The Best Thing I Never Had

** Earlier that day **

Leslie barely slept after the girls returned to their rooms leaving her to spend her last night as a single woman.

“Who’s really ready for marriage anyway?” She asked herself out loud as she stared out the window into the night sky. She loved Kenny and there should be no but behind that statement, yet there was. She loved him but she didn’t always like him. Older married women in her family told her that’s normal to feel. It’s ok. It will come and go. It always struck her as odd. How do you do life with somebody you don’t even like? Does that really work? Apparently it does, she mused herself. They’ve all been married forever.

Not wanting to be the bride with bags under eyes, she turned on her Christian meditation app and found a session called “Be Anxious for Nothing.” She allowed the soothing voice of the narrator and the relaxing sounds of the rain to lull her to sleep. She woke up to the sun peaking through the curtains of the bridal suite and a knock at the door. She looked at the time, 8:00 am. Well it can’t be the girls because they’re not due here until 10, the benefit of having an evening wedding, everyone could sleep a little longer. Thinking one of them maybe ordered her room service or the beautician showed up early to get her bridal braids together, she grabbed her robe and went to the door.

Leslie swung the door open with a big smile expecting to see the waiter with the cart or her beautician but there was no one there. She stepped out slightly and looked around and saw no one. When she stepped back, her foot hit a medium-sized package wrapped in brown shipping paper. Stepping into her room she stooped to pick up the package. Curious at first, her tension eased when she saw that it was addressed to “Mrs. Kenny Lofton.”

“Must be a late shower gift. Let’s see what we got.” Leslie admitted to her best friend Monise that growing up she watched one too many sappy chic flicks where the bride's parents had passed away and left her a meaningful letter or trinket for her wedding day. Her excitement swelled thinking she was about to have her own sappy chic flick moment. She ripped the brown paper off to find a beautifully wrapped box with a card that read, “Here's to a lifetime of loyalty, trust, and happiness.” Odd note but she shrugged it off and gently unwrapped the package to find a box which held a beautiful quilted photo box. On the front in a jewel encrusted frame was one of her and Kenny’s engagement photos. Her favorite one in fact.

What happened next, Leslie was not prepared for. She opened the box to see a very clear photo of Kenny having sex with another woman. She dropped the box and the photos scattered. As they spilled she noticed a note:

Dear Leslie, We do not know each other. This is not a Barbara versus Shirley conversation. I am not a homewrecker and while this will initially cause you some pain, I sincerely hope that in the long run you will be able to appreciate this moment. I met Kenny over a year ago on one of his business trips. We’ve talked quite extensively since then and have hooked up on more than one occasion during the last year. Last weekend, after our meet-up as we were laying in bed, he told me that he was getting married and that he did not love the woman he was marrying, he in fact was in love with me and wanted to spend life with me. I was horrified. What I did next was a bit vindictive but I did not want to go into a marriage built on lies. I am soo sorry for this. I wish you well. Please do not marry this man.

“Well here it is, my dramatic chic flick!” Leslie thought as she sat down to flip through the photos. She couldn’t believe any of this. These pictures could be fake. Kenny wasn’t cheating on her … anymore. Sure they had issues in the past but he promised her that the last time was in fact the last time. When he proposed it was supposed to be the start of a new life with her. No more outside women. He’d promised. Cried and everything. This woman was just scorned. These aren’t real and neither is this affair.

She flipped through more and then she felt the tears begin to uncontrollably fall. Who was she kidding? Kenny has never been faithful. She didn’t even know why she continued to stay. She hid his infidelities from her girlfriends for years, except Monise but even she only knew about two incidents, one very early in their relationship and the one right before he proposed. As much as she wanted to believe that this was all fake there was one undeniable piece of evidence staring at her from the background. The monogrammed Louis bag she’d given him as an early wedding present for his trip. Still somewhat in disbelief she went to her computer and logged into Kenny’s Google Photo account. In plain sight with the date but definitely not the location where he told her would be were all of the pictures of Kenny and his mistress. She pressed play on a few of the videos and listened as he told her he should be marrying her and apologized that he waited so long to tell her what was happening but he fell too deeply in love with her and didn’t want to hurt her. He wished he could continue to see her but he did not want to be unfaithful in marriage. Oddly enough though, she never heard the woman respond or any of her voice. Whoever this chic was she was good at not concealing anything about herself.

A feeling of dread set in the pit of her stomach as she watched the grounds crew preparing outside for what was supposed to be her ceremony later today. How could she even dream of marrying him after this? And how could she reach everybody in time for them not to show up here? How much would she lose to cancel everything today right now? She started trying to list things in her head, dress, food, location, honeymoon and the list went on. Then she realized, SHE hadn’t paid for anything other than her dress and her gifts for her girls. Kenny was insistent on paying for everything. Using the fact that Leslie’s parents passed away when she was in high school and her aunt couldn’t afford anything lavish. In his words, “Nothing’s too good for my Leslie-boo.”

Checking the clock and realizing it was only 9:00 am, Leslie decided to do the one thing that she hadn’t done much of since she started her relationship with Kenny. She kneeled down to pray. It had been years since Leslie actively participated in church, even though she would drop her Aunt Jackie off every Sunday. In spite of her urging, Leslie always politely declined the invitation to come inside. Although she physically stopped going, she would check out different online pastors from time to time and she was sure to read daily. The thought of going back into a church made Leslie shudder. The last time she was there it was for her parents' double funeral after their accident. That was 15 years ago. She never forgot the things they taught her but trying to focus on service with that view in mind was not an appealing thought. Nonetheless, today, in this moment she felt the need to drop down to pray. She didn’t even know what to say. There were no words to describe her feelings right now. There she knelt tears flowing, hands clasped, eyes closed. She could only remember The Lord’s Prayer but when she got to “Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who’ve trespassed against us,” her silent tears turned into heart wrenching wails. Why was this happening? Why was this her life? What more did she have to do for this man to ever love her the way she deserved to be loved? What was wrong with her that he cheated?

As her wails subsided and the tears dried, she uttered three words that shocked her as they came out “Thank You Jesus.” As she stood to feet she walked over to the vanity to get a tissue and looked in the mirror. “Today I’m not defeated. Today I will be happy. Today I become the best thing he never had. Today, I return to life as Leslie Janelle Smith. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am everything that I need to be.” She wiped her eyes, looked at the clock and decided to lay back down before the girls came. She turned on her meditation app, this time she found one called “In Everything Give Thanks.”

When she heard a knock at 10, she knew she had to face the music of her excited girlfriends. She took a deep breath and tried to hold back the tears that were now re-forming. When she looked up to see Monise with her Maid of Honor shirt coming towards her, she lost it. In spite of tears she resolved that she would make it through this day.