Tarren

Tarren. That’s what they have always called me here. I often wonder if I once had another name. Helios’ voice was the first one I knew. If he hadn’t stumbled upon me in the forest seventeen years ago, I would have died. It wasn’t until I was eight years old that I learned of the human languages. They all sounded so slight and strange. Helios had named me for my eyes. In his resonant tongue, the word was Tarren. I saw my eyes reflected in Paleo stream and they were the colour “blue”, in English, the human language spoken in the village beyond the border.

“What are you thinking about, little one?” I knew his voice the way I knew my own thoughts. This morning, he found me on the edge of the Great Ridge, staring at the distant lands, again. His dragon-language reverberated in my mind while my ears filled with grumbles and hisses.

“Why don’t I live with the humans?”

“I’ve told you many times.”

“Tell me once more, guardian.”

He was small for a dragon. Still, settling his massive frame and impressive wings on this precarious vantage point was an effort to be close to me, as he always was. “I found you because I was meant to find you. You needed me to help you grow and I needed you the same way.”

I let my hand fall on his nose, gently stroking his scales, metallic green glinting in the autumn sunrise. In his forest wanderings he happened upon me, the infant human he would care for and raise. That wasn’t the full story. I knew it. He wondered how well I knew it. I would never be accepted in this world filled with magical creatures. I had no magic of my own. But Helios spoke on my behalf, reasoning with the Elders to give a safe place for the small being who would die without a home. The Elders challenged with the same thoughts that plague me each day: why doesn't she live with the humans? How did she come to be in the forest as an infant? How can she belong here?

Helios promised to keep me under his charge. And he did. All my life, I had borne his protection and wisdom. But he always insisted on moving forward. I knew as much about his beginnings as I did my own.

“The humans are restless again,” I said. The fires that often lit the sky over their village burned inconsistently, and the seer’s smoke wafted toward our home with tales of upheaval in its wisps.

“I told you there might be a day of your return,” said Helios.

“But you never told me why.”

“They are waiting for you.” I knew better than to protest his cryptic clues.

I let my questions float on the wind, beaten away with every flap of Helios’ wings as he soared to the lookout on Mount Vena.

***

Three days followed of broken messages from the human village and no instruction from the Elders. Not many here could interpret human behaviour but I knew them; I felt connected to their lives, even in this faraway land. The coloured smoke in the sky always meant trouble. They were waiting for something. I observed the tension in the terse conversation at supper each night. From the Elder’s table, hushes and stern looks could not escape my keen eye. How long had it been since the humans attacked this place, meaning to rid the world of dragons forever?

Only five dragons remained here, careful not to disrupt the lives of those devoid of magic. Helios mused about the dragon population in the world’s outer reaches but he was too cautious to venture past the border. He told me this corner of the world was big enough. I have never believed him.

***

As evening turned to dusk on the third night, my decision was solidified. Slinking into the armory under cover of darkness, I carefully set myself with mail, breastplate, and a manageable shortsword. My combat training was far from over, but I could navigate a blade well enough. I set a dagger into my belt as well. Best to be prepared. My thick cloak fell neatly over the metal and weaponry, disguising my intentions well, should I encounter a sentry on the journey. I glanced quickly into the lantern light before moving surefooted into the night. Then…

“Tarren?” Only a few feet from the armory entrance, I was stopped by an innocent question. “Where are you going?”

“Pima, it’s all right. I just have something to do in the forest.” I squatted level with the elf-girl. At ten years old, her destiny had already been determined. She would succeed her father as star-reader. Nobody knew my destiny. They had never minded themselves with humans. But here I was, living among them.

“It’s late,” said Pima.

“I’ll be careful.” I smiled reassuringly and laid my hand on her shoulder. “We need to know what I’m capable of. Right? I’m human. This is just another test.”

I left her there, eyes shimmering with worry, hoping she would keep my secrets, as she always had.

I skulked along the side trails, focusing on the muddied ground so as not to lose my courage. As the darkness deepened, I listened for dragon wings, knowing they would smell me before they saw me. I was leaving without permission and would suffer the consequences if caught. At the forest edge I held my breath before crossing into lands unknown. As the trees closed in overhead, the dragon shadow swooped over me. I froze, stood stock-still and waited. The shadow swooped again in the opposite direction.

Helios spoke from mid-flight, “What are you waiting for?”

I exhaled and continued on. My guardian confirmed what I feared. The humans were waiting for me.

***

The voyage was long only because anticipation surged from my fingertips. With every step, I tried to imagine what they would look like and the words I could possibly say. Yet, in the midst of my confusion and constant wondering about the first year of my life, only one question stood alone in its urgency: Did I once have another name?

In the fullest darkness, when the stars shimmer with tidings in the black sky, I reached the edge of the human village, armed with the little English I had learned from the travellers from my home. I felt for the hilt of both sword and dagger. They were secure in my belt.

“Okay, Helios,” I whispered, “today, I return.”

I descended the grassy hillside toward the seer’s fire, gathering courage as the human forms became clearer. I would soon know if they looked like me. I counted ten figures, more than enough to overtake me should I be found unwelcome. I walked swiftly and near silently, until I entered the circle of firelight. The human nearest me flinched with surprise. “What…?”

I drew back my hood and stood tall. The seer stopped mid-ceremony to gaze at the intruder.

“You are restless,” I said, in English. “You struggle to read the signs and that is why you plead with fire. Your peace has gone.”

The seer stared at me for a moment too long. I felt for the shaft of my sword as the human warriors readied themselves for a fight. I was unfamiliar. I did not belong.

Before any could strike, the seer said, “Tarren li wengo,” in dragon tongue. This means, ‘Tarren has returned’.

In a flash I drew my sword, holding it at the ready, to which the human warriors responded in kind. I held my weapon level with the seer across the fire, “How is it that you know my name?”

The seer’s eyes glinted before she answered, “I do not know your name, young one. Tarren is chaos. And chaos has returned.” Then she closed her hands and the fire was extinguished.

By the light of the faraway lanterns and the waning moon, I saw the human warriors advance toward me. They called for the stranger to leave their lands. They banished me with their strange tongues. I stumbled backwards in the soil, realizing the foolishness of my journey. I had only come for answers and did not wish to harm. But I was angry. Why had I been left alone in the forest as an infant? Why had I been abandoned by my people? Why was I saved by a beast these people so feared? What was my name? I dropped my sword in the dirt and held my hands up in surrender. I was no match for the human warriors who, even without magic, drove all others to the far reaches of the world. I was no match for the dragon slayers.

But, as the threats and jeers grew severe, meant to drive me away once more, the swell of anger intensified. I felt the heat spread from my chest, down my arms and into my fingertips. I stood rooted in the ground with outstretched hands, and roared at the humans, “Why did you abandon me?!”

The words erupted and the magic did too. As the dragon roar parted my lips, black smoke streamed from my fingers. It swirled and rose, engulfing the humans before me. The magic snaked into place until I stared up at the form of an enormous smoke dragon. Bright red fire blazed in its throat, mimicking the heat that seared my larynx. I opened my arms and the dragon spread its wings, obeying its master. I smiled, finally understanding who I am. My name is Tarren. I am chaos.

The last thing I heard was the bloodcurdling scream of a human who had abandoned me.