The Atheist and the Pastor

There are a lot of people in my life that I remember every detail of the first time we met. I remember what I was wearing. I remember what my first initial thoughts were of the person. I remember what we talked about.

I remember nothing of the first time I met Brent. I have remembered him fondly, several times, over the years, but I've never really thought about him, per say.

I do remember our first date. It was the most uncomfortable first date of my life. I asked him what he did for a living and he told me he just received his first job as a Pastor.

I was 21 years old and an outspoken atheist of about 8 years.

In retrospect, I've never actually believed in god. As a child, I would swear to god and lie. Most kids won't do that. That's always kind of the ultimate test. But I did. And I didn't care nor did I feel remorse. I was not raised in an atheist household. It is and was just who I am.

When I was 7 years old, I overheard my dad say to my mom that it was time to play Santa. I kind of just assumed god went along with Santa, the Eater Bunny, and the Great Pumpkin. I didn't decide that to be different or to be a little punk, but it just was.

And I never thought it required further discussion.

It wasn't until middle school that I really realized that people *actually* believed in god. For a couple years, during those years, I felt obligated not to really say anything. But by the time high school hit, I opened up about my thoughts.

It didn't go over well with my mother.

I asked my dad what he believed and he just kinda shrugged it off and wouldn't answer. It was not until I was 29 that I heard my dad say out loud that he didn't believe in god. It came out in a conversation about child molesters. But I'm getting off topic now.

I saw Brent for the first time, since I was 23 years old, 2 weeks ago. The thing about Brent is this: he's gorgeous. He's the kind of good looking that I sometimes can't look him in the eye without blushing. When I saw him, I tried to avoid him. I became self conscious of myself and how much I've changed. I'm older. With age comes weight, wrinkles, grey hair, and all that good stuff. Brent seemed to be frozen in time; just as good looking as he was on our first date at 24. Shallow, I know, but I didn't want him to see me LIKE THIS.

But try as I did, he came over and said, "Can you tell me where the Hawking convention is? I seem to be lost and ended up in a church."

That was our "thing". I would say stuff to him like, "Brent, what would Jesus do?" And he would reply, "I think you mean what would Darwin/Einstein/Newton do?"

It was our way of poking fun at each other. And it was fun. The huge difference in beliefs never felt like a barrier between us.

For my 22nd birthday, he wrote a sermon for me. He asked me to attend service while he read it. I told him I would prefer not and he accepted that answer; no further pushing or questions asked. But Sunday rolled around and I got a little crazy. I went into his church and sat in the back row. I tried to hide from him. It seems to be our pattern. I picked up the service sheet and read that this weeks sermon was "Atheism vs Christianity". My immediate thought was, "Holy shit! He is going to break up with me right here in front of everyone."

He stood in front and said, "There is no such thing as atheism vs Christianity. That's a lie made up to make people feel bad about their beliefs. It is my belief that we can coexist and it's our jobs to let atheists know that they are welcome in our life, without judgement." He went into a whole thing about it being okay to not believe in god and it being okay to not try to change it. The most important thing is, and should always be, the way a person lives their life- and if done honestly, it shouldn't matter beyond that. A few people walked out. But more surprising was the number of people who stayed after to tell him that their spouse, cousin, sister, child, neighbor, etc was an atheist and they were grateful for him standing up and saying, "That's okay."

It was the last time he ever asked me to attend his service.

We went on our 2nd 1st date last Friday. I was just as nervous and as excited as I was the first time. He told me I looked exactly how he remembered me. I told him to get his vision checked.

When we dated in our 20s, we were both young and poor. We would make up our dates and do some of the best stuff. My favorite date we ever had was sitting outside and him telling me, "I bet with your math skills and my patience, we could count all the stars in the sky." We spent the next 3 hours mapping the stars and counting them.

At one point during the date, I realized that maybe he wasn't lying about seeing me the same way he saw me at 21, because I realized I saw him as the 24 year old who counted stars, drew our own Jolly Roger, and promised to one day build me a pirate ship, which we would use our own star map to travel, and find hidden treasure.

No amount of time could have passed to change him in my eyes.

So, on our 2nd 1st date, we were sitting in the car. I pulled out my phone, opened up my star mapping app and said, "So. Where did we leave off?"

As it turns out, we've seemed to pick up exactly where we left off. At the end of date 3, he said, "So what do you think? Are we going to try this again?"

And I said, "Isn't that why god brought us back together?"

And he said, "I think it was just a well-timed coincidence."

-Originally written August 24, 2014