. He deserves it.”

“Good to know. That’s what I called you about.”

Spencer sounded somber. Harold noticed. “Is something the matter, sir?”

“Depends on how you look at it. I’m giving him triple-time responsibility.”

“Triple time?”

“Yes. I’m making him the liaison with Microsoft, giving him his ad responsibilities, and yours.”

“Oh I see. Well sir, where are you putting me?”

“I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll be blunt. Goodbye Smith.”

I was just fired. Over the phone. Incredible. I always thought of him as a tapeworm, but this is ridiculous. The spinelessness of it all; didn’t even wait until the next day on the job. Elizabeth noticed the look on his face. This can’t be good. I haven’t seen Harold look this stunned over something before. It looks like someone died. Harold looked down. It was my idea. Leila and I worked like mad to draw up the presentation. And then gave him equal billing after he almost compromised our local server messing with the presentation. That sent us back to square one. I’m not going to cry over this. That’s why I have my psych degree. Harold smiled.

“Um, what’s going on Harold? Very sharp contrast in mood you just gave me there.”

“For good reason. I got fired.”

“That’s not something to smile over.”

“When you have the resources to do better it is.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have a psych degree remember? Like, to counsel. I’ll just become a psychiatrist.”

“Don’t you need certification for that?”

“Yep. Got it already. Those what those late nights were for. The ones before the Microsoft account was proposed.”

Always tactical. The overthinking is good sometimes, I guess. “That sounds good. Hopefully it will pan out.”

“I’m sure it will. So baby, what’s for dinner?”

“You didn’t cook?”

“Nope.”

“Good.”

Harold kissed his wife on the cheek. After dinner and some time watching television, he decided to go get Allen from his friend’s house. He didn’t know much about Ronald, other than he and Allen were classmates and teammates on the soccer team. When Harold drove up, Allen came out and got in the car with his father. Harold looked over at Ronald. He had a startling resemblance to his middle school friend Robert, who shot Harold, killed his first love, and committed suicide. Falling over the side of the building was still fresh in Harold’s mind. When Allen got into the car, Harold had a flurry of questions for him.

“Son, tell me more about your friend Ronald.”

“Well dad, I don’t know an awful lot. It’s not like we’ve known each other for years. I just met him like a couple weeks ago.”

“Well son, tell me what you do know.”

“Well, he’s very smart, but doesn’t do well in classes. He has a temper too. I think it’s ADD, or Tourette’s or something.”

“Hmmm…go on.”

“He has a dictionary, and it’s a pocket dictionary. He let me look at it. It has all kinds of notes by words and stuff. I had never heard of any of them. He is always trying to teach me about some new word that nobody uses. Also I’ve never met anyone who can write that small.”

“He sounds strange.”

“Maybe dad…and maybe he’s smart and school bores him. Just a guess.”

This got Harold’s skin crawling. That kid Ronald…he’s so much like Robert. And so much like Michael. It’s uncanny. This is unsettling. I’m not sure I can let my son hang out with a kid like him. Allen will not deal with what I dealt with, what I’m dealing with. Only one way to find out if my suspicions are founded.

“Hey kiddo, the weekend is coming up, why don’t you invite Ronald? I wanna meet him.”

“Dad, don’t do the thing again.”

Harold remembered the fact that he was unemployed. “Hey son, I have some bad news. Followed by some good news.”

“You got fired. Roland got your job. And you’re going into your own practice. That about right?”

Is this really my kid? He’s smarter than I am. “Well, looks like you’re a little clairvoyant. Opening up a psychiatric clinic, or counseling. I’m going to be a therapist son. Shouldn’t take too long to set up. I need to make some calls and I should be fine.”

“Well, your job was tough and you came home tired a lot. Just figured you’d change up at some point.”

“It was. But this will be better.”

“As a shrink? You sure that’s right for you?”

“I have the degree. Isn’t that enough? And they are psychiatrists.”

“Well dad, being a shr-I mean psychiatrist…isn’t that even harder?”

“Yes, but I think I can do it.”

“Despite the fact that you’re a serial thinker?”

“No son. When you go to school tomorrow, tell Ronald about our invite. I look forward to seeing him.”

That Friday Ronald was over, and Harold was moving between helping his wife study for the exam and talking to his associate, Gerard Avery.

