Swept Away

The howl of the wind is familiar… too familiar. Lexie’s heart quickens as she looks up, watching black clouds roll in. The drastic change in weather whips the air into a frenzy, sending strands of her brown hair into her eyes, blinding her.

Panicked, she swipes them aside, then gasps at the swirling mass overhead. A tornado is forming.

She’s a block from her house and it had been bright and sunny only five minutes earlier when she started her walk. How could the weather change this quickly?

Cole and Jake! Her mind screams when she remembers her kids had been playing in the backyard!

Gasping, she tries to run, but her feet remain rooted in place and her gaze locked on the sky.

Bright streaks of lightning flash within those churning clouds as it descends, touching down only blocks from her.

Somehow, Lexie knows it’s coming this way. It will sweep away her home and her kids if she doesn’t get to them in time.

Her movements are sluggish as she turns, the ground sucking at her feet when she tries to run. “No,” she breathes as she struggles to move.

A sob bubbles out of her at her pathetic progress.

They’re going to die! It’s a truth she knows instinctually.

Suddenly, she’s in her backyard. Her relief is short-lived, though, when her kids are nowhere to be seen.

“Boys! Where are you?” She yells, the wind snatching her words away.

“Mommy, mommy! Up here,” two little voices cry in unison.

Lexie turns towards her house, her eyes widening when she spots her twin boys on the roof. They are only seven! How did they get up there? Her brain wonders even as her panic picks up.

A blast of thunder shakes the ground, nearly toppling Lexie as she reaches out her arms to her kids. “Jump, boys, jump to mommy!” she pleads.

The spinning vortex dominates the sky now, a horrible backdrop to the events unfolding before her.

Cole looks down at her, his face sad and his blue eyes full of tears. “Strike one, mommy,” he says just as those terrible winds pick up his little body and whisk it away.

Lexie screams as she watches him disappear. “Noooooo!” she wails.

Jake walks to the edge of the roof, and she desperately motions for him to jump to her. He shakes his head no. “Strike two, mommy.” His words mirror his brother’s before the winds take him from her as well.

Her anguished cry is nearly a match for the cacophony raging all around her.

Standing, she faces the storm, the tornado right on top of her now. “Why?” she whispers a second before she too is lifted into the heart of those devilish clouds.

***

Gasping, Lexie sits bolt upright in bed, her shirt soaked with sweat.

“Not another one,” she moans before sliding out of bed. As usual, it was 3am. Her husband, oblivious to her heart pounding nightmare, snores away as Lexie pads to the bathroom.

Running the cold water, she waits several seconds before splashing her face with the icy liquid.

Each night for the past year, she’s had nearly the same dream. The feeling of helplessness the nightmares fill her with lingers long after the images fade.

Turning off the tap, she gazes at her dripping reflection in the mirror. Her blue eyes, the same as both her boys, stare back at her.

It wasn’t always her boys she tried and failed to save from those vicious winds. Sometimes it was her husband, Mike, sometimes her dog, Brody. Several times it had been all four of them.

She’s never been able to save them, or herself. She’d come close a few times, herding them into the basement just to turn around and find them back outside.

Blowing out a breath, she wipes her face on a towel before flicking off the light.

Instead of going back to bed, Lexie makes her way to the living room and picks up her Day-Timer from the coffee table. “Might as well start the day early,” she mumbles. Curling up on the sofa, she turns the table lamp on.

Brody, having followed her from the bedroom, jumps up beside her. He gives her a happy Labrador grin and tail wag before flopping down practically on top of her.

“You’re too big to lie in my lap, you big goof,” she chuckles, pushing half heartedly at him. He just huffs and snuggles closer. “Fine, but if my leg falls asleep, I’ll know who to blame.”

Flipping open the Day-Timer, she strokes Brody’s silky, golden fur while she runs through her tasks for the upcoming day.

Since the boys were born, Lexie has been a stay-at-home mom while Mike expanded his realtor's business. She had always taken pride in running the household, but lately she’s been beyond exhausted.

No doubt, it has a lot to do with her recurring nightmares and subsequent lack of sleep. Maybe I’ll try an over-the-counter sleeping pill. She contemplates, then makes a note in her Day-Timer to pick some up when she does the grocery shopping.

Shoving Brody over, Lexie sets the planner aside before stretching out beside him. He makes a disgruntled noise, but soon settles. Closing her eyes, she tries to get a few more hours of sleep.

