Stress Test Ch. 30

Billey pulled the pickup into the Shell station next to Thrift Aisles.

"Gas it up, Otis," Elwood said. "May be the last time we ever have to get gas here."

Elwood stomped his feet on the floor as if they'd gone to sleep. He slid over to the passenger's side when Otis climbed out to work the pump. He flicked his ashes out the window and said, "I sure do hate the hump. Cramps my legs all up."

Otis splashed gas on the side of the truck. "Me, I love to hump." He grinned. "I could just hump until the sun goes down."

"Then you can set your fancy ass in the middle on the way back." Elwood scowled. "I swear, Otis. You're the only man I ever knowed that likes to set his butt on a hump."

"You's just jealous 'cause the ladies like me more than you," Otis said. "Looky that one over there." He pointed to a slim woman with a child on her hip in the grocery store's parking lot. She waited for a small, thin man to finish loading groceries in the trunk of an ancient Impala.

"Honk that horn, Billey. Get her to look over here." Otis rattled the nozzle in the fuel pipe. "What I wouldn't do to turn into a dog right about now," he said.

"Why's that, Otis?" Elwood made an OK sign and shot his cigarette butt out the window.

"If I's a dog, I could go right up to her and have me a sniff between them legs," he said with his eyes locked on the woman. "Have me a good, long, juicy lick, too. Them dogs can get away with anything.

"Billey, didn't I tell you to honk that horn good and loud? That poor lady don't know what she's missin' if she don't take notice of Otis. Honey," he raised his voice. "I'm over here with Mr. Peter."

Billey had slouched down behind the steering wheel so nobody would see him with his daddy and Otis. He lifted his head to peek over Elwood's shoulder and see if the woman had heard Otis. He was relieved to see she had her back to them. But he gasped when he saw that the bag boy looked like Uly Bondarbon.

"What's the matter with you?" Elwood snapped. "You ain't comin' down with Otis Fever on me are you? One goddam Otis is about more than I can stand."

Before Billey shouted to his friend, he realized that Uly would see him with his false daddy. Billey didn't think he could bear that much shame all at once. He slumped down and pressed the back of his head into the deep slash where the stuffing spilled out of the vinyl.

It seemed like forever, but Otis finally quit playing with the pump. "Looky here," he said, but nobody looked. "This thing's just like my peter—gotta shake it real good to get that last drop off." He thought a moment and added, "Course it's not as big as my peter."

Elwood stepped out and let Otis wallow over to the middle of the seat. "You see that lady, Billey?" Otis breathed. "I'd give an inch off my peter to turn into a dog right now."

Elwood slammed the door and said, "Let's see how fast you can get outta here, Billey."

Otis looked at him. "Ain't you gonna pay for the gas?"

"Otis, if you had as much money as bullshit, I'd pay double. You ain't got none. I ain't got none. I know Billey ain't got none 'cause he never brung me a nickel. 'Sides, I'm tired of always payin' for stuff. It's time people started payin' me.

"Now you get us outta here real quick like, Billey."

Billey glanced past his daddy to the parking lot, but Uly had gone and he knew better than to argue.

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Billey didn't know if Elwood was spending less time whupping him because he figured he'd whupped him enough, or because he had other things on his mind. Elwood always made like he had big things to do, things he couldn't bother with telling Billey about. As far as Billey could see, they mostly involved sitting next to the spool with a flat bottle, mumbling and stroking his gun until deep into the night.

Billey didn't much care why Elwood left him alone as long as he did. And he felt that if he thought about it too much, somehow that might hex it and the old man would start coming around again with knuckles as hard as creek rocks.

As long as Billey kept chipping away at the bottom of the hole, he seemed to stay out of trouble these days.

Black Wolf didn't come around either. Billey mopped his forehead on his sleeve and thought of how Black Wolf used to flop out that big old tongue of his and lick the salt off Billey's skin when the sweat dried. He wondered if he'd let his friend down, or if the dog might just be too scared to show himself, knowing that the pickup could come bouncing across the way any minute.

And Billey felt too ashamed to look for Black Wolf because he never did find the end of his tail. Probably some old stray cat came by and took it home with him.

A couple of weeks after the big whupping, Elwood and Otis drove up at sunset. "Get on outta there and fetch me the biggest rock you can carry," Elwood said, looking down into the hole. "We can't wait forever for you to dig this thing."

Billey staggered back from the creek bank with a rock that he could barely wrap his arms around. He dropped it over the side of the hole and it hit the bottom with a deep thud.

The two men were down there chipping away a little depression in the floor of the hole.

Once in Billey's school days, Dankowski showed him a pack of two-inch firecrackers at recess. "Hold onto these, Billey Elwood," he said, striking a match.

The sparking, sputtering fuse surprised Billey, so he held the package at arm's length. But the kids who ringed around him were yelling so much, telling him not to let go, that he knew something was up. At the last possible instant, he threw the pack back to Dankowski who peed in his pants but was otherwise unhurt. Now Billey saw something that looked like the mother of all firecrackers poking out of Elwood's hip pocket. Elwood set it in the slot they'd carved out and told Otis to bring the big rock over.

Even from ground level, Billey could smell the sharp fumes that rose from Otis. The man stumbled as he picked up the rock and nearly fell onto the firecracker as he tried to set it in place.

Elwood struck a match on the seam of his pants and lit the fuse. He hustled over the rim by Billey. Together, they looked down at Otis wobbling over to the side of the hole.

"Get your virgin ass outta there, Otis," Elwood laughed.

Otis looked over his shoulder at the shrinking fuse. He clawed the wall of dirt, but he looked like he was trying to bury himself for all the good it was doing him. He finally got his elbows over the rim and rested his head on the ground, panting.

"Better hurry, Otis," Elwood said.

Otis tried to pull himself out, but Elwood pressed his boot down against his head. "Ain't got much time now, Otis," he taunted. "Look at that fuse burn, Billey. How long you s'pose it's gonna take to blow up?"

"I dunno."

Otis tried to say something, but he just made the most pitiful noises Billey could imagine. Elwood kept stepping down on Otis' tangled hair every time Otis tried to lift his head.

"Billey," Otis said through the whimpering. "Billey!"

Billey hated Otis plenty, but he didn't want to see his butt get blown off. He kicked his father's boot off the big man's head. "Quit it," he said.

Elwood swept Billey up in a bear hug and held him over the edge of the hole while Otis wobbled to his feet. "Quit it!" Elwood whined through his nose. "Baby Billey says to quit it."

Otis lunged into Elwood so that all three of them tumbled to the ground just as the dynamite exploded, showering them with debris.

Elwood wiped the dirt from his face and rolled over on his back. He kicked his heel into the ground and laughed. "Thought for sure you was gonna piss your britches, Otis."

They all stood up and clapped clouds of dust out of their pants. "You son of a bitch " Otis started.

"Aw, don't be a such a pussy." Elwood spat a black, muddy goober at his feet. He looked at Otis a second, then reached over and squeezed a handful of dirt that had collected in Otis' shirt pocket. "Just take a look at these knockers, Billey."

Billey was more interested in looking at the hole. The dynamite had saved him six months on the shovel. All he had to do now was scoop out the loose stuff and the tank would fit down there real good.

If Billey didn't know better, he might have thought his troubles were over.

But he did know better.

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Go back to Chapter 1 of Stress Test.

Read the next chapter.

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