“Avery, it’s Smith. I need a suite near the downtown area. I can pay a down payment on it immediately. Just need to get back to work.” He then turned to his wife. “No that’s a 'demurrer' again.”

“You make these quizzes too complicated Harold. The bar won’t even be this bad.”

“No I don’t baby. And the Bar just may be harder.” Harold replied.

“What are you doing Smith?”

“Just helping the wife with something, Avery.”

“You do it all, huh? Oh, well, I’ll get it in the works for your new suite. Call me later, maybe Monday afternoon. We’ll talk then.”

“The kids don’t have school that Monday, and my son has a friend over. Still, I think I can swing that. Okay, thanks Avery. Later.” Harold turned to his wife. “I’m going to go upstairs and check on the boys.”

He went upstairs and noticed them playing video games. Maybe he’s just a normal kid. Maybe I’m over-reacting. I’ll give him a pass…for now.

The weekend went well. Monday came by quick, and Allen and Ronald came downstairs for Ronald to leave.

“Hey Ronald, did you have fun this weekend?”

“Yes Mr. Smith.”

“My wife wanted to be home when I dropped you back home. She wanted to wish you off. Is that okay?”

Ronald nodded. “That’s fine Mr. Smith.”

Elizabeth came in the door a few minutes later. “Hey Harold, good job on getting him to stay. Did you have fun Ronald?”

“Yes Mrs. Smith. This a great house and you and Mr. Smith were very nice to me.”

“Good, Harold I need to study, I’m going to go to the bedroom to do it. Let me know when you get back okay?”

“No problem baby.”

Suddenly, Ronald didn’t look so good. “Ronald are you okay son?”

“I just need to go take my medication.”

“Medication?”

“Yes, asthma medication.”

Asthma medication? Oh no, maybe this kid is another Robert Douglass. I’ll investigate this kid if I can. Ronald came out of the bathroom, and he left the medicine on the sink.

Now to make my move. Allen tried to cut him off.

“Dad, it looks like Ronald left his inha-wait this isn’t an inhaler…”

“Son! Put that down NOW!” Harold screamed.

“Hey Al! Put my medicine down! Mr. Smith…I want to talk to my dad!” Ronald growled.

“Hold on son! I’m a grown man, and you’re a boy. You had better watch your tone.”

“Don’t test me old man. I'm going to the cops next.”

“Dad give him the phone.”

Elizabeth came downstairs. “What’s going on here?”

“I’m about to teach this brat some respect!”

“Dad, just call Ronald's parents!”

“Harold, we're in the wrong here. Call the boy's father so we can sort this out.”

“Hold your tongue Liz. I’m going to get to the bottom of this. Ronald, what’s your deal? What kind of mental condition do you have?”

“Mental condition! I’m not crazy! You’re crazy, you crazy coot!”

“Harold, did you just tell me to hold my tongue?”

Harold was ignoring his wife. “Don’t lie to me. I know you were plotting to do something to my son if he found out. Well, too bad and too late! You get nothing this time!”

“What are you talking about?! I’m just protective of my things. I don’t want to hurt anyone!”

“You, Robert…guys like you are all the same. Breaking up families and causing tragedies. You will not get my son like Robert got me.”

"Robert? Who's Robert?"

Elizabeth took the pills from Allen. “I can’t believe you’re doing this Harold!” She began reading the label. They read: “Atrovent. Take one pill three times a day as needed for asthma symptoms.” She knew she had to tell.

“Um, Harold.”

“Not now Liz…”

“Harold…”

“Can this wait? I’m busy!”

“Harold…”

“Not now…I’m going to tear this kid a new one.”

Elizabeth charged between Ronald and Harold, and slapped her husband into next week. “LOOK AT THIS YOU THICK HEADED MAN!”

Harold read the label. “Mr. Smith, I’ve being trying to tell you. I’ve been ill. My inhaler isn’t enough, so I take this as a supplemental medication.”

“I tried to tell you…he’s not crazy…but maybe he was right about you…”

“I guess I’ll take you home now kid.”

“Um, maybe you should just call my parents. Sure they’re going to love this.” Allen sighed and stormed off to his room. Harold handed Robert the phone. A man answered the phone. Harold went into the home office and buried his face in his hands. Elizabeth retired to her bedroom and slammed the door.

“Dad, you need to come get me from the Smiths. I don’t know how to tell you this, but I think we accidentally found the guy. The one cousin Robert shot…”