The Conceptual Planet Part 3 Continued

The Course of Things

My plan had always been to carve myself out a normal life, whatever that is. I guess my plan was to live a boring, content life. Find some one with a sweet heart to call my sweetheart. Get married, have a kid and grow old living a life as a family. I now understand how naive I had been as a child. You truly have to be insane to bring a child into this world under normal circumstances. With my circumstances, it would be cruel maybe even wrong. It would be more challenging than for others and the strength on my part would probably kill me. So plans change and childhood whims are forfeited to adult rational and life circumstances. It wasn't due to lack of know how.

It was a topic never brought up, a secret understanding agreed on with my husband. I appreciated not having to discuss the issue, an unspoken agreement.

"It takes a village to raise a child", I often had heard people say. My husband had some friends, me less. An entity not understood by others and the tricks it could potentially play renders even a village down to the power of one. Knowing when something is a trick and not personal error or your own suspicious mind becomes a maddening act of accepting feeling dumb at times. It took me many years to even trust that the tricks I witnessed, were indeed real. I would never bring someone into the world to feel as helpless as me. There wasn't a village small and trusted enough or large and equipped enough.

I had lullabies personally written, books chosen that I knew I would have read, games I would have played, foods I would have introduced. This work, my experiments and research is probably my attempt at proving to myself I had chosen right and to be a force of a village for others in the world with similar situations. Proof to others, wit can battle wit on opposing polarities. That there is a way of finding how the mechanism works. It's exhausting, and resources always an issue to contend with, but possible.

Today is a gloomy hazy day from the appearance from out my window. It fit with my emotional state just fine. Infact it supplied a calming effect to my nervous anxs, as I thought of how much more we needed to accomplish.

I had a feeling it was going to be a good day. Two years of research and work went by fairly uneventfully. That is until we achieved our first goal at the shop. Today is that day. A hazy, beautiful day.

Today we switched items on a shelf, switching the color of a lid as well. We moved other items in the shop from different shelves. To our horror, we achieved tricks with the money in the tip jar. Moving bills and switching bills for ones in better condition, etc. It was amazing. I felt my goals coming within reach. Other aspect of theories were becoming less far fetched with the existence of these achievements.

Susanne was becoming as close as family. In some ways closer than Micah since I couldn't share everything with him. I could see how it stressed him out. The only thing that kept Susanne from complete friendship was the entity. The entity, who helped give direction with the algorithm was quickly becoming an imaginary friend similar to drop dead fred. Although I was reluctant to accept direction, I knew it was necessary for progress. I knew I'd probably pay for this help later.

We have a couple symbols we developed with subscript. These symbols were original works. Much like the zodiac codes, they only made sense to us or maybe a really ingenious individual.The symbols were used to cause reactions with outlets. Energy was always a blessing and a curse in our studies. We were always searching for better power sources. Are experiments required lots of power. More than once we caused power outages in the shop and surrounding buildings.

It was also after these couple years, that our first snag occurred. The member that had been replaced, talked. Disclosing pertinent information to a government agency. Then this agency with out our knowledge looked into power usage etc at the shop and used it as probable cause to investigate. Now we had questions to answer to. Questions I wasn't ready to answer or share, but I had to. Today, was also the day I learned about all this. So my extatic joy was quickly leveled out.

We obviously would retaliate towards the member who told with a lawsuit, siting the NDA. We agreed to cooperate with the investigation hoping cooperation would earn us leniency.

I felt the stress of all the government employees looking at me for an explanation.

What if Startrek was more history than future? Probably not what I should start with I laughed to myself. Humor was always my outlet in stressful times.

Apparently this would also be the time the other dreams began. My dreaming was not a one off, instead the next big dream would happen the night after my first interview by the government. Was it stress induced, was it the entity? I really don't know. It was however, bizarre and thought provoking, yet still highly unprovable. I needed something I could prove. We needed an impressive alphabet with real world positive implications. If not that, we needed to create life or a habitat on another planet at will to force others to believe in this unseen transfer system and our intelligence.

The entity had explained ways we could prove the statements, but each way was so difficult, they were basically unprovable. For example, humans could try to harness hydrogen from Jupiter. We would need to harvest such large quantities, that the transfer system would change. This change would happen because another planet other than earth and the sun would be receiving more credit for an element. Second, cover a planet with storms fully and see if we can force a reaction like the one depicted in the first Dream. The reaction might cause enough chemical reaction to create enough mixing from chemical rains etc a hospitable place may eventually grow out of it. Third, create the alphabet fully. All were impossible, especially now under the guise of the government.

Dream 2

This dream was less calm. No blue hue and charming guide. Instead, small visions of history. Small visions that revealed big ideas. The first part of the dream dealt with rituals and ceremonies. The rituals started as a way to get things done. These rituals were found in all cultures such as Aztecs, Mayans, Hindus, and Thais, etc. However, depending on the culture the entity awarded cause for it often had different attributes. Similar to stories of Apollo, these entities were known to be tricky. Rituals were a way for specific tasks to take place as certain times. Rituals allowed for the heart to be viewed and other organs. It allowed for blood to spill on to the earth connecting the two together in the system, allowing for the transfer system to exist between all things.

