Stars in the sky

I have been told all my life that I'm never enough. No matter i do, I'm never enough. Never enough to be relied on, never enough to feel love and never enough as friend. I never really had friends i could call my own. I was pretty alone by myself. Let

I was in class 2nd and i remember feeling intimidated by the presence of all these classmates who are every teacher's favorite and here i was sitting in the middle of the row trying to figure out how to come in their good books. I had done anything if they every made me feel like I belong. Interestingly, nobody has every made me feel that i belong. All my efforts in vain, i could see my self confidence reach an all time low. All i ever wanted was to be counted among those i used to admire for their performance. While i knew i could have performed better than them, i was never jealous.

All the confidence i have in life currently is what i build on my own. I don't remember having a guiding life, so i found mine.

Stars always fascinated me and i made them my friends. Lying on the terrace, looking up, counting the stars gave me the comfort. Stars became my friends, making shapes out of stars made me happy and to be in a world so large always fascinated me and in those moments i forgot how the world treated me. All i ever wanted was to look at the stars in the sky and feel content. I don't think a star ever judged me and a star will ever judge me.

If someone leaves you- they turn into stars, they say. I truly believe that. To look at stars and find people we love is such an intimate act. To know somebody you loved dearly, never judged you, is up above somewhere looking to you with all the love in their heart. You are making a wish, they are making a wish and this exchange is now locked somewhere in the universe in language we don't understand but feel in moments.

Stargazing, trying to find answers to questions. To be able to soak in that moment and forget all the worries is a privilege. The same stars that shelter you, shelter me. SO BIG YET SO SMALL. Wonder how stars never intimidated me, even though billions of them look at me looking at them in all their shapes and size, so close yet so far. That's the king of world i aspire to live in. The world so simple and unique in itself, it lets you be you. Lets you breathe.

I wonder how that night will be, when I'll look at a shooting star and make a wish. I think about that wish at lot. In those micro seconds when i have to close my eyes and make a wish- what would be the first thing that crosses my mind. Maybe i would wish a kinder world. I don't know.

Sun is also a star. People in India worship sun as god. How fascinating that is. For me, i create my own world when i look at the stars. The stars and I, just us and nobody else. Nobody else that would make me feel small, insignificant and less worthy. In that world, I'm the happiest, the smartest and the brightest. I wonder if everybody has a favorite star. I wonder if they look at the night sky everyday to find their favorite star or not. I hope they do.

I hope everyone finds a guiding light and everyone feels in some moment- that they belong.