The Adventures of Abernathy Franklin

Hey there friends! Franki here. I guess this go round, the responsibility of enthralling the masses falls on me. No pressure. Ha! No really, I plan to fully enjoy myself telling a story,so if you’re not entertained, and I say this with love, that’s on you.

You may have overheard from Nattie, but after our little excursion at The Orion Portal and it’s delightful hooka bar, I did in fact find my interdimensional way to a splendid fairy brothel in a 4th density overlay of Earth. I know, sounds confusing location wise, but don’t get yourself too caught up in the logistics.

So anyway, after the fairy den of iniquity - what, you thought I was going to give you details on my encounter? There’s a lot more going on in the universe, friends, get your minds out of the gutter! Or don’t, I find mine there sometimes, that’s just not what I’m here to talk to you about today.

No friends, today I’ll relay to you my adventure back home on Earth, somewhere in the vast forests of the Pacific Northwest. That’s in North America for those of you listening off planet. And for anyone else who may not know, it’s also said to be one of the best places on Earth to find yourself a Bigfoot. Yes friends, Sasquatch! That ever elusive, huge hairy humanoid, roaming the wildest lands across the globe, leaving footprints in the mud for the enjoyment of human paranormal investigators and outdoors folks alike.

I can’t say for certain precisely whereabouts in the area of Oregon and/or Washington I had landed. I tend not to bother myself with precise latitude and longitude, whatever planet I may be visiting. I was most definitely smack in the middle of very dense moss covered trees with no trail nearby to be seen and the sounds of moving water somewhere to the east of where I portaled in. Water seemed as good a path as any to trek, so I made my way towards the sound and found a creek.

I’m not sure how long I wandered through the trees next to the water, but linear time is a human illusion, so it doesn’t really matter. I got a bit tired, so I found a comfy enough rock and sat myself down. Call it meditation if you like, I closed my eyes for a while, breathed deep, and listened to what nature might have to tell me.

“Why can’t we be friends…why can’t we be friends”...we can be friends nature, I thought. I opened my eyes at the sound of the familiar song, and saw a tall dark figure moving through the trees on the opposite side of the creek from where I sat. Knowing that a creature who lived in these woods would move through it faster than I could chase, I did the only thing I could think to do. I shouted hello.

“Hey Bigfoot! How’s it goin my dude?!”

The large figure turned around to face me, and I saw it was wearing glasses. I found this amusing. “You goin to do some light reading?”

Believe me or don’t friends, Bigfoot responded back.

“I was, actually. I found a backpack about 50 miles back with some new books in it that I haven’t read yet. You know most humans don’t calmly talk to us out here.” He took his glasses off and looked around as if searching for the rest of my hiking party.

“Just me today friend! No worries, not here with any camera equipment to get you on tv or anything either. How do you call yourself by the way? Don’t suppose you actually go by Bigfoot or Sasquatch.” I stood up and started finding my way across some rocks to get to his side of the creek.

“I go by Andrew, thank you very much. What are you doing?” He said, as if he was rather taken aback by a human that didn’t run from him screaming.

“I’m comin over to say hi. Stay right there.”

“I’m not sure how appropriate it is for us to interact this way. Its not entirely aligned with my purpose.” Andrew was scanning about again, like an overly cautious spy who thought this may well be a trap.

“Who do you think is watching us?” I asked once I made it across the creek. His words may have indicated disinterest in a conversation with a human, but he was hardly running for cover or throwing rocks my way to deter me from getting to the spot where he stood.

“I don’t know who might be watching, that’s why I’m here. To keep a look out.”

Once I got close enough, I could tell he was roughly 9 feet tall. Being nearer the 5 foot range myself, the difference in height was a bit comical. Or at least, it was to me.

“Well what’s up big fella! Andrew! I go by Franki, pleasure to make your enormous acquaintance.” I stuck my hand out by means of introduction, and he looked at my hand inquisitively.

Andrew did another visual perimeter check, as if making doubly sure I didn’t have some kind of paranormal swat team ready to pounce. Seeming to finally decide I was harmless, and of course I am, he took my hand and shook it. “Hello, Franki.” He said.

“So, whatcha readin?” I asked.

“You’re a strange little human.” Andrew responded. Up close I realized he was actually wearing what looked like very dark canvas like pants, an image reminiscent of the hulk after he’d ragefully outgrown his own clothes.

“That I am! And proud! Never was much good at blending in with the normals, so I figured leaning into my weird was the best thing to do. You wear clothes then huh?” I indicated towards his pants.

He did another visual scan of the immediate vicinity. “We shouldn’t be out in the open like this if you insist on talking to me.” He said.

This time I looked around. “Not exactly any little coffee shops or speak-easy type places to duck into, tho are there?”

“This way.” He said with a mild eye roll, and he turned back in the direction he had originally been walking.

I did my best to keep up. Having a good 4 feet on me in height, his strides were clearly far longer and faster than mine, but Andrew continued to look back and pause to wait for my human legs to catch up. After a short while, we came to a slight clearing, in the middle of which - again friends, believe me or don’t - in the middle of which was a tall narrow cottage. Made from what implements were available from the forest of course, but unmistakably a cottage.