The next vision was one of gold. Gold as poop. It made me laugh, but it was true. My understanding from the dream was that poop or excrement of these first organisms turned to gold after a life well lived and every particle had undergone a reaction, cleaning every particle. These first organisms would die once every organism completed its job. Organisms exist to be filters for earth, and still do. Although now we are not just filters, but tools for it. The first organisms didnt expel waste. They filtered it until clean, then died. The cleansed particles becoming gold. Then a mistake took place. A, what we think of as a mega virus, consumed a bacteria that became more like a virus because it merged and reconfigured it. Becoming a cell. After the combining and reconfiguration of these organisms, waste was expelled out, the transfer system was born out of necessity for life. These transfers allowed for cleansing of excrement particles over the course of the organisms life. Everything was easily accounted for. Once every particle in a clump of poop was cleansed and a reaction accounted for in every particle, the excrement became gold. This product then would be valuable to the next generation as an inheritance and an item for transfer in the system. Gold was a physical symbol of a balanced accounting. Every particle accounted for. As it was left on earth it allowed for transfers between more places and people. It also spread 'chance' as the transfer favored the family or origin of the gold or the recipient of it.

As time went on and more beings formed, evolved, and thought evolved the accounting became more complicated. Discrepancies made accounting hard and at times different accountings for the same particles existed.

These days barely anyone counts in this system, so gold is no longer readily made, except for by a few creatures. Every particle can no longer be accounted for and the accounting so undecided in history for humans that they are no longer a source for golds creation. It still exists in the monetary system as a form of payment, but very few examples still carry the transfer power of the past. Although a few examples still exists that carry power that can favor the creator or the receiver.

The next vision was one of Egypt. The closest civilization to almost make it. The most visually symbolic of the system. A few corrections and they would have been the closest civilization allowed to get the information almost fully correct, given what was known and possible at the time.  For whatever reason no individual or civilization is ever allowed to get it fully correct. A problem is always manufactured that turns against it, the reason for keeping them from full knowledge attainment. However, their obsession with appearances, ironically, played a part in two different contexts that kept them from reaching full correct attainment.

First the idea of paying for the afterlife. They preserved individual bodies, as we all know, in tombs surrounded by gifts, as payment for the individual to reach the afterlife. The outside was preserved or mummified to know who to pay back. However, I was being shown this was not necessary because the particles did this. If the bodies had been preserved, thus cleaning each organ, and then those particles used in specific areas of life, all amounts and purposes recorded, that would have acted as repayments for their lives and credits afforded to them and their surviving families members. The preserved bodies, really acted as a counter to the obsession with beauty and selfishness. The mummies acted as a balance in accounting for the royalty. Forever capturing the other face of them forever, thus less remembered for beauty but rather the mummies. If these bodies had been used for another purpose, repaying back, it would have been different. Mummies were used in paints, called mummy brown, which was used by artist to create artwork, but the money went solely to the creator instead of to the society or family of the actual mummy. If a percentage had gone to these places willingly 2 accountings would not exist. However, different accountings are constantly at war in our world, our universe.

The entity speculated that these various accountings cause particle waves to fluctuate differently than expected at times, as the percentage changes in the system. This is part of quantum physics, the strange unpredictable nature of a particle that acts differently than it is predicted or expected to act. Its the percentage in 0 and 1's in the computer language switching when two accountings are given equal weight.

While dreaming I began thinking of our own world. How we could devise different coffins. One's that heated and froze. Ones that filtered and cleaned particles that could then be used in other sectors of life. How morbid to think we are just particles to account for. But is it really any different than how people are treated in the world? If after death all particle amounts were collected and recorded, credits could be awarded. Then all the growth in a sector where they are used could be accounted for and a percentage attributed to the particles gathered and used. Much how stocks work for us today. This would then be repayment from individuals; half going to the planet and half repaying individual and family debts. If humans could gain credits in this unseen accounting maybe the accounting transfers could be rewritten. Maybe the past relics could still be salvaged to contribute and help grow sectors important to life, gaining credits.

The next part of the vision was the more personally traumatizing. It sealed my death. There was no way around it, I saw that. The entity tried to reason it, to comfort, to change it, but I knew by writing it down, by working on it and sharing it, I was agreeing to my death. It was the only way, nothing is without sacrifice. My death would act as a credit for the information, so the information could be used freely, without consequence. It would be worth it.

"If only I could ignore you", I said softly to the entity in my dream. "If only". Although not exact science at this point, the ideas when merged with my own thought, ideas and knowledge seemed too important to not try, to not share. Maybe someone knew something already about all of this, out there somewhere in the world. All that was needed was the math and the computer language to prove it.

I started to feel the dream was going to be coming to an end, that I would snap back to reality at any moment. It was sad, exciting, enchanting and full of prospect. I reminded myself of Orson Wells quote "If you want a happy ending, its about where you end the story". My story would end before earth, before the creation of another planet, before a creation of a dyson's sphere, that was a biological inescapable fact. I had 'died' twice before in my life metaphorically speaking, this was probably a better cause than both of the previous times. My story would end with the end of this story. With the beginning of a new universe.

