Tani's Torment

Tani sat with her back against the rough bark of the giant weeping willow, their special tree. She leaned her head back and stared up at the graceful branches filled with thousands of tiny green leaves; they reached down from the heavens like a protective covering. Tears flowed down her cheeks, like the stream nearby that meandered its way from the distant hills to meet a bigger river. This was not how she envisioned spending their anniversary; yet, here she was desperately missing Andy, hoping to draw some strength and peace from this tree. The tree where they would sit for hours holding hands and sharing secrets, where he asked for her hand in marriage.

She twisted the small, simple ring on her finger and her mind cursed the wretched life she had lived and fought over whom to blame for it. Her pathetic drunk stepdad was always an easy target; it was his fault her life had been completely destroyed in the first place. It was bad enough after her dad’s accident, which happened right before she turned ten. It was the worst birthday ever, sitting by Dad’s hospital bed. She and her mom, Lindi, had lost everything trying to pay off all the hospital and surgery bills and then the funeral expenses. Her dad’s parents, who had always been there to help, took them in. Not long afterwards, Grandma got cancer and fought hard for a year, but did not win. Grandpa, overwhelmed with grief, gave up on life and soon lay in the cemetery next to his love and son. Once again Tani and her mom lost everything. That’s when her stepdad came along. Her mom, devastated with loss and desperate for a solution to survive, married him with hardly a thought. It did not take long to realize this was far from the right solution. Tani would often wake to her mom crying, bruised and bleeding. “I just need time to get a job and save some money so we can make it on our own,” she promised Tani every time.

It had been 13 years since he came home from work early in a drunken rage; her mom gone, he beat Tani into unconsciousness. 13 years since she woke in a shallow grave, dirt raining down on her as she used every ounce of strength to crawl out, thankful the darkness and her stepdad’s drunken state kept him from seeing her. 13 years since the early morning rays woke her and she discovered she was meant to share that grave with her mother. 13 years since she ran away from the only town she had ever known, so she would never have to face that evil man again. It was hard to fathom that she had now lived longer without her mother than she had with her. Tani reached up gently holding the gold heart shaped locket, fingering the chained bow above it. She had carefully removed it from her mother’s neck after kissing her goodbye for the last time. It was all she had left of her, and all her mom had left from her parents. Tani would find her mom from time to time crying, holding the locket, and looking at the pictures inside. She would never tell Tani more than, “they didn’t make it inside the shield in time.”

Perhaps she should give her stepdad credit for bringing Andy into her life, after all, if she had not run away she would not have met him. The first years after running were so difficult, but kind people had helped her along the way. Grandma Agnes, who was not really her grandma but insisted on being called so, had been her anchor and lifesaver. Tani met Grandma at the library and they visited daily. Months after their first visit, Grandma, assuming Tani was a student at the university, offered free room and board to her in exchange for help with daily tasks. Thus began her pretend life as a university student, which she actually loved. She found she could sneak into bigger classes and sit outside smaller ones that were hard to enter unnoticed, gaining tremendous amounts of knowledge.

It was at the university she met Andy. She had been sitting outside one of the smaller classrooms trying to pay attention to the lecture. The conversation Andy and his friends were having made it difficult to concentrate on anything else. He saw her interest and invited her to join in the talk about the government’s “efficiency cards” for employees at government buildings. From that day on they were pretty much inseparable. Despite all of the concern and fear from the changes their government kept making, Tani and Andy found time for each other and love.

It was the government’s fault her Andy was not the same, and Tani hated them for all they had taken away. It started with those “efficiency cards,” the government issued a card to every employee and set up scans on every door. You could not enter or exit the building or any room inside without the card. The claim was it helped employees become more efficient with their work, but talk among students was the government was making sure there would not be an uprising. There had been rumors of groups, upset with shield management, planning to take over and change how it was run. All Tani’s childhood the shield had been there keeping the raging war out. People had always felt guilt for those who did not get in, but the last few years concern had begun to grow. Tani had heard students around her saying, “how could we sit in our comfortable homes knowing millions are out there suffering and dying, we should find a way to help or to let refugees in.”

