Humor
Puns Intended. Content Warning.
ESTABLISHING A BEACHHEAD Any of you guys live near the ocean? Maybe a river or a lake? If so, I’m sure you’ve probably at some point taken a date from dinner and a movie to dancing … to the shore. A long walk on the beach is so romantic. Take off your shoes and walk along the edge of the water where the surf can lap softly around your toes. Put your arm around your girl and walk quietly along listening to the whisper of the water and the calls of the birds. If you’ve planned the timing right there’s a gorgeous full moon bouncing luminescent rays off the gently rolling surf. At some point you stop and put your arms around her waist, stare into her eyes, maybe use a soft touch to gently move an errant lock of hair back from her forehead… At this point you may have used a sappy line such as “All the wondrous beauty of Mother Nature can’t compare with the luminous beauty I see when I gaze into your eyes.” Come on guys, admit it, you’ve tried this approach. Or, if you’re not given to the sappy romantic stuff maybe you say something closer to “DAMN BABE! YOU ARE SMOKIN’ HOT!” Whatever works for you man. DON’T LET HIM KID YOU LADIES! He has the same goal at this point as that of the ALLIED Troops during the Invasion of Normandy on D-Day during WWII… HE’S CONDUCTING AN AMPHIBIOUS ASSAULT WITH THE AIM OF ESTABLISHING A BEACHHEAD. Let’s face it guys. Honestly, isn’t BEACHHEAD what every guy hopes happens at the end of that romantic stroll along the shore? If you brought a blanket along you may even get some serious WOODWORK done.
By Andrew C McDonald3 years ago in Fiction
Ortolans at Midnight
Jane Seymour awoke from a deep sleep at about midnight with a mighty craving for ortolans: pretty little songbirds, drowned in brandy, simmered and eaten whole (guts and all) heads held in a napkin. She had just given birth to young Edward and so granted Henry the long-awaited son he had divorced and beheaded for.
By Rob Angeli3 years ago in Fiction
Humans And Ants. Content Warning.
Once upon a time, in a bustling and oppressive ant colony, thousands of ants toiled relentlessly under the scorching sun. Among them, there was an ant named Alex who had always questioned the nature of their labor and the purpose of their existence. Despite their tireless efforts, Alex couldn't shake off the feeling that there was something more to life than the meaningless tasks they carried out.
By Stephen Betancourt3 years ago in Fiction
The Dictator's Guide to Ruling the World... Not!
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there existed a group of dictators who believed they held the keys to ruling the world with an iron fist. Little did they know that their grandiose plans would be met with hilarious obstacles and ridiculous circumstances. Join me on a sarcastic journey as we unveil the comical side of dictatorships and their larger-than-life ambitions.
By Profit Pilot3 years ago in Fiction
The Extraordinary Misadventures of Professor Bumblebrain
Once upon a time, in the sleepy town of Quirktown, lived a peculiar character named Professor Bumblebrain. Known for his wild hair, mismatched socks, and an uncanny ability to stumble upon trouble, the good professor was both admired and feared by the townsfolk.
By Profit Pilot3 years ago in Fiction
Blood Bath 🔴
Hey Paul, I called out to my buddy, as I fixed my books in my locker, he looked up from his desk, he seem so cute as he put his head down copying the teacher's sum written on the board. I quickly did a switch over, and walked to his seat, he was just rounding off the note. It was the last subject for the day. What you gonna do after school today? I asked eagerly I had wanted him to come over to my house so we could game on Soccer, and just as lucky as I was he said he would be free. I was glad. We both walk down the hallway, till we were out of the school block, I could hear my name from a distance, I turned back it was Lisa. Hey I called out to her, she waved and I gave a smile in return. ‘‘You know she is cool, Paul commended. Yeah she is I agreed. You should be seeing her, Paul cited but I blushed, common you like her he said to me why the red lines on my cheek grew bigger. What say you about Rita? I said, and he stopped right dead in his tracks like I just pressed a pause in a remote control. And before I could say Jack, he was on his heel, he headed back to the direction of the class. While I smiled at his gesture before taking a step further, and just outside the school gate, my chauffeur was already waiting for me. I entered the Car and did greeted Nicko my driver, Hey Nicko! greeted, Hi Cal he retorted. You good? He asked yeah I replied as I settled on the front seat of the car while he set the car in motion, and filed out of the school premises. The ride home was cool and hitch free, there was no traffic. 💒💒At Home💒💒 I was just waking up from an hour nap, when I heard the doorbell, I had rushed to answer it, and just as I expected Paul was standing at the Door, I did give way for him to come in, and after the pleasantries, we set to the business of the day, which was to game. As the game became intense with no winner, I decided to strike a conversation with him. Where did you run off to at school today? Oh Jerk you did remember, I had prayed so hard for you not to, but would you mind a guess? Yea, you know I am not good at guesses, I replied to him. Ok I went to see Rita, you know she asked me to wait behind after the last bell, I had forgot totally if you hadn't said a word concerning her. He said smiling awkwardly, that kind of smile that had something hideous behind it. Is there something you ain't telling me? Uhmm. She gave me a kiss, he said. Whoa, does that mean you had been getting laid anytime soon. Fool!!!, Your mind is as corrupt as hell!!, he lashed out on me while the both of us erupted in laughter, by now our concentration was no longer on the game. We were just having gist about school, and the girls at school. Over the years, I have grown so fond of Paul, I did come across him when his dad came to visit us with him one summer holiday, when I was still 10, his dad was a friend of my dad, from that day a bond grew between us, he had withdrawn from his school at Westfield to start Empire High School, we had both grown to become the hottest boys in school, we knew the heads we turn anytime we pass, and we enjoyed the fun of it. 