Station Z-00

When Earth and all its assets were auctioned off, the animals were the most sought-after items. Not the humans, of course, since they were considered utterly worthless, being the stupid race who had committed their own planet to oblivion. And not the dolphins, either, since they were the ones who sold off the Earth to the rest of the universe, as retribution for humanity’s crimes. Most of the world’s animals went to conservation efforts and nature preserves, especially the endangered species, the ones that the idiot humans had driven to the brink of extinction. Others went to breeding farms and slaughterhouses, as many alien species were curious about how Earth animals tasted when cooked, and were now able to satisfy their burning desires. Finally, some of the most precious animals were purchased by private collectors, who either kept them secluded in secret, or put them on display like art pieces for the public to see. All of them held a wonderful appeal, but none so much as the collector Ahm-Prex, and his-her collection. His-Her exhibit, held in the now-decommissioned Orbital Station Zeta-Zero Zero, or Z-00, promised the sights, smells and sounds of Earth’s halcyon days, before rampant pollution and human corruption had blackened the sky, poisoned the sea, and tainted the soil. It guaranteed the authentic zoo experience, complete with sweltering heat, overpriced gift shops, and the ever-present smell of animal excrement. Needless to say, it became a universal tourist hotspot nearly overnight.

Station Z-00, since its grand opening, boasted the largest collections of native Earth fauna, kept in several enclosures modeled after Earth’s natural biomes: temperate forests, arid deserts, tropical jungles, etc. Aside from the thrill of seeing authentic Earth environments and animals, there was also a widely-spread rumor that the animals could speak with their minds. The constant thrum and hum of passersby was enough to drown out the animals’ telepathic thoughts, so they wouldn’t speak when guests were visiting. Only when the overhead lamps of Station Z-00 shifted over to ‘night mode,’ and the guests had all left, did the animals chat and gossip among themselves. On one night in particular, many of Z-00’s residents were eagerly making their way to the North American Farm enclosure, excited for what might happen. And they were not disappointed, as Angus was currently experiencing the worst birthday of his life.

Angus, a black bull, was one of Ahm-Prex’s first purchases in the great Earth Auction. He-She took great pride in this fact, and made sure that every visitor to Z-00 knew this as well. On the rail of the farm enclosure was a holographic plaque, stating that Angus was the first member of the Z-00 family, and was one of the oldest animals in the collection. This would consistently earn him not only the 'oohs' and 'aahs' of visitors, which filled him with temporary pride, but also teasing and ribbing from Z-00’s other residents. Gambino, a young Western gorilla and one of Ahm-Prex’s favorites, was currently harassing Angus over his 12th birthday. The worst birthday, as it was quickly turning out to be.

“They should’ve chopped you up for steak years ago,” Gambino jeered, languidly hanging from his tire swing with one hand. “The only thing you’d be good for now is being made into a pair of leather pants.” Always wanting to make a show of things, the gorilla built up momentum on his tire swing, then leapt off at the swing’s apex, soaring into the farm enclosure and landing amidst a pile of straw. Several onlooking animals roared with applause, slapping their feet on the stone floor, as they had no hands to clap with.

“Thank you, everyone,” Gambino bowed to the crowd of onlookers. “I’ve always been acrobatically inclined. Why, I even did the motion capture for the King Kong films because of my sheer skill.” To illustrate his point, he bounded forward and climbed onto a flagpole that was planted in the farm enclosure, mimicking the iconic ape’s signature pose. The audience cheered again.

“I thought it was that ‘Andy Circus’ feller or other who played Kong,” Angus thought aloud.

“Well, you’re wrong,” Gambino bit back. “Looks like your brain is rotting away already.”

Several animals in the crowd snickered. Angus tried his best to ignore the rude laughs, but he found it difficult because of how many there were. It hadn’t helped either that, during the day, the ‘zookeepers’-- aliens of various species and body types, their only unifying characteristic being the work badges pinned to their persons -- visited the farm enclosure, carrying with them a birthday ‘cake’. One of them had tied a cheap birthday hat around Angus’s head, much to his embarrassment, as the visitors laughed and took pictures.

