The Cheese Stands Alone

Have you ever heard of the saying, “The Cheese Stands Alone”? It is a true statement. I am a living example of it. By the way, my name is Cheese. Well, my real name is Matthew Limburg. But with a name like Limburg, how can you not grow up with the nickname, Cheese? It’s a name I got back in grade school at it stuck. While I could be having a blast with my friends, the Cheese really does stand alone. Before I go into details, and I will get to them, let me first tell you who all was involved.

First, we have Jerry Mouser. He is my best friend in the whole world. I’ve known him since kindergarten. We call him Mouse. It’s not due to his last name. Although, that is an amazing coincidence. We call him Mouse because of the cartoon mouse named Jerry. Anyway, it was Mouse that invited me on this wonderful vacation and then reneged. Some friend!

Mouse has a twin sister named Catherine. I don’t think there is a single Catherine who doesn’t go by the nickname Cat. So, yes, there is Cat and Mouse. Cat was born a full 30 seconds before Mouse, and she always lets him know this. Of course, Cat was part of this trip. Not me. Not his best friend.

Douglas was related to the Mousers on their mother's side. Douglas Doberman. As I am quite sure you’ve already figured out, he goes by the name Dog. It was Dog who told the Mousers about the trip. I have no idea why he didn’t tell me about it also. He’s my friend. I would have enjoyed hanging out with Dog, Cat, and Mouse.

Another relative of Dog was Cindy. Cindy’s full name, which was often used when we were children, is Cindy Olivia Watson. Amongst our small group of friends, we called her Cow based on her initials. Nobody else dared to do it. She was a tough little girl and grew up to be even tougher. She would have beat the snot out of anyone else that tried. She knew about the trip before Dog did. She told him. She didn’t tell me. But that’s how it goes. Nobody wants Cheese with them.

Cow has an older sister named Betty. She never hung out with us when we were younger and never received a nickname. She was just Betty. She’s spent the last few years going to school to become an RN. She hasn’t got a job at a hospital like she wanted to, so she’s kept her options open.

Mr. Robert O’Derry lived just over 90 minutes from Chicago in a small town called Odell, Illinois. His wife is Mindy, and they have a 5-year-old son named Larry. The O’Derry family owned a small farm that kept them busy all day long. Unknown to me, Mindy had a small connection to the Mouser family. Before she met Robert, her sister had set her up with 3 blind dates. John, Jeff, and Jordan Mouser, Jerry’s older brothers. They did not end well. With each one she ended up throwing a carver’s knife at them. To help them out, they wanted to hire a live-in nurse / caregiver to help take care of Larry. Who do you think they got? Betty!

One day, Robert got a notice in the mail that he won an all-expense paid 5-day vacation package to one of the finer resorts in Florida. It included tickets to 5 different theme parks, a 5-day / 5-night stay in a deluxe suite, first class air-line tickets, lunch and dinner at 5-star restaurants, and more. But there was an issue on how many people could come. And this is where my problem started.

That farmer from Odell! That farmer from Odell! Robert O’Derry, OH! That farmer from Odell!

Robert wanted each person to choose the next person to go. As you would expect, the farmer picked his wife. The wife picked the child. The child picked the nurse. Then it hit closer to home. The nurse picked Cow. Cow picked Dog. Dog picked Cat. Cat picked Mouse. Mouse picked me. However, that’s when Robert informed us that the package was only for 8 people. I made 9. “To be fair”, he said, “the last one picked is the one taken off the list.”

There you have it. All of my friends are going on a great 5-day vacation in a life of luxury. Me, what do I get? The Cheese stands alone.