The dream I entered was red, everything seemed to be under a red filter. As if I had entered a swanky lounge, although it was just an office room. I had entered a door on the right in a hallway. By the time I exited the dream, it was all smoke. I was in my room walking around. Everything was as it had been when I went to bed that night. As I sat in a chair in my room to think I woke up in bed, every detail from the room present that was in my dream. Only change is I wasn't sitting in a chair, I was in bed.

"I choose the work", I said into the room as I stretched to prepare to continue on. My husband would need to understand, he would not believe it, but he would choose the same if given the choice. I simply had to write the ideas down and it became fate. It was out of love, not hate. He would see that.

I put my pen down after writing my diary entry. I wrote everyday in it. Meticulously recording everything. Maybe he could read it when I'm gone and get the peace he would need and the understanding.

Waking from this particular dream I felt a loss of my humanity in a way. Money and stocks were important in my time and still how the world functioned, but everything as nothing more than accounting seemed harsh or cruel. But inescapable. My idiomatic sense allowed me to see the truth in it, in the logic. Plus without an accounting of any actions or contributions what would be the point. without a point, why would existence of any kind be needed.

I stared at a poster I had of the planets. The graveyard of planets, existing that way for the benefit of earth. The transfer system favoring earth. Gasses transferring to these other planets that have been storming for years. Could we bring them to life with out harming the balance.

Aftermath of a Dream

I let my finger tips trail over novels, movie covers, old CD's, on the way out of my room. As if touching them alone would conjure up some entity, emotion or memory. On reaching the livingroom I found Micah watching T.V.

"Do you think there are some things I have to save myself in?"

"What?! Why would you need saving? But no, I will always save you. Its the loving mans job. Or rather duty, no desire. I know how you feel about the word job."

"Oh I see", I smiled a half smile. "What if you cant and have no say in it."

"There you go underestimating me and my ability again. I can, I will, I always will save you even from you".

"But what if you couldn't because its beyond your scope?"

"Nonsense, Ludicrous, Nonsense, Blasphemy", he let bellow and echo in the room.

"I'm serious", I whisper.

Well, I'd search for someone who could or I guess, I'd hug and kiss you like its our last and set in for a horrible journey", he replied his expression confounded.

"Is this because of your research and group you're working with?", he asked with sincerity.

"All the above and some. The research was slow even with finding knowledgeable people. There were some unexpected factors and the information leak. The leak led to another individual coming forward with some conflicting information and research. This has further slowed the progress as well as ignite speedy interest in areas of the project by a government agency. They have been pressing hard on some of the less explainable nature of my research, requesting reports on tech being used and experiments attempted. Basically asking for me to hand over the whole fucking project. Obviously I can't fully comply, but I need to give them something so I can continue un hindered or bothered.

"What agency or agencies? I still have some friends that may be able to help, at least buy you some time until you work out the phrasing for your explanation. Or time so you can move your research somewhere else cutting out the leak".

"I really didn't want to have to use you, but thanks. I'll let you know. We just started recording actual data, seeing results, seeing how we could use some existing algorithms and what we could add to make these algorithms function more efficiently."

"Some of what I thought was possible really was", I added marveling at what we had discovered.

"Lets run away", I blurted out.

"Where would we be running to?", he asked.

Half joking, I said laughing "a place with less gravity!".

"Are we still on earth?", he was now smiling as well.

"Peru!".

"How very specific, what's the reason?", he inquired.

"Its a symbolic escaping to a place with physically less gravity. Escaping the gravity of it all, the mess I created. Slip into a selfish love reverie in a place free of so much gravity".

He was now looking at me objectively, but still with humor behind his eyes and smile. Obviously slightly delighting in her childish whim

"Peru it is then".

Then both of us were laughing. Staring at each others eyes laughing. Although she really did wish, wish with every part of her, they could just disappear to some place of splendor and forget everything.

"Research overwhelms", he offered as a comfort.

"We could have a bungalow in Peru and live off the grid. Completely off the grid. Have wild sex and disguise ourselves to see entertainment", she was full on trying to sell the idea now.

"Take it one step at a time, you will get there. If nothing else comes of any of it, what's the worst that could happen?"

He was being reasonable, ugh. She didn't need reasonable right now.

Catching on to this he quickly changed his tone saying, "but a bungalow off the grid is on the table huh? Sounds like that might be hard living and a lot of boredom and work, but I'll take a week of some off the grid wild sex. Just us right?"

This is why she loved him. He knew just what to say. I was laughing and feeling calm. "Well that depends, who are you trying to invite?"

"Oh really?!"

He was laughing as he pulled me in twirling me so my back was pulled into his chest arm around me. We were swaying looking out our Livingroom window dreaming of Peru.

If only life could stay this simple forever. If only I didn't have a meeting with a panel of government officials deciding the fate of my project. If only I didn't have a competitor come out of the wood work with conflicting studies and info. If only they wanted to work with my team, instead of eliminate my team.

I got myself up. So it begins



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