He looked glumly down at the untouched ‘cake’ the keepers had brought with them earlier. It was a cylindrical patty, about the size of a cheese wheel, made up of compacted grass trimmings and various other plant wastes, the perfect meal for a ruminant like Angus. Bits of corn were arranged to form alien script, of which Angus couldn’t read, but he could guess they probably said “Happy Birthday,” or something.

“It means ‘Over the Hill,’ old-timer,” Gambino mocked, noticing the corn lettering on the cake. “I can read it, plain as day.” He threw an arm around Angus’s shoulders, causing the bull to bristle. “I’m a master of language, you see. Why, I was taught to sign by Koko herself back in the day.”

“That’s a load of bullshit,” chided Sarge, a stout, white Yorkshire pig who also resided in the farm enclosure. “No offense, Angus.”

“Some taken,” the bull replied.

“Ain’t no way yer old enough to have even known Koko, let alone learn signin’ from her! Go bother some’n else wit’ yer lyin’ and fabrications!” Sarge sniffed and spat a great wad of saliva at Gambino’s feet.

The gorilla’s arrogant smile morphed into a sour grimace. He was just about to beat his chest in challenge when Remy, a ring-tailed lemur, bounded over and hopped on Gambino’s shoulder.

“C’mon, dude, there’s better things to do than make fun of old-timers.” Remy leapt onto Angus’s back and slipped off the conical hat still stuck on the bull’s head, choosing to wear it himself. “Let’s go play cards instead.” He leapt back onto Gambino’s shoulder, sneaking a wink at Angus.

“Fine, fine,” the gorilla said, lumbering away on all fours. “I’m feeling extra generous today, so you should thank Harambe for that.” He scattered the crowd on his way back to the jungle, and a few harsh glares from Sarge sent the crowd back to their enclosures.

"This has gotta be the worst birthday ever." Angus shook his head.

“Don’t listen to that cocksure smartass,” Sarge consoled Angus. “You’ve got quite a few years a’fore ya kick the bucket.”

Angus turned and nodded gently. “I know, I know. It’s just that...” He broke off, stamping at the dirt sheepishly. Or perhaps bullishly.

“What’s up, ‘Gus? Ya know you can talk to me,” Sarge asked. She playfully butted his side with her snout.

“I’ve been here since I was just a little calf, y’know? I ain’t known anything but this zoo in space.” He paused, taking a gingerly bite of the cake at his feet and chewing it. It was surprisingly good. He swallowed and resumed his monologue. “Sure, I’ve got you and the other critters on the farm to keep me company, and you’re all my family for sure. But I want more.”

“More?” Sarge’s brow rose. She was curious.

“Like a… like a cow to, y’know, be with. And to raise some calves of my own.” He looked away. “I don’t wanna spend all my years here waiting for a future that’ll never happen.” The cud rose up again from his stomach, and he resumed chewing.

“Oh, sweetie.” Sarge butted Angus’s side again, this time a bit harder. “Ya can’t force somethin’ like that, it’ll only drive ya crazy!” She looked up into his dark, soft eyes. “Worry about the stuff you can control, an’ don’t worry about the stuff that ya can’t! It’s as simple as that!” She squealed out a laugh.

Angus pondered while chewing his cud, then swallowed again. “Well, I guess I’ll try doin’ so. Thanks, Sarge.”

“No problem, sweetheart. Us ‘farmies’ gotta stick together, y'know!” The wrinkles on her face crinkled even more deeply as she smiled.

When Angus finally settled down to sleep, he gazed up at the ceiling of Station Z-00, where the windows were, portals to the vast ocean of the stars.

“I guess what’s meant to be, is meant to be,” he quietly muttered.

Wisely said, Angus, a voice echoed in his mind. He knew the dual-toned, baleful voice of Ahm-Prex in an instant. His-Her words rippled through the corners of Angus’s thoughts like a stone dropped in the center of a pond.

Your wishes have been heard, my child. And I will answer them. In due time. He-She laughed almost imperceptibly. And, Happy Birthday, my little calf.

Angus smiled. “Well, maybe this birthday ain't so bad.”