🗽🗽Paul🗽🗽 I Just finished a game session with Cal, and I was headed home, I smiled at some of the remarkable moments of fun we had together, being with that nigga was something else, it was always fun, he was like the brother I never had, just the same way I was to him, we bother were the only child of our parents. I got home it was late, Mom wasn't at home neither was dad, so I did some homework and went off to be, as I lay on my luxury bed, my head reflected the activities of the day. Rita did actual kissed me today, she was one of the hottest chicks in campus, and this is making us a perfect match because I am a hot boy too, as I lay silently on my bed, I kept on rubbing my lips with my index finger. Soon the doorbell rang, and I made to go answer it, but the maid did before I could even get off my bed, I heard dad's whistle, He was whistling a familiar line, of an old poem, it was dad's favorite, I went out to welcome him. Hey dad, Paul, you still up? He asked Yes! Well that is an obvious fact that your mom isn't back, which was very correct, if mom was back is should have been sleeping by now, it was 9:33pm Dad took out his cell, while he was undoing the lace from his shoes, he made to call mom, but the line was dead, so we had to resolve to waiting for her return. An hour later saw us still waiting, and this got me panicking, but dad assured she would be back. I was scared never in the history of time has mom ever spent up this late, and to make matter was her cell was not going through, I was scared stiff, I paced up and down, while dad look out through the window blind, soon it started raining at a not too Intense pace. I looked at dad, he looked down to me from his towering height, and drawer me closer to feel his warmth. You momma is fine, and she's going to be back soon. This was the umpteenth time he was saying that, I wanted to go out in the rain, but dad hold me back. At 11:49pm a knock came to the door, I leapt up in joy but just as I did, my high spirits dropped back, it wasn't mom, I knew for sure, mom never knocks, she always uses the doorbell, dad went to answer the door, why u followed sheepishly from behind. And right at the door were two Police officers, they gave dad a pieces of paper, I could hear what they were saying, as they spoke in hushed tone, but I was able to pick a little word like Shot… gone when we arrived… A bullet… on… her… skull… we are very sorry…. With those heart sunken words, I ran straight to my room, and burst out in a loud sob! Mom is gone! Throughout the night dad tried his best to console me, while he shared a little drop of tears,. By morning, it was all over the papers and the news, it made head line, I saw one of the headlines delivered by the vendor reads: WIFE OF BILLIONAIRE MARCUS SHOT DEAD IN HER CAR WHILE DRIVING THROUGH THE ALLEY IN THE GLADES!!! It was so heartbreaking, the morning before, I remembered mom promising to host a watch party for me, she's been the best thing in my life but now she is no more😢. My cell rang it was Cal. He must have seen the news, he too felt bad, but not as bad as I am, he promised to come over later. 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 Now there is a ghost killer in the city of Vernica, The killer's killed Paul's mom, will he strike other victim? What will happen to the people of Vernica if the killers keep taking its citizens?? Tbc...
By Stanley kobi 3 years ago in Fiction
A Tale of Two Worlds
Coraline, a curious mermaid, gazed longingly at her seashell fortune in her underwater abode. Each shell was a testament to her explorations, yet they did little to quench her thirst for something more adventurous. With a resolute glint in her eye, she swam out of her cave in search of the next seashell that might bring her the thrill she sought.
By Ashleigh Nicole3 years ago in Fiction
"The Ritual"
Once upon a time, in a small village nestled deep within a dense forest, a tradition was upheld that had been passed down for generations. It was known as "The Ritual." The villagers believed that by performing this ritual, they would ensure prosperity, protection, and harmony within their community. They held the ceremony every ten years, gathering together to honor their ancestors and seek their blessings.
By Ebad Paras Afzal3 years ago in Fiction
Transforming Hearts. Content Warning.
Once upon a time, in a small town nestled among rolling green hills, there lived a young woman named Lily. She was kind-hearted and gentle, but she struggled with her weight and felt unhappy with her appearance. Determined to make a change, Lily embarked on a journey towards a healthier lifestyle and weight loss.
By cooper kamara3 years ago in Fiction
"The Silent Patient"
In the heart of London, a mysterious tale unfolded, captivating the minds of both the public and the psychiatric community. At the center of this enigma was Alicia Berenson, a renowned artist whose life took a tragic turn when she was accused of brutally murdering her husband, Gabriel.
By Ebad Paras Afzal3 years ago in Fiction