“Whoa! You have a house?! Bigfoot lives in a house. I mean, Andrew, sorry. Not trying to be rude or anything.” I’ve seen enough of the wide cosmos to know to expect anything, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still find every bit of it terribly fascinating.

“I’m not exactly normal for my species either.” Andrew replied as he reached the door and held it open for me.

“Well good on you, friend! Weirdos unite! Whatcha got goin in here?” As I walked inside the door, I took on a bit of Andrew’s scanning of the premises behavior and had a good look about. Myself being one who also lives off the grid so to speak, I was impressed by how modern the interior was. Furniture fashioned from stone and logs, including a sofa, chair, coffee table, and walls lined with book shelves positively bursting with reading material.

“Impressive collection you have here, Drew. Must’ve had to raid a fair few campsites to build this up, huh? Haha! Just teasin’! Don’t mind if I call you Drew, do you?”

The massive Sasquatch made his way carefully around me, as if to make sure we didn’t touch, and seated himself in the large armchair. “I don’t suppose I have any reason to object to a nickname, so yes, Drew is fine. And I don’t raid campsites, I have been out in these woods for a considerable amount of time.”

The coffee table being mostly bare save a couple of stray books, I hopped up onto it and sat cross legged facing my new friend. “Well very cool, Drew. So, what’s this purpose of yours you mentioned earlier? To amass the world’s largest collection of books dropped in the woods by hikers? You seem to be well on your way if that’s the case.”

“Ah, no.” Drew said, setting down his latest addition to the library on the coffee table with its paperback pals. “I act as a gate-keeper of sorts. My kind is in the process of evolving to 3rd dimensional consciousness as humanity is evolving to 4th, and being of a higher state of consciousness than most…bigfoots, as you humans say…my purpose is to monitor interactions between our kind and humans.”

“I gotcha, an ambassador of sorts. So, when naughty little humans stumble too far into your territory, you scare them away? Or when other foots pop into a campsite out of curiosity you keep them in line? Is there a code of conduct everyone is meant to follow?” As I questioned Drew, I eyed his collection of literature. Spotted quite a few classics - Moby Dick, Dante’s Inferno, here and there a Shakespeare. I’m almost positive there was a small section of what looked like comic books.

“I don’t interfere with the interactions between my kind and humans unless the circumstances become dangerous for either party. Mainly, I am available to those of my kind transitioning to 3rd dimensional consciousness as a guide or counselor. I am here for those would seek me.” Drew seemed to be getting more comfortable with my presence, as he reached for what looked like a roughly sewn smoking jacket and put it on.

“Ah, so none of that spooky Men In Black type policing then?” I said, now making eye contact with my host. I may be a curious one, but I’m not out to be rude.

“Men in black?” Drew repeated quisically.

Never one to withhold information, (I really can’t see the point of keeping secrets), I was happy to explain. “Yeah, Men In Black, MIB, its a sort of human conspiracy theory trope. The Men In Black are these secret authority figure types who bully humans that tell stories about extra terrestrial encounters. Supposedly in cahoots with the government, like an evil band of semi-humans and potentially non-humans working to suppress the truth about aliens. It been pretty over sensationalized by Hollywood.”

“I see.” Drew said. “No, my position isn’t anything so invasive or elaborate. I’m meant to simply observe the encounters between humans and my kind and be present to assist others like myself in their exploration of 3rd dimensional reality. Of course, with the aim to avoid any violent exchanges.”

“Ah, very zen Buddhist chill vibes. I can dig that.” I said.

Drew chuckled a bit under his breath. “Yes, I am familiar with your human concept of Buddha. Zen vibes,” he smiled again, “yes, I would call that correct.”

Glad to see my host was growing more relaxed with me, I glanced around at the library again. “So more upper crust, high breeding type literature you got around here then, huh?” I suggested.

“Excuse me?” Drew seemed to stiffen a bit as if he wasn’t sure whether or not to be offended.

“I’m just sayin, you know about Buddha and zen, but not about Men In Black. You must stick to the dryer side in the ol’ library here?” I giggled a bit myself. I’m not uncomfortable in the energy of others who get their knickers in a twist, but I do still like to keep things on lighter side whenever possible. For my own enjoyment of any given moment, of course.

“I suppose my collection could use some expansion of its own.” Drew admitted glancing about his library.

“Yeah, diversify a little! I mean, yeah, sure, the crazy stuff is…ya know, crazy! But it is a lot of good fun!”

Suddenly our cozy amiable chat was interrupted by a rustling outside, followed by a soft thud and a familiar female voice. That is, familiar to me anyway.

“Ow! Shit, dammit! That’s gonna bruise later.”

Drew stood up and made for the window the looked out the front of the cottage, back to playing his careful spy role. Knowing there was absolutely no danger whatsoever, and really friends, there never is, I strolled out the front door to greet an old friend.

“Franny Lynn! Aren’t you a site for sore eyes?!” I offered joyously to the psychedelically inclined Abernathy Franklin who had just stumbled into our midst.