Tani agreed, but her biggest worry was how she would survive if the government kept making changes; the “efficiency cards” and scans were now required for employees at all businesses. If a business refused, something always happened: a destroying fire, files showing fraud magically appeared, the building would be deemed a safety hazard, and so on. If a person refused to take a card they were fired. If someone raised a voice of concern publicly they always ended up disappearing: a robbery gone wrong, a mysterious illness killing them, an unfortunate accident.

Tani knew her way of life was going to change for sure the day the scanners went active at the university and she learned that soon her access to Grandma’s Dr office, the library, and grocery stores would be gone. That was the day (under this willow tree) she broke down, and despite all her fears of rejection told Andy the truth about her past and her fears of surviving in this new world. She had no way to get one of the cards because she wasn’t a student. She didn’t even have any of the identification forms required to get a card, as far as she knew there was a death certificate on file for her. Instead of hating her like she feared, Andy pulled her in close and said words she would never forget. “We will figure this out”

They could not find a solution for getting her a card, which in time prevented Tani from going anywhere but home and nature. What Andy did was promise to always take care of her as he put a ring on her finger. Little did they know then what was looming just around the corner.

They had three amazing years together. Andy never once got frustrated or complained that he had to do all the shopping and take Grandma to all her appointments or at the lists of books Tani would have him get from the library for her. He got his degree from the university and found a job close to Grandma’s home, where they lived, so they could continue helping her. A few months after he got hired Grandma passed away. She had left her home to them, a huge blessing, though they missed her dearly.

It was during this time of grief experiencing all the firsts without Grandma that Andy saw alarming changes at work.

“I don’t know what is going on, but something is changing and it frightens me.” He confided in Tani one day. Each day there was a new concern. The company had begun sending employees off for medical exams, which had never been done before. Andy came home terrified one day saying, “I don’t understand what is going on. They started taking people from our section yesterday and my good friend Josh was one. He came back today, but he has changed. It is him, but at the same time it’s not him at all. We used to joke and laugh as we worked, but now it’s all work. He doesn’t even crack a smile at my jokes. I am really scared Tani; I want you to get a bag of supplies just in case. Get clothes, food, money and have it ready to go!”

Tani tried to laugh it off and tell him there was nothing to worry about, but he was adamant, so together they got a bag and filled it with necessities. She thought for sure he was overreacting, but she packed the bag hoping to ease his worry.

Two days later she realized his concern was valid. He came home from work early; she was so excited and ran to kiss him. Instead of wrapping his arms around her and kissing her back, as he normally would, he looked at her confused. He asked mechanically who she was and why she was in his home. She thought he was teasing her at first, but she could see from his dark brown eyes he was not. She tried to explain that they were married that they loved one another. He looked at her, confusion etched through every line on his face as he said, “I don’t have a record of being married.” Then he reached for his phone saying, “I think it best to call the authorities.”

Tani panicked, this was not like her Andy at all. She grabbed the bag they had packed together and bolted out the door.

“Tani, Tani,” the voice called, breaking her reminiscing. Rachel crouched next to her and rubbed her arm.

“I know today is hard, but we need to get back to camp.” She stood and extended her hand, “Let me help you up. That baby will be coming any day now I am sure.”

Fresh tears spilled down Tani’s cheeks as she caressed her round belly then reached for Rachel’s hand, thankful for the help.

“He doesn’t even know he will be a dad,” Tani choked out.

Rachel wiped away the tears, “We are going to change that soon. That’s why we need to get back, so we can help.”

They walked together as Tani remembered the night she first met Rachel, both of them scavenging food from a bakery dumpster. Rachel took her back to the camp where she met a dozen other people hiding from the government. Tani had learned Andy had a computer chip implanted in his brain, the government’s step above the cards for controlling people. Tani did not exist on any government files, so the chip had no record of her. Andy’s mind, now controlled by the chip, had no idea who she was.

Back in camp, Tani smiled and gazed at the tower and transmitter she had been helping to make. They had all been working hard for months, and were just weeks away from putting everything into place to raise the tower. Once it was up it would broadcast a signal that would turn off all the implanted computer chips. She held her belly, and cooed, “soon sweet one, soon we will get your daddy back.”

Check this story out to see the start of Tani’s story.

If you’d like to hear Grandma Agnes’s story check it out here.

Or check out a totally different love story here.