***

Lexie’s day is even busier than her Day-Timer promised and by the time she’s cooked dinner and eaten, she’s ready to drop. The boys' hockey practice had run late, and she had forgotten to pick up Mike's shirts at the dry cleaners. She had barely made it there before they closed and was pretty sure a traffic camera captured her speeding.

Noticing how tired she is, Mike kisses her on the head and thanks her for dinner before scooping up the boys to give them their baths. She hears him promise them their favourite bedtime stories and sighs in relief. Even an hour to herself feels like an indulgence.

She’s no sooner settled on the sofa when her phone rings. Groaning, she gets back up to grab her cellphone off the kitchen table. The caller ID flashes ‘Mom’ and Lexie contemplates letting it go to voice mail.

Her mom was a talker, and Lexie just didn’t have it in her tonight. But like a good daughter, she slides the accept button over. “Hey, mom, what’s up”.

“Lex! Oh my gosh, you’ll never guess who popped over to see me today,” her mom gushes.

For the next ten minutes, she’s treated to a narration of her mom’s day. Lexie barely adds to the conversation and finally, her mom notices her silence. “Lex, honey, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing, mom. I’m just tired.” That was an understatement.

Her mom snorts. “With the amount of stuff you try to cram into one day, it would surprise me if you weren’t. I’m telling you, honey, you’ll be swept away, blown right out of the sky if you don’t start pushing things off your plate.”

Lexie stills, whole body chills racing over her at her mom’s words. “What did you say?”

“Oh, Lex, don’t be mad. You know I’m right. Like my self-wellness coach—she’s a godsend by the way—always quotes, ‘Self-care is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation’. Truer words have never been spoken.”

Her mom drones on for several more minutes, but Lexie doesn’t really hear her. Swept away… self-preservation. That’s what her nightmares were trying to tell her!

“Mom, I have to go. I’ll call you later this week, okay?” Lexie barely waits for an answer before she hangs up the phone.

Getting up, she heads to the boys’ room. Mike is stretched out on Jake’s bed, a twin snuggled up under each arm, and is nearly through the book he’s reading. Pausing, he flashes her a grin as she enters.

“Mom, dad’s almost to the scary part. Do you want to stay and hear it?” Cole asks, peeking out from behind Brutus, his ragged teddy bear.

“It’s not scary!” Jake pipes up, rolling his eyes at his brother.

“Actually, I’m going to take a bath while daddy finishes your story,” she says, interrupting the ensuing argument.

Mike cocks his head at her, while Cole and Jake just shrug and turn their attention back to the book.

“Everything all right?” he asks as she turns to leave.

She hesitates. “I think it will be. Once you tuck the boys in, come find me.”

Ignoring his confused look, she hurries to the bathroom.

The bath she draws is steaming, the bubbles nearly overflowing. Pulling her hair up into a high bun, she undresses and gingerly steps into the tub. Hissing at the heat, she slowly sinks into the bubble ridden depths.

A sigh of pure contentment escapes her as she lies back, and she closes her eyes in bliss. She can’t even remember the last time she’s taken a bath. As she relaxes, she contemplates her mom’s words.

Self-preservation. Self-love. Self-care. Simple words to say, but so much harder to put into practice… weren’t they?

Her kids were in school full time. Did she really have to fill her day with endless chores just to feel useful? She could also ask for help when she needed it. Her neighbour’s son was on the same hockey team as her kids, and had offered to drive the boys some days. Maybe they could start a carpool.

Now that Mike’s business was running smoothly, she knew he wouldn’t complain about shuffling some things around. The dry-cleaners were on his way home, and they could take turns cooking dinners some nights, like they had before the twins were born.

Wow, that seems like forever ago. Did she even know who she was anymore? When someone asks about her, it’s always her kids she brings up. Who was Lexie? Was she only a mother? Only a wife?

She used to paint. God, she still had some empty canvases in the basement. Maybe she should pull them out. Or she could join one of the art classes offered at the community college.

Heck… I could even apply for that part-time position at my favourite second-hand bookstore down the street! A spark of excitement rushes through her at the thought, a sensation she hasn't felt in ages.

Mike pops his head in, eyeing the mound of frothy bubbles covering her. “I can’t remember the last time you took a bath,” he says, mirroring her thoughts from earlier. “But from that grin on your face, I’m guessing you’re enjoying it.”

She hadn’t confided in him about her nightmares or her daily stresses. She would have to rectify that now.

Lexie nods, patting the edge of the tub with her hand. “Come and sit. I need to tell you about the dreams I’ve been having.”

Author’s Notes: “Self-care is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.” A quote by Audre Lorde.