“Sore knee and elbow more like.” Franny Lynn said rubbing her left knee. “Didn’t quite stick the landing on that one.”

“Ha! You might stick landings more often if you were ever half sober.” I laughed as I helped her off the forest floor.

“Hey! I’m half sober! Sometimes…” Franny giggled.

“Are you two sisters?” Drew had made his way out of the cottage and had astutely noted the uncanny likeness between Franny and myself.

“Sisters in cosmic travel, you might say!” I explained. “Andrew, meet Franny Lynn. A version of me from an alternate dimension. You’ll get to interdimensional travel as you evolve to the 4th dimension, too. Probably meet an alternate version of yourself one day.”

Drew stared at the two of us with a fair amount of intrigue, but then immediately went about his perimeter scanning again.

“Don’t worry, big fella!” I tried to reassure him. “Franny’s like me, she travels light.” I slapped Franny Lynn on her back shoulder and as I did, she dropped her satchel slightly, and out rolled a highly polished clear crystal skull. “Well, light in terms of extra humans that is. I thought you traded all of those.”

“Is that a crystal skull?!” Drew exclaimed. “Those I have read about in some archaeology articles. I thought they were fake.”

Franny Lynn reached down and scooped up the skull, which glinted brightly even in the dim light under the forest canopy. “I still have a few of them. You’d be surprised, not everyone is interested in trading for one. Superstition I suppose.”

Drew continued to look on dumbfounded as Franny Lynn placed the skull back into the satchel. Again, happy to offer up knowledge when I can, I explained. “See Franny here, her purpose, self inflicted, is to help expand the consciousness of the universe one mind altering illicit substance at a time. Like a Jehova’s witness, except instead of going door to door asking if you’d like to hear about Lord Jesus, she goes about offering to get you good an high so you can see a broader perspective of the cosmos. Takes whatever payment her customers offer. Where is it you got all those crystal skulls again?”

Much like me, Franny has been all over the wide cosmos, and even for me, its hard to keep track of where she’s been and how she’s accumulated her various tradeable items.

“Oh, there were 13 of them I had originally.” Franny started. “I was on this planet Gludock…or was it Morenvere? I can’t remember. But this elite race of extra terrestrials had some very interesting, I guess you could call it cosmetic surgeries? And anyway, when they die and get cremated, some of their skulls morph into these crystal ones and continue to contain some of the energy of their consciousness. I hit this ritzy mansion there and the young kids who answered the door tripped out with me on some good stuff and they gave me these 13 skulls as payment. Said they were sick of how their parents made such a hot shit deal about keeping them in the family and they weren’t looking to inherit them anyway.”

Drew shook his head trying to take in all the new information. “So the crystal skulls that are on planet Earth, you left here? Weren’t some of them found in the late 1800s or early 1900s?”

Franny Lynn giggled again, clearly less than half sober, but tolerant to her usual intake, still impressively articulate. “Oh that’s right! Yeah, I traded a few to some local farmers once when I over shot a timeline hop, meant to end up around the 1970s. The farmers weren’t into having a trip with me, but they traded a few skulls for a hot meal and letting me sleep in their barn.”

“Hahaha! I sure hope you weren’t giving any donkeys or cows consciousness enhancing substances while you were out there.” I laughed, imagining Franny Lynn cuddling up to a cow for an evening.

“Of course not!” Franny slapped my arm in protest. “I only give them to whoever voluntarily consents. Which actually, I do have some tinctures that could transform you into an animal so you could technically offer them a trip. I don’t make a habit of that, though.”

Fascinating though it was to encounter and converse with a Bigfoot in the flesh, I will admit, friends, I’m never one to shy away from a trip with Miss Franny Lynn. Spotting a butterfly in the nearby trees, an idea occurred to me.

“Drew, my new gigantic friend, would you care to experience being a bit smaller for a spell?” I tugged on Franny’s satchel indicating I’d like a peek at its contents. “Say if we wanted to flit about as butterflies for a few hours?”

Franny was always excited to have anyone join her in a good consciousness expanding session, and took no time in setting down the satchel and pulling out three small bottles full of a glittery, glowing orange substance. “Butterflies?! Absolutely, easy peasy!” She tossed a bottle to me and I caught it. Franny then offered a bottle to Drew, who did one more impulsive visual check of our surroundings.

“I do so enjoy learning new things.’ He mused aloud. “How long will it last?”

“Oh an hour or two, just a mini excursion. Then you’ll pop right back to your normal self, won’t even have a headache!” Franny tossed a bottle to Drew then popped the top of her own and downed it smacking her lips. “Ooh, has such a nice sweet flavor! See you in the trees!” She said, and in an instant, where Franny had stood, there was suddenly a large floating blue butterfly that made for the dense forest.

“Bottoms up, big fella!” I said to Drew, and downed my own bottle of whatever the sweet orange liquid was. And friends, I can’t really describe to you the experience in words, but suffice to say - if you ever have the opportunity to be a butterfly for an afternoon, I highly recommend it.